[SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to the Palace of Pranks.]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, here it is, the Palace of Pranks, the greatest novelty shop in Bikini Bottom. All the greatest pranksters shop here. This is where I got my gag [The scene shows a close up of the can of Seanut Brittle.] seanut brittle can.
Patrick: Oh boy, Seanut Brittle--Gimmie!
[Patrick tries to open the can.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, wait, it's a booby trap, remember?
Patrick: Nice try, SquarePants, but it's not gonna work this time. I'm gonna have some of your delicious Seanut Brittle! [he opens the can and purple tubes pop out] Where's the Seanut Brittle?
SpongeBob:[laughs] That gets funnier every time you say it, Patrick. Come on, let's go inside.
[SpongeBob walks off screen.]
Patrick: [While beginning to cry] Seanut Brittle?
[SpongeBob enters the Palace of Pranks and smells the air.]
SpongeBob: Ah! [Patrick enters the scene.] Nothing compares to the smell of cheap plastic novelty items. [An aisle is shown.] Pranks, gags, and gross-out toys as far as the eye can see! [He walks down an aisle.] Isn't it everything I said it would be, Patrick?
Patrick:[in another aisle] Hey, Seanut Brittle! [Purple tubes appear popping above the aisle that Patrick is in.] Oh, darn it, not again!
[The scene only shows SpongeBob in his aisle. SpongeBob laughs. An old fish named Frank enters the scene.]
Frank: Good to see you, SpongeBob. How's my number one customer doing?
SpongeBob: Great, Frank. This is my friend Patrick. He wants to become a prankster too.
Frank:[Walking up to Patrick] Well, pleasure to meet you, Patrick. [shakes Patrick's hand, but Frank has a joy buzzer, so it shocks Patrick. Patrick screams and sucks on his hand. Frank laughs.] That's your first lesson son, the granddaddy of all pranks. The joy buzzer.
Patrick: I don't get it.
Frank: You don't have to get it. The prank is for the enjoyment of the prankster.
SpongeBob: You see, Patrick, Frank here is the master. I learned all I know about pranks from him.[SpongeBob and Patrick walk to the checkout counter and Frank is behind it.] Ok, Frank, let's see what you've got.
Frank: Well, this came in just this morning. [shows package of gum] Have some gum. [Patrick chews the gum but then screams as his head explodes.] Ha! Exploding chewing gum. Only $9.95.
Patrick:[His head is gone, leaving a neck bone in the shape of a femur] I don't get it.
SpongeBob: What can we get [SpongeBob takes out a dollar.] for one dollar?
Frank: One dollar will get you this fake gag dollar-- [He takes out a fake dollar] fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar.
SpongeBob: What else have you got?
[Frank holds up a whoopee cushion.]
Frank: A whoopee cushion.
[Frank holds up fake vomit.]
Frank: Fake vomit.
[Part of the counter is covered in real vomit.]
Frank: Real vomit?
SpongeBob: Eww! Don't you have anything good?
Frank: Well, there is one prank that I've been saving for a real top of the line prankster. [Shows close up of spray can] Invisible Spray!
SpongeBob: Wow, invisible spray!
Patrick: But I can see it.
SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, just think of the pranks we could pull with this.
[SpongeBob gives Frank some money.]
Frank: Good choice. Now be careful with that stuff, boys. It stains clothes.
SpongeBob: Thanks, Frank. [SpongeBob and Patrick walk off-screen. The scene changes to show SpongeBob and Patrick outside.] Here it is, Patrick. The ultimate prank-- invisible spray.
Patrick: What are we gonna do with it?
SpongeBob: I know! We'll go spray the park bench and then sit on it, and when people walk by, we'll be floating in midair.
[They both think about sitting on an invisible bench, surrounded by Nat, Tom, Tina-Fran, Horace, Halber, and Shelia.]
Nat: They're floating in midair!
Tina-Fran: How do they do that?
[The thought bubble disappears.]
Patrick: That's the ultimate prank! Good idea, SpongeBob!
[Patrick gives SpongeBob a thumbs up.]
SpongeBob: Well, let's get started.
[Patrick takes off his shorts.]
Patrick: OK, I'm ready.
[Patrick drops his pants on the ground.]
