"Professor Squidward" is a SpongeBob SquarePants episode from season six. In this episode, Squidward poses as Squilliam to teach a music class.
Squidward is disdainfully watching Squilliam play his clarinet at a concert. When Squilliam finishes, Squidward leaves, He also hears someone say "He's so good he doesn't even have to play to be good!" As he walks out of the recital hall, he is mistaken for Squilliam and is then offered to teach a music class, to which he accepts. Later, he comes to the music class wearing a wig, posing as Squilliam. He prepares his desk and a kid asks him if he's going to write his name on the board "like most professors do." Annoyed, Squidward tells the kid to write his name on the board. Shortly after that, Squidward discovers that SpongeBob and Patrick are in the music class he is teaching, which annoys him even more. SpongeBob and Patrick are then told that they are allowed to stay just as long as they behave themselves and keep quiet about Squidward's real name. Squidward starts teaching, but is interrupted by SpongeBob's laughter. When asked about it, SpongeBob tries to claim that Patrick was tickling his foot, though reveals that he was tickling his own foot. In order to avoid any more distractions, Squidward moves SpongeBob away from Patrick, but he keeps on laughing. When SpongeBob is told to stop tickling his foot, Patrick reveals that it really was hm that time, much to Squidward's surprise. Squidward starts teaching about musical scales by drawing lines on the chalkboard. Patrick then explains how they remind him of a railroad track he saw at a railroad convention last week, where he bought himself a conductor's hat. Then, he starts riding a mini train, only to get trapped in the trash can, though comes back inside a minute later. Then, Squidward starts teaching the class about metronomes, much to the interest of SpongeBob and Patrick (though SpongeBob mistook it for a garden nome). They start making a ticking noise and a news reporter suddenly comes in, wanting to do an interview with "Squilliam Fancyson", although he is soon more interested in Spongebob and Patrick and how they are in a trance. Squidward then angerly kicks him out after mentioning about possible paranormal activity and SpongeBob and Patrick stop ticking when the bell rings. They forget where they are and they start calling Squidward by his real name, which upsets the rest of the class and they start to leave. Squidward blocks the door with his body and crazily claims that no one is going anywhere. However, the police come in along with the news reporter, the music teacher, and Squilliam Fancyson himself. After noticing that Squidward does not have a unibrow, he is quickly arrested for "impersonating a genuis," leaving SpongeBob and Patrick alone with the metronome ticking and them, while in a trance, going "tick tick tick..." along with it.
|( ‣ ) Associated production music|
|( • ) Original music|
|( ◦ ) SpongeBob music|
• ? - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [title card]
‣ ? [exterior of recital hall]
‣ Dancing in Dreamland (a) - Ron Goodwin ["Thank you, thank you."]
‣ Hawaiian Link (b) - Richard Myhill ["All right, I've had enough."]
‣ Witty Fellow - Gerhard Trede [Squidward mistaken for Squilliam]
• ? - Nicolas Carr [exterior of prestigious music college]
• Light Conversation Harpsichord - Ron Wasserman [Squidward enters wearing a wig]
‣ Wooden Bear - Gil Flat, Tony Tape, Florian Voelxen [class begins]
‣ ? [SpongeBob and Patrick appear]
‣ ? [SpongeBob's muscular legs]
• Light Conversation Harpsichord - Ron Wasserman [SpongeBob interrupting Squidward]
• ? - Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob tickling himself]
• Light Conversation Harpsichord - Ron Wasserman [desks arranged in one row]
• ? - Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob interrupts again]
‣ Tympup A - Sammy Burdson, John Charles Fiddy [Squidward looks shocked]
• ? - Nicolas Carr [Squidward looks shocked]
‣ ? [Squidward writing on the chalkboard]
• ? - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Patrick's locomotive]
• ? - Jeremy Wakefield [taking out the trash]
• Light Conversation Harpsichord - Ron Wasserman ["Where were... we?"]
• Steel Sting - Jeremy Wakefield [metronome]
‣ Mists of Illusion - Gilbert Vinter [SpongeBob and Patrick hypnotized by the metronome]
‣ Dave Allen at Large - Alan Hawkshaw [news reporter appears]
‣ Tomfoolery - David Snell ["Please ignore them."]
• ? - Nicolas Carr [they snap out of it]
‣ ? ["You want to know what happened?"]
‣ Drama Link (g) - Hubert Clifford ["No! You're not going anywhere!"]
• ? - Jeremy Wakefield [cops arrive]
• Twelfth Street Rag - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Squidward arrested]
- This is the second time Squidward gets arrested. The first time was in Good Ol' Whatshisname.
- The real name for "impersonating someone" is identity theft.
- The plot of this episode is somewhat similar to the plot of Artist Unknown (Squidward teaches a class, to which, SpongeBob happens to apply). This time, SpongeBob is not the only student in his class and Patrick appears as well.
- At the beginning, that was Squidward in the same sweater he wore from "Snowball Effect".
- Although it was established in older episodes that Squidward's middle initial is J, in this episode, Squidward says it's Q.
- This is the second episode where the title card is written on the chalkboard. The first was New Student Starfish, the third will be Squidward's School for Grown Ups.
- It may or may not be a coincidence, but both this episode and its sister episode, Shuffleboarding, involve the law being broken in some sort of way.
- Squidward's middle initial Q stands for Quincy.
- Funny, Quincy is also the middle name of Denzel Crocker who is one of the main antagonists from the show The Fairly Oddparents.
- The Bikini Bottom Prestigious Music College head matron speaks with an off-Indian accent, and her friend speaks with an off-English accent.
- When the fish said he was commuting from upstate, it could possibly be a reference to Tom Kenny's hometown, Syracuse, New York, which is one of Upstate New York's major cities.
- When Squidward leaves the concert, he walks pass the music teacher and her friend. However, when the camera zooms in on them, Squidward is about to walk pass them when they mistaken him for Squilliam.
- When Billy writes his name on the board the curvy line is attached to the Y. Later, it is detached.