SpongeBob SquarePants

Sailor Mouth (transcript)

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Sailor Mouth
Season №: 2
Episode №: 38a
Airdate: September 21, 2001
Previous: "I'm with Stupid"
Next: "Artist Unknown"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Sailor Mouth" from season two, which aired on September 21, 2001.

  • [The title card has men singing part of song, "Sailing Over the Dogger Bank"] ♪Watcha twigger she's a proper jubby-jewel... On a passage from the Dogger Bank to Great Grimsby!♪ [then we see the Krusty Krab in night]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, it's the worst time of the day once again. [cringes as he changes the "Open" sign to "Closed"] Closing time!
  • SpongeBob: Well, see you in the A.M., Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold on there, SpongeBob! [pulls SpongeBob back in a creepy manner] Take that pile of filth out with you. [Squidward holds up a trash bag with flies flying around it]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Mr. Krabs, you shouldn't talk about Squidward like that!
  • Squidward: He means this filth, you loon. [He drops the bag on the floor]
  • [SpongeBob goes to the dumpster while bringing the trash bag]
  • SpongeBob: [singing] Takin' out the trash, takin' out the trash.
  • [SpongeBob throws the trash in the dumpster and then looks at some writings on the dumpster]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm...dumpster writing! The voice of the people! "Up with bubbles, down with air!" [laughs] "Nematodes are people too!" [laughs] Ha, those Nematodes... Here's one someone didn't finish! Squidward smells. [writes the word "good" after "smells"] Gooooood. [laughs] Hmm, what's this one? Krabs is a... hmm? Krabs is a [dolphin chirp] .
  • Garbage Man: [Clearly disgusted] Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
  • SpongeBob: Well, sometimes, but not...recently.
  • Patrick: Hi, garbage man. Hi, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick! Hey, Patrick, do you know what this word means?
  • Patrick: "Krabs..." Uh, isn't that the red sweaty guy you work for?
  • SpongeBob: [pointing to "Krabs," then the unseen word as they are said] Nah-uh, not that word, THAT word.
  • Patrick: Hmm... [dolphin chirp]! Oh, hey! I think I know what that means. That's one of those sentence enhancers.
  • SpongeBob: Sentence enhancers?
  • Patrick: You use them when you want to talk fancy. You just sprinkle it over anything you say, and Wham-o! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I get it! Let me try. [clears his throat] Hello, Patrick. Lovely [dolphin chirp] day we're having, isn't it?
  • Patrick: Why, yes it is, SpongeBob. This [dolphin chirp] day is particularly [dolphin chirp] lovely!
  • SpongeBob: How [dolphin chirp] right you are, Patrick!
  • [The two say the word a couple of times]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, You're right, Patrick, my lips are tingling from the spiciness of this conversation.
  • Patrick: Oh, mine too!
  • [both laugh]
  • SpongeBob: It tingles when I laugh!
  • [SpongeBob walks into the Krusty Krab the next day]
  • SpongeBob: Hello, customers, nice [dolphin chirp] day we're having, uh? [The customers stop eating and stare in shock]
  • Harold: [gasps] Did he just say?!
  • Pirate Fish: Aye, he did.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, how the [dolphin chirp] are ya?
  • Patrick: [sitting at table at the Krusty Krab] Pretty [dolphin chirp] good, SpongeBob.
  • Old Man Jenkins: I thought this was a restaurant, not a gutter mouth convention.
  • SpongeBob: [taps on the microphone and speaks into it] Attention, customers, today's special is a [dolphin chirp] Krabby Patty served in a greasy [dolphin chirp] sauce and grilled to [dolphin chirp] perfection. [a mother octopus covers her laughing children's ears and puts soda on one since she doesn't have enough hands] And don't forget to ask us to [dolphin chirp] the [dolphin chirp] fries. It will be our [dolphin chirp] pleasure. [Squidward hears the intercom and a giant human ear pops out of his head; he pushes it back in] Hi Squidward, how the [dolphin chirp] are ya?
  • Patrick: Nice [dolphin chirp] day we're having, isn't it Squidward?
  • Tom: I don't understand. That guy's talented, he doesn't have to work blue.
  • Evelyn: Let's go somewhere more family oriented. [Everyone leaves the Krusty Krab, grumbling in frustration]
  • Female Fish: [chattering (variously and) inaudibly] I'm never eating here again.
  • Male Fish: [chattering (variously and) inaudibly] Those foul-mouth bottom feeders.
