Template:EpisodeTr/187b
Psychic: As consort to the spirit world, I now commence this séance. Ploobus, plorum, spaghetti, granolum. I now summon the unliving! [ground shakes, thunders are heard, the crystal ball shines; ghost comes out of the crystal ball]
Ghost: Why have you disturbed me?
Psychic: Because, you keep forgetting to replace the toilet paper roll! [shows empty toilet paper roll] As roommates, we all have to do our part.
Ghost: I know, but it wasn't me this time. 'Twas Gale who left things... unreplenished.
Psychic: Gale?
Gale: Sorry.
Psychic: [screams]
Squidward: [laughs] How cheesy. Who would ever be frightened by that?
SpongeBob: [breathing very loudly and fastly; his sweat gets on Squidward's head]
Squidward: [wipes the sweat off] Hey! MoistBob DripPants, you mind?
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. I just never seen a séance before.
Squidward: Well, try to contain yourself. We have a customer.
Old Man Jenkins: I'll have me a Rusty on Rye please.
Squidward: Charming colloquialism, but let's try something that's actually on the menu.
Old Man Jenkins: Stop giving me the round around city boy! I want a Rusty on Rye and nothing less!
SpongeBob: Just leave it to me, old rusty one! Prepare for a... What the barnacles is a Rusty on Rye? [pulls out file cabinet from his brain] Let's see... R... R... R... Ramblin Ham, Red Herring, Rib Tickler, Rusty Penguin, Salty Steamer. Huh, guess I don't know how to make Rusty on Rye. [puts file cabinet back in his brain] But I can certaintly learn! Help me out, sir. Can you clue me in on what was on your beloved Rusty on Rye?
Old Man Jenkins: Huh? Oh, let's see, um, I think it was on rye bread, it was #9 on the menu, it came with a side of something or other...
Fish 1: Oh come on! Are you gonna order a patty or what, pops?
Fish 2: Let's get it moving here! [fish argue]
Mr. Krabs: What's the big kurfuffle? Oh, it's you. Only what's on the menu, old-timer!
Old Man Jenkins: This ain't no kinda way to treat a loyal customer! (leaves)
Squidward: Hah hah hah. Well, that's a first for you. An unsatisfied customer.
SpongeBob: [gasps] No! [runs to Mr. Krabs' office] Mr. Krabs! There was an unsatisfied customer! Why don't we serve the Rusty on Rye anymore?
Mr. Krabs: Because we never did. That sandwich was on the menu of an old restauraunt that lay here a long time ago! Twas' an old ramshackle shack called Rusty's Rib-Eye, and the only one who ever knew how to make that sandwich was the owner, Rusty Rickets. However, old Rusty bought the farm 20 years ago.
SpongeBob: Ooh.
Mr. Krabs: Nope. You're not getting that recipe unless you're versed into talking with the unliving.
SpongeBob: I believe I've seen a program on this matter!
Mr. Krabs: [spins around in chair] Err... Scram. This conversation's making me dizzy.
SpongeBob: I may be able to get that recipe after all. I just need to call in a favor. [calls Patrick] Hi Patrick! SpongeBob here. [beat] Yeah, the one with square pants. Mm-hmm. Hey, listen, can you meet me after work? I need your help with something. [beat] Your best friend SpongeBob SquarePants.
[Scene changes to Patrick outside the Krusty Krab trimming his hand, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walk to the door turning off the lights]
Mr. Krabs: Good night, kiddo.
SpongeBob: Good night, bossman. Patrick and I will lock up.
Mr. Krabs: Fine. But no eating me inventory.
Patrick: Okay.
Mr. Krabs: Or me furniture.
Patrick: What? Come on, bossman! If we can't eat anything, why are we here?
SpongeBob: Ahh, simple, my five-pointed friend. Tonight, we shall make contact with the unliving! [thunder roars] By performing... a séance! [thunder roars]
Patrick: Then can we eat some furniture?
SpongeBob: No.
Patrick: [screams] [thunder roars]
[Scene changes to Patrick laying on a table; SpongeBob puts a Krabby Patty with a candle on it on Patrick's head. SpongeBob blows a bubble and it lands on Patrick's stomach]
SpongeBob: As consort to the spirit world, I know commence this séance! I shall invoke the specter of Rusty Rickets by reading from The Sacred Text. "Distilled vinegar, water, number one mustard seed, salt, tumeric, paprika, natural flavors". I now summon the spirit of Rusty Rickets! [silence] Know, too, that I beckon the spirit of Rusty's Rib-Eye!