SpongeBob: Any particular reason you took your pants off?
Patrick: Well, that stuff stains clothes, right?
SpongeBob: That it does, Patrick, that it does. Good thinking. Here, hold this a second. [Patrick takes the can of spray while SpongeBob takes off his pants. Patrick hugs the can.] Ok, Patrick, give me the can.
Patrick: I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.
SpongeBob: Patrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.
Patrick: Yeah, but I said it was a good idea!
SpongeBob: Give me that thing.
[SpongeBob grabs the can and he and Patrick wrestle over it. SpongeBob accidentally sprays their clothes and they disappear]
Patrick: Hey, the invisible spray works!
[a tour bus drives up.]
Tom: And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint!
[The passengers laugh and Tom laugh. The bus drives off. SpongeBob covers his lower half]
SpongeBob: Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes!
[SpongeBob pats the ground, trying to grab the clothes. Patrick sprays SpongeBob's right hand and it disappears]
Patrick: I gotta hand it to you, SpongeBob. You look kinda funny.
[Patrick laughs and SpongeBob screams.]
SpongeBob: Righty, where are you? [Patrick laughs again.] No one messes with Righty! [He takes the spray can with his invisible hand.] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Patrick making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh?
[Patrick takes the can.]
Patrick: Yeah. [He sprays SpongeBob's upper left corner.] I see what you mean.
[SpongeBob takes the spray can and sprays Patrick's lower half.]
SpongeBob: No guts, no glory!
[SpongeBob laughs. A time card that reads, "Several bad puns later" appears.]
Narrator: Several bad puns later...
[The scene returns to SpongeBob and Patrick, now invisible. Patrick shakes the can.]
Patrick: Oh hey, I think this thing is empty.
[SpongeBob grabs the can and shakes it.]
SpongeBob: Oh, no, it can't be! How are we going to pull off the ultimate prank? Thanks a lot, Patrick. You used the last of it.
[SpongeBob throws the can far away.]
Patrick: Hey, I think I found our pants. [A ripping noise is heard.] Oops! Here, these are yours.
SpongeBob: Oh, forget the pants, Patrick. Let's get home and wash this paint off.
[SpongeBob and Patrick walk off somewhere.]
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, do you know what time it is?
SpongeBob: Oh sure, it's...half past invisible.
Patrick: Gee, it's getting late.
[They walk up behind Nat.]
SpongeBob: Let's ask this guy. Excuse me sir, but do you have the time?
Nat: Sure. [looks at his watch] It's, uh, ten to three.
SpongeBob: Thank you.
Nat: Don't mention it.
[Nat turns around to notice there is seemingly no one there.]
Patrick: Don't mention what?
Nat: Uh, who said that?
[Nat runs away from them; his eyes pop out. His eyes scream, jump into a car and drive away.]
Patrick: Hey, I'm no ghost! The nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs.
SpongeBob: Wait a second, Patrick, my brain just hatched an idea.
Patrick: Lay it on me.
SpongeBob: OK, we're invisible, right?
SpongeBob: If that guy thought we were ghosts, we could haunt everybody in Bikini Bottom. Oh, it's the ultimate prank.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo! High five!
[They give each other a high five]
SpongeBob: Let's go scare us some suckers!
[The scene changes to show Sandy's Treedome. The scene then shows her reading a book in a rocking chair in her tree. She hears a noise, which is SpongeBob and Patrick's laughter. She checks to see what it is, but there is supposedly nothing there. She gets up and goes to her window.]
Sandy: Huh? [the outside of her tree is shown.] Well, that's funny, I thought I heard voices. Huh? [She walks up to a glass of juice on the floor.] I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table. [She walks over to a table with a lamp covered in garbage.] And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday? And since when did I acquire all these portraits of Patrick?
[Photos of Patrick are on the walls and tables, the rug has his face on them. Sandy turns around and sees SpongeBob and Patrick covered in white sheets over their head as they wail.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: We're ghosts.
[SpongeBob and Patrick wail again. Sandy laughs.]
Sandy: I knew it was you guys! Alright, joke's over. Take off the sheets. [She pulls off the sheets and notices there is nothing there. She gasps.] It is ghosts!
