Pranks a Lot/transcript

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• [at Palace of Pranks]
• SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, here it is. The Palace of Pranks. The greatest novelty shop in Bikini Bottom. All the greatest pranksters shop here. This is where I got my gag Seanut Brittle can! [shows a can of Seanut Brittle]
• Patrick: Oh boy, Seanut Brittle! Gimmie! [tries to open the can]
• SpongeBob: Patrick, wait, it's a booby trap, remember?
• Patrick: Nice try, SquarePants, but it's not gonna work this time. I'm gonna have some of your delicious Seanut Brittle! [he opens the can, and fake purple snakes pop out] Where's the Seanut Brittle?
• SpongeBob: [laughs] That gets funnier every time you say it, Patrick. Come on, let's go inside. [Patrick begins to cry]
• Patrick: Seanut Brittle? [SpongeBob enters and smells the air]
• SpongeBob: Ah...nothing compares to the smell of cheap plastic novelty items. Pranks, gags, and gross-out toys as far as the eye can see! [he walks down an aisle] Isn't it everything I said it would be, Patrick?
• Patrick: Hey, Seanut Brittle! [a bunch of fake snakes pop out] Oh, darn it, not again! [SpongeBob laughs]
• Frank: Good to see you, SpongeBob. How's my number-one customer doing?
• SpongeBob: Oh great, Frank. This is my friend Patrick. He wants to be come a prankster too.
• Frank: Well, pleasure to meet you, Patrick. [shakes Patrick hand but he has a buzzer so it shocks Patrick] That's your first lesson son, the granddaddy of all pranks. The joy buzzer.
• Patrick: I don't get it.
• Frank: You don't have to get it! The prank is for the enjoyment of the prankster.
• SpongeBob: You see, Patrick, Frank here is the master. I learned all I know about pranks from him. Ok, Frank, let's see what you've got.
• Frank: Well, this came in just this morning. [shows package of gum] Have some gum. [Patrick chews the gum but then his head explodes] Ha! Exploding chewing gum. Only $9.95.
• Patrick: [His head is gone] I don't get it.
• SpongeBob: What can we get for one dollar? [shows a real dollar]
• Frank: Well, one dollar will get you this fake gag dollar. [shows a fake dollar] Fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar.
• SpongeBob: What else have you got?
• Frank: A whoopie cushion?
• SpongeBob: Nah.
• Frank: Fake vomit!
• SpongeBob: No.
• Frank: Real vomit?
• SpongeBob: Ew! Don't you have anything good?
• Frank: Well, there is one prank that I've been saving for a real top of the line prankster. [Shows spray can] Invisible Spray!
• SpongeBob: Wow! Invisible Spray!
• Patrick: But I can see it.
• SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, just think of the pranks we could pull with this! [gives Frank some money]
• Frank: Good choice. Now be careful with that stuff, boys. It stains clothes.
• SpongeBob: Thanks, Frank! [SpongeBob & Patrick are now outside] Here it is, Patrick. The ultimate prank. Invisible Spray!
• Patrick: What are we gonna do with it?
• SpongeBob: I know! I know! We'll go spray the park bench and then sit on it, and when people walk by, we'll be floating in mid-air! [both think about sitting on an invisible bench, surrounded by people]
• Patrick: That's the ultimate prank! Good idea, SpongeBob! [gives a thumbs up]
• SpongeBob: Well, let's get started. [Patrick takes off his shorts]
• Patrick: OK, I'm ready.
• SpongeBob: Any particular reason you took your pants off?
• Patrick: Well, that stuff stains clothes, right?
• SpongeBob: That it does, Patrick, that it does! Good thinking. Here, hold this a second. [Patrick takes the can of spray while SpongeBob takes off his pants] Ok, Patrick, give me the can.
• Patrick: I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.
• SpongeBob: Patrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.
• Patrick: Yeah, but I said it was a good idea.
