This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Sandy's Nutty Nieces" from season 12, which aired on June 29, 2019.
- [The episode begins with Sandy working on her latest invention in her treedome. SpongeBob, who appears to have a silly look on his face, is helping.]
- Sandy: Laser wrench.
- SpongeBob: Mm-hmm. [hands her a hammer]
- Sandy: Nope.
- SpongeBob: Ah. [hands her a screwdriver]
- Sandy: Uh-uh.
- SpongeBob: Mm? [hands her a pair of underwear]
- Sandy: Not even close.
- SpongeBob: [laughs as he paddles Sandy's head with a paddle ball]
- Sandy: No. No. No.
- SpongeBob: Oh! [honks a horn in Sandy's face]
- Sandy: [grabs the horn] Ugh, fine! It'll do. [screams the horn on her invention]
- [The doorbell rings.]
- Sandy: Hm?
- SpongeBob: I'll get it! [answers the door and another squirrel comes in]
- Rosy Cheeks: Surprise! [removes her diving helmet and her three children enter the treedome] Hi-ya, sis!
- Macadamia: [removes her diving helmet] Howdy!
- Hazelnut: [removes her diving helmet] Auntie!
- Pistachio: [removes her diving helmet] Sandy!
- Sandy: Oh! I didn't expect y'all till tomorrow.
- Rosy Cheeks: I know how much you love your nieces y'know, so I brought 'em a day early.
- Sandy: SpongeBob, this here's my sister, Rosy and my three nieces. [points to her niece in a red dress] This'n here's Macadamia.
- Macadamia: [curtsy] How do?
- Sandy: [points to her niece in a yellow dress] Hazelnut.
- Hazelnut: [twirls around and curtsy] How do?
- Sandy: [points to her niece in a green dress] And little Pistachio.
- Pistachio: How d—[belches and giggles in embarrassment]
- Sandy: Girls, this is my friend, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Aww, what sweet little angels!
- Rosy Cheeks: [laughs nervously] Yeah, angels. Okay, well I gotta skedaddle. [puts her diving helmet back on, exits the treedome, inflates her suit, and floats to the surface] Freedom!
- Sandy: [talks quietly to SpongeBob] Doggone it. They're too early! I'm not finished with their present!
- SpongeBob: [puts on a cowboy hat and a fake mustache] Don't worry your pretty little head, little lady. I'll watch the gals ‘til you're done!
- Sandy: [removes SpongeBob's hat and fake mustache] Thanks, SpongeBob, but there's something I gotta tell you about babysitting my—
- SpongeBob: [closes Sandy's mouth and chuckles] Yeah, I think I know a little something about babysitting, Sandy.
- [A flashback shows SpongeBob babysitting Patrick in his pineapple house. SpongeBob pats Patrick on the back like a baby and Patrick belches. Back in reality, SpongeBob makes hand motions and belches like Patrick.]
- SpongeBob: [shrugs in embarrassment] Excuse me.
- Sandy: Y'all mind your Uncle SpongeBob now. [takes her invention and heads into her tree]
- SpongeBob: [pulls up the picnic table, scoops up the three nieces and sits them down] Story time! [blows up an inflatable book and begins to read it] Goldyfish and the Three Sea Bears. Chapter one, breaking and entering.
- Macadamia: [pops the inflatable book and pouts] Don't waste your breath...
- Hazelnut: [pouts] And don't make a hassle...
- Pistachio: [pouts] Some kids like to read...
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: But we'd rather wrassle!
- TV Announcer: Wrassle match!
- SpongeBob: Now you girls go easy on me, okay? [giggles]
- Macadamia: [arm wrestles SpongeBob and flips him over] One!
- [SpongeBob gets up and goes to arm wrestle Hazelnut.]
- Hazelnut: [arm wrestles SpongeBob and crushes his hand] Two!
