This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Pet Sitter Pat" from season eight, which aired on September 16, 2011.
- [episode begins when the postman posts letters for SpongeBob under his door]
SpongeBob: [excitedly] Oh, boy, the mail's here! [picks letters up] What do we have today? ]looking through them] Gas bill...taxes...letter to SpongeBob from [looks at return address] Gramma! [rips letter open]
Gramma's voice: Dear SpongeBob, Won't you come join me for my birthday? I'll be turning...even older this year! With love, Gramma.
SpongeBob: Oh, Gramma's turning even older! I can't wait to celebrate! [trips over Gary]
SpongeBob: Sorry, Gary, I am gonna miss you when I'm gone...But, if I'm not here, who's going to take care of you?
Squidward: [watering garden]Hmhmhmhm...
SpongeBob: [using a woman's voice]Hi Squidward!
Squidward: Yahhhaha!![drops watering can]
SpongeBob: [covering face with Gary, using a woman voice]My daddy is going away. Can you take care of me...eow? [takes Gary, of face, laughs]
Squidward: Oh no. No way! Look what that disgusting pest did to my substainable kelp garden![cuts to kelp garden, with only bits left]He chewed it up, ruined it!
SpongeBob: Gary, is that true?
Gary: [smiles and shows mouth full of kelp bits]Meow.
SpongeBob: Well, I'll see you later Squidward.[leaves]
SpongeBob: [knocks on Patrick's house] Patrick! [opens rock, sees Patrick sitting on the ground with a puddle of water beside him] Patrick?
Patrick: [mumbling softly]
SpongeBob: Patrick? what are you doing?
Patrick: I'm talking to my friend, funny. [ to a puddle] Hi, funny!
SpongeBob: Heh, yeah. Hey Patrick, I need to ask a favor of you.
Patrick: What is it?
SpongeBob: I need you to take care of Gary!
Patrick: Are you going off the grid?
Patrick: Don't worry, I know what I do. You're gonna need one of these.[takes out a sack]
SpongeBob: No, that's not it! I am going to see my Gramma for her birthday. And I'm trusting my best pal to watch carefully over Gary when I'm gone.
Patrick: You got it. He's safe with me! [drops Gary on the ground]
SpongeBob: [bubble transition to SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob is writing down on paper] Ok, Patrick. There you are!
Patrick: [eating chips] What's that?
SpongeBob: It's a chronological list of all the things you need to do with Gary. Make sure you do each and every one.
Patrick: [takes list and throws it away] Got it! Hey, do you have any more of those deep fried cream filled sugar-coded coralballs?
SpongeBob: Oh yeah. They're in the cubboard.
Patrick: [He opens up the cubboard to see a bag of coral balls.] Ooh, coral balls...
SpongeBob: [sniffles sadly] [to Gary] I'm gonna miss you, little guy. But I know you are going to be in good hands.
Patrick: [chuckles] You can't get to my stomach now, white coral ball. [He eats it]
SpongeBob: [to Gary] Okay, Gary. I'll be home by ten. [He starts walking to the door, then stops, then turns to Patrick.] Dear Patrick, just do verify. [counts using his fingers] First, you feed Gary, then you pet Gary, then you-
Patrick: [interrupts SpongeBob] SpongeBob! [walks up to SpongeBob] Don't you trust me? I am the most responsible guy you know!
SpongeBob: [shrugs his shoulders] You know what? You're right.
Patrick: Well, of course I am! [He pushes SpongeBob out the door.] Now, go see your Gramma. Gary's in good hands. [He closes the door, then walks back up to Gary.] Yep! Looks like it's just you and me, friend.
Patrick: Hmmm... I wonder what we should do first. [He takes the list from SpongeBob. We notice that he's reading it upside down. Patrick scratches his head.] You need to work on your handwriting, SpongeBob. I don't need this anyway. [He crumples the list up, then throws it away.] Oh! I know! Let's go for a walk! [He takes out a leash.]
Gary: [pants happily]
Patrick: [His stomach growls.] Oh. Looks like my tummy is having an argument with the coral balls. Ohhh... [He runs to a restroom.]
Gary: [sighs] [We see the outside of SpongeBob's pineapple. It changes from sunset to night.]
Patrick: [walks out of the restroom, then sighs] Better. [As Patrick walks back in the kitchen, he sees Gary all dried up.]
