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{{EpisodeTr/51}}
{{BTranscript
 
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{{L|Narrator|Welcome to SpongeBob's House Party, with your host, Patchy the Pirate. There'll be punch, cookies, explosions, and a brand-new episode of SpongeBob SquarePants!}}
|Title=Party Pooper Pants
 
  +
{{L|Old-time crowd|Hooray!}}
|Season=3
 
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{{L|Narrator|Now live, from Encino, California, get ready for a warm embrace from our party host, Patchy the Pirate!}}
|Episode=51
 
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{{L|Patchy|Hey, get off my lawn! Party? There ain't no party here! Go away!}}
|Airdate=[[May 17]], [[2002]]
 
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{{L|Potty|Bawk, come on in!}}
}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Hush, Polly, don't you see I'm trying to keep out the riffraff?}}
==Patchy Segment, Part I==
 
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{{L|Potty|Riffraff? Bawk, they're our television audience, barnacle breath!}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Oh, of course it is! I was just fooling! Welcome! Say, you didn't bring SpongeBob with you, did you? I sure hope he got his invitation.}}
Narrator: Welcome to SpongeBob's House Party, with your host, Patchy the Pirate. There'll be punch, cookies, explosions, and a brand-new episode of SpongeBob SquarePants!
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|I'd sure like to go to this party, but I can't read the invitation!}}
 
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{{L|Patrick|Me neither.}}
Old-time crowd: Hooray!
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Whoever sent this obviously has no idea about the physical limitations of life underwater! Well, might as well throw these in the fire.}}
 
  +
{{L|Patchy|Ah well, come on in. Let me introduce you around. This here's Minnie the Mermaid. She's cooling off here since she's been dancing her scales off, isn't that right, minnie, huh, takin' a little breakie poo?}}
Narrator: Now live, from Encino, California, get ready for a warm embrace from our party host, Patchy the Pirate!
 
  +
{{L|Minnie|No, Patchy. Actually, I'm in here because if I wasn't, I would die.}}
 
Patchy: Hey, get off my lawn! Party? There ain't no party here! Go away!
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{{L|Patchy|Ha, ha, that's the spirit! Patchy strikes his hook into Minnie's pool]''}}
  +
{{L|Patchy|Huh, let's see, who else haven't you met? That's Longbeard the pirate. Hey, there Longbeard, long time no see!}}
 
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{{L|Neptune|Who dares to interrupt Neptune?}}
Polly: Bawk, come on in!
 
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{{L|Patchy|Sorry about that Neppy. That's Neptune. He's king of the sea.}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|You kids having fun? ''[Kids are chuckling]''}}
Patchy: Hush, Polly, don't you see I'm trying to keep out the riffraff?
 
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{{L|Patchy|He he.. whew! Hosting a party is hard work alright. That reminds me of a time when SpongeBob was hosting a party! Hey, you kids want to see that cartoon? You do? Well then, launch the cartoon!}}
 
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{{L|''[episode starts]''}}
Polly: Riffraff? Bawk, they're our television audience, barnacle breath!
 
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{{L|Narrator|Ah, the Barg'n Mart. A consumer's paradise of brand-like items, stocked as far as the eye can see. ''[SpongeBob is running down the aisles trying to get to the check-out counter as soon as possible]''}}
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Boom! 19 seconds! That's a new record, Lou!}}
Patchy: Oh, of course it is! I was just fooling! Welcome! Say, you didn't bring SpongeBob with you, did you? I sure hope he got his invitation.
 
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{{L|Old time-crowd| Hooray!}}
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|But it's not an official record until we record it in the Book of Records. ''[writes the record down in a book]'' 19 seconds.}}
SpongeBob: I'd sure like to go to this party, but I can't read the invitation!
 
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{{L|Lou|Ok, it's a $1.42.}}
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Sign here please. ''[signs]'' Initial here, here, and here. ''[Spongebob notices a picture of Lou from a while back]'' Oh look, it's a picture I took of you the first time I ever came here! ''[picture shows a happy Lou]'' Look at you, so young and happy! ''[puts the picture down and we see a sad Lou]'' Where do the years go? Hey, what's that? 'Plan Your Own Party Kit'? Hey Lou, how much?}}
Patrick: Me neither.
 
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{{L|Lou|For the Plan Your Own Party kit? Oh, we're having a special on those. Uhh, they're free, but you have to leave, right now. ''[scene cuts to Spongebob's house]''}}
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Let's see Gary, according to the 'Plan Your Own Party Kit', invitations are the first order of business. ''[reads first thing on list]'' A guest list consisting only your closest acquaintances will set an intimate tone for the evening and provide soiree success. Well, you heard the man, Gary, only our closest friends.}}
SpongeBob: Whoever sent this obviously has no idea about the physical limitations of life underwater! Well, might as well throw these in the fire.
 
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{{L|Fred's dad|''[reads invitation]'' Who the barnacle is SpongeBob SquarePants? ''[Mable peeks from around the corner]''}}
 
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{{L|Mable|I believe you went to kindergarten with him, dear.}}
Patchy: Ah well, come on in. Let me introduce you around. This here's Minnie the Mermaid. She's cooling off here since she's been dancing her scales off, isn't that right, minnie, huh, takin' a little breakie poo?
 
  +
{{L|Fred's dad|Kindergarten, huh? ''[Dad shows a picture of SpongeBob and his Kindergarten class]'' Oh yeah, SquarePants. Well, it's time to move again.}}
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Boy, Gary, this 'Plan Your Own Party Kit' is a real life-saver. ''[mixing ingredients and reading a cook book]'' How else would I have known to make freshly-whipped clotted cream. ''[takes a little taste]'' Gary, you better call an astronomer, because this clotted cream is outta this world! ''[timer goes off]'' My piñata! ''[takes out the piñata from the oven and tosses it around because it's hot then puts it on the table]'' The 'Plan Your Own Party Kit' suggests creativity when stuffing your piñata, so I'm using deviled eggs. ''[puts eggs in the piñata]''}}
Minnie: No, Patchy. Actually, I'm in here because if I wasn't, I would die.
 
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{{L|Gary|Meow.}}
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Good question Gary, but not to worry. The 'Plan Your Own Party Kit' warns that unsupervised parties can lead to disaster. That's why I've taken the liberty of devising a schedule! ''[takes out list]'' 8:00-8:05: Guests arrive. 8:05-8:15: Opening remarks and general discussion. 8:15-8:27: Craft corner, followed by name tag distribution. ''[list rolls across the table]'' At 8:27, we begin the qualifying rounds for our cracker-eating slash tongue-twister contest. 9:07: running charades. ''[list rolls along the wall]'' 9:38: charity apple-bob. ''[list is still rolling around]'' 9:57: Electric jitterbug dance marathon, ladies' choice. ''[winks at Gary. The list stops on Spongebob's head]'' At 10:09, things start cooking as I dig into my world-famous knock-knock joke vault!}}
Patchy: Ha, ha, that's the spirit!
 
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{{L|Gary|Meow.}}
Patchy strikes his hook into Minnie's pool).
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|And as long as we stick to this schedule, our party is a guaranteed success! This is gonna be the coolest party ever! ''[puts a party hat on Gary's shell. Patchy reappears]''}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Ha, ha! Looks like it's smooth party sailing for SpongeBob so far. Now it's time for me to get my own party underway! Gather around, ye scurvy landlubbers, it's time to learn the peg legged dance o' happiness. Oh, it's quite simple really, all you need is a peg leg and some patience. And my instructional video series, only $29.95.}}
Patchy: Huh, let's see, who else haven't you met? That's Longbeard the pirate. Hey, there Longbeard, long time no see!
 