• SpongeBob: [takes the can] Give me that thing! [try to get the can to work but they spray their clothes on accident and those disappear]
• Patrick: Hey, the invisible spray works! [bus comes along]
• Tom: And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint. [a group of bus people laugh]
• SpongeBob: Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes! [Patrick sprays SpongeBob's hand and it disappears]
• Patrick: I gotta hand it to you, SpongeBob. You look kinda funny. [Patrick laughs]
• SpongeBob: Righty! Where are you? No one messes with Righty! [takes the spray can] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Patrick making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh? [Patrick takes the can]
• Patrick: Yeah. [sprays one of SpongeBob's eyes] I see what you mean! [SpongeBob takes a turn at the spray can]
• SpongeBob: No guts, no glory! [laughs]
• Narrator: Several bad puns later... [SpongeBob & Patrick are invisible]
• Patrick: Hey, I think this thing is empty!
• SpongeBob: Oh no, it can't be! How are we going to pull off the ultimate prank? Thanks a lot, Patrick, you used the last of it!
• Patrick: Hey, I think I found our pants. [rip] Oops! Here, these are yours.
• SpongeBob: Oh, forget the pants, Patrick. Let's get home and wash this paint off. [both start to walk off somewhere together]
• Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, do you know what time it is?
• SpongeBob: Oh sure, it's...half past invisible!
• Patrick: Gee, it's getting late. [they walk up to a stranger]
• SpongeBob: Let's ask this guy. Excuse me sir, but do you have the time?
• Nat: Sure. [looks at his watch] It's, uhh, ten to three.
• SpongeBob: Thank you.
• Nat: Don't mention it. [turns around to notice no one is there]
• Patrick: Don't mention what?
• Nat: Uhh, who said that?
• Patrick: Me. [he cries]
• Nat: Ghostzz [he runs away from them; his eyes pop out]
• Nat's eyes: Aaah!! [they jump into a car and drive away]
• Patrick: Hey, I'm no ghost! Well, the nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs.
• SpongeBob: Wait a second, Patrick. My brain just hatched an idea!
• Patrick: Lay it on me.
• SpongeBob: OK, we're invisible, right?
• Patrick: Yeah.
• SpongeBob: If that guy thought we were ghosts, we could haunt everybody in Bikini Bottom! Oh, it's the ultimate prank!
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Whoo! High five! [both give a high five]
• SpongeBob: Let's go scare us some suckers.
• [At Sandy's Treedome, she is reading a book until she hears a noise. She checks to see what it is, but nothing is there]
• Sandy: Well, that's funny. I thought I heard voices. Huh? I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table. And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday? And since when did I acquire all these portraits of Patrick?! [SpongeBob & Patrick are covered in some sort of sheets]
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh! We're ghosts! Ooh! [Sandy laughs]
• Sandy: I knew it was you guys! Alright, joke's over. Take off the sheets. [pulls off the sheets and notices there is nothing there.] It is ghosts! [Sandy goes into an acorn ship and presses a button that sends her back to Texas]
• SpongeBob: Boy, we really scared her! [leave Sandy's house]
• Patrick: Who's gonna be our next victim?
• SpongeBob: A better question would be, who isn't?
• [At Mrs. Puff's House]
• Mrs. Puff: Double Dark Deep-Sea Light Diet Cake! [laughs] You will soon be mine. [Cake is eaten out of nowhere. Patrick's face is covered in cake so he wipes it off and burps loudly.] Oh! [gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around] Ghosts!!
• [At Squidward's house, where he is painting]
• Squidward: Huh? [the paintbrush he was using is floating in the air and is painting where Squidward was a mustache under Squid's nose]
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh! [Squids run through a wall and send him back to California.]
• Squidward: Ghosts!! [shown citizen surfing as an invisible surfboard is surfing next to him]
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Cow-a-bunga!
• Bill: Ghosts! [screams while falling off the board.]
• Purple fish: Ghosts!
• Fred: Ghosts!
• Old Man: Ghosts!
• Francis: Ghosts!
• Fish: Toast!
• Harols: [sitting on the toilet] Ghosts!
• SpongeBob: [SpongeBob & Patrick are reading a newspaper] It's official! We're the greatest pranksters ever. The whole town thinks we're ghosts. [Patrick is holding his newspaper upside down]
• Patrick: Yeah.
