Séance Shméance/transcript

	"Spon... Spo... Spo...!" This SpongeBob SquarePants episode transcript is incomplete. You can help Encyclopedia SpongeBobia by adding new content to the page.

Template:EpisodeTr/187b

Psychic: As consort to the spirit world, I now commence this seance. Ploobus, Plorum, Spaghetti, Granolum. I now summon the unliving! (ground shakes, thunders are heard, the crystal ball shines; ghost comes out of the crystal ball)

Ghost: Why have you disturbed me?

Psychic: Because, you keep forgetting to replace the toilet paper roll! (shows empty toilet paper roll)  As roommates, we all have to do our part.

Ghost: I know, but it wasn't me this time. Twas Gale who left things... unreplenished.

Psychic: Gale?

Gale: Sorry.

Psychic: Ahhh!!!

Squidward: (laughs) How cheesy. Who would ever be frightened by that? 

SpongeBob: (Breathing very loudly and fastly; his sweat gets on Squidward's head)

Squidward: (wipes the sweat off) Hey! MoistBob DripPants, you mind?

SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. I just never seen a seance before.

Squidward: Well, try to contain yourself. We have a customer.

Old Man Jenkins: I'll have me a Rusty on Rye please.

Squidward: Charming coloqueism, but let's try something that's actually on the menu.

Old Man Jenkins: Stop giving me the round around city boy! I want a Rusty on Rye and nothing less!

Spongebob: Just leave it to me old rusty one! Prepare for a [squints] what the barnacles is a Rusty on Rye? [pulls out file cabinet] Let's see... R... R... Ramblin' Ham, Red Harring,  Rib Tickler, Rusty Penguin, Salty Steamer, huh. Guess I don't know how to make Rusty on Rye. But I can certaintly learn! Help me out sir! Can you clue me in on what was on your beloved Rusty on Rye?

Old Man Jenkins: Huh? Oh, let's see, um, I think it was on rye bread, it was #9 on the menu, it came with a side of something or other...

Fish 1: Oh come on! Are you gonna order a patty or what pops?

Fish 2: Let's get it moving here [fish argue]

Mr. Krabs: What's the big kurfuffle? Oh, it's you. Only what's on the menu old-timer!

Old Man Jenkins: This aint' no kinda way to treat a loyal customer!

Squidward: Hah hah hah. Well, that's a first for you. An unsatisfied customer.

Spongebob: [gasps] No! Mr. Krabs! There was an unsatisfied customer! Why don't we serve the Rusty on Rye anymore?

Mr. Krabs: Because we never did. That sandwich was on the menu of an old restauraunt that lay here a long time ago! Twas' an old ramshackle shack called 'Rusty's Rib-Eye', and the only one who ever knew how to make that sandwich was the owner, Rusty Rickets. However, old Rusty bought the farm 20 years ago.

Spongebob: Ooh.

Mr. Krabs: Nope. You're not getting that recipe unless you're versed into talking with the unlivin'

Spongebob: I believe i've seen a program on this matter!

Mr. Krabs: [spins around in chair] Err... Scram. This conversation's making me dizzy.

Spongebob: I may be able to get that recipe after all. I just need to call in a favor [calls Patrick]. Hi Patrick! Spongebob here. Yeah, the one with square pants. Mm-hmm. Hey, can you meet me after work? I need your help on something. Your best friend Spongebob Squarepants

[Scene changes]

Patrick: [trims hand]

Mr. Krabs: Good night, kiddo.

Spongebob: Good night, bossman. Me and Patrick will lock up [Mr. Krabs squints]

Mr. Krabs: Fine. But no eating me inventory

Patrick: Okay.

Mr. Krabs: Or me furnature

Patrick: What! Come on, bossman! If we can't eat anything, why are we here?

Spongebob: Ahh, simple my five-pointed friend. Tonight, we will make contact with the unliving! [thunder roars] By performing... a seance! [thunder roars]

Patrick: Then can we eat some furnature?

Spongebob: No.