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{{L|Potty|Bawk! How tacky.}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|It's a $40.00 value, Potty! A 40.00 VALUE!!!! Now, it's very easy and loads of fun.}}
Neptune: Who dares to interrupt Neptune?
 
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{{L|Salt Water Sam|Hey, everybody, the band's here!}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Band? What band?}}
Patchy: Sorry about that Neppy. That's Neptune. He's king of the sea.
 
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{{L|Potty|The band I hired for the party. ''[Patchy was laughing]''}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|A jolly idea, Polly. Who'd you get? Barnacle Bill and the Seven Seas?}}
Patchy: You kids having fun?
 
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{{L|Potty|No.}}
Kids are chuckling).
 
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{{L|Patchy|Seaweed Sally and her cackling turtle?}}
 
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{{L|Potty|No.}}
Patchy: He he.. whew! Hosting a party is hard work alright. That reminds me of a time when
 
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{{L|Patchy|Oh, oh, I know: The First Mates.}}
SpongeBob was hosting a party! Hey,you kids want to see that cartoon? You do? Well then, launch the cartoon!
 
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{{L|Potty|No.}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Salt Water Sam, featuring the Brine Brothers.}}
==SpongeBob Segment, Part I==
 
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{{L|Potty|No.}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Rusty hinges and the Boys from the Brig?}}
Narrator: Ah, the Barg'n' Mart: A consumer's paradise of brand-like items stocked as far as the eye can see.
 
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{{L|Potty|They broke up years ago.}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Well, who else is there?}}
(SpongeBob rushes to a stack of cans, hurls himself over, grabs a can, and then torpedos towards the register. He then places the can on the counter and immediately pulls out a stopwatch).
 
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{{L|Potty|The Bird Brains!}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Oh.. ha he huh?}}
SpongeBob: 19 seconds! That's a new record, Lou!
 
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{{L|Potty|The Bird Brains. They are much better than those other bands.}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|But they're just a bunch of birds!}}
Lou the Clerk: Uh, that's great SpongeBob. $1.42.
 
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{{L|Lead Singer|HELLO, ENCINO! ''[The Bird Brains play all this heavy metal music]''}}
 
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{{L|Patchy|Potty, that's the worst sea shanty I've ever heard! I sure hope it doesn't get any louder. Ooooooohh!}}
SpongeBob: But it's not an official record until we record it into the Book of Records!
 
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{{L|''[Patchy screams and blasts seven homes and pole]'' PLOP!}}
Lou is sighing). SpongeBob writing: 19 seconds.
 
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{{L|Patchy|No, no, no! Stop the music!! Noooooooooooooo! Look boys, I know that you fella sound good around the birdbath, but this here is basic cable! This is the big time. I'm afraid it's time for you to walk the plank.}}
 
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{{L|Lead Singer|You mean we're fired?}}
Lou: OK, so it's $1.42.
 
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{{L|Patchy|No. ''[Patchy and the band go to the plank.]''
 
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{{L|Patchy|Now walk, or you'll be dealing with the business of my sword. Ha ha ha... ''[The birds are flying away.]''}}
SpongeBob: Sign here, please. *signs* initial here. *signs* and here. *signs* and here. *signs* Oh look, it's a picture I took of you the first time I ever came here. Look at you, so young and happy. Where do the years go? Hey, what's that? Plan Your Own Party Kit. Hey, Lou, how much?
 
  +
{{L|Patchy|No! I forgot that you're birds! Ahh! ''[Patchy begins to cry]''}}
 
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{{L|Narrator|''[screen: PLEASE STAND BY]'' While Patchy pulls himself together, let's see how Spongebob's party is working out. ''[shows Spongebob's house decorated]''}}
Lou: The Plan Your Own Party Kit? Oh, we're having a special on those. Uh.....they're free! But you have to leave. Right now.
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Ok, Gary, get ready. It's almost 8:00! And here they come! ''[looks at his watch]'' Don't worry too much Gary, it's only ten seconds past 8:00. ''[gasps]'' Now it's twenty seconds past 8:00! Maybe no one got their invitations! 30 seconds past 8:00! Oh, I'm doomed! ''[cries]'' No one's coming! I'm the worst host ever! ''[doorbell rings]'' Oh, the first guest! And only 40 seconds late. ''[opens door to see Patrick]''}}
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|Hi, Spongebob.}}
SpongeBob: Let's see, Gary. According to the Plan Your Own Party Kit, invitations are the first order of business. A short guest list consisting of only your closest aquaintances will provide an intimate tone for the evening and provide sioree success. You heard the man, Gary, only our closest friends.
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Welcome Patrick! May I compliment you on being fashionably late? Can I get you a glass of punch?}}
 
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{{L|Patrick|Sure? ''[Spongebob runs over and pours a glass]''}}
Fred's dad: Who the barnacle is SpongeBob SquarePants?
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Did you have any trouble finding the place? ''[gives Patrick the glass]'' Here you are!}}
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|Thanks. ''[drinks some punch]''}}
His wife: I believe he went to kindergarten with you, dear.
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|So, the punch ok?}}
 
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{{L|Patrick|Not bad, not bad.}}
Fred's dad: Kindergarten, eh. Oh yeah, SquarePants. Well, I guess it's time to move again.
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Hmmm, nice weather we're having.}}
 
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{{L|Patrick|It's been very mild, yes.}}
SpongeBob: Boy, Gary, this Plan Your Own Party Kit is a real lifesaver. How else would I have known to make freshly whipped clotted cream? *tastes* Gary, you'd better call an astronomer, because this clotted cream is out of this world! DING
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Yep, it's mild season. ''[nervously laughs]'' Ahem. So, you read any... ''[doorbell rings]'' Oh, more party guests! ''[Mr. Krabs has walked in with a purple coat on]'' Welcome Mr. Krabs!}}
 
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|Ahoy, SpongeBob!}}
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Please let Gary take your coat, then allow me to offer you some hors d'oeuvres and a glass of punch.}}
SpongeBob: My pinata!
 
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|Don't mind if I do! ''[drops his coat on Gary. Gary sticks his eyes out of the sleeves]''}}
 
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{{L|Gary|Meow.}}
SpongeBob:(smiles) Oh Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot! The Plan Your Own Party Kit encourages creativity when stuffing your pinata. That's why I'm using with deviled eggs!
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[looks over his party list]'' Two down, one hundred and seventy-five to go. Oh, I almost forgot... ''[hands Patrick and Mr. Krabs name tags]'' These name tags eliminate the need for awkward introductions. ''[doorbell rings]'' Oh, more guests! ''[Patrick tries to read his name tag upside down]''}}
 
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{{L|Patrick|Kcirtap si eman ym o77eh. I don't get it.}}
Gary: Meow? It warns at me.
 
