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"Patty Caper" (transcript)

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Patty Caper
General
Season №: 6
Episode №: 108a
Airdate: August 5, 2008
Chronology
Previous: "No Nose Knows"
Next: "Plankton's Regular"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Patty Caper" from season six, which aired on August 5, 2008.

  • [episode starts at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is in Mr. Krab's office, and all the lights are off]
  • SpongeBob: You wanted to see me, sir?
  • Mr. Krabs: Pull up a seat boy. [SpongeBob looks around]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, there aren't any chairs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Sit, down! [SpongeBob sits] Now you've worked here for quite some time, boy.
  • SpongeBob: Ooh yes sir. And they've been the best years of my life, sir.
  • Mr. Krabs: That said fact aside, midway through today's lunch rush, we ran out of, the secret ingredient [Mr. Krabs hold up a bottle] to the secret formula! [Mr. Krabs holds up the formula]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] NO!
  • Mr. Krabs: Listen up boy, any minute now, a truck driver is going to arrive, and i'm entrusting you to retrieve the secret ingredient! And I need you to do this with out any foulups! Understand?
  • SpongeBob: Could you repeat that? [Mr. Krabs looks at his watch]
  • Mr. Krabs: It's time! [Mr. Krabs presses a button which makes a siren go off, and locks down the whole restaurant. A truck then arrives with S.W.A.T. team members to make a path from the restaurant to the truck] Now go! And be sure to guard it with your life!
  • SpongeBob: I won't let you down.
  • Mr. Krabs: Wait!
  • SpongeBob: Yes?
  • Mr. Krabs: If anything happens to that secret ingredient, don't bother coming back to work! [SpongeBob gets scared, then walks outside, and up to the truck]
  • S.W.A.T. Team Member 1: You BobPants?
  • SpongeBob: Uh, SpongeBob.
  • S.W.A.T. Team Member 1: Close enough. [hands SpongeBob the case with the ingredient inside] Now get out of here kid! Pleanty of folks would love to get a hold of that ingredient.
  • SpongeBob: Yes sir! [runs back to the Krusty Krab] And now, let's get you into the Krabby Patties, secret ingredienty. [notices the secret ingredient is not there, and gasps] Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? No! What's going to happen to the Krabby Patty secret recipe? [notices a hole] What's this? A hole? How did that happen? An incision. Almost as if someone, or something did this un-purpose. That's it! A thief must have cut a hole, and swiped the secret ingredient! But who?
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! [hides the case behind his back] What are you doing lolly gagging about? Get back to work!
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] Right away sir.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hop to it! There's a lot of hungry customer's out there!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs trusted me, and I let him down!
  • Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick. Maybe you can help me.
  • Patrick: With what?
  • SpongeBob: With this. [shows him the case. Patrick puts some mustard on it, then puts it on buns]
  • Patrick: Here you go, buddy.
  • SpongeBob: Not that kind of help. This used to have the Krabby Patty secret ingredient inside. But now, it's missing!
  • Patrick: What?
  • SpongeBob: Someone stole it, Patrick! And we need to find out who!
  • Patrick: Find out!
  • SpongeBob: You and I are going to need to do a little detective work! [cuts to the Chum Bucket]
  • Plankton: What are we eating this time, Karen?
  • Karen: [puts a Krabby Patty on the plate] Something new.
  • Plankton: Oh, you mean the "secret recipe" I came up with?
  • SpongeBob: Aha! I knew it was you!
  • Plankton: What was me?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, come on, Plankton, don't play dumb. You know you stole the secret Krabby Patty ingredient!
  • Plankton: Is this a joke?
  • SpongeBob: Why don't you tell me. Is it?!
  • Plankton: Uh, no.
  • Patrick: [laughs] Good one!
  • SpongeBob: All right, no more jokes! Either you tell me where the secret ingredient is, or we'll be forced to use other means of making you talk! [Patrick holds up two balls on a string, then bangs them together]
  • Plankton: Sorry, I really have nothing for you.
