Pressure/transcript

Pressure
General
Season №:	2
Episode №:	32a
U.S. viewers (millions):	2.36
Airdate:	May 12, 2001
Chronology
Previous	"Squirrel Jokes"
Next	"The Smoking Peanut"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Pressure" from season 2, which aired on May 12, 2001.

• Sandy: [looking at the clouds] You know, SpongeBob, sometimes, it's nice to hang up my hang-glider and just watch the clouds roll by.
• SpongeBob: Yup, and just relax.
• Sandy: Yeah. Relax.
• SpongeBob: Ooh! Ooh! Do you know what that cloud looks like?
• Sandy: What?
• SpongeBob: A flower.
• Sandy: They all look like flowers, SpongeBob. All the time.
• SpongeBob: They sure do.
• Sandy: You know, normally, I'd offer to race you to the top of coral cliffs. But I don't want to miss out on a second of this beautiful beauty.
• SpongeBob: Me either. Who wants to get all dirty anyway?
• Sandy: Yeah. And sweaty. Besides, I think we'd all know who'd get to the top first.
• SpongeBob: Yeah.
• SpongeBob and Sandy: [both laugh] Me.
• SpongeBob: That's funny, Sandy. That sounded like you said you could beat me at a climbing contest.
• Sandy: Course I can! I'm a squirrel. See? [points to her acorn patch]
• SpongeBob: I thought that meant you were nuts.
• Sandy: Nope, that means I'm a natural born climber. I'm from the surface world, and nothing prepares you for climbing than growing up on good ol' dry land.
• SpongeBob: [laughs] Land-shmand, it's all about finger strength, baby, and if there's anything we've got plenty of down here, it's finger strength! [his fingers flex] What do you say to that, "Miss Mittens"?
• Sandy: I'd say I'm already halfway there!
• SpongeBob: Aaaaah! [begins to climb the mountain] No fair, Sandy! You got a head start!
• Sandy: Sorry, SpongeBob, that's the way the coral crumbles! [collapses the rock SpongeBob is climbing on]
• SpongeBob: Hey! [gets back on another rock] You did that on purpose!
• Sandy: Yeah, but this is an accident! [unleashes more rocks at him]
• SpongeBob: [screams]
• Sandy: Too bad you forgot your umbrella!
• SpongeBob: [holds on to an umbrella and floats up] ♪ I didn't! ♪ [laughing, reaches the top of the cliff]
• Sandy: [sitting in a lounge chair, reading a newspaper] Well, it's about time you showed up.
• SpongeBob: But you were... I saw you by the... I want a rematch! First one to the Krusty Krab is the winner!
• Sandy: Ain't no way a sea critter can run faster than a land critter.
• SpongeBob: I can underwater! I'm... [Low voice] Hydrodynamically designed! [Normal voice] Think you can win a fair race in that clunky tin tube?
• Sandy: Why don't you ask my behind! That is, if you can catch it! What do you say to that, HydroPants?
• SpongeBob: I'd say... I'm already halfway there! [zooms out to reveal a record player as 'halfway there' repeats three more times]
• Sandy: [gasps] Hey!
• SpongeBob: [running at the bottom of the mountain, laughing, hits a brick wall]
• Sandy: [jumps on SpongeBob's face and over the brick wall] Thanks for the face lift! [runs into the Krusty Krab, laughing] You see? I told ya you didn't have a chan-
• SpongeBob: [dressed as an old man] There you are! Ain't that just like a land creature to keep a sea creature [licks lips] waiting! [rips off suit, laughing]
• Sandy: I thought y'all wanted a rematch.
• SpongeBob: I did! And I took a head start like you did!
• Sandy: Well, I was just funning with you that time! But I guess all y'all underwater don't have to play fair!
• SpongeBob: I guess we don't, air breather!
• Sandy: Water sucker!
• SpongeBob: Tree climber!
• Sandy: Gulf streamer!
• SpongeBob: Kite flier!
• Sandy: Chum chewer!
• SpongeBob: [gasps] Take that back! You- [nervously] not wet person!