  • [The Krusty Krab customer meter is running down. Sirens wail and a red light flashes]
  • Mr. Krabs: [in the bathroom, hears the sirens] Huh? AH! The Krusty Krab, she's empty! [runs to dining room] All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Squidward, where have all me money paying customers gone?
  • Squidward: Apparently, the two barnacle-mouth brothers just learned a new word, and SpongeBob just said it over the intercom.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, what was it? What'd he say?
  • Squidward: Er...he, well he said...
  • [Squidward whispers]
  • Mr. Krabs: Huh? [Squidward whispers it again. Mr. Krabs gasps] SpongeBob and friend! Front and center! Why, I oughta make the two of you paint the Krusty Krab for using such language!
  • SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, we were only using our sentence enhancers.
  • Patrick: Yeah, it's fancy talk.
  • Mr. Krabs: There ain't nothing fancy about that word!
  • SpongeBob: You mean [dolphin chirp]?
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes, that one! Now quit saying that! It's a bad word!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Bad word?! [both start wiping their tongues]
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes sirree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use.
  • Squidward: Don't you mean there are only 7?
  • Mr. Krabs: Not if you're a sailor! [laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, 13!
  • Patrick: That's a lot of [dolphin chirp] bad words!
  • Mr. Krabs: OK, boys. I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: We promise.
  • [later at SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are playing Eels and Escalators]
  • SpongeBob: Gee, I'm glad Mr. Krabs told us that word we were using was a bad word!
  • Patrick: Yeah, me too, because classy sophisticates like us shouldn't stain our lips with cursing.
  • SpongeBob: Yea, verily! Now, let's play a nice, wholesome game of Eels and Escalators.
  • Patrick: Oh, boy, my favorite! [Flops arms up and down like a seal]
  • SpongeBob: Come on, Gary needs a new pair of shoes! [rolls the dice]
  • Patrick: Oh, eels. Too bad, SpongeBob, you gotta ride the eel.
  • SpongeBob: Darn. [moves game piece to eel]
  • Patrick: My turn! [rolls dice] Hooray! escalators! Yay! [screams] Up,up,up!
  • SpongeBob: Come on, escalators, escalators, escalators! [rolls dice] [sighs] Eels again.
  • Patrick: My turn! [rolls dice] Escalators!
  • SpongeBob: Escalators, Escalators, Escalators! [throws dice] Eels?
  • Patrick: [rolls dice] Es-skee-lators!! [moves to escalators] Well, this is your last chance, SpongeBob, or if you get eels again, you lose!
  • SpongeBob: [gets frustrated while rolling the dice] Escalators, Escalators, Escalators!! [dice is thrown and lands on escalators] Ha! Escalators! [dice turn over to eels]
  • Patrick: Eels...
  • SpongeBob: AAAH, [dolphin chirp]!!! [covers his mouth when he realizes his mistake]
  • Patrick: Ooooh...! You said number 11!
  • SpongeBob: [babbles for Patrick to understand] I didn't mean... you gotta understand, Patrick, I was trying...what I meant to say was...some things just slip out. You gotta understand!
  • Patrick: Don't worry SpongeBob, I understand. [pause] Mr. Krabs! [runs out the door] Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! [starts running to the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: [starts running after him] No wait, Patrick! [after SpongeBob catches up to Patrick] Patrick, no, please don't tell!
  • Patrick: But, you said "[dolphin chirp]"! [Covers his mouth as he realizes his mistake]
  • SpongeBob: Aha! Now I'm gonna tell Mr. Krabs on you!
  • Patrick: Not if I tell first!
  • SpongeBob: I can run faster than you! [laughs]
  • Patrick: [riding in an ice cream truck] See ya at the Krusty Krab! Ha, ha, ha! [the truck goes the wrong way] Oh nooooo!
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: What, what, what?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, Patrick, Patrick!
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes, yes?
  • SpongeBob: He said, he said, he said!
  • Mr. Krabs: Out with it, boy!
  • SpongeBob: [talking fast] Me and Patrick were playing Eels and Escalators, and Patrick was going up-up-up, and I had to ride the eel and then we ran and Patrick, he said some THINGS.
  • Mr.Krabs: [eyes SpongeBob] What kind of things?
  • SpongeBob: Well, he said...
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes?!
  • SpongeBob: Well, uh, let's just say he said a certain word that you said we shouldn't say, and this particular word happens to be number 11 in the 13 words you said shouldn't be said.
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh... right, now what was that part about the, um... Who now?
