[Episode starts with the Krusty Krab. We see inside, it is dirty and covered in cobwebs. Squidward is seen covered in dust and cobwebs. He blows himself the dust and webs off and the register. SpongeBob dusts off a cobweb on on of the tables with a feather duster. A spider comes down and makes a new web. SpongeBob dusts it off, but the spider comes back and makes another one. Mr. Krabs is seen covered in dust against the wall. He sneezes the dust off.]
Mr. Krabs: Ah-ah-achoo! [sighs] 36 days without a customer.
Dave:[slowly crawls towards the Krusty Krab] So...hungry...
SpongeBob: Ah! Mr. Krabs, a customer!
Mr. Krabs: Ah! [Krabs squeals in delight, revealing a spider web growing in his mouth. A spider crawls all over it]
Dave: No food... 3 days...
Mr. Krabs: Hold on, me bucko! Food's on the way! [He is about to call into the kitchen, but then has a second thought] Uhh... You got money, right?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Bring this guy some grub before he keels over!
SpongeBob:[offers him food] Here you go, sir.
Dave: Oh. Krabby Patties, huh?
Mr. Krabs: Finest under the sea!
Dave: Yeah, yeah, sure. But where's the pizzazz?
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Dave: Look at this place. [we see the inside of the Krusty Krab, all old and worn out] I mean, what is the theme here? Underwater? It's boring! [He turns and crawls away] Food! Water! Atmosphere!
Mr. Krabs: No one goes to a restaurant for atmosphere. [runs to the door] They go for food! [he looks out the door as Fred and Tom see each other on the street]
Fred: Hey, Tom!
Tom: Fred! Hey, you wanna eat at the Krusty Krab?
Fred: Nah, I'm going to the Shell Shack. They've got a talking dog!
Tom:[runs off with Fred] Great! Say, what's a dog?
Mr. Krabs:[Gasps] Money walking! I need to think up a gimmick like that to bring customers back in here!
SpongeBob:[peeks through Mr. Krabs' eye stalks] I have an idea! [Mr. Krabs' eye stalks pull back together, chopping SpongeBob in half]
Mr. Krabs: Wait! I've got an idea! [Cut to outside the Krusty Krab, where a marching band plays, and a crowd gathers around Mr. Krabs] ...And so ladies and gentlemen, be sure to buy plenty of Krabby Patties as I bury myself alive! [Everyone cheers and confetti shoots up from the ground as Mr. Krabs wields a shovel. He digs a hole, and then hops into it] No free refills. [scene cuts. Then, he pats the dirt in around him, leaving himself underground with no trace of him. Fred runs up to on top of where Krabs was buried]
Fred: Hey, everyone, listen! [the music stops] The talking dog at the Shell Shack is singing! Come on!
[He motions for everyone to follow, and they do, leaving Mr. Krabs alone, under the ground. Cut to the inside of the Krusty Krab, where it has been cleaned out]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I have an idea!
Mr. Krabs: What am I going to do? If I don't think of an idea, I'll go out of business!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I have an idea!
Mr. Krabs: Why can't someone give me an idea?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I have an idea!
Mr. Krabs:[looks above] Great Neptune in Heaven, I need an idea!
[A divine light hits Krabs, and SpongeBob comes down, playing the harp and dressed like a angel]
SpongeBob:[sings] Mr. Krabs, I have an idea!
Mr. Krabs: What in the name of money are you waiting for, boy? [grabs SpongeBob, removing the angel costume] Tell me!
SpongeBob: OK. Prepare yourself, Mr. Krabs. Don't bother sitting down, Mr. Krabs, because you'll just stand up when you see this! [makes a Pretty Patty] Ta-da! [Shows Mr. Krabs a green Krabby Patty]
Mr. Krabs: Great Barrier Reef! That patty's spoiled!
[He knocks it off of the plate and onto the ground, where he burns it with a flame thrower. Once the fire is gone, SpongeBob appears in a fire-retardant suit]
SpongeBob:[laughs] Mr. Krabs, it's not tainted meat. It's painted meat! [Fire once again overcomes him, and he emerges in regular clothing, with an artist's pallet in hand. On the palette, Krabby Patties lie in different colors] Pretty Patties! Available in 6 designer colors.
[short pause then Mr. Krabs laughs, and SpongeBob looks broken-heartedly at his own creation]
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! Come look!
[Squidward walks up, smiling mockingly]
Mr. Krabs: Don't that look appetizing?
Squidward: Mmm, mmm! Good, sir!
Mr. Krabs: Wait! Gimme an orange patty... with extra purple!
Mr. Krabs: What's next? [holds up a milkshake cup with sequins and encrusted into it] Sequin milkshakes?
Squidward:[holds up a French fry with a bow-tie on] Bow-tie French fries?
SpongeBob:[Welding with tears] No...
[Squidward and Mr. Krabs dance mockingly while chanting "Pretty Patties"]
SpongeBob:[Crying] Stop it! [SpongeBob becomes indignant] I know this is a good idea. I'll show you! I'll... I'll... I'll open my own restaurant! [He runs out of the Krusty Krab] You'll see!