• Sandy: Aha! You can't even come up with another name! That proves it!
• SpongeBob: Proves what?
• Sandy: That land critters are better than sea critters!
• Patrick: [arrives] Better at what?
• Sandy: Oh, dern near everything, I guess. Cattle roping and pie eating and wood chopping and flying!
• Squidward: [also hits the scene] What's she blabbering about?
• Patrick: She says land creatures are best.
• Sandy: Only 'cause it's true! We're best at horse riding and fur styling and rowing. Y'all got us licked in swimming, but we've got corn shucking [Mr. Krabs joins SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward as well] and hay bailing and barn raising... and fishing!
• [SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs all gasp]
• Sandy: And name calling, for sure!
• Squidward: And drowning, don't forget drowning!
• SpongeBob: [laughing] Good one, Squidward! [jumps to high five Squidward, but freezes in midair] Woo!
• Squidward: Not on your life, sport. [SpongeBob falls]
• SpongeBob: I'll admit, you've got some pretty good moves. For a squirrel. [SpongeBob and the rest except Sandy start laughing until SpongeBob signals them to stop] But you're still just a land creature.
• Sandy: Squirrels can do anything they want to!
• Patrick: I bet they can't eat a Krabby Double Deluxe in one bite. [gulps a big patty down] Ah.
• Sandy: [reaches offscreen for the same big patty] Give me that. They don't call me Cheeks for nothing. [tries to eat it, but it splatters on her air helmet. Everyone, but Sandy, begins to laugh]
• Patrick: Thank you, thank you.
• Sandy: Well, that's just one thing.
• Mr. Krabs: Can you do this? [pops his eyestalks in and out of his head] Everyone in my family can do that.
• Sandy: [Tries to do it] Uh...uh...
• Squidward: How about this? [balances five spinning plates on a stick with his tentacles] Huh?
• SpongeBob: Can you reproduce by budding? [begins to do it] Can ya? Can ya? Can ya? Can ya?
• Sandy: No!
• SpongeBob: Most importantly...can you do this? [all except Sandy make their eyes big and round, and begin gasping three times without releasing any breath]
• Sandy: Well, what would I wanna do any of that dumb stuff for anyway?
• SpongeBob: Admit it, Sandy, you can't do anything us sea creatures can do. In fact, if it wasn't for that suit, you couldn't even live down here! [everyone but Sandy starts laughing]
• Sandy: Well, you don't... [all continue laughing] I don't need to... [all laughing harder] Grr... I'll show ya all! I don't need this suit! [rips off suit, and all gasp] And I don't need this helmet neither! [throws helmet to ground, releasing an air bubble]
• Mr. Krabs: Neptune preserve her!
• Squidward: How long can she stay like that?
• SpongeBob: I don't know!
• Patrick: Sandy's a girl?
• SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy. You sure proved us wrong. I guess land creatures are better. [bubbles rise from Sandy's lips] At least until they need to breathe... [he, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs chuckle while Sandy angrily squints one eye at them] Yep, won't be long now.
• Sandy: [starts struggling to hold her breath] Mm?
• SpongeBob: Feelin' light-headed yet?
• Sandy: [shakes her head] Mm-mm.
• SpongeBob: Remember this? [takes a deep breath in and out]
• Mr. Krabs: It's free! [also takes a deep breath in and out]
• Sandy: [Her face turns red as she starts to suffocate. An x-ray of her torso shows her insides, where her lungs shrivel up; her left lung breaks from her windpipe and falls to the bottom. She gasps, inhaling a large amount of water, looks around in a panic, runs to the counter, where she quickly digs through multiple objects, eventually puts her head into a pickle jar, and breathes heavily. All the others start laughing] Stop laughing at me!
• Mr. Krabs: I knew it! There was no way some "airhead" was gonna win anything against a water breather!
• Patrick: Airhead... [laughs. The top of his head deflates like a balloon] Huh? [puts thumb in mouth and blows. His head becomes round at the top]
• SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs: Sea creatures rule! Water! Water! Water!
