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Plankton: [Curtains Opens] Well, here it is, the Krusty Krab. The reasons of my nightmare and despair. Yep, it's SpongeBob SquareHead, my least favorite idiot. [SpongeBob sweats] Yuck. [Shows up Squidward] Blecch, it's that squiddy thing with the tentacles. That guy is creeping me out. Will you look at that 2 loafers? Disgusting. I tell you, [Climbs the chair] I never been to the Krusty Krab, [Bounces] Open 24 hours a day, 7 days or weeks for the holidays in during disasters. [Show up Krabs] KRABS!!! UGH, How I hate you. I bet he never hears me and I get the peace of my mind, brother and I throw my mind into my brain because I get the Krabby Patty Formula for sure. He keeps it in the safe, you know. Show us the safe! SHOW US THE SAFE!!! [Shows melted shoes] Yeah, they won't show you that. that's a big secret.
Squidward: The fan stopped--
(Cuts to the beach)
Plankton: The BEACH?! (Moans) I hate this already. Nobody goes to the beach anymore. Eeh, I'm Eugene Krabs, Listen to that yammering about that when you get the stunts... [Shows Krabby Patty] OOH! A Krabby Patty! I should be recording this—Where did I put that camera? Oh, no, I'M MISSING IT!!! Once again, foiled by my own brain. Thanks a lot, brain, you really came through!
Squidward: I told you.
Plankton: Oh, yeah get to the talking squirrel thing. This is not entertainment. Go back to the krabby patty! GO BACK NOW OR I'LL DESTROY THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY!!! Nobody listens to me.
Mr. Krabs: ...Get off me wave!
Sandy: Cowabunga! (Surfs away)
Squidward: What next?
Plankton: [Jumps patrick over the water] AAAHH!!! A SHARK!!! Pink shark? Oh, it's Patrick, the idiot best friend with that idiot SpongeBob who works with that idiot Krabs from the idiot Krusty Krab with that idiot safe... And the idiot secret formula waiting for idiot me to TAKE IT! Well, that don't work.
SpongeBob: That's a good one, Patrick! "On Board!" WHOA-WHOA-WHOA!!!
Mr. Krabs: Careful!
Plankton: [Evil Laugh] Yeah, Capsize them. Look at that seastar, he got it on his face. Like 1 time.
Plankton: [Evil Laugh] CHAOS!!! DESTRUCTION AND SCREAMING just like mom used to make. [Evil Laugh] LOVE IT!!!
[Cuts to Island]
Plankton: Well, for a matter of fact, here comes the hippies. [SpongeBob dragging seaweed from the ground making square] The nerve of that sponge dragging the poor seaweed under the ground. It might get infections, too, you know.
Twitch: Hey there, home dads.
Twitch: Welcome to...
Plankton: Beach-combing, long-haired dimwits.
Twitch: ..Kimoswabey, Island. Although we are prefer to as... Island.
Plankton: Boy, this story's keeping dumber and dumber, and they will never do.
Awesome Eddy: And waves.
Twitch: Mysterious waves.
Plankton: Om, I wish I have the Krabby Patty again, om..
Twitch: This is Awesome Eddy...
[Cuts to wave]
All: AAAHH!!! [Almost nailed by those boards]
Plankton: Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Look at that. He almost got nailed by those boards. This is funny, i'm gonna write that down. "Nailed, by, those, boards." And I am gonna write a joke book full of zingers, stingers and headlines. It's called "Plankton's Punch Lines." Watch this. "If someone slips on a banana peel, Wouldn't that be more a-peeling?" [Laugh] That's funny, anyways. That's called a PUNCH! That kind a wise-cracking me up a bit so I can get to the Krabby Patty. Speaking of which, How come they have a Krabby Patty in a while-- WHAT'S THE HOLD UP?! [Squidward's surprised face. Big G Coughs before A Eddy says "What's that?" then Big G coughs again.] Hey, that's not funny at all, this guy is sick.
Awesome Eddy: Oh, no. There's no way, dude. He'd never do it.
Plankton: This guy needs a doctor because he get an infection. In fact, they have germs all over me, I can feel it. And now i'm sick.
[Cuts to Jack Kahuna Laguna (JKL)]
Plankton: GOOD HEAVENS, WHO'S THAT?! Because there's a weirdo behind it. All we have is another idiot is getting more scream time than the rest. WHEN DOES IT END?!