• SpongeBob: There's only one guy left to scare, and we'll have pranked everybody in Bikini Bottom. [title of an article says 'Krabs Last To Be Haunted! Says, 'I ain't afraid of no ghosts'] Mr. Krabs... [Patrick's newspaper is upside down]
• Patrick: It says he isn't scared of ghosts.
• SpongeBob: We'll see about that!
• [At the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs is spying through some blinds]
• Mr. Krabs: Ghosts? Ha! I ain't afraid of no ghosts! Every sailor knows a ghost won't come near a fella as long as he's wearing his spotted neckerchief. [grabs a hankerchief] And his dried up Sea Leprechaun. [shows ashes of Leprechaun] And a bit of gold never hurt. [shows a gold necklace around Mr. Krabs neck that says 'Foxy'] But to be on the safe side, I'm also wearing me pants in a Maldon knot. [rope is attached] Got me shivering timber brace. And, the hairs on the back of me neck are taped down. And I'm all wrapped up in a suit of anti-ghost armor. And if none of this stuff works, I've got me secret weapon, the Specter Deflector! [shows a paddle with a ball on a string] So just try and get me, you ghosts! Bring it on. [lights black-out]
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh! Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: Wha...? [a couple things begin to float]
• SpongeBob: Krabs, we've come to haunt you! [hits a ball]
• Mr. Krabs: Stay back! I'm well armed.
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh!
• Mr. Krabs: I'm warning you!
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh! [a pair of scissors cuts the ball off the paddle Mr. Krabs was using]
• Mr. Krabs: Ooh...
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Boop!
• Mr. Krabs: Aaaaaaaaaaaaa..............
• Mr. Krabs: I gotta get out of here! [runs into a door]
• SpongeBob: You can't escape, Krabs. We've glued the door shut.
• Mr. Krabs: You'll never get me! [tries to run to the window but gets thrown back into a table]
• Patrick: Nice try, Krabs, but we replaced all the glass with rubber. [Mr. Krabs dives into the toilet but gets stuck]
• SpongeBob: Too late, Krabs. We've already Cloooggged All The Toooiiiiillleeeetttts! [shown all the stalls are stuffed with toilet paper. Mr. Krabs cowers in a corner]
• Mr. Krabs: Please, spirits, leave me be!
• Patrick: [laughs] We got him good, SpongeBob.
• SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick, I've got one more idea. [to Mr. Krabs] You're going to pay, Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: No, spirits, please! [dollar is floating]
• SpongeBob: Pay! Pay! [a lighted match almost lights up the dollar]
• Mr. Krabs: No! Don't burn me dollar! [takes a bucket of water and throws it at the dollar. The water drips on SpongeBob & Patrick making them appear slowly] Well well well, if it isn't SpongeBob and Patrick!
• SpongeBob: I know not these names which you speak!
• Patrick: Uhh, SpongeBob? SpongeBob, we're visible again.
• Mr. Krabs: So you two are the Bikini Bottom ghosts.
• SpongeBob: We're really sorry, Mr. Krabs. Please don't chop us into little pieces and eat them!
• Mr. Krabs: Hey, come on boys, I'm hip! I pulled my share of pranks when I was your age. Had me some laughs. That's what we did tonight, right? We had a good laugh. Come on, laugh with me! [all laugh] Uhh, any particular reason you boys are naked?
• SpongeBob: Yeah, the invisible paint stains clothes. [Mr. Krabs laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: Course it does! Well, you two better hurry home, before someone sees ya dude.
• SpongeBob: Yeah, I think I'd die of embarrassment if that happened.
• Patrick: Me too.
• Mr. Krabs: Woo, now we wouldn't want that, would we? It's getting late now. You two pranksters better get going.
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, thanks for being such a good sport.
• Mr. Krabs: Don't mention it.
• SpongeBob: That Mr. Krabs, always looking out for me. What a guy.
• Patrick: Yeah. [a white, round light shines on SpongeBob & Patrick]
• Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab presents.... Live Nude Pranksters! Starring the Bikini Bottom Ghosts. [everyone laughs and cheers as SpongeBob & Patrick try to cover up their body]
• SpongeBob: Patrick!
• Patrick: Yeah?
• SpongeBob: We should have bought the whoopie cushion!