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"Roller Cowards" (transcript)

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Transcript Information
Roller Cowards
General
Season №: 5
Episode №: 86a
Airdate: July 27, 2007
Chronology
Previous: "Krabs à la Mode"
Next: "Bucket Sweet Bucket"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Roller Cowards" from season five, which aired on July 27, 2007.

  • SpongeBob: [reading a story to Gary] And then, the ugly mollusk ran all the way home...
  • Patrick: SpongeBob, you gotta see this. It's an emergency broadcast on my TV.
  • TV Announcer: The day you've been waiting for is almost here. That's right. Glove World has a new ride. It's big... [roller coaster goes above the water then back down into it]
  • TV Announcer: It's fast... [Nancy and Harold are riding a roller coaster so fast, Harold flies off of it]
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Harold, no!
  • TV Announcer: It's painful... [roller coaster crashes into the ground, causing an explosion]
  • TV Announcer: It's the "Fiery Fist O' Pain". Opening tomorrow only at Glove World.
  • Patrick: Tomorrow! SpongeBob, we gotta get to bed so we can be first in line! [Patrick hangs onto his TV and goes back to his rock. Scene cuts to SpongeBob sleeping]
  • SpongeBob: Glove World. Roller coaster. First in line. [SpongeBob dreams of him and Patrick at Glove World. When they walk past the popcorn stand, it turns into a maggot stand and smoke fills the air]
  • SpongeBob: Excuse me, which way to the Fist O' Pain? [Grim Reaper points to his left. SpongeBob and Patrick float over to the ride. When they get in it, it goes up above the water. They scream as it goes down. Lightning strikes the tracks, and makes the roller coaster fly off the track]
  • SpongeBob: It's the name of amusement, no...! [SpongeBob and Patrick fall out of the coaster and into graves with their names on the tombstones. A digger puts all the dirt back in the hole]
  • SpongeBob: [screams] I don't want to ride the Fiery Fist O' Pain! [cut to next morning when SpongeBob's alarm goes off but he didn't sleep the whole night. Patrick appears by his bed]
  • Patrick: You ready to ride the Fist O' Pain?
  • SpongeBob: No! Well, yeah. It's just that I had a bad dream last night.
  • Patrick: Really? Me too!
  • SpongeBob: What was your dream about, Patrick?
  • Patrick: Oh, look, the bus is here! [runs toward the bus]
  • SpongeBob: Wait for me, Patrick. [both get on the bus] Whoo! Fiery Fist O' Pain, here we come.
  • Timmy Monroe: Yeah, dudes, we're all riding the Fist O' Pain.
  • Boy #2: I heard somebody rode it and his spine fell out.
  • Timmy Monroe: [laughing] Dude, I hope my spine falls out.
  • Taylor: [laughing] Yeah, me too.
  • SpongeBob: Boy, the Fist O' Pain sounds...
  • Patrick: Really, really scary. I mean fun-ifying. I mean horror-tastic. I mean fun-ible! Fun, really, really fun.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, really fun. [bus stops at Glove World and SpongeBob & Patrick get off]
  • SpongeBob: That sure looks like fun.
  • Patrick: Yeah, I can't wait to ride it. [all the passengers on the bus run out and grab SpongeBob & Patrick while cheering]
  • All: Yes, we're here! Whoo! [SpongeBob & Patrick are carries into a brick wall]
  • Employee: Tickets, please. [SpongeBob looks in his pockets but no ticket]
  • SpongeBob: No tickets. I must have left it at home.
  • Patrick: I swallowed my tickets.
  • SpongeBob: I guess we're not gonna be riding the Fist O' Pain today.
  • Nat: Hold on a second, there's your tickets in your back pockets. [grabs them both]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles!. [cut to later when SpongeBob and Patrick are walking around the amusement park] It sure was lucky we found our tickets.
  • Patrick: Yeah, bad luck. I mean good luck, very good luck.
  • SpongeBob: There it is. The line looks awfully long.
  • Patrick: Oh, I know! Let's go on some of the dumb kiddie rides first.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, and then the Fist O' Pain will seem even cooler. [both run off]
  • Patrick: Phew.