• Sandy: All right, all right! You had your little laugh. But now it's my turn! Y'all think you're such hot stuff, don't ya?! Swimming around with your fancy gills and such. But none of you wetheads could last a minute on my turf. Dry land!
• Squidward: Do we have to wear pickle jars? [All, except Sandy, laugh]
• Sandy: Nope, nothing but the clothes on your backs.
• SpongeBob: One minute? No problem, Landy! [All but Sandy begin to laugh]
• Sandy: [all but her are still laughing, as she leads them all to an island rising out of the water from the seafloor, as they see the island, they stop laughing] Well? So are you going or not?
• SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs: [stammering] Uh, well, uh, uh, um...
• SpongeBob: Actually, you know, but...
• Squidward: We can't, uh...because...
• Mr. Krabs: We're late for, um...
• Patrick: Our fitting!
• Sandy: Oh, you mean for your chicken costumes?
• Patrick: [holding and eating popcorn] Hey! We are not chicken! [drops popcorn] Huh! My popcorn! [begins pecking at it like a chicken]
• SpongeBob: Yeah, we're not chicken, we'll do it. [looks at the water's surface and pokes his finger above the water] There. Mission accomplished.
• Sandy: Look. Unless you can stay above water for one measly minute, you forfeit the contest and prove that land creatures are better than sea creatures!
• SpongeBob: No way, San-day. We can take on your challenge!
• Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
• SpongeBob: We're not afraid of your dumb old land!
• Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
• SpongeBob: We're sea creatures!
• SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
• SpongeBob: Okay... Well, this is it.
• Mr. Krabs: Wait, boy! [gives him a glass of water] Make it last.
• SpongeBob: [drinks from it] Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Okay, here I go! [gasps out of water, He's now a real yellow kitchen sponge on a stick] Hey, this isn't so bad! We can do this! Hey, Patrick, come on up! The air is fine!
• Patrick: I'm gonna do it quick and get it over with. Cannonball! [jumps up out of the water. He's now a real pink starfish, missing his pants, on a stick] Hey, I lost my trunks! Hi, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: All right, Pat, you made it! Come on, Mr. Krabs! Up here!
• Mr. Krabs: All ashore that's going to shore, Mr. Squidward! Land ho! [runs up. he is a red rubber toy crab on a stick]
• SpongeBob: Looking good, Mr. Krabs!
• Patrick: Yeah! Yeah! Woo-hoo!
• SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward, you're missing all the dry. Come on, Squidward!
• SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs: [chanting] Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
• Squidward: Well, I'll do it. But I won't like it. [walks up. he is a puppet octopus with his eyes and big nose. All stop chanting] What?
• SpongeBob: Well, here we are. [all four are walking on the island]
• Squidward: This is pretty easy.
• Patrick: I may keep a second rock up here!
• Mr. Krabs: Once you get your land legs, it's not so bad!
• SpongeBob: We're the masters of land and sea! [a string puppet seagull lands in front of them] Hey, it’s a local! Hi, we're from underwater. Do you know Sandy Cheeks? [seagull looks at screen]
• Sandy: 3, 2, 1. Well, tan my fur. They made it! Better go congratulate 'em. [walks onto the island. She's now a real plush squirrel toy with a small, round plastic helmet on her head] SpongeBob! Patrick? Hmm, where'd those critters get to? [sees the seagull (and another) attacking all four of them; one of them is trying to eat Patrick, while the other is chasing SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward] Holy guacamole! You can't eat my friends, you rats with wings! Hiyah! [attacks the birds offscreen and feathers start flying. All five sink back down to the seabed, with Squidward upside-down.]
• SpongeBob: Uh, thanks for saving us, Sandy.
• Sandy: You know, everyone's best at something.
• SpongeBob: But no one's best at everything. Sorry I made you take off your helmet, Sandy.
• Sandy: Sorry I made you go up on dry land, SpongeBob.
• Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for feeling sorry for ourselves! Hip hip!
• All: Hooray!
• Mr. Krabs: Hip hip!
• All: Hooray!
• Mr. Krabs: Hip hip!
• Seagulls: [lying injured on the island with their feathers missing] Hooray.