SpongeBob: Will you teach us how to surf, O Great One, so we may get back home?\
Plankton: That guy's a peace of work.
Squidward: Look, surf boy! Are you gonna teach us how to surf, or do we have to stand there and stare--
Plankton: Exactly! You tell him, octopus, You're wasting my time! He's wasting my time, too. [Cuts to Krabs with a beard] KRABS!!! Ugh, he snuck up on me there. Nice beard grandpa, why don't you read a bedtime story you old bottom-feeder?! [Evil Laugh]
Krabs: Earrings! Well, Cashy, I guess the Devil's Galley isn't so bad. As long as that Flying Dutchman doesn’t appear and stick us in Davy Jones' Locker! But that won't happen, will it Cashy? (Cashy's drawer shoots out and hits the Flying Dutchman in the head)
Plankton: [Gasp] IT'S THE FLYING DUTCHMAN!!! Ooh, Krabs is gonna get it now, HAHAHAHAHA, Love it.
Flying Dutchman: Argh! Who be disturbing the Flying Dutchman's walk home from the convenience store? You even spilled me milk!
Krabs: Well, there ain't no use crying over it. (Lightning bolts shoot everywhere)
Plankton: Yeah, yeah, let 'em have it, Dutchie! Give him a lightning bolt in the face! [Evil Laugh] [Cuts to Flying Dutchman and Krabs] Oh, now you're talking. What are you waiting for, ghost boob? Give Krabs the old heave-ho! Seriously, the Dutchman can't hear me. [Lightning strikes] Aw, look, if a powerful ghost can't destroy krabs once and for all, i'll never get a Krabby Patty in my own hands.
Krabs: ...On my Dear Aunt Sally's false teeth.
Flying Dutchman: LIAR!!! [Lightning strikes]
Flying Dutchman: Your aunt Sally doesn't wear false teeth!
Krabs: How do you know?
Flying Dutchman: Because I dated her in high school!
Krabs: [GASP] NOOOOOOOO...!!!
Plankton: Hahahahaha! Krabs' Cash Register goes bye-bye! Well, it's Sandy the do-gooder, my least favorite freeloader. Oh, come on! She's gonna ruin everything. Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! This is fun just look like a parade!
Flying Dutchman: I'm gonna ship you off...
Plankton: LOOK OUT, DUTCHMAN! [Helicopter bonks Flying Dutchman] Yeah, they have that comin'.
[Dutchman falls with Krabs in the Water]
Sandy: MAYDAY!!!!!! [Pops Krabs out the water]
Plankton: KRABS?!?!?!?! I thought he was destroyed.
SpongeBob: [Cuts to the Big One] IT'S THE BIG ONE!
Plankton: Way to tick. I thought he was chanting for my destruction. [Evil Laugh] Nice Special Effects! Because I get in to the dark alley, I'll be scared. Yeah, eat him, eat all of them! [Evil Laugh] It taste weird but it's good for you and it's good for me. No more SpongeBob, No more of his laughter, [Imitate SpongeBob Laugh], No more Squidward, No more Patrick, No more Krabs and no more worries. I can build a bank and sell insurance. Just when everybody loves me. [Lovely Sigh]
SpongeBob: MR. KRABS!!!! I never even got a chance to tell him that I... [JKL is Silent]
Plankton: NO!!!!! DON'T SAVE HIM! IF ANYONE IS NOT BE GETTING DESTROYED, I WILL BE HYPNOTIZED BY FLAVOR!
SpongeBob: JKL!!! NO-HO-HO-HO!
[Cuts to SpongeBob, Twitch, Awesome Eddy, Big G, Chip, Silent Stan]
Plankton: Hey what happened? I thought everyone is in peril! WHAT A CHIP!!! [Big G Coughs] [music plays] Everybody's Happy? Everybody's Dancing? Everybody is invited but not me! How come I get an invitation? The invitation got lost in the male-- OH I BET IT DID! You know everybody's in town was turning into zombie slaves for a week and I have to let it go. But the theropy biography is correct. But that there is, Everyone who's not me, STINKS ON ICE!!! It was for free, no charge. I gotta go smash some atoms, that'll cheer me up. [Plankton Leaves when the curtain closes.]