SpongeBob:[knocks on Patrick's rock] Get up Patrick! It's time! [rock opens up]
Patrick:[barely waking up] Time for what?
SpongeBob: The big shin-dig! Remember?
Patrick: No, besides, I don't really think my shins should be involved. They're a bit flabby today. [wiggles his foot]
SpongeBob: That's shin dig buddy. We're spending the day at the beach in the honor of our best friendship.
Patrick: The beach! Just you and me!? [SpongeBob rips off his pants showing his swim trunks; Patrick rips off his skin showing his insides] So am I ready for the beach SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Uhhh... Sure. A little sunscreen and I'm sure you'll be fine! [bubble transition to a bus coming by. SpongeBob and Patrick shove a huge bag of stuff onto it] I'm spending the whole day at the beach with my best friend. [shoves his bag onto a seat with someone sitting in the seat. SpongeBob and Patrick both cram themselves on the same seat along with the guy]
Guy on Bus: You're hurting me!
SpongeBob:[taps the guy in front of him on the shoulder (Harold)] Guess what?
Person in front of him (Harold):[sigh] What?
SpongeBob: I'm going to the beach with my best friend!!! [taps the bus driver's shoulder] Ooohhhh buuusss drrrivvver!
Bus driver: What?
SpongeBob: Okay, out of everybody on this bus, guess which one is my best friend?
Bus driver: I don't care.
SpongeBob: You know what this situation calls for. Patrick! [SpongeBob takes out a keyboard guitar, and Patrick takes out an accordion] A few verses of the best friend tune! [SpongeBob and Patrick start playing and singing]♪Ohhhh best fr-♪ [the bus stops and SpongeBob and Patrick are kicked off it] Hey! Wait! This is not our stop! Oh, how are we going to get to the beach now, Patrick? We don't even know where we are.
Patrick: I knew it! We've been abandoned!
SpongeBob: No! No! Patrick! No one is ever going to find us out here! [Patrick sobbing]
Volleyball player:[hits SpongeBob in the head with a volleyball] A little help bro?
SpongeBob: Look Patrick! We made it! Hey best friend? Check this out! [turns around and his pants appear to be sagging. Reaches in his pants and takes out a Frisbee] It's a small plastic disc that you throw!
Patrick: Small plastic disc that you throw!!! [claps] I love to play... small plastic disc that you throw!
SpongeBob: I do too, buddy. If only small plastic disc that you throw had a shorter, catchier name.
Patrick: Ohhh...hmmm... How about small plastic disc that you toss!?
SpongeBob: Perfect! Now run along, Patrick and I'll [winks] toss it to you!
Patrick:[runs] Ha ha ha ha.
SpongeBob: Ready?! [throws Frisbee. Patrick is running and laughing. He steps on two people and kicks sand in a guy's sandwich]
Guy on towel next to sandwich guy: Ha ha ha! That's why they call it a sandwich! [Patrick kicks sand in his mouth while trying to catch the Frisbee. He almost runs into a pane of glass being carried by two workers. He crashes through an ice cream cart, and then into a lifeguard tower]
Patrick:[Underneath rubble of the life guard tower, Frisbee lands in his hand] I caught it! [Pants] Wasn't that cool, SpongeBob?
Life Guard:[pops out from underneath the tower rubble] I can assure you, that that was not cool! Just look at what you've done! Your buffoonery has destroyed the lifeguard tower! Why don't you find something to do that's less obnoxious?
Patrick: Like what?
Life Guard: I don't know, go play in the sand or something!
Patrick: Well, I don't know. Playing with the sand sounds pretty boring.
SpongeBob: Nonsense, Patrick. There are plenty of fun things to do in the sand. We can draw, or practice our cursive writing, or...
Patrick: Boring, SpongeBob, boring!
SpongeBob: I know, we can make sand castles!
Patrick: That sounds [elbows SpongeBob] un-boring!"
SpongeBob: No one's ever been annoyed by a sand castle. [Laughs. Bubble transition to him constructing a sand castle. SpongeBob talks to the man he has drawn in a window of his castle] Nothing quite like the joy of sand castling, eh, buddy? [To Patrick] How ya doing over there?
Patrick:[patting sand] Everything's dandy in Patrick's Kingdom.
SpongeBob: Oh, a structure like that can't protect a king and his subjects. Here, let me help you. First, you should start all over. [begins rubbing down Patrick's sand mound]
Patrick: Whoa! What are you doing!? You destroyed my castle!
SpongeBob: I'm just trying to help, buddy!
Patrick: Well, I don't need any help.
Patrick's Architect: Here are those architectural plans you requested.
Patrick: Why thank you. Here's a little something for you." [hands architect sand money which promptly disintegrates in his hands]
SpongeBob: Well I suppose I should just tend to the affairs of my own realm. [to the little man in his sand castle] And I'll start by making a queen to rule by your side.
Patrick:[throws a ball of sand at SpongeBob's castle, destroying it] Now, we're even!
SpongeBob: All right Patrick, have it your way. [Draws a line in the sand separating the two of them] "You keep to your territory and I'll keep to mine. [mumbles to himself and quickly builds an even larger and better castle]
Patrick:['looks at his plans] Now this'll show SpongeBob that he's not the only one who can build a castle! Let's see SpongeBob destroy this castle! [builds a castle with spikes on top and a skull and crossbones symbol on the door]
SpongeBob:[After seeing Patrick's new castle] I better build a wall just in case King Pinky gets any funny ideas. [starts building a wall but then notices that Patrick's castle is over the borderline] Oh sir, you built onto my side.