Patrick: [screams] [thunder roars]

Spongebob: [blows bubble] As consort to the spirit world, I know commence this seance! I shall invoke the spector of Rusty Rickets by reading from The Sacred Text. Distilled vinegar, water, number one mustard seed, salt, tumeric, paprika, natural flavors. I now summon the spirit of Rusty Rickets! Know, too, that I beckon the spirit of Rusty's Rib-Eye [thunder roars] [eerie roaring] [gasps] Rusty's Rib-Eye

Patrick: But where's Rusty?

Rusty Rickets: [mumbles]

Spongebob: Rusty Rickets!

Patrick: A big ghost? I thought we were we were conjuring a rib roast! I'm outta here! I'll get help buddy! Just get me away from this freak!

Spongebob: Uh huh huh, he means freak in the nicest possible way. Alright, enough of this hocus pocus hooey, time to put in some work! Say, uh, Rusty, how about spilling the beans for the old Rusty on Rye recipe?

Rusty [mumbles]

Spongebob: Ahh, well that was just... gibberish. Hmm.. I got it! How bout you write down the recipe for the classic #9? 

Rusty: [mumbles] [pencil and paper goes through Rusty's hand]

Spongebob: Oh right. You're a ghost. Hmm... how about you just show me how to make one?

Rusty: [mumbles] [signals]

Spongebob: Whoa! Gee, Rusty. What a setup you got here. But where's all the sancwich bread, the condiments, the cold cuts?

Rusty: [mumbles]

Spongebob: A rye sandwich carved entirely out of driftwood? Mamma mia!

Rusty: [humming]

Spongebob: Spackle, shellac.

Rusty: [mumbles]

Spongebob: Oh you want me to try it

Rusty: [mumbles]

Spongebob: Oh, okay. [sniffs] Hmm... smells industrial! [bites] Ugh! Um.. i'm sure it's an aquired taste.

Ghost 1: [sniffs] Is that... [sniffs] Mmm! It is a Rusty on Rye! Gentlemen! Get up here! The classic #9 is back! [ghost laugh]

Spongebob: Hey! I didn't summon you guys!

Ghost 2: No, but the scent of an order of a #9 did.

Ghost 1: Even from way down there [points downward]

Rusty: [mumbles] [ghost cheer]

Spongebob: Uh oh! It looks like were running low on shellac! I'll go get some more. [screams] Boy, those guys can sure terrifying.

Ghost 1: You know, this little suarae could never of happened without ol' Rusty here. Let's all give a gastly howl for Rusty Rickets! [ghost howl]

Spongebob: Alright guys, I hate to be a party pooper, but it's a little late for all this noise.

Ghost 3: Oohh... big face doesn't want us as patrons anymore! How about we make like a tree... and leaf! [laughs]

Spongebob: Hey! That is private property! Maybe you guys should leave!

Ghost 1: Oh yeah? [ghost vomits]

Spongebob: Do I have to call-- [gets vomited on] Eww.. ectoplasm

Ghost 1: Enough fooling around! How bout we have a good ol' time like we used to!? [ghosts chant] [Spongebob gasps] [ghosts destroy the Krusty Krab]

Mr. Krabs: You better have a darn good reason for getting me outta bed! [ghosts continue partying]

Patrick: That good enough for ya? [Spongebob screams]

Spongebob: Mr. Krabs! Patrick! Help!

Patrick: Sorry Spongebob, but this is the part of the story where I run away again only this time I dont know where to run to, so i'm just gonna go circling around the building [screams]

Mr. Krabs: Looks like a certain foolish sponge has been conversin' with the un-living! All right you floatingg nuiscances! Time for the bossman to mop up! [ghost laughs] Batter up! H'ya! [whacks ghosts into bubble] [ghost roars] Yeah, ang go back to where ye came from! [pops bubble]

Spongebob: Hi, Mr. Krabs--

Mr. Krabs: Never hold a seance boy-o... without me permission, because ghosts are like relatives. Once you let them in, they never leave!

[scene changes]

Spongebob: Order up! Here's your #9 sir! [puts tray on table]

Old Man Jenkins: [muches]

Spongebob: And everything was better! [patrick moaning]