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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Plankton's Regular" from season 6, which aired on August 6, 2008.

  • [The episode starts at the Chum Bucket, where Plankton is grumbling.]
  • Plankton: What is going on here?! [screams, and rips off some of his skin, then Karen comes out]
  • Karen: What's wrong now?
  • Plankton: Same as always, look, empty again!
  • Karen: So what are you gonna do about it?
  • Plankton: I don't know anymore! [cries]
  • Karen: Hey, hey, hey, why don't you just work on a new recipe?
  • Plankton: What's the point? I haven't had a customer in years! [Incidental 41 walks in]
  • Incidental 41: Hello!
  • Plankton: Away with you! Can't you see that I'm self-loathing here?
  • Incidental 41: Sorry, I just wanted a Chum Stick.
  • Plankton: [eye pops out in shock] What?!
  • Incidental 41: Yes, I'd like one of your Chum Sticks.
  • Plankton: You're kidding, right?
  • Incidental 41: No, I'm serious, I want a Chum Stick.
  • Plankton: Uh, okay if you insist. [hands Incidental 41 a Chum Stick, and he eats it] Oh, no, please don't sue me! [Incidental 41 finishes the whole thing and says: Mmm-mmm!] I can't believe someone actually enjoys my chum! [laughs]
  • Incidental 41: Now this was so good, I'm going to have to come back tomorrow. [hands him a dollar] Here you go. See you in the morning.
  • Plankton: [to Karen] Did you see that? I didn't even have to threaten his life! He loved it!
  • Karen: How'd you pull that off?
  • Plankton: Well it's simple, finally someone came in who has good taste. And he's coming back tomorrow! Excuse me, Karen, but I've gotta whip up some more. [cuts to the next day, Plankton comes running out of the Kitchen with a Chum Stick] Now, I wait. I wait until he returns. [hops up on a stool, and stares out the window] I wait. I wait. I wait. I wait.
  • French Narrator: 8 hours later... [Plankton is asleep, then the clock wakes him up]
  • Plankton: Huh? Nat? Hello? Huh? What? [sees the clock] Uh, it's closing time. I should have known it was too good to be true.
  • Incidental 41: Hey!
  • Plankton: Well, hello, Nat!
  • Incidental 41: I came back like I said yesterday.
  • Plankton: You certainly did, didn't you?
  • Incidental 41: I'd like another Chum Stick, please.
  • Plankton: Well, it's your lucky day, Nat. I happen to have a quite delectable one, right here.
  • Incidental 41: Oh, boy! [eats it]
  • Plankton: Is it okay?
  • Incidental 41: [angry] Okay?! [happy] It's perfection! [both laugh, and then do a high five] Hey, how about I have another?
  • Plankton: You betcha! [gives Incidental 41 another one, and he eats it]
  • Incidental 41: Whoo, boy! I cannot believe how good these things are.
  • Plankton: Oh, well, you know.
  • Incidental 41: All right, see you tomorrow. [hands him another dollar]
  • Plankton: What?! You're coming back again?
  • Incidental 41: Oh, you know it! And the day after that, and the next week after that! You've got a regular customer on your hands! [walks out]
  • Plankton: Oh, my, this is amazing! At last, I've got my revenge! [laughs evilly, then cuts to the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is laughing]
  • Mr. Krabs: ♪Rolling, rolling, rolling! Money keeps on rolling along!♪ [playing bowling with money] One more time! [notices Plankton] No way, Plankton! You're not getting me formula this time or any time! [throws him on the counter, then gets a spoon, and crushes him]
  • Plankton: Don't bother. There's no need.
  • Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about?
  • Plankton: [slides out of the spoon] I'm just saying I no longer need to copy you, Krabs. I've got my own winning recipe now.
  • Mr. Krabs: [laughs] You're really funny, man! You think you can compete with me? Look, Plankton, look at all these loyal customers. Loyal to me, Plankton, not to you!
  • Incidental 41: Hey, Plankton, can I get another one of your delicious Chum Sticks?
  • Plankton: But of course, loyal customer. [hops out of Mr. Krabs' hands and onto Incidental 41's hand] I'll see you later, loser. Much later! [laughs]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! How can this be? Boy, front and center!
  • SpongeBob: Yes, sir!
  • Mr. Krabs: Plankton's trying to overthrow me business! He's got a customer that actually likes his food! You've gotta get that guy back on our side with a couple of Krabby Patties.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, you can count on me, sir. [cuts to Incidental 41 walking toward the Chum Bucket] Pardon me, you smart fellow. Down here. [laying on the floor, like a mat] Why settle for Plankton's lumpy chum, when you can enjoy a steaming Krabby Patty for free?
  • Incidental 41: [sniffs it, shakes in disgust] No thanks. [opens the door, peeling off SpongeBob's skin]
  • SpongeBob: Barnacles! [cuts to SpongeBob in a chair] There he is. Just in time for breakfast. [walks down the street, then throws a rock on the ground] Oh, I am such a clumsy oaf. I sure hope nothing happens to this Krabby Patty while I step carefully over this rock here. [deliberately trips over the rock] Oh, no! Too late! No! No! [tries to shove in his mouth, but his mouth dodges every time] Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Oops. Come on, Nat. Just one accidental bite! I see you're not hungry right now, but I'm telling you, that Krabby Patty is gonna make a great snack later.
