Squidward:[Takes Krabby Patty to customer] Here. [Drops Krabby Patty with plate on table]
Harold:[Looks up from reading newspaper] Hey, there.
Baby/Plankton:[makes spitting noise with tongue] Num, num! [Takes Krabby Patty]
Harold: Aw, does baby want a Krabby Patty, hmm?
Fish #2: Awww.
SpongeBob: (Holding onto Squidward) Baby's first Krabby Patty. [sniffles]
[Baby walking out the door. Security camera looks at baby. Alarms go off and Mr. Krabs is alerted in his office. Mr. Krabs looks through periscope in office.]
Mr. Krabs:[Seeing Plankton controlling the baby from the inside] That diabolical fiend!
Plankton: I can't believe this is working! It's like taking candy from a baby—with a baby.
Mr. Krabs: Stop right there, you thievin' infant!
[Baby stops, turns head around. It makes mechanical squeaks, looks at Mr. Krabs and rotates its head back and continues towards the door. Mr. Krabs dives for the baby, yelling. He body slams the baby. The baby drops the Krabby Patty.]
SpongeBob: Yi-eeh! That's harsh.
Mr. Krabs: So you thought you could pull a fast one, eh? [Holding baby up by the diaper] Now, come out of there, you little pest! [Spanking the baby and grunting]
Fish #3:[Gasps] What's he doing? You leave that poor baby alone! [Pointing at Mr. Krabs and the baby]
Mr. Krabs: Okay. I guess we're gonna have to do this the hard way. [Holds up claw]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, no! Don't do it! [Holding up his hand to stop]
[Mr. Krabs grunts and rips the baby in half. The head lands on the ground.]
Harold:[Covering his mouth] Ooh! Oh... [Faints]
Fish #3: Oh! [faints]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, calm down! It's just Plankton. [Squeezes the baby's body and Plankton pops out] See?
Fish #1: How dare you! You toyed with our emotions! [Pointing at Plankton. Pokes him in the eye]
Mr. Krabs: Face it, Plankton. You're never gonna win. I'll always be one step...ahead. [Hold up the baby head and puts it back on the body. Chuckles. Takes the baby outside with Plankton in it.] Now, why don't you go back to where you came from, you little brat. [Kicks the baby out]
[3 fish who were standing outside gasp]
Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh.
Three Fish: You monster! How dare you! [the three fish yell at Mr. Krabs and beat him up with an umbrella, a purse, and a walker]
[Baby lands at the Chum Bucket and start to cry]
Karen: Aww, diddums fail to get a Krabby Patty again? [Picks up the baby and brings it inside]
Plankton:[still in baby costume] Stop patronizing me! Why does every single plan fall apart? It's just a stupid sandwich! I tell you, it's wearing me down!
Karen: You need to stop obsessing over it. [Lays baby down and takes off diaper] Relax. Get a hobby or something. [Tosses diaper in the trash]
Plankton: I hate to admit it, computer wife, I need something to take my mind off that blasted secret formula for a while. [Walks out of trash can from a door at the bottom of the bin. Walks over to window.] But what?
Karen: I know. How about taking care of an inferior life-form?
Plankton: You mean a pet? That's a great idea! But how will I find a pet that fits my dynamic personality?
SpongeBob: Plankton! [Looking through window. Plankton screams] I have the perfect solution to your problem.
Plankton: SpongeBob? How could you possibly help me?
SpongeBob: You should try the local animal shelter? That's where I found my Gary.
Plankton: Oh, yeah? Perhaps you're on to something there.
[Scene cuts to animal shelter]
SpongeBob: Here it is. The Bikini Bottom Animal Shelter. [pets barking] Your perfect pet awaits. Now, if you just listen to your heart, you'll be able to pick out the right pet as soon as you see it. [Barking continues]
Plankton: Hmm. Too big. [Walking by worms and snails] Too sloppy.
Patrick: Duh... [Sitting in cage]
Plankton: Too stupid.
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
SpongeBob: Oh! Oh! What about this one?
Plankton: Are you kidding me? Algae on a rock? I want a pet, not a plant. It's no use. [Pet snarls] There's nothing for me here. [Pet's tongue grabs Plankton. Plankton screams]
SpongeBob: Oh, no! Plankton!
Plankton: You know, I can't say I'm surprised.
[Barking noises coming from another pet. The other pet growls and chomps the pet holding Plankton. Pet that was holding Plankton screams and lets go.]
Plankton:[Pet barks] Hey there, little guy. [Pet barks and jumps into Plankton's arms] Looks like we have a winner.
SpongeBob: Oh, so cute! Whatcha gonna call him? He looks like a "Spot" to me.
[Pet chomps SpongeBob's finger and growls]
Plankton: That name provokes a violent reaction. Spot it is! [Spot licks Plankton, barks and pants. Back at the Chum Bucket now.] Well, Spot, I'm your new owner, so shower me with love and affection. Karen, it's not giving me unconditional love. I think it's defective.
Karen: You're gonna have to train him to do that.
Plankton: I train him? [sighs] I'll give it a shot. All right, Spot. Let's start with something easy. Stay. [Picks up Spot and sits him down] Good boy. Now sit. [Squishing noise of Spot sitting] Very good! Now roll over. (Spot barks) Excellent! Now shake. [Spot shakes his body, shaking the whole building] Wow! That's one mean shake you got there. I think we should burn off some of that extra energy. Would you like to go walkies? [Holding up leash] I'll assume that's a yes. [Put collar on Spot] March! [Spot barks. Plankton whistles. Plankton starts getting tired and panting] Phew. We must've walked for miles. [Notices he's only made it to the mailbox] I guess our legs are too short for walkies. How about a nice round of fetch? [Brings back tennis ball. Grunts] Fetch! [Ball lands on top of Spot and squishes him. Plankton screams.] Oh no. What have I done? I'm a terrible pet owner! Terrible! Karen! We're gonna need another Spot! [Spots squishes himself back together and pops up from the ground barking.] Nice rebound, Spot! You know, I get squished a lot too. [sniffles. Spot licks Plankton] I hope nobody saw that emotional outburst.