[Thunder is heard, the bubble rises, turns green and shows a spirit of Rusty's Rib Eye]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Rusty's Rib Eye!
Patrick: But where's Rusty?
[SpongeBob and Patrick look through the window. Ghosts of sandwiches appear and joined together and made the spirit of Rusty Rickets]
Rusty Rickets: [mumbles]
SpongeBob: Rusty Rickets!
Patrick: A big ghost?! I thought we were- we were conjuring a rib roast! I'm outta here! [runs away, but runs into the wall. Patrick then runs out the door] I'll get help buddy! Just get me away from this freak!
SpongeBob: [laughs nervously] Uh, he means freak in the nicest possible way. Alright, enough of this hocus pocus hooey. Time to put in some work! [slings away his hair net and puts on his Krusty Krab hat] Say, uh, Rusty, how about spilling the beans for the old Rusty on Rye recipe?
Rusty: [mumbles]
SpongeBob: Ahh, well that was... just gibberish. Hmm.. I got it! How bout you write down the recipe for the classic #9?
Rusty: [mumbles] [pencil and paper goes through Rusty's hand]
SpongeBob: Oh right. You're a ghost. Hmm... how about you just show me how to make one?
Rusty: [mumbles] [signals, SpongeBob follows Rusty inside his shack as Rusty floated through the door]
SpongeBob: Whoa! Gee, Rusty. What a setup you got here. But where's all the sancwich bread, the condiments, the cold cuts?
Rusty: [mumbles] [Rusty takes out a driftwood and carves it into a sandwich]
SpongeBob: A rye sandwich carved entirely out of driftwood? Mama mia!
Rusty: [humming and spreading spackle on in and dips it in shellac]
SpongeBob: Spackle, shellac.
Rusty: [mumbles]
SpongeBob: Oh, you want me to try it?
Rusty: [mumbles]
SpongeBob: Oh, okay. [sniffs] Hmm... smells industrial! [bites] Ugh! Um.. I'm sure it's an aquired taste. [the smell comes out of the restaurant; a ghosts pops from under the floor and smells]
Ghost 1: [sniffs] Is that... [sniffs] Mmm! It is a Rusty on Rye! Gentlemen! Get up here! The "classic #9" is back! [ghost laugh, ghosts follow him into the shack]
SpongeBob: Hey! I didn't summon you guys!
Ghost 2: No, but the scent of an order of a #9 did.
Ghost 1: Even from way down there. [points down]
SpongeBob: Uh oh! It looks like were running low on shellac! I'll go get some more. [screams] Boy, those guys can sure terrifying.
Ghost 1: You know, this little suarae could never of happened without ol' Rusty here. Let's all give a ghastly howl for Rusty Rickets! [ghosts howl]
SpongeBob: Alright guys, I hate to be a party pooper, but it's a little late for all this noise.
Ghost 3: Oohh... big face doesn't want us as patrons anymore! How about we make like a tree... and leaf! [laughs]
SpongeBob: Hey! That is private property! Maybe you guys should leave!
Ghost 1: Oh yeah? [ghost vomits]
SpongeBob: Do I have to call-- [gets vomited on] Eww.. ectoplasm.
Ghost 1: Enough fooling around! How bout we have a good ol' time like we used to!? [ghosts chant] [Spongebob gasps] [ghosts destroy the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: You better have a darn good reason for getting me outta bed! [ghosts continue partying]
Patrick: That good enough for ya? [SpongeBob screams]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Patrick! Help!
Patrick: Sorry SpongeBob, but this is the part of the story where I run away again only this time I dont know where to run to, so i'm just gonna go circling around the building [screams]
Mr. Krabs: Looks like a certain foolish sponge has been conversin' with the unliving! All right you floating nuiscances! Time for the bossman to mop up! [ghost laughs] Batter up! H'ya! [whacks ghosts into bubble] [ghost roars] Yeah, and go back in which ye came! [pops bubble]
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs--
Mr. Krabs: Never hold a seance boy-o... without me permission, because ghosts are like relatives. Once you let them in, they never leave!
[scene changes]
SpongeBob: Order up! Here's your #9 sir! [puts tray on table]
Old Man Jenkins: [munches]
SpongeBob: And everything was better! [We then hear Patrick running and moaning while running around the Krusty Krab]
Patrick: [moaning]