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Salsa Imbecilicus
Season №: 9
Episode №: 203b
Airdate: July 15, 2016
Previous: "Pineapple Invasion"
Next: "Mutiny on the Krusty"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Salsa Imbecilicus" from season nine, which aired on July 15, 2016.

  • [The episodes begins on another beautiful day at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs once again foils another one of Plankton's attempts to steal the secret Krabby Patty formula and carries him outside through the front doors.]
  • Mr. Krabs: You'll never get me secret Krabby Patty formula, Plankton! Adios!
  • [Mr. Krabs kicks Plankton out and sends him flying through the air, over some of the Bikini Bottomites, and lands on the ground. Plankton's landing makes him slide face down and hits Sandy's boot.]
  • Sandy: Hmm? [sees Plankton near her boot] Plankton, you look like the cheese that fell off the cracker. I bet you tried to get that formula again.
  • Plankton: [spits out sand from his mouth] I don't get it. A crab's brain is smaller than the point of a pencil, but he keeps outsmarting me!
  • [Patrick rides past Sandy and Plankton with his skateboard facing upside down.]
  • Sandy: You should give up that formula. Mr. Krabs would have to be as dumb as Patrick.
  • Plankton: [thinks for a second] Yes. [gets an idea] Yes he would! As dumb as Patrick! [laughs]
  • [The scene changes to Plankton riding on a stream of water on a canoe. The stream turned out to be droll of Patrick who is fast asleep under his rock. Plankton canoes into Patrick's mouth. Plankton then puts his helmet on turns on the light.]
  • Plankton: One swab from the inside of his cheek should do it.
  • [Plankton takes a cotton swab and dabs on Patrick's cheek to abstract some saliva. Suddenly, a vibration shakes inside Patrick's mouth and his tongue shakes Plankton off.]
  • Plankton: Nagging Neptune! [Plankton whacks the tongue with his swab] Back you twisted tongue! You will not lick me!
  • [Patrick's tongue turns Plankton around and licks his butt. Plankton shrieks as he finds this gross. Plankton whacks the tongue again with his swab and the tongue falls. Just then, Patrick unexpectedly burps out gases.]
  • Plankton: Sweet gashes molasses!
  • [The gases sends Plankton and his canoe flying. Plankton changes the canoe into a plane and flies out of Patrick's mouth. Later, Plankton is seen at the Chum Bucket cooking some sauce on the stove. Karen comes in.]
  • Karen: Oh, pee-yew! What's that awful stench? You're not boiling your underpants again, are you?
  • [Laughter is heard.]
  • Plankton: I told you to turn off that laugh track. And if you must know, I made sauce. [holds out his swab with Patrick's saliva on it] But when I add Patrick's DNA to it, it'll become Salsa Imbecilicus.
  • [An image of Patrick forms on the saliva.]
  • Plankton: Idiot sauce! [laughs] I'll serve it to Krabs and it'll make him so dumb, he'll just give me the secret formula! Huh? Huh?
  • Karen: I think I'd prefer the boiling underpants. [turns on the laugh track] Let me do it. You always make a mess.
  • Plankton: Leave me be woman!
  • Karen: Don't tell me... [Plankton turns her off]
  • [Karen angrily leaves the kitchen. Plankton laughs evilly as he dips the swab with Patrick's saliva into the sauce. However, the sauce boils a big bubble. Plankton accidentally pops the bubble with the swab and sauce gets splattered onto him.]
  • Plankton: Oh no.
  • [Plankton drops the swab into the sauce and he tries to shake the sauce off of himself. However, the sauce caused Plankton's body to become like Patrick's body and Plankton began to act dumb. Plankton plays with his lips as the steam from the sauce goes up the chimney and get absorbed into a cloud. The cloud goes over Bikini Bottom and rains the sauce over the town. Soon, everyone ended up acting as dumb as Patrick. The next day, Sandy comes out of her treedome and notices the townsfolk is acting very strangely and appeared to be dumb as Patrick. She goes to Squidward's house and sees it has a clown wig and a clown nose on it. Squidward is outside his house acting very dumb.]
  • Squidward: I've got the best taste in town! Duh! [runs goofily into his house]
  • Sandy: I never thought that folks around here were particularly bright. But this morning everyone seems as dumb as traffic cones.
  • [Dave runs around laughing with a cone on his head. He jumps and continues running. The scene changes to the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob is on the ground flipping dirt with his spatula. Then he somewhat makes a patty out of the dirt.]
  • Sandy: What happened to your head, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Uh, me make Krabby Patties.
  • Sandy: Uh, that's mud.
  • [SpongeBob shoves the dirt into his holes and squeezes them out. He laughs and runs off to a crowd of people surrounding a stop sign. Patrick comes with a yellow balloon and is still riding the skateboard upside down.]
