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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Plankton Retires" from season ten, which aired on March 25, 2017.
  • TV Announcer: We interrupt this program to bring you a Bikini Bottom News Flash!
  • [Robotic seahorse races out of the Chum Bucket, controlled by Plankton. Robotic horse neighs.]
  • Plankton: Whoa, big fella!
  • Perch Perkins: Mr. Plankton, we've received a word that you're plotting to infiltrate the Krusty Krab and steal the Krabby Patty secret formula. [shoves Plankton a microphone to speak to] Is that true?
  • Plankton: [thinks for a while] Actually, yes, that is true. I've got it all worked out. [shows point-of-view of the cameraman] First I break into the safe, and... [looks back] Huh? Wait, is this live?
  • Perch Perkins: Yes!
  • [Cameraman moves closer to Plankton. Plankton gets angry and uses a lever to eject a springing punchfist.]
  • Plankton: Don't broadcast my secret plans! They're secret! [cameraman appears again. Plankton slams his head onto the camera screen.] I will destroy all of you! [cameraman's camera cuts]
  • [Plankton respires very quickly. He then wears a cowboy hat.]
  • Plankton: Secret formula, ho! [whips Robot Seahorse and it races to the Krusty Krab.]
  • [Arrives at the Krusty Krab. Plankton ties it to the Krusty Krab sign to park his Robot Seahorse.]
  • Plankton: [Texas accent] I reckon that classified taste mixture will be in my hands directly. [spits into a golden pot]
  • [Plankton walks to the Krusty Krab. Robot Seahorse sneezes a metal nut, which happens to crush Plankton, landing into the gold pot. Plankton gets up, shown with a squashed, hexagon-shaped head.]
  • Plankton: [spits] Ow! [shakes his head quickly. Stares through the Krusty Krab door to see Mr. Krabs' office with an open vault and exposed Krabby Patty Secret Formula. Laughs evilly] The fool! He left the safe open! [presses a button to make his rocket missile appear. It blasts off randomly, but soon moves straight toward the Krusty Krab.]
  • Plankton: Open for business, baby! [zooms past the customers in the Krusty Krab, then crashes into a paper drawing of the vault.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [cheeky laugh. Jumps out of his desk, tears off paper] Gotcha! [rolls paper into a scroll]
  • [Mr. Krabs puts salt on the paper and feeds it to the robot seahorse.]
  • Plankton: Urrgh!
  • [Mr. Krabs laughs and goes back inside the restaurant. The scene changes to Plankton watching Mr. Krabs making a delivery with his Krusty Katering truck.]
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm off to make a delivery. [enters the truck and drops one of the patties]
  • Plankton: Ha, that fool!
  • [Plankton runs out of the Chum Bucket, picks up the fallen patty, and takes it to his laboratory. Plankton begins analyzing it with his microscope.]
  • Plankton: And the Krabby Patty is made of...
  • [Karen removes the bun and hordes of sea urchins come out.]
  • Plankton: Urchins!
  • Karen: Ew! Ew! [runs away]
  • Mr. Krabs: [appears on his analyzer] Gotcha! [laughs]
  • [The urchins cover up Plankton's lab. The scene changes to Plankton flying to the Krusty Krab with his antennas acting as propellers. He snatches a patty from a customer.]
  • Plankton: Yoink!
  • Customer: Huh?
  • Plankton: [laughs] Yes!
  • Mr. Krabs: Pull!
  • [SpongeBob pulls the lever and activates the catapult.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Yee-haw! [laughs and grabs the patty]
  • [Plankton falls to the ground. Mr. Krabs lands safety like a plane.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Gotcha! [laughs]
  • [The scene changes to Plankton drilling a hole behind the safe with his laser. Mr. Krabs takes the formula and stuffs the safe with a jellyfish hive. Plankton opens the hole and gets stung by jellyfish.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Gotcha.
  • [The scene changes to Plankton hiding in a barrel seat. He sees a customer going to sit at his table and jumps into his pocket. Plankton jumps into the customers drink and gets slurped into his body.]
  • Plankton: Whee! [lands in the customer's stomach] Come to daddy, patty!
