This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Perfect Chemistry" from season 7, which aired on February 26, 2011.
- [The camera zooms in on Sandy's treedome. There is a silhouette of Sandy in the tree.]
- Sandy: [puts down her blowtorch and her mask] Almost done... Could you hand me that wrench, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Nuh uh uh! Lab partner!
- Sandy: Huh?
- SpongeBob: You called me SpongeBob. I thought we agreed to address each other by our proper titles.
- Sandy: SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Uh ta ta ta! Lab partner!
- [Sandy takes the wrench in front of SpongeBob. SpongeBob looks sad.]
- Sandy: There! It's finished! Now I can hide my nuts back in Texas without leavin' my lab!
- [She picks up a pile of nuts and puts them in her machine and pulls a lever. The machine rumbles, and a lightbulb blinks. The camera then shows Sandy and SpongeBob watching.]
- Sandy: [A big blast occurs. The nuts were not in the machine.] It worked! Hooray! [hugs SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: [hugs Sandy back] We did it!
- [Then the machine rumbles again, and the nuts appear right next to the machine]
- Sandy: Aw, nuts!
- [The camera zooms on the Chum Bucket, and a shot of Plankton's lab appears. Plankton is seen working on a machine with cloth over it. He puts down his blowtorch and mask.]
- Plankton: Finally! The day has come!
- Karen: You mean Thursday?
- Plankton: No! It's the day I steal the Krabby Patty secret formula from Krabs!
- Karen: And why, pretell, is today different from the other days you failed to steal it?
- Plankton: [growls] Because today I have completed my greatest invention. Behold! [he said as he took the cloth off his machine]
- Karen: What exactly am I beholding? A vegetable steamer?
- Plankton: This is no ordinary vegetable steamer, Karen, my computer wife. It's my latest invention! And isn't she a beauty. Meow. [hugs the steamer]
- Karen: Oh, brother. [rolls her eyes]
- Plankton: Sweetie, you're going to help me achieve my defined purpose, aren't you, yes? And steal the Krabby Patty recipe! Muhahahahaha! [A ding goes off] It's ready! [comes back wearing a pink bath towel and opens a small door in his steamer. Steam goes everywhere.] Oh, boy. [sits down] Whew! Man, is it hot in here?
- Broccoli: [A broccoli comes on camera, wearing the same robe] Tell me about it.
- Plankton: [pulls a switch, and he comes out the steamer in a gaseous form] It worked! In this new gaseous form, I will be able to silently squeeze through the cracks of the Krusty Krab. [evil laugh]
- [He bursts out the Chum Bucket, still laughing, and squeezes into the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is seen, mumbling "Money, money, money, money!". Plankton goes in Krabs' office.]
- Plankton: Hehehehe!
- Mr. Krabs: Now, how much is that- Mr. Krabs gets cut off by Plankton going through his eyes. [sniffs the air] Eugh!
- Plankton: Finally, the moment has come! [Mr. Krabs gets out a fan and blows Plankton away] No, no, no no no! [gets blown out of the Krusty Krab towards Sandy's treedome, and into Sandy's face.]
- Sandy: [holds her nose] Eugh. [picks up her blowtorch and uses it all around]
- Plankton: Hey! Cut it out!
- SpongeBob: Plankton? is that you?
- Plankton: Of course it's me, you moron.
- Sandy: You were able to convert yourself into gaseous form? Fascinatin'!
- Plankton: Huh? Wait!
- [Sandy puts him in a jar and puts him in the freezer. Sandy waits, and then takes it out. She shakes Plankton out, and he turns to normal.]
- Sandy: I guess I never realized you were such a student of science. Maybe you could help me fix my nut transporter.
- Plankton: Eh? Did you say transporter? [cuts to Plankton looking at the transporter] Interesting. [climbs in the transporter] Hey! Maybe if I combine this device with my own invention, the Krabby Patty formula will be mine! I mean, I think I have the right parts in my lab, maybe?
- Sandy: We're in business! [cuts to Sandy and Plankton are walking into his lab] Say! This is a dandy lab!
- Plankton: Is that good?
- Sandy: Hahahaha! Does a pig play poker?
- Plankton: I guess...
- [Sandy looks through test tubes]
- Sandy: I should have visited you before. What, with you and me being the only two scientists in town.
- Plankton: Haha, yes.
- [SpongeBob comes in, carrying the transporter]
- Sandy: Yes, sir. Your lab is amazing.
- Plankton: Do you really like it?
- Sandy: And how! [SpongeBob falls on the floor by the weight of the teleporter]
- SpongeBob: Here's your teleporter, lab partner.
- Sandy: [picks it up] Thanks, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Can you please call me lab partner?
- Sandy: So where do I hook up my teleporter?
- Plankton: Oh, just plug it into that doohickey over there. [points to the steamer]
- Karen: Just who are you calling a doohickey?
- Sandy: Wowee! Is that a real Mark III Surplus W.I.F.E.omatic? She is beautiful.
- Karen: Oh, why, thank you.
- Plankton: No, not that doohickey. This doohickey! Just plug your teleporter into my device, and with our combined power we shall conquer the world! [breathes heavily]
- Sandy: Uh-huh. Or I can combine your gasifier with my invention and transform my nuts into a gaseous cloud that transports them back to Texas!
- Plankton: Heh. Yes, that's what I meant.
- [Sandy plugs her machine into the gasifyer and the transporter gleamed light from it]
- Sandy: YES! It's working at last, new lab partner! [Plankton hops up to hi-five Sandy]
- SpongeBob: Oh, I guess you won't be needing me anymore. [The camera shows SpongeBob's heart breaking. Sandy sees SpongeBob leaving.]