  • SpongeBob: Can you believe some people are afraid to ride roller coasters?
  • Patrick: Yeah, only a real baby would be afraid of a roll... Whoa!
  • SpongeBob: I can't believe it, Patrick. It's Glovey Glove! [a giant glove costume is standing in front of them] Get over there and I'll take your picture with him. [Patrick moves a few steps into the camera so he's not too close to Glovey Glove] Get closer, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Nuh-uh.
  • SpongeBob: Come on, closer. [Patrick moves a little closer] That's it, a little more. Now hold onto his thumb. Give me a big smile. [takes the picture]
  • Patrick: How do I look? [pictures shows Patrick touching Glovey Glove with only a finger] Wow, I look great. [a little kid is laughing on one of the kiddie rides]
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: The Mitten!
  • SpongeBob: [clears throat] I mean, The Mitten.
  • Patrick: That ride's for babies.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah. Let's ride it just to see how baby-fied it is. [both walk over and get into the ride, with the little kid. When they go over a bump, they scream. When the ride is over, they get out and both are shivering The baby hits Patrick and walks away]
  • Patrick: I guess that ride was too much for the little guy. [cut to SpongeBob and Patrick standing in line by the Fiery Fist O' Pain]
  • SpongeBob: Well, the line looks a little bit shorter now. Can you believe that some people are scared of this ride? [both chuckle nervously]
  • Patrick: Yeah, it's perfectly safe. No one gets hurt riding these roller coasters. [an old fish is wheel chaired out of Glove World]
  • Old Man Jenkins: Oh why, why, why? [SpongeBob and Patrick scream and run off] Why won't you let me on the ride?
  • Harold: Sir, you have a serious medical condition.
  • Old Man Jenkins: But it's my birthday! [cut to SpongeBob and Patrick running through a line, cheering]
  • Patrick: Yeah!
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: One more time!
  • Tom: You know, this is the line for the bathroom.
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] We've gone eight times.
  • Patrick: And I went three times all by myself.
  • Tom: I'm going to walk away now. [does so]
  • SpongeBob: Bye.
  • Patrick: Have fun! [Larry walks up]
  • Larry: SpongeBob! Patrick!
  • SpongeBob: Hello, Larry.
  • Larry: I just got off the Fist O' Pain. Man, what a rush. [sniffs his armpit then sighs in relief as a green odor is released from under his arm] You smell that? That's the smell of adrenaline. [SpongeBob and Patrick's eyebrows disintegrate]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, it's, uh... [holding breath] very manly, Larry.
  • Larry: [picks up SpongeBob and smells him] SpongeBob, I'm not smelling any adrenaline on you. You haven't gone on the ride?
  • SpongeBob: Um, I have a confession to make. We haven't gone on the ride because I'm... hungry. I'm very hungry. Hungry, hungry! [runs off]
  • Larry: Come on, Patrick. You and me, pal?
  • Patrick: I'm hungry, too. [runs off]
  • Larry: Maybe I should stop making people smell me. [cut to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting at a table, eating ice cream, and looking at the explosions on the Fist O' Pain]
  • Patrick: Want some?
  • SpongeBob: No thanks, Patrick. Um, you got ice cream in your eyebrows.
  • Patrick: Yeah, that's the problem with this brand. I'll be right back. [walks off]
  • SpongeBob: Hurry back so we can go on the ride. [sees the roller coaster drop and plants his face in the table]
  • Ice Cream: [SpongeBob talks to himself, SpongeBob voices the ice cream] What's the matter, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, delicious dairy treat, I don't know what to do.
  • Ice Cream: Patrick's your best friend. You can't let him down.
  • SpongeBob: I know, but the ride is really scary.
  • Ice Cream: You wanna see scary? I'll show you scary! [hits himself in the head with the ice cream]
  • SpongeBob: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
  • Ice Cream: You like that? You like that? Huh, you like that? [cut to the bathroom where Patrick is talking to himself in the mirror]
  • Patrick: It's just a ride. What are you so scared about? You can do it.