  • Incidental 41: Yeah, do me a favor. [rips off SpongeBob's pants, uses it as a napkin, then gives it back] From now on, keep those Shabby Patties to yourself. [walks away]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, fishpaste! [cuts to the Chum Bucket]
  • Plankton: Nat, back all ready? That's the fifth time today. Not that I'm surprised. Karen, babe, fetch Nat another plate of that sweet chum.
  • Karen: Yes, Your Diminutiveness. [goes in the kitchen]
  • Plankton: Say, Nat, do you have any friends?
  • Incidental 41: Nope. [Plankton sings a little, then laughs]
  • Plankton: Would you hurry up with that chum, Karen?!
  • SpongeBob: [imitating Karen] Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep your tiny pants on Plankton, bleep bloop. [throws a Krabby Patty] There's your chum, bleep blap blop.
  • Incidental 41: Hey, this doesn't look like chum.
  • Plankton: And that doesn't look like Karen! [SpongeBob looks like Karen]
  • SpongeBob: Why, don't be ridiculous, my husband, bleep blap. Of course it's me.
  • Plankton: What have you done with Karen, you brute?! [cut to the kitchen, where Karen is taped up]
  • Incidental 41: How many times do I have to tell you? [throws the Krabby Patty away] I don't want to eat your trash! Plankton's chum is my favorite breakfast, lunch, and dinner! I love chum! So forget it! I don't want to eat anything else! [SpongeBob returns to normal, and speaks in normal voice]
  • SpongeBob: So you're saying that you love chum? And all that you ever eat is chum?
  • Incidental 41: Yeah! Th-that's right!
  • SpongeBob: Interesting. [walks away, scene then cuts to Incidental 41 walking out of a trailer. He notices a hole with a sign that says "Shortcut 2 Chum Bucket"]
  • Incidental 41: A shortcut to the Chum Bucket? Hmm. That must be for me. [whistles as he goes through the hole, and it leads to the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Welcome, valued customer!
  • Incidental 41: This isn't the Chum Bucket.
  • Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Why go to the Chum Bucket when the Krusty Krab has added tasty chum to our menu?
  • Incidental 41: That's okay, I only eat Chum Bucket brand chum.
  • Mr. Krabs: But we've developed a special recipe for the most discerning chum lovers. Besides, I locked all the exits until you give it a try. So what do you say? [Incidental 41 eats it, then spits it out] You like it?
  • Incidental 41: It's...
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah?
  • Incidental 41: It's... [coughs]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, what do you think?
  • Incidental 41: It's the second foulest thing I've ever tasted! [vomits in a sick and angry mood off screen] I'm going back to Plankton's chum. [crawls away]
  • Mr. Krabs: What am I going to do?! I can't let Plankton have so much as one single customer! [cries] I just can't afford it!
  • SpongeBob: I guess you'll have to make Chum that's as good as Plankton's.
  • Mr. Krabs: But to do that, I need to know how Plankton makes his Chum. [gets an idea] That's it boyo! [cuts to the Chum Bucket at night time. Mr. Krabs sneaks over and uses a flamethrower to cut his way through the Chum Bucket metal wall, allowing him to get inside] Where could it be? [notices the safe] There! Plankton's secret formula! [tries to open it] It's gotta be in here... [an alarm goes off, and he gets crushed by a giant spoon]
  • Plankton: [laughs] What do you think Krabs, baby? This time I caught you trying to steal my secret formula! Ironic, isn't it?
  • Mr. Krabs: Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing. You see, crabs are not born with an innate inkling of irony.
  • Plankton: Ouch, double irony! [SpongeBob picks him up]
  • SpongeBob: Triple irony, Plankton! Though you nabbed Krabs trying to steal your formula, I'm still here to foil your evil plans! So, it's like a dollop of irony on top of an ironic twist. [Plankton groans] I mean, just think about that. [presses a button on his remote] You know, in a weird way, it's like we never left the... [gets crushed by a giant spoon]
  • Plankton: Good thing I sprang for the dual spoon installation.
  • Karen: Call it a computer's intuition, but I sense your regular approaching, with an unusually large wad of cash.
  • Mr. Krabs: Look at all that loot!
  • Plankton: That's right, Krabs! And you're going to have to keep looking when my customer comes in and pays me for my chum!
  • Mr. Krabs: D'oh, just put me out of me misery! [Incidental 41 walks in, angered]
  • Plankton: Back for more of my delicious chum, I see!
  • Incidental 41: Not this time.
  • Plankton and Mr. Krabs: Huh?
  • Incidental 41: [to Karen] Not ever again! [throws all the money at Karen's computer screen] The deal's off, computer! I can't eat another bite of that slop, no matter how much you pay me!
  • Plankton: Ha-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-huh?
  • Incidental 41: I have eaten ten of those things, and I've already had to go to the doctor...twice! [groans in pain and stumbles backward, falling to the ground, then Joe and his co-worker put him on a medical bed] If you need me, I'll be getting my stomach pumped. Again. [they carry him out]
  • Plankton: What's the deal, Karen?
  • Karen: The deal was that I paid Nat to eat your chum, so you'd quit your constant complaining.
  • Plankton: All this time, I never had one regular customer?
  • Karen: Duh.
  • Plankton: Should have known! Why would anyone ever eat my slop?
  • Karen: Uhh, there he goes again. Cut it out, Plankton!
  • Plankton: What? It's just obvious that I'm a complete failure, and a waste of a lower life form! Oh, woe is me! [cries]
  • SpongeBob: Quickly, now is the time to beat a hasty retreat!
  • Mr. Krabs: What? And miss this? I've never enjoyed meself more! This irony's pretty good stuff! [laughs]
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