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Restraining SpongeBob
Season №: 8
Episode №: 168a
Airdate: April 2, 2012
Previous: "Bubble Buddy Returns"
Next: "Fiasco!"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Restraining SpongeBob" from season eight, which aired on April 2, 2012.

  • [the episode opens with Squidward lying in bed, asleep and he wakes up to a loud noise]
  • Squidward: What the...? [we see SpongeBob outside grinding his spatula on a rotating wheel and Squidward opens window] SpongeBob, do you mind!?
  • [Squidward breaks the window off its hinges and throws it at SpongeBob. The window hits the rotating wheel instead and it bounces off and hits Squidward in the face. From the impact, he loses his balance and falls out the window, he then bounces on his head and then bounces off of SpongeBob's pineapple, his tentacles land over SpongeBob's eyes, causing SpongeBob to finally notice Squidward]
  • SpongeBob: Oh! Hey, Squidward. What are you doing?
  • Squidward: [gets back up] What am I doing!? What are you doing!?
  • SpongeBob: I am sharpening my trusty spatula. Speaking of which, are you going to stick around for morning fry-cook calisthenics?
  • Squidward: Cala-what?
  • [SpongeBob then proceeds in a series of rather ridiculous stretches as Squidward walks back to his house to lock the door, Squidward then starts walking to work]
  • SpongeBob: Walking to work, huh, Squidward?
  • Squidward: Go away.
  • SpongeBob: Can I walk with you?
  • Squidward: No.
  • SpongeBob: Please?
  • Squidward: No. [the last two lines are repeated several times as they both walk, Squidward finally gets fed up with SpongeBob's repetitious begging as they enter the Krusty Krab] I said NO! I will not walk to work with yo--! [notices he is in the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: Okay. Maybe tomorrow, then!
  • [fade out, the next scene shows Squidward at the register with a customer]
  • Customer: I'll have 2 Krabby Patties.
  • Squidward: Okay. And would you like cheese on-- [he stops at a noise that sounds like someone extruding gas]
  • Customer: Do you...need a break or something?
  • Squidward: [nervously] What? Oh, no! Wha--? No-ho, that was not me, I swear. [sound repeats, the customer walks away with Squidward stuttering and begging nervously, Squidward walks into the kitchen where SpongeBob is unsuccessfully attempting to squeeze mustard onto a Krabby Patty] SpongeBob! [he snatches the mustard bottle from SpongeBob and opens the mustard bottle] It's empty! [he then shoves the mustard bottle into SpongeBob's eye] See empty!
  • SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, how do you know that? [Squidward takes the mustard bottle out of SpongeBob's eye]
  • Squidward: Well let's see, maybe 'cause I have a brain. [as he said this, he leans on the grill]
  • SpongeBob: Oh-uh, Squidward, the grill is on.
  • Squidward: Oh, really? And do you think that I don't know that this grill is... [he sees his hand burning on the grill and then screams, he then runs around SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: I gotta do something. [he removes the mop and then takes the bucket of water, Squidward runs to the right] Okay, Squidward, this should help. [SpongeBob turns the bucket sideways and is ready pour it on Squidward but accidentally spills the water, Squidward slips on the puddle of water and is flying in mid-air] Don't worry, Squidward, I'll catch you. [he got out his jellyfishing net and holds it up to catch Squidward, but Squidward goes in the net and hit's the wall snapping the net in the process, Squidward then falls in a deep fryer and is being fried, SpongeBob screams and goes over to deep fryer and picks up the net with Squidward in it, now Squidward looks like an ice cream cone when he's fried and we see a close up of the fried Squidward] I can fix this. [he runs but he accidentally trips on the mop that was on the floor, he hit's a tin cupboard and bounces off and slams into the counter, Squidward is sent flying and into a customer's Krabby Patty taking it's place, the customer takes a bite out of Squidward causing him and the customer to scream, Squidward jumps away and flies into the other direction, SpongeBob runs to intercept him] This time I got ya. [Squidward hits SpongeBob's face and bounces off and finally crashing into a soda dispenser, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs gasps, Squidward lies there muttering as the soda sprays on him, Mr. Krabs rushes near the mess]
  • Mr. Krabs: Me soda machine!!! [he starts crying]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, can you hear me? How many fingers am I... [Squidward smacks SpongeBob away and screams, then leaps behind table, destroying it] Squidward? [Squidward screams and whacks two customers away, he climbs up wall and looks down at floor]
  • Mr. Krabs: You really sent him over the edge this time.
  • SpongeBob: Technically, I drove him up the wall.