- [SpongeBob's hand and fingers is crumbled into dust. SpongeBob waters his hand and it replenishes back to normal. SpongeBob then goes to arm wrestle Pistachio, but she was too strong for him to handle. Pistachio yawns in boredom. She knocks him upward and shatters the picnic table. She throws his severed arm and SpongeBob crashes into Sandy's tree.]
- SpongeBob: Ow!
- Sandy: [comes out of the tree when she heard the ruckus and shakes her head] Ugh. [picks SpongeBob up and puts him back together as she walks him to the door] Why don't ya show the girls around town?
- SpongeBob: Great idea! [places bubbles on their heads so they have enough air to breathe] I'll take them to the funnest place in all of Bikini Bottom!
- [The girls merge together and form a huge smile. The scene changes to the Krusty Krab and the girls smile turns into a frown.]
- SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab! [the girls detach themselves and Mr. Krabs comes in] Mr. Krabs, these are Sandy's little nieces.
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, nieces, eh? And what brings such cute little customers to Bikini Bottom?
- Macadamia: We're visiting Auntie Sandy…
- Hazelnut: And we want to sling hash...
- Pistachio: A chophouse like this must be...
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: [their eyes have dollar signs on them] Loaded with cash!
- Mr. Krabs: Aww! Go on! No, really. Go on.
- [Mr. Krabs and the girls stare for a while until they turn and head to the register. Pistachio gives Mr. Krabs a death ray, saying that she's watching him. Squidward is knitting a beautiful sweater for himself at the register.]
- SpongeBob: [sneaks up behind Squidward and accidentally causes him to tear his sweater apart] This is my coworker/best buddy, Squidward.
- Squidward: Ugh! Children.
- Macadamia: Ugh! Grown-ups.
- Hazelnut: This feller ain't happy.
- Pistachio: Just look at his face.
- [Squidward's face appears ugly looking.]
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: We're gonna be sick all over the place!
- [Squidward groans. The scene changes to SpongeBob making a meal for the girls in the kitchen.]
- SpongeBob: Here you go! Three Dolly Patties.
- [Hazelnut sprays ketchup into SpongeBob's face to make him look like Mr. Krabs.]
- SpongeBob: [imitates Mr. Krabs]
- [Hazelnut sprays relish, ketchup and mustard all over the kitchen.]
- Squidward: Can you stop playing dress-up long enough to make some Krabby Patties?
- [The girls spray mustard into Squidward's face to make him look like SpongeBob.]
- SpongeBob: Huh! Guess that's me all over. [laughs]
- Mr. Krabs: [comes in the kitchen and laughs] You two look ridiculerous!
- [The girls spray ketchup, mustard and relish on Mr. Krabs to make him look like Plankton.]
- Squidward: Ha! You're your own worst enemy.
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, from now on, babysit off Krusty Krab Property! [SpongeBob backs away in embarrassment] And Mr. Squidward, dress like SpongeBob on your own time.
- [SpongeBob and the girls exit the restaurant.]
- Macadamia: That place really stunk.
- Hazelnut: It was lamer than lame.
- Pistachio: Take us somewhere fun.
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: [holds up brass knuckles with spikes on them] Or taste Texas pain!
- SpongeBob: Aww, what cute little knuckles you have. Hmm, hmm... ooh, I've got just the spot.
- [The scene changes to Goo Lagoon. SpongeBob and the girls are in bathing suits.]
- SpongeBob: [inhales] Ahh, smell that fresh seawater.
- [Macadamia taps on the bubble to remind SpongeBob they can't smell through it.]
- SpongeBob: Oh, heh-hey, right. Sorry.
- [SpongeBob throws the blankets in the air and it magically flips onto the girls. The umbrella lands next to SpongeBob along with the picnic basket and sand bucket. The girls layback and relax in the sun.]
- SpongeBob: [yawns] See, Sandy, nothing to worry about. Baby-sitting is eaaaaasy. [falls fast asleep]
- [Moments later...]
- Macadamia: Hey, Uncle SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Huh? [blinks his eyes]
- Hazelnut: Open your eyes!
- [SpongeBob blinks his eyes.]