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|No, you dumb bunny, it says, "Hello, my name is Patrick".}}
 
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{{L|Patrick|''[shakes Mr Krabs hand]'' Nice to meet you Patrick.}}
SpongeBob: Good question Gary, but not to worry. The 'Plan your own Party Kit' warns that unsupervised parties can lead to disaster. That’s why I’ve taken the liberty of devising a schedule! (takes out list) 8:00-8:05: Guests arrive. 8:05-8:15: Opening remarks and general discussion. 8:15-8:27: Craft corner, followed by name tag distribution. (list rolls across the table) At 8:27, we begin the qualifying rounds for our cracker-eating slash tongue-twister contest. 9:07: running charades. (list rolls along the wall) 9:38: charity apple-bob. (list is still rolling around) 9:57: Electric jitterbug dance marathon, ladies’ choice. (winks at Gary. The list stops on SpongeBob's head) At 10:09, things start cooking as I dig into my world-famous knock-knock joke vault!
 
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[laughs]'' Good one, Patrick! ''[both laugh]''}}
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|Yeah.}}
Gary: Meow. COOL!
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|What's going on here? The laughter isn't scheduled until 9:03! You want to throw a party, do it at your house, Patrick. ''[doorbell rings]''}}
 
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{{L|Patrick|Was he talking to me or you? ''[Spongebob opens door to Squidward]''}}
SpongeBob: And as long as we stick to this schedule, our party is a guaranteed success! This is gonna be the coolest party eva! (puts a party hat on Gary’s shell)
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward, you made it!}}
 
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{{L|Squidward|My cable's out. ''[Spongebob hides some wire cutters behind his back]''}}
==Patchy Segment Part II==
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, uhh, sorry to hear about that.}}
 
  +
{{L|Mr Krabs|So, uhh, how's it going Squidward?}}
Patchy: Looks like it's smooth party sailing for SpongeBob so far. Now it's time for me to get my own party underway! Gather around, ye scurvy landlubbers, it's time to learn the peg legged dance o' happiness. Oh, it's quite simple really, all you need is a peg leg and some patience. And my instructional video series, only $29.95.
 
  +
{{L|Squidward|Not bad.}}
Polly: bawk! How tacky.
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[SpongeBob clears his throat, attracting Mr. Krabs and Squidward's attention]'' I have you making mild conversation with Mr. Krabs from 10:41 to 10:47. But if you've got a case of the jabberjaws, I can hook you up with Scooter. ''[SpongeBob takes Scooter and places him near Squidward]'' Here are some topic cards to break the ice. ''[hands them some cards. The doorbell rings]'' Oh, someone's at the door!}}
 
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{{L|Scooter|Mine says, 'What came first?: the oyster or the pearl?' You take the side of the pearl! ''[Squidward throws away his card and walks away]''}}
Patchy: It's a $40.00 value, Polly! A 40.00 VALUE!!!! Now, it's very easy and loads of fun.
 
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{{L|Squidward|This is lame.}}
 
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{{L|Unnamed Character|My card says, "Discuss the philosophical nature of irony." What does yours say?}}
 
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{{L|Patrick|"Nod politely". ''[shown Mr Krabs and Plankton with cards]''}}
Some dude in yellow coat: Hey, everybody, the band's here!
 
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|What does yours say, Plankton?}}
 
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{{L|Plankton|Oh, uhh, it says, ''[really shows "Where are You From?"]'' 'Discuss the secret ingredient of the Krabby Patty formula.' ''[clears throat]'' How interesting.}}
Patchy: Band? What band?
 
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|Nice try, Plankton. ''[everyone is chattering amongst themselves. The doorbell rings]''}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, it's about time. Ok, everyone, the last guest is about to arrive...22 minutes late! ''[opens up the door to Tom Smith]''}}
Polly: The band I hired for the party. (Patchy was
 
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{{L|Tom|Hey, hey! ''[Spongebob folds his arms in a sort of anger. Tom laughs nervously as SpongeBob walks into the party]''}}
laughing).
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Attention everyone. Attention please! Now that we're all here, I officially declare the party switch to be in the 'on' position! ''[silence. everyone claps silently]'' As soon as I get back from the coat room, we'll have a rundown of tonight's schedule. Try not to have too much fun without me! ''[laughs as he walks into a room with a sign that reads 'Coat Check']'' Seriously. ''[closes door. scene cuts to his wardrobe]'' Hey Gar, got another coat for you. ''[throws the coat on Gary]'' The party's going great, by the way. They're gonna be talking about this one for a long, long time. Well, back to work. ''[laughs and walks back out with his clipboard]'' Ok, everyone. Let's...huh? What's going on here? ''[guests are talking and dancing to the music. SpongeBob starts to hyperventilate]'' This is all wrong! What's happening to my party? ''[scene cuts to Sandy and Larry dancing]'' No, no, no, no, no! Didn't you read the schedule? 10:00pm: Dance your pants off! 10:00pm! ''[scene cuts to Sandals eating cake. SpongeBob takes a vacuum and sucks out all the food from his mouth]'' Let's try to stick to the schedule, shall we? Cake will be eaten at 8:52, everyone! 8:52! ''[switches into 'blower'. Slice of cake is blown perfectly back into the rest of the cake. A plate with bacon and eggs is blown onto the table]'' Hey, what's this?}}
 
  +
{{L|Sandals|That's my breakfast!}}
Patchy: A jolly idea, Polly. Who'd you get? Barnacle Bill and the Seven Seas?
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Could I have everyone's attention please? ''[Patrick is dancing by the record player]'' Patrick! ''[stops the music]'' If everyone could take a seat on the couch please, while I sort this out. Thank you, thanks. ''[the guests walk over to the couch]'' Hey everybody, thanks for your patience. I know we've gotten off to a rocky start here, so I'm going to get us back on track. It is now 8:37, and we all know what that means! ''[gets out a newspaper]'' Time to read aloud from the newspaper comics! Ok, I think I'll start out with 'The Wisenheimers'. Ok, panel one: we see Roxy Wisenheimer with some sort of rake. Wait, I can't read from this! ''[guests cheer]'' This is yesterday's paper. ''[they stop cheering as SpongeBob walks outside]'' I'll just go grab today's paper. ''[everyone starts to party when he leaves. talking to himself]'' Spongebob, you sure know how to throw a party. What would they do without you? ''[tries to open the door]'' Locked out? ''[knocks on the door. Scene cuts to Patrick and Sandy are dancing]''}}
 
  +
{{L|Sandy|This song's got a great beat.}}
Polly: No.
 
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{{L|Patrick|Yeah. Knock, knock.}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Gee, I wonder why they don't hear me? ''[looks through the window and his eyes bug out as he wails. He sees the party, with all the guests dancing and having fun and the music blasting]'' Oh no! ''[cut to the topic cards on the floor and two fish just talking]'' They're not using the topic cards! They're ad-libbing! ''[cut to Patrick eating all the deviled eggs in the piñata in one gulp and everyone else cheering him on]'' Now they're mad at Patrick! He's hogging the deviled eggs! ''[scene cuts to two guests laughing]'' Look at those poor souls, they're so bored, they've gone mad! Oh, no. The party's falling into chaos without my hosting talents to guide it! ''[scene cuts to Patrick and Mrs. Puff talking]''}}
Patchy: Seaweed Sally and her cackling turtle?
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|So, do you come here often?}}
 
  +
{{L|Mrs. Puff|No. ''[phone rings. Patrick answers]''}}
Polly: No.
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|Hello, Squarepants residence. What? I'm sorry, what? ''[scene cuts to SpongeBob using a pay phone outside, across the street]''}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Patrick, it's me, Spongebob!}}
Patchy: Oh, oh, I know: The First Mates.
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|You wanna talk to Spongebob?}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Yes... no, Patrick! I'm SpongeBob! I'm outside!}}
Polly: No.
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|Ok, hold on. ''[opens door]'' Spongebob, you out here? Phone's for you! {{L|SpongeBob|What? I-. No! Patrick! Wait!}}''[Spongebob runs toward the door.]'' {{L|Patrick|Sorry, he's not here.}} ''[Patrick closes it in front of him]''
 
  +
{{L|Scooter|Hey, dude, if you're looking for Spongebob, he's over by the punch bowl.}}
Patchy: Salt Water Sam, featurning the Brine Brothers.
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|Thanks. ''[Patrick hands the phone to an ice sculpture of Spongebob's head]'' Here you go, Spongebob. ''[drops the phone in the punch]''}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Phone in punch bowl? That's not even on the schedule! ''[looks up noticing the bathroom window is open. Scene cuts to Larry looking in the window]''}}
Polly: No.
 