  • Narrator: One shift later...
  • Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob, I got a present for you.
  • SpongeBob: A present? For me?
  • Squidward: Now now. Calm down. I've should've given this to you a long time ago!
  • [Squidward knocks SpongeBob down and gives him the piece of paper]
  • SpongeBob: Wow Squidward! My very own...[Looks at the restraining order] restraining order. Uh...what is that?
  • Squidward: Perhaps my lawyers should explain. [points over to his lawyers Harry, Combover, and Bald]
  • Harry: We are the law offices of Harry, Combover, and Bald! Specializing in restraining order logical law and here to tell one Mr. Squarepants...
  • Harry, Combover, & Bald: YOU'VE BEEN SERVED!
  • Spongebob: Served? I don't understand. Squidward, what is these guys- [Before he can reach Squidward, he is stopped by Harry and Combover and Bald pushes Squidward further from him]
  • Bald: Per paragraph 3 of the restraining order, you may no longer speak to our client. [Draws a dot circle on the ground with chalk] Likewise, you may not come within 15 feet of Mr. Squidward at any time. Any infractions of these statues will result in SERIOUS JAIL TIME!
  • SpongeBob: Can you make Krabby Patties for loyal Krusty Krab patrons during "serious jail time"?
  • Bald: Huh? [Squidward whispers in his ear]
  • Squidward: And. [Back to whispering]
  • Bald: No.
  • SpongeBob: [screams] NO! I DON'T WANNA GO!
  • Combover: Well then, follow the guidelines we've explain and you won't have to.
  • SpongeBob: Uh, sirs? If I can't speak to or get within 15 feet of Squidward, how are we going to get anything done around here?
  • Harry, Combover, and Bald: THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM. [They all fly off]
  • SpongeBob: [Walks in front of the dotted line] Hmm...[Next scene to him cooking Krabby Patties and puts them on a long hand-made spatula made of wood and mops] Here we go! 3 Krabby Patties, 2 large Kelpy Colas, and 3 fries ready to be served. [Tries to give Squidward the order but he puts up a glass window] Hmm? [Carries the order on the hand-made spatula with stings and another piece of wood on the other side of Squidward also in front of the door. Mr. Krabs comes in and walks right into it and it knocks him on the ground] Oops! [Run over to Mr. Krabs] Sorry about that Mr. Krabs! It's just so hard to get this food to Squidward without violating this restraining order. [Shows him the restraining order]
  • Mr. Krabs: Let me see that! [Takes the restraining order and wipes the mustard off him then gives it back to SpongeBob] Thank you! Look boy, I don't know what in coral cabins what a restraining order is, but I do know whatever's going on here clearly ain't working. Now I want this ship sailing smoothly! On the double! Or I'll be forced to remove more gold stars from your employee performance chart! [Takes away a star from SpongeBob's Employee Chart]
  • SpongeBob: [screams] Think SpongeBob think! Gasp! I got it!
  • [Cuts to Patrick in the Krusty Krab]
  • Patrick: [Giggling and moves closer and closer to Squidward] Hehe.
  • Squidward: [Reading a book] Oh if I ignore it, maybe it will go away.
  • Patrick: [Still giggling] Hehe.
  • Squidward: I thought not [Closes the book] Oh-kay Patrick. WHAT? WHAT?! WHAT!
  • Patrick: [Still giggling] Notice anything... [Smacks Squidward's noise with the Krusty Krab hat he is wearing] Different? Huh? Huh? A hint! [Takes out a drawing held upside-down of the Krusty Krab hat pointing to it and his hat]
  • Mr. Krabs: Patrick! I am not NOT paying you to stand around and play guess what the idiot's thinking with Squidward! Get back to work!
  • Squidward: Yeah Patrick! Get back to...WHAT?!? WORK?!? Oh no! NO! NO! NO! Krabs! [Walks past SpongeBob who moves backwards then forwards] Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Why all the shivering of the timbers Mr. Squidward?
  • Squidward: Mr. Krabs! This will not stand!
  • Mr. Krabs: It'll stand. Oh, unless you want to talk with SpongeBob
  • [Squidward grunts angrily then bubble transition to a customer buying a Krabby Patty. Squidward hands Patrick the ticket and Patrick takes it to SpongeBob who then makes the Krabby Patties then hands it to Patrick. Patrick gives the order to Squidward who then gives it to the customer]
  • Squidward: What?
  • Patrick: Can I watch you work?
  • Squidward: No.
  • Patrick: Please? [This line is repeated several more times, as Squidward gets fed up with Patrick asking].
  • Squidward: No!