Gary: [weak voice] Meow.
Patrick: Oh, hey, friend! What's up?
Gary: [still in a weak voice] Meow. [His stomach growls. He points to it using his tail. He tries biting off the bag of snail food.] Meow.
Patrick: Step aside, Barry. Let me show you how it's done. [He picks up the bag, ravenously bites it off, then sniffs the inside of it.] Ooh. Gotta try a bite of this. [He eats all of what is inside the bag. Some of the food falls on Gary.] Ahh. [burps] Good stuff.
Gary: [mumbles angrily]
Patrick: I wonder what SpongeBob's got for you in the fridge. [He opens the refrigerator, looking for something for Gary.]
[Meanwhile, at SpongeBob's Gramma's house...]
Gramma: [She wears a birthday hat.] I hope you saved room for dessert, SpongeBob. [brings out a cake]
SpongeBob: [He holds a fork and a knife, also wearing a party hat.] Oh, Gramma, you shouldn't have. It's your birthday, I should be serving you!
Gramma: Awww...I know how much you love sweets, and I know how much you love your pet snail, so I made you this special gellatin mold. [We see a gellatin cake with a gellatin Gary on top of it.]
SpongeBob: Gary. Oh, Gary. [Thinks to what Patrick said earlier in the day. SpongeBob stands up, worried.] Gramma, can I please use your phone?
Gramma: Of course!
SpongeBob: Thank you! [He rushes to the phone. He types in the number.]
Patrick: [answers the phone] Hello?
SpongeBob: Patrick, it's SpongeBob. How's Gary?
Patrick: Oh, Gary! Yeah, he's fine.
Gary: [rolls up to Patrick, then meows while his stomach growls] [Patrick laughs along with him.]
SpongeBob: [laughs] Sounds like you got everything under control. Oh, and make sure to give Gary his bath. [hangs up, then sighs]
Patrick: [hangs up, puts Gary down, and sits on the couch, then smells Gary, and then puts his face away] Whew! SpongeBob was right. You need a bath! [As Patrick walks to the kitchen, Gary can smell his disgusting pit stink oder. Patrick turns the kitchen sink on, and water comes out.] Oh! I almost forgot. [He picks up the bag of snail food.] Snail food!
Gary: [happily] Meow!
Patrick: [puts the snail food in the sink] Gotta get the water to stay in there somehow. [He sees Gary trying to eat the snail food.] Now, Gary, we don't eat the bath. We get in the bath. [The snail food sinks in the water.] Come on, Gary. [We see a demonic Gary growling.] Oh, don't be difficult now, Gary. [Gary tries to bite Patrick.] Gary! [He sees Gary on top of the refrigerator.] There you are! [Gary jumps down the refrigerator, and runs out of the kitchen. Patrick tries to chase him, but keeps slipping on Gary's slime trail. He hits the T.V., landing on his face. He takes it off, and throws it away. The phone rings.] Oh, what now? [answers the phone] SquarePants household.
SpongeBob: Yeah, Patrick, about Gary's bath, make sure the bath water is not too hot, and he doesn't like too many bubbles.
Patrick: [bored] Yeah, yeah.
SpongeBob: And remember to dry him off really good.
Patrick: [still bored] All right.
SpongeBob: And don't forget about the list!
Patrick: [angry] Okay, I get it, SpongeBob! I get it, I get it! [He tries to throw the phone out of the window, but it comes back in, and hits Patrick in the head.] NOOO!! [He slides on Gary's slime trail up the stairs and flying straight into the bathtub/shower in SpongeBob's bathroom. Patrick's head is covering the drain. He tries to get out by pulling the shower sprinkler, which breaks and water comes out. One of Patrick's eyes is closed from the water.] I don't get these new beguiled shower heads. [He opens the door to call for Gary.] [high-pitched] Gary! Time for your- [normal voice] [to himself] Wait a minute, Patrick! You gotta trick the snail! [He points to himself using both hands.] You gotta be smarterer than him! [walks up to Gary] Hey, buddy! I got something cool to show you. And it's the opposite of a wet watery bath. [He puts on a mask.] Take it down! [He uses his fire blaster to burn down SpongeBob's bed.]
Gary: [worried] Meow!
Patrick: Doesn't that look fun?
Gary: [still worried] [high-pitched] Meow! [He runs out of SpongeBob's bedroom.]