  +
{{L|Larry|Larry, my man, you are looking good enough to eat! ''[the mirror shows a real lobster on a plate]'' Could use a little teeth whitener, though. I'm sure SpongeBob won't mind. ''[looks through the medicine cabinet. He finds a comb with three angles and teeth coming out from them]'' Hey, check out his crazy comb!}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh no, sounds like someone's rummaging through my medicine cabinet! ''[climbs up the side of his house]'' I hope they don't touch my special comb.}}
Patchy: Rusty hinges and the Boys from the Brig?
 
  +
{{L|Larry|Well, I think I've aired it up enough. ''[Larry closes the window on Spongebob's fingers. SpongeBob falls down screaming. Larry hears the screams]'' Hey, this party's finally starting to pick up.}} {{L|SpongeBob|''[Spongebob lands flat on the ground then gets up and looks at his fingers]'' I hope this doesn't interfere with finger puppet theater at 9:20! If I don't get back inside soon and restore order, there might not be enough time for the scheduled events! ''[scene cuts to inside where Pearl and Mrs Puff talking to each other]''}} {{L|Pearl|Gee, SpongeBob really knows how to throw a great party!}}
 
  +
{{L|Mrs. Puff|Oh yes, everything is quite lovely. ''[sees SpongeBob spying through the window]'' Eww, although I don't care for his taste of paintings. ''[turns the window around]''}}
Polly: They broke up years ago!
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|I don't even know how that happened. Well, I have no choice. I'm gonna have to tunnel back in! ''[takes a shovel and digs. Digs up into the middle of the party]'' Ok, everybody, don't panic, the host has returned. ''[guests are hopping around the room. They hop on SpongeBob and send him through the hole he dug]'' I can take losing the topic cards and the phone in the punch bowl... ''[now wearing a bunny suit]'' ...but I was supposed to lead the bunny hop! This is a bunch of barnacles! '''I'M BREAKING IN!''' ''[takes a pick-axe to cut the door but a bright light shines at him]''}}
 
  +
{{L|Officer Nancy|Well, well, well. What do we have here? A burglar bunny. Why do they do it, O'Malley?}}
Patchy: Well, who else is there?
 
  +
{{L|Officer Malley|I don't know. It's probably how he gets his kicks.}}
 
  +
{{L|Officer Nancy|You criminals make me sick.}}
Polly: The Bird Brains.
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|I'm no criminal! I live here! I'm...I'm throwing a party. I got locked out, I swear!}}
 
  +
{{L|Officer Nancy|''[smiles]'' Well why didn't you say so? What a terrible misunderstanding!}}
Patchy: Oh.. ha he huh?
 
  +
{{L|Officer Malley|You have a nice party now, sir. ''[both walk off]''}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Boy, for a second there, I thought I was going to be arrested for breaking into my own house. What an ironic twist that would have been.}}
Polly: The Bird Brains. They are much better than those other bands.
 
  +
{{L|Officer Nancy|Hey, wait a second, if you're throwing a party. Why weren't we invited?}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|But, I didn't know. Plan Your Own Party Kit didn't mention the police.}}
Patchy: But they're just a bunch of birds!
 
  +
{{L|Officer Malley|Whoa, whoa, ok, motor-mouth, tell it to the judge. ''[handcuffs SpongeBob but the handcuffs are not working]'' Oh no, these cuffs are broken.}}
 
  +
{{L|Officer Nancy|Huh, can't bring him in in broken cuffs. I got an old pair in the car we can use.}}
Someone: HELLO, ENCINO!
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Is it too late to offer you some punch?}}
The Bird Brains play all this heavy metal music.)
 
  +
{{L|Officer Malley|Sir, you have the right to remain silent. ''[scene cuts to next day]''}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|All night in the stony lonesome in a bunny outfit! ''[tries to open the door]'' Oh, yeah, the door's locked. ''[lifts up the welcome mat]'' Good thing I keep a spare key...under the mat. GRRRR!!! ''[walks in]'' Oh, look at this place! This party was a complete disaster. ''[Patrick walks up]''}}
Patchy: Polly, that's the best symphony I've ever heard! I just hope it doesn't get any more louder. Ooooooohh!
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|That was the greatest party any of us have ever been to!}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|It was?}}
(Patchy screams and blasts seven homes and pole) PLOP!
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|Oh, without a doubt, you are the best party-thrower ever!}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|I am?}}
Patchy: No, no, no! Stop the music!! Noooooooooooooo! Look boys, I know that you fella sound good around the birdbath, but this here is basic cable! This is the big time. I'm afraid it's time for you to walk the plank.
 
  +
{{L|Patrick|Yeah! Whatever you did, you should write it down and do it again next weekend. Thanks again, Spongebob. See ya! ''[walks out]''}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|SquarePants, you've done it again. I guess I know how to throw a party after all. ''[Gary's got a lampshade on his head]'' Gary! Well it looks like you had a good time.}}
Lead Singer: You mean we're fired?
 
  +
{{L|Gary|Meow.}}
 
  +
{{L|SpongeBob|Good night, Gary. ''[Patchy reappears]''}}
Patchy: No...
 
  +
{{L|Patchy|Oh ho ho, I'm glad to see that SpongeBob's party worked out. Now I need to get me own party going! Ready for some real music, Potty?}}
Patchy and the band go to the plank.
 
  +
{{L|Potty|BAWK! Ready!}}
 
  +
{{L|Patchy|Oh... scurvy ain't for the likes of me, yo ho yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho... Oh!!! Yo ho yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.. Oh, scurvy ain't..}}
Patchy: Now walk, or you'll be dealing with the business of my sword. Ha ha ha...
 
  +
{{L|Potty|BAWK! It's time for your flute solo.}}
The birds are flying away.
 
  +
{{L|Patchy|Thanks, Potty, I.. wait a minute, I don't play a flute, I play a fife. Ahh!! POTTY, NO!!!!! ''[KA-BOOM!!]'' Wow, I didn't see it came this far to be miserable. ''[gasp]'' POTTY, HELP ME!}}
 
  +
{{L|Potty|Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bird Brains!}}
Patchy: No! I forgot that you're birds! Ahh!
 