  • Sandy: Hey, Patrick. Have you noticed that everyone's acting a lot like you today?
  • [Patrick eats the balloon and it pops inside his mouth which deflates his head. Patrick lifts his head up.]
  • Patrick: I don't understand the question.
  • [Patrick leaves and continues riding the skateboard upside down. Sandy sees Mr. Krabs laughing and throwing money everywhere. Mr. Krabs pulls out the bottle containing the secret formula, opens it and eats it. He burps out the formula into dozens of pieces.]
  • Sandy: What in Sam Hill?
  • [Sandy sees Mrs. Puff being pushed on her boat upside down by Billy and pretends to drive her boat. Tom is seen wearing the shower curtain and his brushing his back with the scrub brush. Nat Peterson is seen riding his bike sideways on the round while hitting his head against a rock. The several people are chasing a jellyfish who stings them when they touch it.]
  • Sandy: Hey, don't do that!
  • [Sandy goes after them until they stopped at the end of a line at the Chum Bucket.]
  • Sandy: Lining up for the Chum Bucket? Now, I know everyone's got a hole in their screen door. This place is ground zero for zero.
  • [Sandals knocks on Sandy's helmet and puts his mouth on top.]
  • Sandy: [grossed out] Zero as being everyone's collected by goo.
  • [The scene changes to Plankton biting his antenna and rolling on the floor in the kitchen of the Chum Bucket. Sandy is seen talking to Karen as she is explaining what's going on.]
  • Karen: And that's how the idiot sauce spread throughout Bikini Bottom. I guess you weren't affected because you were protected by your treedome.
  • Sandy: And you weren't affected because you're a computer. Looks like it's up to us to find a cure for the town's idiocy.
  • [Plankton is banging his head against the mirror.]
  • Plankton: You not Plankton! Me Plankton! [bangs his head against the mirror]
  • Karen: We need to snap him out of this. What's the opposite of dim?
  • Sandy: Bright.
  • [Karen and Sandy turn on a lamp to try to snap Plankton out of his stupidity but nothing works.]
  • Karen: It's not working! Maybe we can feed him something for brain food. You're smart. What do you eat?
  • [Plankton gets to close to the light bulb and burns his eye.]
  • Sandy: Nuts?
  • [The scene changes to Sandy stuffing Plankton's mouth with acorns, but nothing's working.]
  • Sandy: Oh, it doesn't seem to be working. You know him. How do you get him to change?
  • Karen: I usually just yell at him. Get smart, dummy!
  • Sandy: Wise up!
  • Karen: Be clever, idiot!
  • Sandy: No things!
  • [Nothing is working as Plankton laughs and claps like a seal.]
  • Karen: [sighs] It's no use. Being smart takes work.
  • Sandy: [thinks a second] That gives me an idea.
  • [The scene changes to Sandy and Karen standing at the front doors of a school called Bikini Bottom University.]
  • Sandy: Come one, come all to Bikini Bottom University! A free education for all! There's no more excuse for being a dope! Step right up all you morons! Classes are now beginning!
  • [But the Bikini Bottomites were so dumb, they didn't listen and continued to walk around stupidly.]
  • Sandy: Aww! This isn't working!
  • Karen: Try jiggling the keys!
  • [Sandy pulls the rope and jiggles the keys. The Bikini Bottomites see the keys and goes in. Later, Karen and Sandy are in a classroom.]
  • Sandy: Good mornin', students.
  • [The students continue to act stupid when they are in their desks.]
  • Sandy: A whole school full of Patricks? Looks like we've got our work cut out for us.
  • [The scene changes to Sandy teaching Jimmy Gus how to put on pants. She gives him a demonstration. Jimmy chews on the pants, but realizes it's not something to eat. Jimmy puts his pants on backwards, but Sandy gives him a thumbs-up. In doing so, the point on Jimmy's head gets smaller. Karen is in the other classroom teaching the students how to eat. She demonstrates on how to eat with a spoon. Frank flips some food at Tom with the spoon and Debbie Rechid dips her head in the food. Nat Peterson seems to get it and ate the food with the spoon. The point on Nat's head gets smaller. In another classroom called Home EC, Mr. Krabs is attempting to make a Krabby Patty. He makes it, but it has the carton of milk in the middle and the patty is on top of the bun. Mr. Krabs eats the patty along with the milk carton and the plate. Karen seemed unsure if that was ok, but gives Mr. Krabs a thumbs up.]
  • French Narrator: One semester later...
  • [All of the Bikini Bottomites, who have now returned to their normal selves after a long semester, leave the classroom.]
  • Sandy: And don't forget your last homework assignment!
  • Karen: Looks like we were able to educate the whole town in one semester!