SpongeBob:[mad] So, you don't do that!!! [ chops off the portion of Patrick's castle that is crossing] There! That restores the integrity of our shared border.
Patrick: You tyrant! You've done it again! I'll show you what for! [Builds a hammer out of sand and charges toward SpongeBob's castle]
SpongeBob: But what for what!?
Patrick:[attacks SpongeBob's castle, completely destroying it] Now we're even... again!
SpongeBob: Okay Patrick, I can accept that. No more destruction from this point forward, okay? Okay, back to square one again. [builds this huge castle and Patrick does the same. Bubble transition to SpongeBob blowing a medieval horn] I hereby propose a non-aggression treaty to end hostilities between our two kingdoms. [Patrick signs SpongeBob's sand made treaty] Patrick, by signing this historic armistice you have brought peace to our lands. May your kingdom prosper! Well that went well!" [Patrick shoots a sand arrow at SpongeBob's castle] What are you doing!? What about the treaty!?
Patrick: This treaty isn't worth the sand it's printed on! [Treaty disintegrates]
SpongeBob: Oh is that so!?" Well if you think you can take down this castle, my answer is
Patrick: No way! You started it.
SpongeBob: Fine! Have it your way.
Patrick:[laughs menacingly] Whatever. [SpongeBob is loading a catapult] No no no no no. [SpongeBob chops the catapult rope. Patrick screams as the sand rocks from SpongeBob's catapult hurl toward him destroying Patrick's army. SpongeBob laughs and blows another horn. SpongeBob's army emerges from his castle and charges toward Patrick. Patrick screams again. SpongeBob's army starts to ram down the door to Patrick's castle. Patrick panics and builds a cannon. SpongeBob's army breaks the door] Oh hello! And goodbye. [pulls cannon's string. SpongeBob's army rushes in his castle away from the cannonball]
SpongeBob: Come on! [closes the door to his castle] How do you like them apples [Cannonball goes over the wall and destroys the army]
Patrick:[laughs from atop his castle] You'll never win! Do you hear me!?
SpongeBob:[now inside a high tech sand castle] Uh huh... mmm hmm. Well put general! We'll create a surprise military diversion and break through enemy lines. What say you? [Sand constructed general starts to fall apart] Yes! We'll ready ourselves immediately! [builds a tank that then crashes through his own castle and towards Patrick's] How do you like me now?
Patrick:[has a robot already built that punches through his own castle] I like you this much! [picks up SpongeBob's tank with SpongeBob screaming inside] Feel me!
SpongeBob:[screams again. He presses a button in his tank blowing up Patrick's robot. He emerges from his tank and sees Patrick inside his robot head] Patrick... Patrick! Are you okay!?
Patrick:[quietly] The question is... will you be!? [presses a button in his robot head. The robot flies into the air with SpongeBob still hanging on. SpongeBob looks down and sees how high up he is. He then slips and falls through the sky. Then he pulls a sand parachute and laughs] No fair!
SpongeBob:[Floating gently down] All is fair in love and war my friend slash enemy, or should I say, my friend-enemy!? [presses a sand button. Falls into his jet waiting in midair. SpongeBob presses a button in his jet while chasing Patrick's robot head] Now let's have some real fun! [Missiles fly toward Patrick. Patrick screams as he turns his robot away from the missiles]
Beach Onlooker:[to the person next to him] What was that!? Come on, we got to get out of here! [More people on the beach scream and run away]
Patrick:[calm now] Oh ya! Two can play at this game! [Presses button. Patriot missiles emerge from the ground and fly toward SpongeBob]
SpongeBob:[seeing the missiles] Jumping jellyfish! WHOA! [Turns the plane down, does a loop, and crashes the missiles into Patrick's castle. SpongeBob laughs. Patrick's robot meets SpongeBob's in the air]
Patrick: I wasn't going to do this, but you've left me no choice. [Patrick drops an atomic bomb on SpongeBob's castle]
Gryphon:[gasps] Let's beat it, dude! [He and another gryphon fly away as the bomb explodes. Patrick laughs menacingly. Patrick is interrupted by SpongeBob flying his jet directly toward Patrick. Patrick screams loudly. SpongeBob's jet crashes into Patrick's robot]
SpongeBob:[laying on the ground in pain] Ohhhh.
Patrick:[also laying on the ground in pain] Ohhhh. What happened?
SpongeBob: I'll tell you what happened Patrick... I got carried away.
Patrick: Me too...was it worth it?
SpongeBob: No, no, it wasn't. What started out as a fun dream turned into a horrible, brutal, nightmare. As the winds of time changed the silvery sands of these dunes to a new landscape, so let us hope that our own winds of change will change our spiritual dunes to a landscape of peace. Oh buddy, let's never forget this lesson. [SpongeBob and Patrick hug]
Lifeguard: Let's also not forget who's going to clean this place up. [camera pans around showing the destruction caused]
SpongeBob & Patrick: Oooh, uhhhh, ahhhh...
Lifeguard:[gives Patrick a dustpan and hands SpongeBob a broom] Better get started! You've got a lot of work to do.