  +
{{L|Bird Brains|♪Come with me to the land I love, it's not right here, down the street, or up above. It's down below in the deep blue sea. Where SpongeBob lives, and the fun is always free. Down, down, down, to the bottom of the sea. Where our salty friend SpongeBob waits for you and me. Down, down, down, ahh, we'll have lots of fun. You and me forever in the underwater sun. We'll catch some jellyfish if we get a chance, say hello to Patrick, and do a little dance, karate chop Sandy, see Squid get a tan, eat a Krabby Patty and foil Plankton's plan. Down, down, down, to the bottom of the sea. We'll hook up with SpongeBob and his snail Gary. Down down down, ahh, we'll have lots of fun. You and me forever in the underwater sun, underwater sun.♪}}
 
  +
{{L|Patchy|Aha! Great job, boys! Don't hit the porthole on the way out. And thank you for stopping by! You've made this party a real fun time. ''[The doorbell rings]''}}
==SpongeBob Segment Part II==
 
  +
{{L|Potty|Bawk, the ladies are here!}}
 
  +
{{L|Patchy|Oh! Ladies! Shiver me timbers! No!}}
Narrator: While Patchy pulls himself together, please stand by.
 
  +
{{L|Potty|Bye Folks!}}
 
  +
{{L|Patchy|It's Potty you're after!}}
SpongeBob: Im going to make the party.
 
  +
{{L|Narrator|Thank you for coming to SpongeBob's House Party!}}
 
Narrator: Ah, SpongeBob makes his party, let's see how SpngeBob's party is shaping up.
 
 
SpongeBob: Okay, Gary, get ready, it's almost 8:00. Here they come. Don't worry too much, Gary, it's only ten seconds after 8:00. Now it's 20 seconds past 8:00! Maybe nobody got their invitations! 30 seconds past 8:00! Oh, I'm doomed. No one's coming. I'm the worst host ever. *doorbell rings* Oh, the first guest, and only 40 seconds late!
 
Sponge opens his door.
 
 
Patty: Hi, SpongeBob.
 
 
SpongeBobbie: Welcome, Patrick! Can I comment you on being fashionably late? Can I get you a glass of fruit punch?
 
 
Patrick: Sure.
 
 
SpongeBob: So, did you have any trouble finding the place? Here you are.
 
 
Patrick: Thanks.
 
 
SpongeBob: Heh. So, is the punch okay?
 
 
Patrick: Not bad, not bad.
 
 
SpongeBob: Nice weather we're having.
 
 
Patrick: It's been very mild, yes.
 
 
SpongeBob: Yep. It's mild season. *laughs* So, you read any.. *doorbell* Oh! More guests!
 
Mr. Krabs walks in.
 
 
SpongeBob: Welcome, Mr. krabs!
 
 
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, SpongeBob!
 
 
SpongeBob: Please let Gary take your coat. Then allow me to offer you some hors d'eorves and some punch.
 
 
Mr. Krabs: Don't mind if I do.
 
 
SpongeBob: Two down, and 175 to go. Gosh, I almost forgot! These nametags eliminate the need for awkward introduction. *doorbell* More guests!
 
 
Patrick, reading the nametag upside down: Kcirtap si eman ym o77eh. I don’t get it.
 
 
 
Mr. Krabs: No, you dumb bunny, is says: "Hello, my name is Patrick".
 
 
Patrick: Oh!
 
 
Patrick read his nametag right: "HELLO, My Name is Patrick!" I'm here from the rock house
 
 
Mr. Krabs: Nice to meet you, Patrick.
 
 
Patrick: Nice to meet you too, Mr. Krabs.
 
 
Mr. Krabs: Ar ar ar ar, good one, Patrick.
 
 
Patrick: Ha ha ha, yeah.
 
 
SpongeBob: What is going on here? The laughter isn't scheduled till 9:03. If you want to throw a party, do it at your house, Patrick.
 
 
Patrick: Was he talking to me or you? *doorbell*
 
 
SpongeBob: Squidward, you made it!
 
 
Squidward: My cable's out.
 
 
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry to hear about that.
 
 
Mr. Krabs: So, uh, how's it going, Squidward?
 
 
Squidward: Not bad.
 
 
SpongeBob: Ahem. I have you making light conversation with Mr. Krabs from 10:41-10:47. Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk. But, if you have a case of the jibber-jabbers, I can pair you up right now with Scooter. Here are some topic cards, break the ice. *doorbell* Someone's at the door!
 
 
Scooter: Mine says: "Which came first, the oyster or the pearl? You take the side of the pearl."
 
 
Squidward: This is lame.
 
 
Fred's mom: My card says, "Discuss the philosophical nature of irony." What does yours say?
 
 
Patrick: Nod politely.
 
 
Mr. Krabs: What does yours say, Plankton?
 
 
Plankton: It says, uh, "Discuss the Krabby Patty secret formula." How interesting!
 
 
Mr. Krabs: Nice try, Plankton.
 
 
Plankton: it says, "WHERE ARE YOU FROM!"
 
 
Mr. Krabs: Nice job, Sheldon J. Plankton.
 
 
(doorbell rings)
 
 
SpongeBob: Well, it's about time. Alright everyone. The final guest has arrived. 22 minutes late.
 
 
Tom: Hey, hey!
 
 
SpongeBob: Attention, everyone! Attention please! Now that everyone is here, I declare this party to be switched into the "On" position. As soon as I get back from the coatroom, we'll have a rundown of tonight's scheduled events. Don't try to have too much fun without me! Seriously.
 
 
Narrator: That includes you folks. SpongeBob's House Party will be back after these messages.
 
 
SpongeBob: Funding for SpongeBob's House Party is provided by,
 
 
(roll commericals)
 
 
 
==SpongeBob Segment Part III==
 
 
Narrator: Welcome back to SpongeBob's House Party!
 
 
SpongeBob: Hey, Gary, here's another coat for you. The party's going great, by the way. They're going to be talking about this one for a long, long time. Well, back to "work", daaaaa.
 
 
SpongeBob: Okay, everybody, I.. wha?
 
Everyone is actually having fun.
 
 
SpongeBob: This is all wrong. What's happening to my party? *To Larry* No, no, no! Didn't you read the schedule? 10:00 PM, Dance Your Pants Off. 10:00 PM!!!
 
Sponge vacuumed a fish's slice of the cake.
 
 
SpongeBob: Let's try to stick to the schedule, shall we? It's only 8:52!!!
 
 
SpongeBob: Could everyone please sit on the couch while I try to sort this out, thank you. Hey everybody, thanks for your patience. I know we've gotten off to a rocky start here, and I'm going to get us back on track. It is now 8:37 and you know what that means, time to read aloud from the newspaper comics! Let's see, I think I'll start off with the Weisenheimers.. let's see, panel one: Wait, I can't read from this! *cheering* This is yesterday's paper! I'll go and get today's! *groaning*
 
 
EVERYONE PARTIES! WHOO!
 
 
SpongeBob: SpongeBob, you sure know how to throw a party. (tries to spinning the lock but it just locked) Wha? Locked out? (knocks door) Why don't they hear me? OH NO! They're not using the topic cards, they're ad-libbing! Oh, now they're mad at Patrick, because he's hogging the deviled eggs!Have they gone mad? Oh no! The party's turned into chaos without my hosting talents to guide it!
 
 
Patrick: (to Mrs. Puff) Do you come here often?
 
 
 
Mrs. Puff: No.
 
 
(phone rings)
 
Patrick: Hello, SquarePants residence. What? I'm sorry. What?
 
Sponge through Phone: It's me, SpongeBob!
 
 
Patrick: You want to talk to SpongeBob?
 
 
SpongeBob: Ye.. NO! Patrick? I'm outside.
 
 
Patrick: Ok, I'll check. SpongeBob, are you out there? SpongeBob, phone's for you!
 
 
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, wait!
 