Patrick: Well, make up your mind! Is it water or fire? [He turns on the fire blaster for a couple seconds. Gary runs into SpongeBob's kitchen storage. He jumps on one of the shelves. Patrick walks in, too, with a hose.] Okay, Gary. If you don't come to the bath, then the bath's gonna come to you. [He turns on the hose. He sprays on Gary.] That's a good boy! Now, suds up! [We see a closeup of a box of soap flakes that Patrick's holding. He pours it on the water. The soap flakes and water both aim at Gary, that fills up the entire storage.]
Gary: [bubbly voice] Meeeooowwwww!!!!
Patrick: That wasn't so bad, now was it?
Gary: [A can falls on his belly.] Owww!!
Patrick: [walks up to Gary] Oh, now we gotta dry you off. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any salt. So, I'll have to use the next best thing! [He uses a hair dryer to dry off Gary. Gary's eyes shatter a little. Patrick puts a very dry and old-looking Gary on the table.] There! Doesn't that feel better? Okay! [He sits down on the couch.] Let's see, Gary's eaten, he's had his bath, Time to watch the T.V.! [After seeing a broken T.V. for only a couple seconds, Patrick falls asleep. Suddenly, the broken shower stills fall water, crawling down the stairs. Also, water from the kitchen sink and from the hose is still running, too. While Patrick's still sleeping, water fills up the living room floor. Just then, water comes down from upstairs, making the whole house flooded. The table and couch where Gary and Patrick are both sitting on moves. Patrick wakes up and sees Gary moving on water after coming back up from under it.] Sheesh, Gary! Well, if you wanted another bath, why didn't you just ask?
Gary: [annoyed] Meow! [We see a whole room view of all the things in the living room, including Gary and Patrick, moving, even when Patrick gets caught with the upstairs water.
[Meanwhile, back at SpongeBob's Gramma's house...]
SpongeBob: [brings out Gramma's birthday cake with a bunch of candles, singing] Happy Birthday dear old Gramma, Gramma, Gramma! The best Gramma in the world, Gramma, Gramma! [He puts the cake on the table.]
Grandma: [closeup of all the candles on the cake] Oh, dear! Look at all those candles! Why, if I were even older, we'd be burning down the house!
SpongeBob: [He thinks about his house being on fire. Gary meows in the background.] [worried] Gramma, can I use your phone again?
Gramma: Go ahead, dear. But there may not be any cake left when you get back! [She takes a deep breath and starts trying to blow all of the candles out.]
[Back at SpongeBob's house, we see it moving in circles.]
Patrick: [giggles] [phone rings] [answers phone] SquareyPants' house.
SpongeBob: Just checking, is everything okay over there?
Patrick: [bored] Who is this?
SpongeBob: [smacks his forehead] It's SpongeBob. Is Gary all right?
Patrick: Oh, yeah. He's- [He gets caught again from the upstairs water.]
SpongeBob: [worried] He's what? He's what, Patrick? GARY IS WHAT?! [He can hear Gary and Patrick both laughing.] What is happening to them?! [Patrick and Gary both laugh after coming up from water.] They need my help! [He rushes back to the kitchen, where Gramma is still trying to blow all of the candles out.] Gramma! Gramma!
Gramma: Hold on, dear. [pants] Just... just let me finish these last few candles. [Again, Gramma takes a deep breath and continues blowing, when all of a sudden, SpongeBob turns on a fan on top of them to blow all of the candles out. Gramma sighs.] I did it! [She puts her hand on her forehead.] Oh, but oh, am I tired!
SpongeBob: [He carries Gramma to her bed.] Ooh, better get you to bed now. Good night, Gramma! [In the background, we can hear him close the door.]
Gramma: What a good boy!
SpongeBob: [running outside] Hang on, Gary! [When SpongeBob arrives at his house and opens the door, water comes out, and SpongeBob swims inside. The water drains out.] Gary! [He can hear Gary meow in the background.] What's the matter, buddy? [He runs up the stairs. When he arrives at his room, he sees Gary meowing at the book, "Snail Tales" while Patrick is laying on SpongeBob's bed.] Ahhh... reading Patrick a bedtime story, I see. "Snail Tales", that's a good one.
Patrick: [He sits up on the bed.] "Snail Tales"? I thought it was called, "Meow, meow, meow".