[Squidward and Mr. Krabs look at each other, then they continue laughing. Cut to Conch Street]
SpongeBob:[angrily approaches an angry Patrick] Hey, Patrick, are you angry, too?
SpongeBob: What's the matter?
Patrick: I can't see my forehead. What's your problem?
SpongeBob: I have a good idea, and no one else thinks so!
Patrick:[no longer angry, and a cord appears from his shorts] Me too. [he pulls the cord, causing his shorts to inflate and lift into the air a few feet. Patrick is floating upside-down] Inflatable pants! What's your idea?
SpongeBob: I'm gonna open up a restaurant and sell Pretty Patties!
Patrick:[his shorts explode, leaving him with only a piece of his shorts covering his crotch] Forget my dumb idea, that's great!
[Cut to later, where SpongeBob has constructed a purple stand that says "Pretty Patties". Patrick is behind a second one to the left of SpongeBob that is brown and says "Pay Here"]
SpongeBob: Are you ready for the big rush, Patrick? [Patrick looks down and pulls up his purple-and-green trunks and gives SpongeBob the thumbs-up] Pretty soon those hungry customers will be lining up, because we are open! [He puts up an "Open" sign. Cut to him at the stand] I'm ready! [We see him as an adult with the same camera angling. He has glasses on, and brown hair. His pineapple begins to rot] I'm ready. [We see him as an old man with a long, gray beard. His pineapple wilts and dies] I'm ready... [We see his gravestone behind the stand, that says "R.I.P. I'M READY". There is a vacant spot where his pineapple previously was. SpongeBob wakes up at the stand and sees that that was a dream] Patrick, how long have we been standing here?
Patrick:[looks at the sloppily-drawn crayon marks on his wrist made to look like a watch] Awww! I gotta draw a new battery for this. [scribbles on his wrist with a blue crayon]
SpongeBob: What if Mr. Krabs was right? Maybe my idea is dumb. [cries]
Patrick: SpongeBob, sometimes we have to go deep inside ourselves to solve our problems.
SpongeBob: I'm scared.
Patrick: Then I'm going in for you! [climbs into SpongeBob's head through one of his pores. Then, SpongeBob inflates like a puffer fish]
Patrick: Sorry. Stupid inflatable pants! [flies out of SpongeBob and lands headfirst on the ground]
SpongeBob: Did you find anything?
Harold:[walks up to the stand] Hey, do you sell food here?
[SpongeBob and Patrick giggle, making Harold feel awkward]
SpongeBob: Yes, sir! We sell Pretty Patties! [holds out a green Pretty Patty]
Harold: That thing's green! [starts laughing hysterically] Green! [laughs some more]
Patrick:[laughs as well, but doesn't laugh hard at all] Green. [SpongeBob cries]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs was right! What am I going to do with all these? [holds out the palette of Pretty Patties]
Harold:[Stops laughing] Hey, is that one purple? Purple is my favorite color! [He tries it] This ain't half bad! Hey, world! "Pretty Patties" is the best idea ever! [SpongeBob and Patrick are elated]
[Cut to Mr. Krabs in his office, eating popcorn and watching a movie, crying. A spider dangling from its web cries as well]
Rick's Wife:[On TV] Oh, Rick, how could you? Together we were one!
Rick:[On TV] That was before. But now, I'm splitting us up.
[Onscreen, we see an amoeba split into two amoebas. All of a sudden, it turns to a Bikini Bottom News emergency broadcast. Johnny talks at a desk. Behind him is a bamboo screen showing a crowd of Bikini Bottom citizens cheering]
Johnny: We interrupt this program to bring you a special news announcement! This wild crowd behind me is screaming for Bikini Bottom's latest culinary sensation. Let's take a listen.
All:[Chanting] Pretty Patties! Pretty Patties!
Mr. Krabs: Pretty Patties? [The spider comes down and steal Mr. Krabs' popcorn]
Johnny: It's easy to see Pretty Patties are popular, but what is it about them that drives Bikini Bottom feeders wild?
Millie, Sadie [has hair], and Evelyn: They match our purses! [show their purses]
Scottish Man:[with Scottish accent, kilt, and bagpipe] They remind me of home. [holds up a plaid Pretty Patty]
Larry:[runs up] Pretty Patties rule! [flexes his muscles]
Johnny: Mr. SquarePants, how do you explain all this success?
SpongeBob: Uhhh... I don't know.
Mr. Krabs: How can you make money with such a stupid idea?
Johnny:[the TV background has money falling] And how can you not make money with such a brilliant idea?
SpongeBob:[laughs] At first we didn't know what to do with all the money. We tried burying it... [Mr. Krabs' eyestalks inflate] ...shredding it... [Krabs' eyestalks inflate some more] ...and burning it! [Mr. Krabs's eyestalks burst and fly around like a balloon with a hole in it as he screams] But in the end, we decided just to give it all away.
[We see Patrick at this stand that now has a bamboo "$" and says "FREE MONEY". He hands a filled paper sack to Nathiel]
Patrick: Come again, sir!