 
Patrick: I'm sorry he's not out there! (closes door)
 
 
SpongeBob runs into door
 
 
Scooter: Dude, if you're looking for SpongeBob, he's over by the punch bowl.
 
 
Patrick: Here you go, SpongeBob.
 
SpongeBob: Phone in punchbowl? That's not even on the schedule!
 
 
Larry the Lobster: Larry, my man, you are looking good enough to eat. Could use a little teeth whitener, though. I'm sure SpongeBob won't mind. Hey, check out this nifty comb!
 
 
SpongeBob: Sounds like someone is rummaging thrugh my medicine cabinet! I hope they don't touch my special comb.
 
 
Larry: Well, I guess I've aired it out enough. This party's finally starting to pick up.
 
 
SpongeBob: I hope this doesn't interfere with Finger Puppet Theatre at 9:20.
 
 
Pearl: Gee, SpongeBob sure knows how to throw a great party.
 
 
Mrs. Puff: Yes, everything is quite nice. Ohh.. I don't like his taste in paintings though.
 
 
SpongeBob: I have no idea how that happened. Well, i guess I have no choice. I have to tunnel back in!
 
 
All: Na Na Na Na Na Go Hop Hop Hop! (SpongeBob gets pushed back outside).
 
 
SpongeBob: Ow! I can take losing the topic cards and having the phone in the punchbowl, but.. I was supposed to lead the Bunny Hop! This is a bunch of barnacles! (gets a hatchet) I'm breaking in!
 
 
(siren goes off, and a light shines on SpongeBob)
 
 
Police Fish #1: Well, well, well, well. What do we have here? A burglar bunny. I wonder why they do it, O'Malley?
 
 
Police Fish #2: Probably how he gets his kicks.
 
 
Police Fish #1: You criminals make me sick.
 
 
SpongeBob: I'm no criminal. I live here. I was hosting a party and got locked out!
 
 
Police Fish #1: Well, why didn't you say so?
 
 
Police Fish #2: Have a nice party, son.
 
 
SpongeBob: Wow, for a second there I thought I was going to be arrested for breaking into my own house. What an ironic twist that would've been. Daaaa...
 
 
Police Fish #1: Wait a minute. If you're hosting a party, how come you didn't invite us?
 
 
SpongeBob: The Plan Your own party kit didn't mention the babb ab b... police..
 
 
Police Fish #2: Okay, motor-mouth, tell it to the judge. Oh man, we can't use these handcuffs, they're broken.
 
 
Police #1: I have an old pair in the car we can use.
 
 
SpongeBob: Is it too late to offer you some punch?
 
 
Police Fish #2: Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
 
 
SpongeBob: All night in a stony lonesome, with a bunny outfit.. oh yeah, the door's locked. Good think I have a spare key UNDER THE MAT! Oh look at this place, the party was a complete disaster.
 
 
Patrick: That was the greatest party any of us had ever been to!
 
 
SpongeBob: It was?
 
 
Patrick: Oh yeah. You're the best party-thrower ever!
 
 
SpongeBob: I am?
 
 
Patrick: Now whatever you did, write it down, and do it again next weekend! Goodbye SpongeBob!
 
 
SpongeBob: SquarePants, you've done it again. I know how to throw a party after all. Gary! It looks like you've had a good time. Good night? What? Well? Um? Good Night Gary.
 
 
==Patchy Segment Party III==
 
 
Patchy: Oh ho ho, I'm glad to see that SpongeBob's party worked out. Now I need to get me own party going! Ready for some real music, Polly?
 
 
Polly: Ready!
 
 
Patchy: Oh... scurvy ain't for the likes of me, yo ho yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho... Oh!!! Yo ho yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.. Oh, scurvy ain't for the likes of me..
 
 
Polly: BAWK! It's time for your flute solo.
 
 
Patchy: Thanks, Polly, I.. wait a minute, I don't play a flute, I play a fife. Ahh!! POLLY, NO!!!!! KA-BOOM!!
 
 
Polly: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bird Brains!
 
 
 
Bird Brains:
 
:[[Underwater Sun|''Come with me to the land I love, '':''It's not right here, down the street, or up above.'' :''It's down below in the deep blue sea.'' :''Where SpongeBob lives, and the fun is always free.'' :''Down, down, down, to the bottom of the sea.'' :''Where our salty friend SpongeBob waits for you and me.'' :''Down, down, down, ahh, we'll have lots of fun.'' :''You and me forever in the underwater sun.'' :''We'll catch some jellyfish if we get a chance,'' :''Say hello to Patrick, and do a little dance,'' :''Karate chop Sandy, see Squid get a tan,'' :''Eat a krabby patty and foil Plankton's plan.'' :''Down, down, down, to the bottom of the sea.'' :''We'll hook up with SpongeBob and his snail Gary.'' :''Down down down, ahh, we'll have lots of fun'' :''You and me forever in the underwater sun, underwater sun.'']]
 
(song ends)
 
 
Patchy: Aha! Great job, boys! Don't hit the porthole on the way out. And thank you for stopping by! You've made this party a real fun time.
 
 
Polly: Bawk, the ladies are here!
 
 
Patchy: Oh! Ladies! Shiver me timbers! No!
 
 
Polly: Bye Folks!
 
 
Patchy: It's Polly you're after!
 
 
Narrator: Thank you for coming to SpongeBob's House Party!
 
[[Category:Episode transcripts]]
 