  • Patrick: Pretty please?
  • Squidward: No! NO! NO! NO! GRR! [Patrick continues to follow him] Go away Patrick! Go away Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! [Washes hands and Patrick appears in the mirror] Patrick! [Patrick touches his hat] Patrick! [Pushes button on cash register and Patrick appears] Patrick! [Starts walking with Patrick closely following him behind] Patrick! [Using the restroom with Patrick beside him] Patrick! [Starts sweating and shivering with Mr. Krabs now beside him]
  • Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward...
  • Squidward: [screams]
  • Mr. Krabs: Time for your break [Walks off]
  • Squidward: Ah...don't mind if I do. [Sits down] better way to spend a break with a little cool jazz. [Takes out the box that holds his clarinet and tries to play it but it isn't there] Huh?
  • Patrick: [Comes out of the restroom] Hi Squidward!
  • Squidward:
  • Patrick: I just finished cleaning the restroom!
  • Squidward: [Sarcastically] Ooh...that's great...
  • Patrick: I mopped the floors! I shined the mirrors! I scrubbed the sinks.
  • Squidward: [Sarcastically] Wonderful.
  • Patrick: Oh yeah! [Takes out Squidward's clarinet that is soaking wet] But we are going to need a new toilet plunger. This one's broken.
  • Squidward: PATRICK!!! [Takes back the clarinet and growls at Patrick which Mr. Krabs appears to see what is happening]
  • Mr. Krabs: Nice work, Patrick! Break time's over, Mr. Squidward.
  • Squidward: [Walks over to a customer] Welcome to the House of Misery. May I take your order...
  • Dave: Yes, I would like 2 Double Fried Kelp Fritters, 3 Krusty Krab Cream Filled Corals, and 4 Triple Fatty Krabby Patties. Is that too much?
  • Squidward: That depends...
  • Dave: Oh what?
  • Squidward: How long you want to live? [Laughs and walks right into Patrick]
  • Patrick: [Laughs as Squidward's noise is stuck in is mouth. Squidward tries hard to get his nose free and he does but goes flying in the process] Hah hah! Squidward's funny! [Looks down and picks up something] Hey, a button!
  • Gus: [Comes in holding a pie] Oh, Grammy. I brought your favorite: Seaberry pie. [Notices Squidward flying toward him] Yikes! [Runs away]
  • Squidward: [Crashes into the Seaberry Pie and then onto the window. Then tastes the pie] Seaberries? I'm allergic to...[Body and face puff up] Seaberries...That's it! I know what I must do! [Starts walking toward SpongeBob] SpongeBob!
  • Patrick: You're the prettiest button I've ever...[Spots Squidward] Huh? Monster!
  • Squidward: SpongeBob!
  • Patrick: It's after SpongeBob! [Pause and looks at the button] You're right button! No monster is going to eat our friend! [Jumps up high and yells; heads toward Squidward]  
  • Squidward: NO [several times]
  • [Patrick lands on Squidward and starts attacking him. They both head into the back where SpongeBob is then they start fighting]
  • SpongeBob: Oh no! My two best friends are fighting! [Takes out restraining order] But this restraining order says I can't get close enough to break it off! [Watches as Squidward squirts mustard at Patrick's face and Patrick then hits him with a spatula. They both continue to roll around and fight] I'm sorry restraining order! But my friends need me! [Screams and dives toward Squidward and Patrick and breaks up the fighting] STOP!!!
  • Squidward: [Notices the restraining order in SpongeBob's pocket and takes it] Give me that restraining order!
  • SpongeBob: AH!
  • Squidward: Alright, right, let's look at this.
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, please don't send me to jail!
  • Patrick: [Confused] Squidward? [Looks at his button] Did you know the monster was Squidward? Well when were you going to tell me?
  • SpongeBob: [Starts crying] I violated the restraining order! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
  • Squidward: Quit bellyaching and hand me a pen.
  • SpongeBob: [Cries] Here you go. [Hands him a pen then continues crying]
  • Squidward: Stop the waterworks! You're not going to jail.
  • SpongeBob: I'm not? [stops crying]
  • Squidward: No! I'm releasing you from this order. [Crosses out SpongeBob's name on the restraining order]
  • SpongeBob: Really, Squidward?
  • Squidward: ...And adding someone who is much more deserving!
  • Patrick: Sorry, button.
  • Squidward: No, Patrick! YOU!! [Shows the restraining order with "Patrick Star" now written on it]
  • Patrick: Oh!!! AH HAH HAH HAH HAH!
  • [The episode ends with Patrick still laughing hysterically]

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