Nathiel: I'm getting back in line! [runs off]
Mr. Krabs: I don't believe it! [runs out of his office and across the dining area] I've got to see this for me self! [runs out the door and into Sandals]
Sandals: Hey! Watch it, buddy. I don't care how much you want your Pretty Patty. You're gonna have to wait in line [shows Krabs the very long line] like the rest of us.
Mr. Krabs: I've never had a line.
[At SpongeBob's stand, the "Now Serving" sign flips to 46,853]
SpongeBob: Who's #46,853?
[An enormous amount of people surround them and they simultaneously declare themselves as #46,853. Mr. Krabs makes his way to the front of the line]
Mr. Krabs:[surprised] I never had 46,853 customers.
SpongeBob:[hands a Pretty Patty to an anchovy] Here you are, sir. Stay pretty. [laughing] All right. [notices Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs is that you? Isn't this great, Mr. Krabs? [Mr. Krabs smiles nervously] The Pretty Patties are a big hit!
Mr. Krabs: They sure are, boy. You're doing pretty well for yourself. I guess you've completely forgotten the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: No, sir, I haven't. Sometimes I really miss the old days back at the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs:[gets an idea, then he smiles smugly] I bet you miss Squidward... and the grill. And the crow's nest.
SpongeBob: Yeah. Yeah! But do you know what I miss the most, Mr. Krabs? [demonstrates rubbing two pickles together] That tiny squeaking sound you get when you rub two pickles together. You know what I mean, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Uhh... Yes. Yes, I do, lad. Well, the Krusty Krab's only a short walk away. Why don't you head on down. For old time's sake. [takes SpongeBob by the hand and starts to walk away, but SpongeBob's arm expands and he just stays in the same place]
SpongeBob: Oh, I can't leave, Mr. Krabs. What about the stand?
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, lad. I'll watch the stand for ye. [SpongeBob retracts his arm]
SpongeBob: You will?
Mr. Krabs: No! I've got a better idea! I'll take this old roadside stand off your hands. For keeps. An in exchange, I'll give you the Krusty Krab. With Squidward, the grill, and all those squeaky pickles!
SpongeBob:[In a trance] What did you say, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Here's the key to the Krusty Krab. [gives SpongeBob the key, which is composed of 2 K's and a ring] She's yours now.
SpongeBob:[receives the key, while still in a trance] Thank you. What should I do now, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Run to her, boy. She's waiting for ya.
SpongeBob: I can't feel my legs, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, boy! I'll fix it! [grabs SpongeBob and tosses him to the crowd] Get this to the Krusty Krab on the double! Good luck, lad!
SpongeBob:[while crowd-surfing, SpongeBob's surroundings turn into a pink sky with clouds] Dreams do come true! [gets thrown to the ground]
[SpongeBob floats up and kisses the building. We see him cheer in the dining area, kiss the floor, throw buns up into the air in the kitchen, laugh over the phone in Mr. Krabs' office, and stand at the ordering boat, the whole Krusty Krab cleaned and refreshed. Cut back to the Pretty Patties stand]
Mr. Krabs: Ladies and gentlemen! "Pretty Patties" is now under new management! [holds a green Pretty Patty] Who's next? [the crowd cheers]
[We see a sea-level shot of the Bikini Atoll Island. It turns from night to dawn. Cut to Mr. Krabs at the stand beside SpongeBob's house. The "Free Money" stand has been disassembled]
Mr. Krabs: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! For me money. [the crowd gathers around him, all looking angry] Welcome to Pretty Patties! May I take your money?
Franco:[high-pitched voice] We want a refund, Krabs! [all talking at once]
Mr. Krabs:[confused as he turns his head three times] Wha-!?! Who? What?
Gus: Your dumb Pretty Patties turned my [shows his purple face] face purple!
Scottish Man:[Scottish accent] Look what I got under me kilt! [raises his kilt to reveal a plaid body, and white underwear]
Clay, John, and Frank: And look at our tongues! [they show Mr. Krabs their respective tongues. We see a yellow tongue, a speckled tongue, and a pink tongue]
Mr. Krabs:[refers to Frank's tongue while sweating] What's wrong with you?
Frank:[turns off a light to reveal his tongue is glow-in-the-dark, and is pulsing green] We want our money back. All 46,853 of us. [turns the light back on, but Krabs is nowhere to be seen]
Harold: Hey, where'd he go?
[Cut to Krabs screaming and running away, while the crowd chases him, and a rainbow trailing behind them]
Mr. Krabs:[slams on the Krusty Krab door but it's locked] My key! [checks his pocket for the key but it's not there] Where's my key? [recalls he gave it to SpongeBob] SpongeBob! [he quickly bangs the door to get SpongeBob's attention] SpongeBob, let me in! [inside the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is too busy happily rubbing the two pickles together] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! [Mr. Krabs tries to get SpongeBob's attention from outside] SpongeBob! Let me in!
[SpongeBob cannot hear due to his pickle-squeaking. Krabs screams as he is chased left and right by the mob, still yelling for SpongeBob's attention. It uses like this Squeak!. Squeak!. Squeak!. Crowd muttering angrily]
Mr. Krabs:[screams] SpongeBob, let me in! SpongeBob!