Revision as of 22:45, 27 December 2014

Template:EpisodeTr/51

  • Narrator: Welcome to SpongeBob's House Party, with your host, Patchy the Pirate. There'll be punch, cookies, explosions, and a brand-new episode of SpongeBob SquarePants!
  • Old-time crowd: Hooray!
  • Narrator: Now live, from Encino, California, get ready for a warm embrace from our party host, Patchy the Pirate!
  • Patchy: Hey, get off my lawn! Party? There ain't no party here! Go away!
  • Potty: Bawk, come on in!
  • Patchy: Hush, Polly, don't you see I'm trying to keep out the riffraff?
  • Potty: Riffraff? Bawk, they're our television audience, barnacle breath!
  • Patchy: Oh, of course it is! I was just fooling! Welcome! Say, you didn't bring SpongeBob with you, did you? I sure hope he got his invitation.
  • SpongeBob: I'd sure like to go to this party, but I can't read the invitation!
  • Patrick: Me neither.
  • SpongeBob: Whoever sent this obviously has no idea about the physical limitations of life underwater! Well, might as well throw these in the fire.
  • Patchy: Ah well, come on in. Let me introduce you around. This here's Minnie the Mermaid. She's cooling off here since she's been dancing her scales off, isn't that right, minnie, huh, takin' a little breakie poo?
  • Minnie: No, Patchy. Actually, I'm in here because if I wasn't, I would die.
  • Patchy: Ha, ha, that's the spirit! Patchy strikes his hook into Minnie's pool]
  • Patchy: Huh, let's see, who else haven't you met? That's Longbeard the pirate. Hey, there Longbeard, long time no see!
  • Neptune: Who dares to interrupt Neptune?
  • Patchy: Sorry about that Neppy. That's Neptune. He's king of the sea.
  • Patchy: You kids having fun? [Kids are chuckling]
  • Patchy: He he.. whew! Hosting a party is hard work alright. That reminds me of a time when SpongeBob was hosting a party! Hey, you kids want to see that cartoon? You do? Well then, launch the cartoon!
  • [episode starts]
  • Narrator: Ah, the Barg'n Mart. A consumer's paradise of brand-like items, stocked as far as the eye can see. [SpongeBob is running down the aisles trying to get to the check-out counter as soon as possible]
  • SpongeBob: Boom! 19 seconds! That's a new record, Lou!
  • Old time-crowd: Hooray!
  • SpongeBob: But it's not an official record until we record it in the Book of Records. [writes the record down in a book] 19 seconds.
  • Lou: Ok, it's a $1.42.
  • SpongeBob: Sign here please. [signs] Initial here, here, and here. [Spongebob notices a picture of Lou from a while back] Oh look, it's a picture I took of you the first time I ever came here! [picture shows a happy Lou] Look at you, so young and happy! [puts the picture down and we see a sad Lou] Where do the years go? Hey, what's that? 'Plan Your Own Party Kit'? Hey Lou, how much?
  • Lou: For the Plan Your Own Party kit? Oh, we're having a special on those. Uhh, they're free, but you have to leave, right now. [scene cuts to Spongebob's house]
  • SpongeBob: Let's see Gary, according to the 'Plan Your Own Party Kit', invitations are the first order of business. [reads first thing on list] A guest list consisting only your closest acquaintances will set an intimate tone for the evening and provide soiree success. Well, you heard the man, Gary, only our closest friends.
  • Fred's dad: [reads invitation] Who the barnacle is SpongeBob SquarePants? [Mable peeks from around the corner]
  • Mable: I believe you went to kindergarten with him, dear.
  • Fred's dad: Kindergarten, huh? [Dad shows a picture of SpongeBob and his Kindergarten class] Oh yeah, SquarePants. Well, it's time to move again.
  • SpongeBob: Boy, Gary, this 'Plan Your Own Party Kit' is a real life-saver. [mixing ingredients and reading a cook book] How else would I have known to make freshly-whipped clotted cream. [takes a little taste] Gary, you better call an astronomer, because this clotted cream is outta this world! [timer goes off] My piñata! [takes out the piñata from the oven and tosses it around because it's hot then puts it on the table] The 'Plan Your Own Party Kit' suggests creativity when stuffing your piñata, so I'm using deviled eggs. [puts eggs in the piñata]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Good question Gary, but not to worry. The 'Plan Your Own Party Kit' warns that unsupervised parties can lead to disaster. That's why I've taken the liberty of devising a schedule! [takes out list] 8:00-8:05: Guests arrive. 8:05-8:15: Opening remarks and general discussion. 8:15-8:27: Craft corner, followed by name tag distribution. [list rolls across the table] At 8:27, we begin the qualifying rounds for our cracker-eating slash tongue-twister contest. 9:07: running charades. [list rolls along the wall] 9:38: charity apple-bob. [list is still rolling around] 9:57: Electric jitterbug dance marathon, ladies' choice. [winks at Gary. The list stops on Spongebob's head] At 10:09, things start cooking as I dig into my world-famous knock-knock joke vault!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: And as long as we stick to this schedule, our party is a guaranteed success! This is gonna be the coolest party ever! [puts a party hat on Gary's shell. Patchy reappears]
  • Patchy: Ha, ha! Looks like it's smooth party sailing for SpongeBob so far. Now it's time for me to get my own party underway! Gather around, ye scurvy landlubbers, it's time to learn the peg legged dance o' happiness. Oh, it's quite simple really, all you need is a peg leg and some patience. And my instructional video series, only $29.95.
  • Potty: Bawk! How tacky.
  • Patchy: It's a $40.00 value, Potty! A 40.00 VALUE!!!! Now, it's very easy and loads of fun.
  • Salt Water Sam: Hey, everybody, the band's here!
  • Patchy: Band? What band?
  • Potty: The band I hired for the party. [Patchy was laughing]
  • Patchy: A jolly idea, Polly. Who'd you get? Barnacle Bill and the Seven Seas?
  • Potty: No.
  • Patchy: Seaweed Sally and her cackling turtle?
  • Potty: No.
  • Patchy: Oh, oh, I know: The First Mates.
  • Potty: No.
  • Patchy: Salt Water Sam, featuring the Brine Brothers.
  • Potty: No.
  • Patchy: Rusty hinges and the Boys from the Brig?
  • Potty: They broke up years ago.
  • Patchy: Well, who else is there?
  • Potty: The Bird Brains!
  • Patchy: Oh.. ha he huh?
  • Potty: The Bird Brains. They are much better than those other bands.
  • Patchy: But they're just a bunch of birds!
  • Lead Singer: HELLO, ENCINO! [The Bird Brains play all this heavy metal music]
  • Patchy: Potty, that's the worst sea shanty I've ever heard! I sure hope it doesn't get any louder. Ooooooohh!
  • [Patchy screams and blasts seven homes and pole] PLOP!
  • Patchy: No, no, no! Stop the music!! Noooooooooooooo! Look boys, I know that you fella sound good around the birdbath, but this here is basic cable! This is the big time. I'm afraid it's time for you to walk the plank.
  • Lead Singer: You mean we're fired?

{{L|Patchy|No. [Patchy and the band go to the plank.]