[Sandy screams. She takes out a remote with a large red button. She pressed the button and an escape pod that is in the shape of an acorn appears out of some panels. She enters the escape pod and presses a button. The escape pod flies out of her dome, above the water, past the Bikini Bottom island, and lands in Texas. The escape pod explodes in Texas. SpongeBob and Patrick leave Sandy's house, laughing.]
SpongeBob: Boy, we really scared her!
[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.]
Patrick: Who's gonna be our next victim?
SpongeBob: A better question would be, "Who isn't?"
[The scene changes to show Mrs. Puff's House where she is preparing to eat a piece of cake.]
Mrs. Puff: Double-dark deep-sea light diet cake! [laughs] You will soon be mine. [Patrick and possibly SpongeBob eats/eat the cake, making it look like ghosts have eaten it. Patrick's face is covered in cake. He wipes it off and burps loudly.] Oh! [gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around] Ghosts!
[Her deflated body lands on the table. The scene changes to show Squidward painting and humming to himself at his house. SpongeBob and/or Patrick takes the paintbrush, making it look like it is floating in mid air.]
[SpongeBob and/or Patrick paint(s) a mustache under Squidward's nose. The two wail ghostly. Squidward crashes through the wall and runs away.]
[The scene changes to show Bill surfing at Goo Lagoon. SpongeBob and Patrick surf up to Bill, making it look like a surfboard is on a wave by itself.]
SpongeBob and Patrick:[Speaking in a ghostly voice] Cowabunga!
[Bill screams while falling off the board.]
[Debbie appears waving her arms wildly.]
[Fred appears with his eyes bugging out of his head.]
[Lonnie appears, scared with arms on his head.]
[Francis appears in a sort of screaming position.]
[Sandals appears holding a piece of toast.]
[Harold appears sitting on the toilet, appearing freaked out.]
[SpongeBob and Patrick are reading newspapers. SpongeBob laughs.]
SpongeBob: It's official-- we're the greatest pranksters ever. The whole town thinks we're ghosts.
[Patrick is holding his newspaper upside down]
SpongeBob: There's only one guy left to scare, and we'll have pranked everybody in Bikini Bottom-- [An article is shown it reads, "Krabs Last To Be Haunted! says, 'I ain't afraid of no ghosts'"] Mr. Krabs.
[The same article is shown on Patrick's paper, but it is upside down.]
Patrick: It says he isn't scared of ghosts.
[SpongeBob is "shown"]
SpongeBob: We'll see about that!
[The scene changes to show the Krusty Krab at night. Mr. Krabs peers out of the blinds.]
Mr. Krabs: Ghosts? Ha! I ain't afraid of no ghosts! Every sailor knows a ghost won't come near a fella as long as he's wearing his spotted neckerchief... [grabs a handkerchief] And his dried-up sea leprechaun. [shows ashes of the sea leprechaun] And a bit of gold never hurt. [shows a gold necklace around Mr. Krabs neck that reads, "Foxy"] But to be on the safe side, I'm also wearing me pants in a melvin knot, [his underwear is strung up with rope] got me shivering timber brace, [shows his ankles chained together] and the hairs on the back of me neck are taped down. [a strip of duct tape covers the hair. Mr. Krabs is shown wearing a barrel and a headpiece with lanterns hung on it.] And I'm all wrapped up in a suit of anti-ghost armor. And if none of this stuff works, I've got me secret weapon—the specter deflector! [holds up a paddle ball] So just try and get me, you ghosts! Bring it on.
[The lights black turn off. SpongeBob and Patrick wail ghostly.]
SpongeBob and Patrick:[As they open the front door] Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Wha?
[SpongeBob and Patrick toss over a table and barrel. They pick up a barrel and a table to make it look like they are floating.]
SpongeBob: Krabs, we've come to haunt you.
[Mr. Krabs uses the specter detector (paddle ball) by bouncing the stringed ball back and forth from the paddle board.]
Mr. Krabs: Stay back, I'm well-armed!
[SpongeBob and Patrick moan ghostly. SpongeBob and Patrick walk by with a barrel, making it look like it is floating by. Mr. Krabs hits the ball faster. SpongeBob and Patrick moan ghostly once again.]
Mr. Krabs: I'm warning you!