  • SpongeBob: Then how do you explain this? [picks up the Krabby Patty]
  • Plankton: Okay, you caught me.
  • SpongeBob: And so the truth floweth forth.
  • Plankton: Yes, it is a Krabby Patty.
  • Both: Mm-hmm.
  • Plankton: But, it's my version of a Krabby Patty. [both are confused] After thosands of failed attempts to steal the recipe, I learned all but one ingredient needed to make Krabby Patties. The most important ingredient, the secret ingredient. Over the years, I've methodically gone through almost every letter of the alphabet. Right now I'm on the R's. And I've gotten up to raw sewage.
  • SpongeBob: [sniffs the patty] Yuck.
  • Plankton: Try it, tell me what you think. [they walk out of the Chum Bucket]
  • SpongeBob: Well, he's clean. But if Plankton didn't steal the ingredient, who did?
  • Patrick: Good question.
  • SpongeBob: Only someone who specializes in science, could reverse engineer the recipe, based on the secret ingredient. Hmm, a scientist. [cuts to Sandy's treedome. SpongeBob and Patrick sneak up at the treedome, then look around] There she is. [Sandy walks up to her table with a covered plate] You hang back. I'm going in for a closer look. [SpongeBob put's a water helmet on, then drills a hole into Sandy's treedome, then hides behind her tree. Sandy uncovers the plate, revealing Krabby Patties. SpongeBob gasp] Oh, my gosh! It is Sandy! [Sandy digs a hole, and buries the Krabby Patty in it] Enjoying them Krabby Patties lady?
  • Sandy: SpongeBob. How long have you been standing there buddy?
  • SpongeBob: Oh long enough, "buddy."
  • Sandy: I was just storing food for the appending winter. Want one?
  • SpongeBob: I'm onto you, squirrel. [sniffs the patty] You thought no one could figure it out, but I pieced it together. I know exactly how you got all those patties.
  • Sandy: What exactly are you getting at, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: What I am getting at, is that you... [screen cuts to what SpongeBob is explaining] ...cloaked yourself an invisibility potion, snuck through the security perimeter... [Sandy picks up one of the S.W.A.T. Team Member]
  • S.W.A.T. Team Member 2: What was that?
  • S.W.A.T. Team Member 1: Here's the secret Krabby Patty ingredient.
  • SpongeBob: ...then used a time-freezing device to freeze time, used a laser beam to cut open the case, stole the Krabby Patty secret ingredient, [cuts back to SpongeBob and Sandy] reverse engineered it, and made your own patties. So you wouldn't have to pay.
  • Sandy: Or, perhaps I walked into the Krusty Krab, purchased them, [holds up a receipt] and received a receipt for these legally obtained patties!
  • SpongeBob: [reads receipt] 283 Krabby Patties. [laughs nervously] That's right, I cooked this order. I guess that means you didn't use a laser beam, or invisibility.
  • Sandy: SpongeBob, next time before you run around accusing people of things, make sure your own house is in order first!
  • SpongeBob: My own house, huh? [Cut to SpongeBob's house where SpongeBob and Patrick have Gary cornered against a wall, with a light above him] Why'd you do it, Gary?!
  • Gary: [frightened] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: You've told us that story 100 times now, Gary. Unfortunately, my partner and I don't want to hear stories, we want to hear the truth! Look, we know you stole the secret ingredient and it's obvious how you did it! [scene cuts to what SpongeBob is explaining again] First, you hitched a ride on a security chopper, then jumped into the drop zone. Then, when I stopped to pull up my sock, you snuck up behind me, and did what any snail could do. You shot grosid acid from your tearducts, which melted the case, allowing you to steal the secret ingredient. [cuts back to SpongeBob's house]
  • Gary: [angry] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, you're right, Gary, that is impossible. I never would have stopped to pull up my sock during a pickup.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: What's that, Gary?
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: You did see someone leaving the Krusty Krab with a mysterious black case that night? Mr. Snail, could you please describe this, this marauder to the sketch artist.
  • Gary: Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.