  • [The customer eats the patty. Plankton catches the patty and laughs.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [appears in the customer's stomach as well] Gotcha. [laughs]
  • [Mr. Krabs takes the patty out of the customer's stomach. Plankton becomes enraged and is fed up with his failures. He stomps on his antennas in frustration. The scene cuts back to the Chum Bucket.]
  • Plankton: Oh, Karen, he covered me in urchins, fed me to a seahorse, and stung me to death! I fly through the air, he flies through the air! I hide in a stomach, he hides in a stomach! I have had enough!
  • Karen: Oh, I think someone needs their ba-ba. [feeds Plankton a bottle of milk] There, isn't that better?
  • Plankton: [throws bottle away] No, Karen! That's just not gonna work anymore! Don't you see? We're done here.
  • Karen: He said for the 9 billionth time. You know, Sheldon, if I had a dime for every time you... [gets unplugged by Plankton]
  • [Plankton claps his hands to turn off the lights. He walks out of the Chum Bucket with a phonograph. He plays the record with the song, "Taps." He pushes the button on the remote and the Chum Bucket's hand buries the restaurant. The hand waves good-bye to Plankton and disappears. Plankton puts a sign that says, "Gone Retirin'" on the shovel and moves out with his suitcase. Mr. Krabs is washing the windows with SpongeBob at the Krusty Krab.]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, did you see that? Plankton is retiring.
  • Mr. Krabs: I'll believes it when I sees it.
  • [A bus pulls over and picks up Plankton. Plankton tosses a coin into the coin dispenser. He sheds a tear just as the bus drives away.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [takes out a fishing pole] Hey, ha ha! [hooks onto the bus] All hands on deck, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Aye-aye, Mr.—Whoa!
  • [Mr. Krabs grabs SpongeBob and uses him as a water ski just as the bus drags them away.]
  • SpongeBob: Aw, you want to say good-bye to Plankton, you old softy you.
  • Mr. Krabs: That'll be the day! I don't trust Plankton as far as I throw him! That's why we're gonna shadow that little twit and find out what he's up to!
  • French Narrator: 82 kilometers later...
  • [The bus stops near a sign that says, "Dullsville."]
  • SpongeBob: "Welcome to Dullsville, a charmingly boring..."
  • Mr. Krabs: [shuts SpongeBob's mouth] Snap your trap, boy-o! You'll blow our cover!
  • [Plankton is seen shopping at Dullsville's shopping center.]
  • Plankton: A new life in a new town! [laughs evilly]
  • [Plankton enters the shoe store. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are disguising as an elderly couple and watches Plankton.]
  • SpongeBob: I still don't see Plankton doing anything wrong. Maybe he really is retiring.
  • Mr. Krabs: Believes it when I sees it.
  • [They put their masks on as Plankton comes out with his new pair of shoes. He walks off with his shopping cart.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Quick, boy, he's getting away!
  • [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob jump out of their costumes. A mother and her son come by and sees the costumes flutter down. They scream in terror and run away. The scene changes to Plankton arriving at a retirement home called, "Dullsville Senior Living." He enters the retirement home and rings the bell at the reception area.]
  • Clerk: Yes?
  • Plankton: I'd like a room, please.
  • Clerk: Very good, sir. [grabs Plankton and writes down on clipboard, thinking he's a pen] How long will you be staying with us?
  • [The clerk drops Plankton and grabs a real pen.]
  • Plankton: Forever. [An old man's squishes Plankton with his walker and proceeds to smear him on the floor while Plankton yells.]
  • [Plankton enters his room with his stuff.]
  • Plankton: And so begins my retirement! [laughs manically]
  • [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are clinging on the ceiling fan.]
  • Mr. Krabs: You see there, lad? Plankton is up to no good! I bet those are all the fixings for another evil lab.
  • SpongeBob: [his skin turns green] Mr. Krabs, I'm gonna be sick.
  • Plankton: [laughs as he unpacks his boxes] Yes! [puts on belt] Yes! [laughs]
  • Mr. Krabs: You see? He's got an evil belt to match those evil shoes!
  • [Plankton unpacks another box and breaks a pair of glasses in half. He combs his antenna. He removes his eyebrow and replaces it with tape to look like an old retired man. He looks at himself in the mirror.]