- Pistachio: You're just gonna love...
- SpongeBob: [wakes up] Hm? [sees a sandcastle built over him]
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: Our sandy surprise!
- Macadamia: It's our gift to you!
- SpongeBob: Well, isn't that sweet!
- Hazelnut: And it won't wash away...!
- Pistachio: [holds up a trowel] 'Cause it's made of concrete!
- SpongeBob: Concrete, what?! [gets up] Good structural integrity girls, but a little tight!
- Macadamia: So, sorry, Uncle.
- Hazelnut: We made it too small...
- Pistachio: But we'll get you out...
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: With this wrecking ball!
- SpongeBob: [Scared] Wrecking what?!
- [Pistachio bashes SpongeBob in the head a couple of times, giving him a really long bump on his head. The bump reaches the surface next to Bikini Atoll. A seagull lands on top of the bump. SpongeBob pulls himself out of the sand.]
- SpongeBob: [dizzy] Let's all go to my house and take a little break. [moans and walks away with the girls]
- [The scene changes to the girls skipping around SpongeBob tying his bump with ribbons.]
- SpongeBob: Here we are, girls. Pineapple, sweet pine— [opens the door and Patrick with a horrible look on his face as if he didn't sleep for weeks] Whoa!
- Patrick: I've been waiting all day to watch your TV! [backs up inside as his face gets eerie]
- [SpongeBob and the girls enter the house.]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, you could have watched it while I was out.
- Patrick: I forgot how to make it work! [shakes SpongeBob's television] Show me! Show me funny! I wanna see stories! Go, go! [sobs] Please!
- SpongeBob: [turns the television on] Boop. There you go.
- [The television shows a funny black and white comedy show.]
- Patrick: [rubs his head and stupidly] I don't know how you remember all this technical stuff.
- SpongeBob: Yeah. Patrick, meet Sandy's nieces.
- Patrick: [flies over to SpongeBob's chair] Good to meet ya! [sits on the chair]
- [A squirrel hand puppet is shown.]
- Squirrel hand puppet: [on TV] Hey, kids, know what time it is? [smashes an acorn] It's nutcrackin' time!
- Patrick: [giggles] I love this episode!
- Macadamia: Well, well, what do you know?
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: Patrick is watching our favorite show!
- [The girls move over to the television so they can watch it.]
- SpongeBob: Ah, finally, I can relax. [holds up a mixer in the kitchen] With work!
- [SpongeBob turns on the mixer and starts to make a batter for his brownies. The batter splatters all over the kitchen. SpongeBob licks the batter from his eyes and body. Back in the living room, Patrick is having a hard time seeing the show due to the girls blocking the view. He huffs in anger. He gets up from the chair to see the show. But Pistachio's tail blocks his face. He moves himself and the chair in front so he can see.]
- Patrick: Ah, that's better.
- [The girls growl angrily. They move themselves in front of Patrick and stack each other up.]
- Patrick: [angrily] Aww!
- [Patrick hops his chair in front of the girls. He laughs at the show. The girls climb onto Patrick so they can see the television. Patrick growls angrily and activates the chair's lever to get the girls off. He snickers evilly and scoots himself in front of the television.]
- Macadamia: Let's launch this goof...
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: Right to the roof!
- Macadamia: [chuckles as she grabs the chair's lever] Lift-off!
- [Macadamia launches Patrick upwards and the girls laugh.]
- Patrick: [flies through the roof] Whoo! [falls back down] Whoo-hoo!
- SpongeBob: [comes in with a plate full of brownies] Who wants brownies? [Patrick falls on SpongeBob and eats the brownies before bouncing backwards] Heh. I'll go make another batch.
- [The girls laugh at the show before Patrick falls back onto the chair.]
- Macadamia: Let's send this nitwit...
- Hazelnut: On his way!
- Pistachio: Before he ruins our whole dern day!
- Macadamia: [holds up a hangman's noose] Yeah!