- Plankton: That's right. And don't let the door hit you on the way out!
- Sandy: Hold on! You can't go, SpongeBob. We need you.
- Plankton: What! He'll just get in the way!
- SpongeBob: Need me? [sniffs] How could I help? I'm not even a [sniffs] scientist.
- Sandy: Why, you'll have the most important job of all! You'll be our test monkey.
- SpongeBob: [face lit up] Test monkey, [cuts to SpongeBob putting on a monkey suit and acting like one] Test monkey reporting for duty!
- Plankton: A test monkey? [cries] I... I've never had a test monkey before! [cries again. Hops up on Sandy.] There is some mad scientist in you after all! Muhahahaha! [Sandy joins in laughing] Okay, we really have to work on your evil laugh. [cuts to Sandy putting a connector in one of SpongeBob's holes]
- Sandy: Ready!
- Plankton: Roger! [pulling a lever] Urgh! Just a sec. [has difficulty pulling it. As it goes down, SpongeBob's eyes disappear.]
- SpongeBob: Hey! Who turned out the lights?
- Sandy: Eugh! We only teleported his eyes!
- Plankton: Oh, boy. Try again!
- [cuts to Squidward, flipping patties at the Krusty Krab]
- Squidward: Where is that idiot SpongeBob, leaving me stuck with all the cooking? This job stinks! [sniffs the air] Eugh. Literally. [looks at SpongeBob's eyeballs, which appeared right next to him; screams and rushes into Mr. Krabs' office] Mr. Krabs! [knocks off all of Mr. Krabs' money] You gotta come with me! There's something in the kitchen you gotta see! [cuts to the lab]
- Sandy: Oh, well. [SpongeBob walks into a wall]
- Plankton: Try again. [Sandy pulls the lever. SpongeBob's eyes disappear. Cuts to Squidward.]
- Squidward: See for yourself! Huh? [Mr. Krabs sniffs the air]
- Mr. Krabs: [sniffs the air] Eugh! I see. So it was you that befouled me office earlier, was it? [cuts to Sandy and Plankton adding 2 more tubes]
- Sandy: Just a few more adjustments...
- Plankton: Okay. Let her rip!
- SpongeBob: Do you think this is a good look for me? Or is it too flashy?
- Sandy: [pulls 2 levers] Stand clear!
- SpongeBob: Clear of what? [cuts to Squidward mopping the bathroom]
- Squidward: Something weird is going on around here. [SpongeBob's mouth appears]
- SpongeBob's mouth: Hi, Squidward.
- Squidward: [screams] Mr. Krabs! There's a strange sound coming from the restroom! [cuts to Sandy]
- Sandy: Hm. Now only his mouth is missing.
- Plankton: Shut it down. [Sandy pulls a lever, and SpongeBob's mouth disappears. Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs going in.]
- Mr. Krabs: Ugh! For crying out loud, Squidward, what the heck is wrong with you? [cuts to SpongeBob having many tubes on him]
- Sandy: Test 3! [pulls the lever. cuts to Squidward]
- Squidward: I cannot believe I have to deliver all this junk food myself. [slips on a Krabby Patty and falls] What the- [SpongeBob's legs and arms appear, and gives Squidward the orders] Oh, thank you. [SpongeBob's hand shows three first fingers meaning with pleasure. Goes to Mr. Krabs, who hears the yelling and turns up his radio. Cuts to SpongeBob.]
- SpongeBob: Look, no hands! Or feet. [laughs]
- Sandy: Well, we're getting closer. [she and Plankton put goggles filled with many, many tubes on SpongeBob] Goggles!
- Plankton: Shall we activate it together?
- Sandy: Why, sure enough! Three!
- Plankton: Two!
- Sandy: One!
- Plankton: [jumps on the button] Fire! [Sandy presses it with her hand, squashing Plankton] Ow. [cuts to SpongeBob's whole body appears on Squidward's head]
- SpongeBob: Ooh, I gotta go to the bathroom. [disappears. Mr. Krabs walks by.]
- Mr. Krabs: Oh. Neptune's trousers, Squidward! Maybe you should just lay off the broccoli for a while. [cuts to SpongeBob back in the lab]
- Sandy: [picks up SpongeBob] It worked! We transported his whole body this time!
- Plankton: Yes! My plan worked! And now I have no further use for you two goody goodies! [presses a button, trapping Sandy and SpongeBob] Using your technology, I shall teleport myself directly to the Krusty Krab and the Krabby Patty formula [singing in high voice] will be mine! [laughs evilly and he teleports himself]
- SpongeBob: [in sorrow] Oh, no! Plankton has finally won! And we, we helped him.
- Sandy: Not exactly... lab partner. [presses a button and the trap rose. she then presses another button and the Krabby Patty formula appears.]
- SpongeBob: [picks it up] The Krabby Patty formula! But if that's here, where's Plankton? [cuts to Plankton]
- Plankton: Fools! I played them like a 32-bit synthesizer! [evil laugh] Now where is that formula? [He looks around and his flashlight goes off] The formula is gone? [yells] No! [cuts to Mr. Krabs]
- Mr. Krabs: Did you hear something?
- Squidward: [mopping] Don't hear a thing, but something stinks. [cut back to Sandy]
- Sandy: Aw, I knew Plankton was hatching an evil plan the whole time. So I just adjusted the controls to put Plankton where he can't do any harm. Nobody fools a squirrel from Texas! [episode ends with Sandy laughing evilly]