  • Sandy: Yep! Day after tomorrow is graduation! And everybody learned so well.
  • Karen: Everybody but one.
  • [Plankton is still acting stupid and is writing on the locker doors with a pen.]
  • Plankton: [laughs] Yeah!
  • Mr. Krabs: School is dumb? You've misspelled every word.
  • Plankton: Shut up, dweeb!
  • [Mr. Krabs freaks out and drops his books.]
  • Plankton: Cook books, eh? You holdin' out on me, Krabs?
  • [Mr. Krabs picks up his books.]
  • Mr. Krabs: I don't know what you're talkin' about, Plankton! Leave me alone!
  • [Mr. Krabs runs off crying.]
  • Plankton: I know you're cookin' up something special in Home EC, Eugene! I want that formula!
  • SpongeBob: Um, Plankton, can I come out now?
  • Plankton: Did you finish my homework for me, nerd?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah.
  • [SpongeBob pushes Plankton's homework out from the holes of the locker door. Plankton opens on the door and SpongeBob comes out.]
  • SpongeBob: You know, you really ought to do your own homework. It's the only way you'll learn.
  • Plankton: I'll never learn!
  • [Patrick, who is working as janitor, sweeps the skateboard across the floor and accidentally crushes Plankton.]
  • Plankton: Not again!
  • French Narrator: Ahh. Graduation Day.
  • [All of the Bikini Bottomites are in their cap and gown and is having a graduation ceremony for attending the university.]
  • Sandy: This is a proud day for everyone in Bikini Bottom! And as a treat, Squidward will play Pomp and Circumstance on the clarinet.
  • [Squidward begins playing Pomp and Circumstance, but ends up playing the wrong notes which aggravates the crowd. Meanwhile, in Home EC, Mr. Krabs is busy making a Krabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Hurry up, Mr. Krabs. They're handing out the diplomas.
  • Mr. Krabs: Just a minute. I think I've perfected the Krabby Patty formula! [takes a bite of the patty and it tastes good] Yes! That's it!
  • SpongeBob: Great! Well, see ya out there.
  • [SpongeBob leaves and Plankton enters the classroom.]
  • Plankton: Somethin' smells good!
  • [Mr. Krabs finishes writing the formula but when he sees Plankton, he hides it in his graduation gown.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh! P...P...Plankton? What are you doin' here?
  • Plankton: It's the last day of school, baby. No need to be formal. Call me Sheldon. [takes a bite of the patty] Great Neptune! That's perfection! Well, with this recipe, I could own the most popular fast food restaurant in Bikini Bottom!
  • Mr. Krabs: [frightened] No, please! Not that! Anything but that!
  • Plankton: Hand over that secret formula, Krabs!
  • [Meanwhile at the graduation ceremony, all of the Bikini Bottomites throw their caps in the air and have become graduates of the Bikini Bottom University.]
  • Karen: Congratulations, SpongeBob! You're smart now! It's funny that Mr. Krabs never showed up to get his diploma.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah. The only two people who didn't show up are Mr. Krabs and Plankton. [gasps] Let me have that diploma!
  • [SpongeBob grabs the diploma, takes of his cap and gown and runs across the hallway.]
  • Patrick: Uh, hey. No running in the halls!
  • [SpongeBob runs slowly. Meanwhile, Mr. Krabs is cornered by Plankton and he reluctantly gives the formula to him.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Here you go, Plankton.
  • [All of a sudden, SpongeBob bursts in the classroom.]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, your diploma!
  • [SpongeBob throws the diploma and Mr. Krabs catches it, preventing him from giving the formula to Plankton.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Thanks to this here diploma, I'm suddenly smart enough to never give you me secret formula!
  • Plankton: What?! If I knew education worked like that, I would have bought a diploma years ago!
  • Mr. Krabs: Of course it doesn't work like that, you microscopic meathead! I took accelerated classes and graduated months ago! This diploma is just a formality!
  • Plankton: But... but you were just about to give me the formula! Y..You were scared of me!
  • [Sandy turns on a light from behind the chalkboard.]
  • Sandy: Excellent, Mr. Krabs! [writes a grade for Mr. Krabs] Here's your final grade for acting class. A+. [gives Mr. Krabs his grade] I've really felt the fear.
  • Plankton: Wait, what?! Acting class?! [Mr. Krabs picks up Plankton] No!!
  • Mr. Krabs: You've finally been schooled, drop-out!
  • [Mr. Krabs stuffs Plankton in his diploma and blows him out the window. Plankton was sent flying onto Karen's computer screen where she turns on the laugh track.]
  • Karen: Come on, evil genius. Time to start your post-college years.
  • [The episode ends with Plankton groaning in defeat as Karen carries him away.]

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