- [The girls merge together and form a huge evil smile. The scene changes Pistachio tying a rope to the end of the bus.]
- Bus driver: All aboard for Glove World!
- [Macadamia ties the rope to Patrick and the chair. The bus begins to drive away and drags Patrick with the chair.]
- Patrick: Save me a brownie!
- Macadamia: He'll be away...
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: The whole dern day!
- [The girls fistbump and proceed to watch television. But much to their misfortune, Patrick returns with a group of people wearing gloves on their heads.]
- Patrick: Hi! I brought some friends.
- [Patrick and everyone else enter the house and move in front of the television, blocking the girls' view once again. SpongeBob comes back in with a new batch of brownies.]
- SpongeBob: [sees more people in his house] Ooh! I'll have to make more brownies! [goes back in the kitchen]
- Macadamia: [fed up with Patrick's stupidity and selfishness] All y'all shoo! You're blocking our view!
- Bikini Bottomites: [nervously back away] Excuse us. Sorry. Sorry, ma'am.
- Hazelnut: We're taking that seat...
- Pistachio: Right where you sit!
- Patrick: What you gonna do?
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: Let's wrassle for it!
- TV Announcer: Wrassle match!
- SpongeBob: [as the referee] Ready, set...wrassle!
- [The bell rings. Patrick and the girls struggle with all their might. They both look as they were equally matched due to their strength. But just as the girls were about to win, Patrick spots a brownie on the table.]
- Patrick: Ooh, brownie! [slaps the girls' hands down on the table, which inexplicably helps him win the match]
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: Huh?
- Patrick: You saved me one! Thanks! [eats the brownie] Guess I get the TV. [chuckles evilly]
- Macadamia: That guy's mean!
- Hazelnut: Where's our auntie?!
- Pistachio: We gon' leave!
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: [tears fill up their bubbles as they cry] We want Sandy!
- [The girls run back to Sandy's treedome, crying their eyes out.]
- Macadamia: Oh, Auntie Sandy, what a terrible place!
- Hazelnut: Everyone was so mean!
- Pistachio: Right to our face!
- Sandy: [sympathetically] Aw, don't fret, little ladies. I made a present just for you, [pops Macadamia's bubble] you, [pops Hazelnut's bubble] and you. [pops Pistachio's bubble]
- [Sandy pushes the button on the invention she was working on and it forms into a castle-shaped bouncing house.]
- Macadamia: From a rattlesnake's tail...
- Hazelnut: To an armadillo's chest...
- Pistachio: Our Auntie Sandy...
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: Is the gol'durn best!
- [The girls go and play on the bounce house just as SpongeBob enters the treedome without his water helmet.]
- SpongeBob: Oh, sorry, Sandy. [begins to dry up due to not wearing a water helmet] I guess I'm just not a very good babysitter.
- Sandy: [puts a water helmet on SpongeBob] I tried to tell ya the first rule of babysitting my nieces.
- SpongeBob: What's that?
- Sandy: Don't babysit my nieces!
- [SpongeBob smiles in embarrassment, since he should have listened to Sandy in the first place. Sandy pushes another button and turns the bounce house into an inflatable submarine, trapping the girls inside.]
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: Bye, Auntie Sandy! Bye, Uncle SpongeBob!
- [The submarine exits the treedome and floats away to the surface. SpongeBob and Sandy wave goodbye. But despite everything SpongeBob went through with them, his eyes teared up as he smiles happily.]
- Sandy: Bye-bye! Have a nice trip back to Texas! [quietly whispers to SpongeBob] Bless their evil little hearts.
- [Back in Texas, Rosy is submerged in a pool relaxing as she is enjoying her time off from her children.]
- Rosy Cheeks: Ahhh... [the submarine's shadow looms over her; she gasps] Oh, no.
- [The submarine crashes on top of Rosy and her children are happily bouncing up and down in front of her.]
- Macadamia, Hazelnut, and Pistachio: Hiya, Ma! Did ya miss us?
- Rosy: [groans] No, I didn’t.