  • Patrick: [walks in door of the Krusty Krab and eats an ice cream cone but throws away the cone] Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs sighs]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: He said that word that you said we shouldn't say...!
  • SpongeBob: ...number thirteen...
  • [They babble on about the word, as Mr. Krabs stares on disapprovingly, until the two are just pointing at each other and yelling, "Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah!" Mr. Krabs eventually grabs their lips to quiet them.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Mmm-mmm...!
  • Mr. Krabs: Now I'm gonna let go of yer lips, and when I do, I want you to calmly tell me what youse need to tell me, understand?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Mmm-hmm... [Mr. Krabs lets go of their lips, which initally deflate, then reinflate; they both point at each other again] He said "[dolphin chirp]"!
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Do my ears deceive me?! You two should be ashamed! Time to take out the trash. [picks SpongeBob and Patrick up by their pants and carries them outside the Krusty Krab] You two need to be taught a lesson. I thought I made it clear. Never, and I mean, never use number 11 or any of the 13 bad words! Now the both of youse wait right here. I'll be back. [walks back in Krusty Krab]
  • Patrick: What's going to happen to us?
  • SpongeBob: We'll probably get 40 lashes!
  • Patrick: Oh, no! [stupidly imagines himself with 40 large, weird eyelashes]
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Patrick. Mr. Krabs was right. There's no need for words like that.
  • Patrick: I'm sorry too, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Let's make a vow, Patrick. From this day forth a foul word shall never pass our lips! We'll be good citizens, just like good ol' Mr.Krabs.
  • Patrick: [shakes hands with SpongeBob] Agreed!
  • Mr. Krabs: All right, you two foul mouths. As punishment for FOULING the air in me restaurant with yer FOUL words, you're going to give the Krusty Krab a fresh coat of paint from top to bottom. [jams his foot on a rock then hops on one leg] OW, OOH! OW! MY [dolphin chirps] FOOT! WHAT [dolphin chirps] GENIUS PUTS A [dolphin chirps] ROCK IN A [dolphin chirps] PATH?! CAN'T YOU SEE I GOT A [boat horn no. 1] FOOT HERE?! OH! [seal bark!. Continues saying a bunch of swear words, censored out by seagulls, foghorns, ship bells, etc.; at this moment, SpongeBob and Patrick count the swear words he uses]
  • SpongeBob: Five, six, seven...
  • Mr. Krabs: ...a whole lotta [old-style foghorn] and with a side of [dolphin chirp], a heapin' helpin' of [ship's bell] and a boatload of [boat horn no. 4] ...
  • Patrick: Nine...
  • Mr. Krabs: [seal bark, sea gull, and a new-style foghorn]! [cries in pain]
  • SpongeBob: [cuts to SpongeBob with 13 fingers] That's all 13, Patrick!! [gasps] We're gonna tell your mom, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: [worried] No, please, not me mommy! [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh as they run to Mama Krabs' house, Mr. Krabs runs after them] Wait, please don't tell me mother! I don't think her little old heart can take it!
  • [They go to the house]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [repeatedly banging on the door] Mama Krabs, Mama Krabs!
  • Mama Krabs: Why, hello there!
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick and Mr. Krabs all explain the situation at the same time, swearing numerous times as they do so!]
  • SpongeBob: Mama Krabs, He said (dolphin cherps) and then he said (dolphin cherps) again and said (beal cherps) and then he screamed (foghorn blows) And he (honks the horn) Mrs. Krabs He didn't care such a stream of (seaguill caws) (foghorn Diants Bell Dings) I have heard in my days
  • Mama Krabs: [shocked] Oh, dear! My poor old heart. [faints]
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Oh, dear Mother! What have these foul-mouthed heathens done to you? [takes a coin out of her pocket] You two should be ashamed! Making an old lady faint with your sailor talk!
  • Mama Krabs: [wakes up] You should all be ashamed! And if you're gonna talk like sailors, then you're gonna work like sailors!
  • [Then the three are painting her house, Patrick is painting the sand]
  • Mama Krabs: I guess you three scallywags have earned a glass of lemonade! Ah-ga-ga-ga-ga! [laughs like Popeye, then stubs her foot on a rock] YEEEOWW!! MY [Klaxon horn] FOOT!
  • [SpongeBob & Patrick gasp in shock]
  • Mr. Krabs: [shocked] Mother!
  • Mama Krabs: What? It's Old Man Jenkins and his jalopy.
  • Old Man Jenkins: Howdy, Mrs. K! [honks the horn]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Mama Krabs: [all laugh together]

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