[Group of 3 fish standing by Plankton]
[Three fish walk away]
Plankton:[Back inside the Chum Bucket] Okay, Spot. Today, you'll learn how to be an attack pet to guard the Chum Bucket from intruders. Now, Spot, pretend I'm a burglar. [Plankton wearing animal costume] Attack! [Spot whimpers] You're not getting this? Come at me! Uh-oh, losing balance. [Falls over] A little help? [Spot jumps on Plankton and licks him] On second thought, what do I need a guard dog for? I can't even give chum away. What I really need is a retriever. [Plankton now showing Spot a picture of a Krabby Patty] This is your target. I want you to retrieve the Krabby Patty. Now, security is tight, so I've devised a pl-- [Spot walks away. Plankton flips to next page of plan with a picture of the Krusty Krab on it] Wait! Where are you going? You're not ready!
[Spot is sniffing. Opens Chum Bucket door and leaves. Pops through Krusty Krab front door. Sniffing. Walks by Squidward at register. SpongeBob walks out of the kitchen humming cheerfully. Spot goes into the kitchen.]
Fish #1: I'd like a large... [sees moving Krabby Patty on the ground] What was that?
Squidward: Didn't see it, don't care.
Plankton:[Snoring and drooling. Spot drops Krabby Patty and barks] Holy plot twist! It's a Krabby Patty! It's...a miracle! [heavenly choir vocals] Karen, look at what Spot brought home.
Karen: That's wonderful! Spot deserves a reward.
Plankton: He can have anything he wants, up to half my kingdom—uh, laboratory.
Karen: I think he wants your Krabby Patty. [Spot panting. Chomps entire Krabby Patty]
Plankton: Noo! No! You've been a very bad amoeba! Bad amoeba! I'm afraid you'll have to be punished. You need a time out. I'm just gonna tie you up out here until you learn to behave. [Ties Spot to mailbox] Shouldn't take more than five minutes. [Spot whimpers] Aww... no, no, I must be strong. [Spot whimpers. Plankton goes back into the Chum Bucket] I can't do it. [tender music plays] Spot, I'm sorry. I-- [Music stops when Plankton opens the door. Spot is gone and collar is on the ground] Spot! He's gone. [Crying] Where is he? Spot! Come back! [Sobbing] Spot! Come back! Spot! Come back! I've got to find him.
[Group of 3 fish is back]
Plankton: Don't any of you have jobs? [Plankton goes searching] Spot! Where are you, Spot! (sobbing at the Krusty Krab dumpster)
SpongeBob:[Walks out back with trash] Why, Plankton, what's wrong? [dumps trash]
Plankton: I lost Spot.
SpongeBob: That's terrible! Gary lost me once. I was cold, alone, starving. It was the worst eight minutes of my life. Come on, Plankton, let's find your pet.
[Picks up Plankton and tucks him under his arm]
[Plankton now looking out from being tucked in SpongeBob's pants. Downtown]
SpongeBob: Lost pet! Anyone seen this lost pet? [Holding up sign that reads "Have you seen this amoeba?" with a green speck on it] Lost pet emergency! Be on the lookout for a lost pet! Pardon me, sir. [Stops man in suit] Have you seen this amoeba?
Fish #2: You mean that little speck?
SpongeBob: No. That little speck. [Points to sign]
Fish #2: Is this him? [Holds up shoe]
Plankton: No, that's a piece of gum.
Fish #2: Gum? [Pulls gum off] I've been looking everywhere for this. [Puts it in mouth] If I was lookin' for a lost pet, I'd try the animal shelter.
Plankton: Of course!
SpongeBob and Plankton: The shelter!
SpongeBob: I think it's closed for the night. (SpongeBob opens the door. Door clanks) Ooh, it's dark in here. I'll find a light switch. Aha! [flips switch. Metal clanks heard.] Nope, that's not it. [Flips another switch] Aha! Found the lights.
Plankton: Uh, SpongeBob? What was the first switch for?
SpongeBob: I dunno. I think it unlocks the pens?
Plankton: I thought so. Because now the animals are loose! [animals shriek] SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Run for it?
[SpongeBob picks up Plankton and runs. Panting. Animals shrieking]
SpongeBob: I think we lost 'em.
Plankton: SpongeBob, before we're torn to shreds, I'd like to thank you for helping me look for Spot.
SpongeBob: Aw, it was nothing. Hey, speaking of Spots. Did yo always have a double pupil?
Plankton: A double what? [Pulls Spot off eye] Spot! [dramatic music] Thank entropy you're safe! You were hiding on my optical cornea the whole time! You sneaky little amoeba, you. [Spot barks and licks Plankton. Plankton laughs]
SpongeBob: Aw, I'm glad you found Spot. [Animals shrieking] Unfortunately, the animals found us too.
Plankton: Good-bye, Spot. I guess this is the end of the road for us. [Spot growls, barks, and jumps out of Plankton's arms.] Spot, no! [Spot barks at other animals. Animals laugh. Spot snarls and grows to a much larger size. Spot barks loudly at animals. The animals all run away back into their cages. The cages close. Spot growls and shrinks back to small size. Spot jumps back into Plankton's arms]
SpongeBob: Wow, Spot! You saved us!
Plankton: I taught him everything he knows! [Spot barks and licks Plankton]