  • Patrick: I can't believe it! It was Squidward! [shows drawing of Squidward eating a Krabby Patty. Cuts to them in front of Squidward's house]
  • SpongeBob: Open up, Mr. Tentacles! We know you're in there! We just want to ask you a few... [to Patrick] He's not cooperating.
  • Patrick: You know what to do. [SpongeBob picks up Patrick, and uses him as a batting ram]
  • Squidward: And one, and...
  • SpongeBob: Gotcha! You thought you could hide your crime.
  • Patrick: But we heareth what you've done.
  • Squidward: If I cared, I'd ask what this is about.
  • SpongeBob: Well, I'm glad you asked, 'cause this is about you stealing the Krabby Patty secret ingredient! [scene cuts to what SpongeBob is explaining again] And we have an eye witness who saw you leaving the scene of the crime, with a mysterious black case.
  • Squidward: A case like this? [hands SpongeBob a black suitcase]
  • SpongeBob: Yes! Because you can't make Krabby Patties without... [both gasp] tap dancing shoes?
  • Squidward: That's right! I was in a tap contest on the night in question. As you can see from my third place medallion.
  • SpongeBob: [nervously] I guess that means you didn't steal the secret ingredient. [Squidward snatches the briefcase from SpongeBob and walks outside]
  • Squidward: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! [Squidward picks up his house, then moves it away from them, then walks inside. Cuts to the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I don't know how, sir, but somebody stole the Krabby Patty secret ingredient!
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you were in charge of guarding that secret ingredient with your life!
  • SpongeBob: I know, Mr. Krabs. It just slipped away from me somehow.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, do you have any leads, or clues?
  • SpongeBob: All I know is that it had to be someone who knew about the delivery, and be at the Krusty Krab during the delivery, and this person would have to know what to do with the secret ingredient when he got it.
  • Mr. Krabs: That would be... you, SpongeBob! You stole me secret ingredient!
  • SpongeBob: Me?!
  • Mr. Krabs: That's right. And I know exactly how you carried out this little caper. [cuts to what Mr. Krabs is explaining] You obviously set up a decoy to take the delivery. Then when no one was looking, you swooped in, stole the secret ingredient, and carried it away to the Chum Bucket, [cuts back to the Krusty Krab] where you sold it to Plankton to make a quick buck. [SpongeBob tries to talk, but Mr. Krabs stops him] Don't talk! You can tell it to the cops, 'cause I'm calling them right now! [policemen come out from hiding in a barrel]
  • Policeman: No need. We heard it all from this barrel.
  • Mr. Krabs: [In a Russian accent] Then arrest this thief, [points at him with the secret ingredient] Officer!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, isn't that the stolen secret ingredient?
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh, what are you talking about, SpongeBob? I'm not holding any secret ingredient. [holds it out, then hides it]
  • Policeman: You might want to stand that you stole the item in question?
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, I wouldn't call it stealing...
  • Policeman: And you were going to let someone else take the fall for this little caper?
  • Mr. Krabs: I can explain!
  • Policeman: Please do.
  • Mr. Krabs: It's simple, $1.99 is a lot to pay for the secret ingredient every time I get a delivery, so I s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s... took it to avoid paying, you know.
  • Policeman: I think Judge Trout will be very interested to hear this story. [handcuffs him]
  • Mr. Krabs: What? What'd I do? [cuts to the court house]
  • Judge: All rise. Eugene Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Your honor.
  • Judge: As punishment for commiting the crime of grand theft, I sentence you to give away Krabby Patties for free, all day tommorow.
  • Mr. Krabs: Give away me Patties for free? No, I couldn't bear the sight of that. [cuts to next day at the Krusty Krab, and Mr. Krabs is screaming]
  • SpongeBob: Step right up, and get your free Krabby Patties. [SpongeBob is giving away free Patties, while fussy Mr. Krabs is chained to a chair, and the police are holding his eyes painfully, making him watch it.. Whenever the police is laughing, it's Mr. Krabs who's crying]

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