[SpongeBob and Patrick moan. SpongeBob or Patrick stops the ball. SpongeBob or Patrick then cuts the string.]
Mr. Krabs:[shivering] Ooh!
SpongeBob and Patrick:[Quietly] Boo.
[Mrs. Krabs breaks out of his armor and screams.]
Mr. Krabs: I gotta get out of here!
[He runs to the doors, but they don't open.]
SpongeBob: You can't escape, Krabs. We've glued the door shut.
[The door is held closed with a long strip of glue. The scene shows the side of the Krusty Krab.]
Mr. Krabs:[off-screen] You'll never get me!
[Mr. Krabs tries to break through the window, but gets thrown back into a table]
Patrick: Nice try, Krabs, but we replaced all the glass with rubber.
[Mr. Krabs dives into the toilet but gets stuck. He pulls himself out and sits on the floor dazed]
SpongeBob: Too late, Krabs, we've already clogged all the toilets. [The toilet is stuffed with toilet paper. Mr. Krabs cowers in a corner.]
Mr. Krabs: Please, spirits, leave me be.
Patrick:[while Mr. Krabs is incoherently begging for his life] We got him good, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob:[while Mr. Krabs is incoherently begging for his life] Wait, Patrick, I've got one more idea. [to Mr. Krabs] You're going to pay, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs:[shaking with fear] No, spirits, please!
[a dollar floats in the air]
Mr. Krabs: No!
SpongeBob:[high-picthed] Pay! [lights a match]
Mr. Krabs: No! Don't burn me dollar! [He takes a bucket of water and throws it at the dollar. The water drips on SpongeBob and Patrick, making them reappear. They laugh, not noticing they're visible.] Well, well, well, if it isn't SpongeBob and Patrick.
SpongeBob:[wiggling his arms and legs like a ghost] I know not these names of which you speak.
[Patrick looks down and notices that he is visible.]
Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob. SpongeBob, we're visible again. [SpongeBob looks down, then he and Patrick scream and cover their lower halves. Mr. Krabs lifts them up by the back of their necks as they try to run.]
Mr. Krabs: So you two are the Bikini Bottom ghosts.
SpongeBob: We're really sorry, Mr. Krabs. Please don't chop us into little pieces and eat 'em.
[Mr. Krabs puts them down.]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, come on boys, I'm hip! I pulled my share of pranks when I was your age. Had me some laughs. That's what we did tonight, right? We had a good laugh. Come on, laugh with me. [They all laugh.] Uh, any particular reason you boys are naked?
SpongeBob: Yeah, the invisible paint stains clothes.
[Mr. Krabs laughs]
Mr. Krabs: Of course it does. Well, you two better hurry home before someone sees ya nude.
SpongeBob: Yeah, I think I'd die of embarrassment if that happened.
Patrick: Me too.
Mr. Krabs: Woo, now we wouldn't want that, would we? It's getting late now. You two pranksters better get going.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, thanks for being such a good sport.
Mr. Krabs:[off-screen] Don't mention it.
[SpongeBob and Patrick walk into the dining area.]
SpongeBob: That Mr. Krabs, always looking out for me. What a guy.
[a white, round light shines on SpongeBob and Patrick. The scene pans out to show a crowd of people consisting of: Tom, Bill, Mrs. Puff, Sandy, Squidward, Horace, Harold, Nathiel Waters, the red shirt Frank, Jimmy-Gus, Sadie, Nat, Nazz-Mimi, Purple Scooter, Dennis Rechid, Martin, an anchovy, two Frankie Billys, Clay, and Franco.]
Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab presents... live nude pranksters! [He is shown shining the light on them from the crow's nest] Starring the Bikini Bottom Ghosts!
[Nat, Sadie, Harold, Martin, Abigail Marge, and Frank are shown cheering. SpongeBob and Patrick scream while trying to cover themselves up. Mr. Krabs laughs teasingly. Sandy whistles at them as Mrs. Puff takes a picture. Squidward laughs. SpongeBob and Patrick keep trying to cover themselves.]
SpongeBob:[Scene cuts to the outside of the Krusty Krab] We should have bought the whoopee cushion! [SpongeBob lets out a crying yell as the episode ends. Person whistles in cheers.]