  • Reflection: No you can't. You're a big crybaby.
  • Patrick: Oh, yeah? [punches his reflection, without breaking the glass] I thought we'd settled this the last time! [cut to SpongeBob still hitting himself in the head with the ice cream]
  • SpongeBob: Ow, quit it! Ow, quit it! Ow, quit it!
  • Patrick: [runs back] SpongeBob, I have to tell you something.
  • SpongeBob: I have to tell you something too, Patrick.
  • Henry: [over speaker] Attention. Glove World will be closing in five minutes.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Five minutes?! [both run over to the ride. An employee comes over and cleans up the ice cream]
  • Ice Cream: What are you looking at? [cut to the ride]
  • SpongeBob: [reads the sign] Warning! This ride may cause: Crying, screaming, projectile vomiting, amnesia, spine loss, embarrassing accidents, uncontrollable gas...
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: ...and explosive diarrhea.
  • SpongeBob: Is that all?
  • Patrick: Big deal, I did half that stuff this morning.
  • Henry: [over speaker] Last call for the Fiery Fist O' Pain.
  • SpongeBob: Well, this is it, Pat.
  • Patrick: Yep.
  • Patrick: Uh-huh.
  • SpongeBob: On the Fiery Fist O' Pain.
  • Patrick: After you. [both sit down in the ride]
  • SpongeBob: We made it.
  • Patrick: Yeah.
  • Employee #3: Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. [buckles them, puts on helmets, and wraps them up] There.
  • Employee #4: Now if you could just sign this release, involving Glove World in case of accidental spine loss... [SpongeBob signs his name] Well, nice knowing you.
  • Employee #3: Ready in ten...
  • SpongeBob: This is it, Patrick.
  • Employee #3: Nine, eight...
  • SpongeBob: We made it!
  • Employee #3: Seven, six...
  • Patrick: We're not scaredy cats.
  • Employee #3: Five, four...
  • SpongeBob: We're not crybabies.
  • Employee #3: Three, two...
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: We're brave!
  • Employee #3: One... [when he presses the 'GO' button, SpongeBob and Patrick scream, but the roller coaster breaks down]
  • Henry: [over speaker] Uh, we're experiencing some technical difficulties.
  • Employee #3: Man, this cheap thing is always breaking down. Hey, sorry guys. Maybe next time. [SpongeBob and Patrick sigh in relief]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I have a confession to make. I was really scared about going on this ride.
  • Patrick: Me too.
  • SpongeBob: I didn't know how to tell you because, well, I didn't want to disappoint you.
  • Patrick: I didn't want you to be disappointed in me.
  • SpongeBob: But now we don't have to face our fears. The ride is broken.
  • Patrick: Yeah! [employee comes back]
  • Employee #3: Oh, wait, it's fine.
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: Huh?
  • Employee #3: Have fun. [presses the 'GO' button again. SpongeBob and Patrick take off but their wrapping and helmets have come off]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't want to face my fears. I'm afraid of them! [when they get to the top, it stops for a moment] Good-bye, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Good-bye, SpongeBob. [Coaster starts again, dropping and going through a saw, a flaming fist, and a laser. When the coaster drops at a 90 degree angle, SpongeBob and Patrick's skeleton's fly through the air while their bodies go down with the coaster. Their skeleton's fly into them as they go up, out of the water, but when they sit up, they have the other one's skeleton. The coaster drops into the ground, causing an explosion. When the ride is over, SpongeBob & Patrick are holding each other, shaking]
  • Henry's wife: [over speaker] Please wait until the car has come to a complete stop. And STOP CRYING!
  • Employee #3: It's over. You can get out now.
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: We did it! [both get out and run around in circles]
  • SpongeBob: We conquered our fears!
  • Patrick: We survived the Fist o' Pain!
  • Employee #3: Hey, hold it right there! You forgot these.
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: Our spines! [grab their spines] Yeah! [when they grab them, they start to wiggle their bodies and then bend them backwards. They laugh]
  • SpongeBob: Let's go again!
  • Patrick: Yeah!

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