  • Plankton: Yes! My plan is almost complete! [laughs manically]
  • Mr. Krabs: His plan! [shakes SpongeBob] Did you hear that, SpongeBob? He said, "plan!"
  • SpongeBob: Uh, please don't shake me, Mr. Krabs.
  • [Plankton opens his chair.]
  • Plankton: Oh, my pretty. You'll be my best friend from now on. [laughs] Retirement is mine! Mine! Mine! [laughs manically]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ooh, this is it, boy-o. He's got an evil laser death apparatus contraption ready to spring on all of us!
  • [Plankton stops laughing. He jumps on the chair, grabs some popcorn and goes to watch television. The ceiling fan cracks.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ooh.
  • [The fan breaks and falls off the ceiling, sending SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs crashing on top of Plankton.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Now that I sees it, I believes it.
  • SpongeBob: Hurray! I knew you'd get it, Mr. [gets sick] Krabs! [runs into the bathroom and throws up]
  • Plankton: Krabs?! What are you doing in my hotel room?!
  • Mr. Krabs: [stammers] Oh. [shakes hands with Plankton] Good luck on your retirement, Plankton. I won't give you any more trouble.
  • Plankton: Oh, I know you won't, Krabs, because I'm at the Krusty Krab right now stealing that formula.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh-oh, sure. Whatever you say, old-timer. How would you be doing that when you're all the way over here in Dullsville, hmm?
  • Plankton: [laughs] Because I'm a decoy look-alike robot!
  • [Plankton rips off his skin to reveal that he is a robot.]
  • Robot Plankton: Gotcha! [laughs]
  • [SpongeBob comes back out from the bathroom.]
  • SpongeBob: [sighs] So what'd I miss?
  • Both: What?!
  • [Meanwhile, back at the Krusty Krab, the real Plankton is sneaking into Mr. Krabs' office.]
  • Plankton: [through walkie-talkie] That's right, Karen. By the time those two knuckleheads figure it out, I'll be knee-deep in secret formula. [laughs] Yes, I'll wear my galoshes. Gotta go.
  • [Plankton jumps onto the safe, puts some explosive clay on it, and molds it into the shape of Mr. Krabs.]
  • Plankton: In your face, Krabs! Ha!
  • [Plankton blows up the safe and grabs the formula. He bumps into Mr. Krabs.]
  • Plankton: Krabs? SpongeBoob? W-w-why aren't you in Dullsville?
  • Mr. Krabs: We never left, Sheldon. The Mr. Krabs and SpongeBoob who followed the robot you to Dullsville were also robots. Gotcha! [laughs]
  • Plankton: [grumbles] Hate! Hate! [bangs his head against the floor] Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate!
  • [Back at the Dullsville's Senior Living, the robot Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob reveal themselves as robots to the robot Plankton.]
  • Robot SpongeBob: So the way I see it, Mr. Krabs and Plankton are just using us as pawns in their dumb secret formula war.
  • Robot Plankton: Agreed.
  • Robot Mr. Krabs: Yeah, I mean, who cares if that guy steals the secret formula anyway? Grow up, that's what I say.
  • Robot Plankton: Agreed.
  • [Cuts back at the Krusty Krab.]
  • Plankton: So you're the real Krabs and SpongeBob. [grabs formula] Gimme that! [runs off]
  • Both: Ooh. [yells]
  • [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob chase Plankton around the restaurant. As they chase, they started a brawl, which gets all of the customers and Squidward involved. During the brawl, the phone rings.]
  • SpongeBob: [answers the phone] Hello? Krusty Krab, may I take your order? No, Mr. Krabs is unable to come to the phone right now. He's trapped under a dust cloud brawl. Yeah, he'll have to call you back. [hangs up the phone] Gee, I hope our robot look-alikes are okay. Bless their heart-like pneumatic pumps.
  • [The robot SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Plankton look-alikes are having a fun time together. They chew on nuts and bolts, eat a car engine, play on the playground, play volleyball and soak up in a hottub. They stand on the Dullsville sign.]
  • Robot Plankton, Robot SpongeBob, and Robot Mr. Krabs: Yay! [explode]

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