  • Patchy: Now walk, or you'll be dealing with the business of my sword. Ha ha ha... [The birds are flying away.]
  • Patchy: No! I forgot that you're birds! Ahh! [Patchy begins to cry]
  • Narrator: [screen: PLEASE STAND BY] While Patchy pulls himself together, let's see how Spongebob's party is working out. [shows Spongebob's house decorated]
  • SpongeBob: Ok, Gary, get ready. It's almost 8:00! And here they come! [looks at his watch] Don't worry too much Gary, it's only ten seconds past 8:00. [gasps] Now it's twenty seconds past 8:00! Maybe no one got their invitations! 30 seconds past 8:00! Oh, I'm doomed! [cries] No one's coming! I'm the worst host ever! [doorbell rings] Oh, the first guest! And only 40 seconds late. [opens door to see Patrick]
  • Patrick: Hi, Spongebob.
  • SpongeBob: Welcome Patrick! May I compliment you on being fashionably late? Can I get you a glass of punch?
  • Patrick: Sure? [Spongebob runs over and pours a glass]
  • SpongeBob: Did you have any trouble finding the place? [gives Patrick the glass] Here you are!
  • Patrick: Thanks. [drinks some punch]
  • SpongeBob: So, the punch ok?
  • Patrick: Not bad, not bad.
  • SpongeBob: Hmmm, nice weather we're having.
  • Patrick: It's been very mild, yes.
  • SpongeBob: Yep, it's mild season. [nervously laughs] Ahem. So, you read any... [doorbell rings] Oh, more party guests! [Mr. Krabs has walked in with a purple coat on] Welcome Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Please let Gary take your coat, then allow me to offer you some hors d'oeuvres and a glass of punch.
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't mind if I do! [drops his coat on Gary. Gary sticks his eyes out of the sleeves]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [looks over his party list] Two down, one hundred and seventy-five to go. Oh, I almost forgot... [hands Patrick and Mr. Krabs name tags] These name tags eliminate the need for awkward introductions. [doorbell rings] Oh, more guests! [Patrick tries to read his name tag upside down]
  • Patrick: Kcirtap si eman ym o77eh. I don't get it.
  • Mr. Krabs: No, you dumb bunny, it says, "Hello, my name is Patrick".
  • Patrick: [shakes Mr Krabs hand] Nice to meet you Patrick.
  • Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Good one, Patrick! [both laugh]
  • Patrick: Yeah.
  • SpongeBob: What's going on here? The laughter isn't scheduled until 9:03! You want to throw a party, do it at your house, Patrick. [doorbell rings]
  • Patrick: Was he talking to me or you? [Spongebob opens door to Squidward]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, you made it!
  • Squidward: My cable's out. [Spongebob hides some wire cutters behind his back]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, uhh, sorry to hear about that.
  • Mr Krabs: So, uhh, how's it going Squidward?
  • Squidward: Not bad.
  • SpongeBob: [SpongeBob clears his throat, attracting Mr. Krabs and Squidward's attention] I have you making mild conversation with Mr. Krabs from 10:41 to 10:47. But if you've got a case of the jabberjaws, I can hook you up with Scooter. [SpongeBob takes Scooter and places him near Squidward] Here are some topic cards to break the ice. [hands them some cards. The doorbell rings] Oh, someone's at the door!
  • Scooter: Mine says, 'What came first?: the oyster or the pearl?' You take the side of the pearl! [Squidward throws away his card and walks away]
  • Squidward: This is lame.
  • Unnamed Character: My card says, "Discuss the philosophical nature of irony." What does yours say?
  • Patrick: "Nod politely". [shown Mr Krabs and Plankton with cards]
  • Mr. Krabs: What does yours say, Plankton?
  • Plankton: Oh, uhh, it says, [really shows "Where are You From?"] 'Discuss the secret ingredient of the Krabby Patty formula.' [clears throat] How interesting.
  • Mr. Krabs: Nice try, Plankton. [everyone is chattering amongst themselves. The doorbell rings]
  • SpongeBob: Well, it's about time. Ok, everyone, the last guest is about to arrive...22 minutes late! [opens up the door to Tom Smith]
  • Tom: Hey, hey! [Spongebob folds his arms in a sort of anger. Tom laughs nervously as SpongeBob walks into the party]
  • SpongeBob: Attention everyone. Attention please! Now that we're all here, I officially declare the party switch to be in the 'on' position! [silence. everyone claps silently] As soon as I get back from the coat room, we'll have a rundown of tonight's schedule. Try not to have too much fun without me! [laughs as he walks into a room with a sign that reads 'Coat Check'] Seriously. [closes door. scene cuts to his wardrobe] Hey Gar, got another coat for you. [throws the coat on Gary] The party's going great, by the way. They're gonna be talking about this one for a long, long time. Well, back to work. [laughs and walks back out with his clipboard] Ok, everyone. Let's...huh? What's going on here? [guests are talking and dancing to the music. SpongeBob starts to hyperventilate] This is all wrong! What's happening to my party? [scene cuts to Sandy and Larry dancing] No, no, no, no, no! Didn't you read the schedule? 10:00pm: Dance your pants off! 10:00pm! [scene cuts to Sandals eating cake. SpongeBob takes a vacuum and sucks out all the food from his mouth] Let's try to stick to the schedule, shall we? Cake will be eaten at 8:52, everyone! 8:52! [switches into 'blower'. Slice of cake is blown perfectly back into the rest of the cake. A plate with bacon and eggs is blown onto the table] Hey, what's this?
  • Sandals: That's my breakfast!
  • SpongeBob: Could I have everyone's attention please? [Patrick is dancing by the record player] Patrick! [stops the music] If everyone could take a seat on the couch please, while I sort this out. Thank you, thanks. [the guests walk over to the couch] Hey everybody, thanks for your patience. I know we've gotten off to a rocky start here, so I'm going to get us back on track. It is now 8:37, and we all know what that means! [gets out a newspaper] Time to read aloud from the newspaper comics! Ok, I think I'll start out with 'The Wisenheimers'. Ok, panel one: we see Roxy Wisenheimer with some sort of rake. Wait, I can't read from this! [guests cheer] This is yesterday's paper. [they stop cheering as SpongeBob walks outside] I'll just go grab today's paper. [everyone starts to party when he leaves. talking to himself] Spongebob, you sure know how to throw a party. What would they do without you? [tries to open the door] Locked out? [knocks on the door. Scene cuts to Patrick and Sandy are dancing]
  • Sandy: This song's got a great beat.
  • Patrick: Yeah. Knock, knock.
  • SpongeBob: Gee, I wonder why they don't hear me? [looks through the window and his eyes bug out as he wails. He sees the party, with all the guests dancing and having fun and the music blasting] Oh no! [cut to the topic cards on the floor and two fish just talking] They're not using the topic cards! They're ad-libbing! [cut to Patrick eating all the deviled eggs in the piñata in one gulp and everyone else cheering him on] Now they're mad at Patrick! He's hogging the deviled eggs! [scene cuts to two guests laughing] Look at those poor souls, they're so bored, they've gone mad! Oh, no. The party's falling into chaos without my hosting talents to guide it! [scene cuts to Patrick and Mrs. Puff talking]
  • Patrick: So, do you come here often?
  • Mrs. Puff: No. [phone rings. Patrick answers]
  • Patrick: Hello, Squarepants residence. What? I'm sorry, what? [scene cuts to SpongeBob using a pay phone outside, across the street]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, it's me, Spongebob!
  • Patrick: You wanna talk to Spongebob?
  • SpongeBob: Yes... no, Patrick! I'm SpongeBob! I'm outside!

{{L|Patrick|Ok, hold on. [opens door] Spongebob, you out here? Phone's for you!

  • SpongeBob: What? I-. No! Patrick! Wait![Spongebob runs toward the door.]
  • Patrick: Sorry, he's not here. [Patrick closes it in front of him]
  • Scooter: Hey, dude, if you're looking for Spongebob, he's over by the punch bowl.
  • Patrick: Thanks. [Patrick hands the phone to an ice sculpture of Spongebob's head] Here you go, Spongebob. [drops the phone in the punch]
  • SpongeBob: Phone in punch bowl? That's not even on the schedule! [looks up noticing the bathroom window is open. Scene cuts to Larry looking in the window]
  • Larry: Larry, my man, you are looking good enough to eat! [the mirror shows a real lobster on a plate] Could use a little teeth whitener, though. I'm sure SpongeBob won't mind. [looks through the medicine cabinet. He finds a comb with three angles and teeth coming out from them] Hey, check out his crazy comb!
  • SpongeBob: Oh no, sounds like someone's rummaging through my medicine cabinet! [climbs up the side of his house] I hope they don't touch my special comb.
  • Larry: Well, I think I've aired it up enough. [Larry closes the window on Spongebob's fingers. SpongeBob falls down screaming. Larry hears the screams] Hey, this party's finally starting to pick up.
  • SpongeBob: [Spongebob lands flat on the ground then gets up and looks at his fingers] I hope this doesn't interfere with finger puppet theater at 9:20! If I don't get back inside soon and restore order, there might not be enough time for the scheduled events! [scene cuts to inside where Pearl and Mrs Puff talking to each other]
  • Pearl: Gee, SpongeBob really knows how to throw a great party!
  • Mrs. Puff: Oh yes, everything is quite lovely. [sees SpongeBob spying through the window] Eww, although I don't care for his taste of paintings. [turns the window around]
  • SpongeBob: I don't even know how that happened. Well, I have no choice. I'm gonna have to tunnel back in! [takes a shovel and digs. Digs up into the middle of the party] Ok, everybody, don't panic, the host has returned. [guests are hopping around the room. They hop on SpongeBob and send him through the hole he dug] I can take losing the topic cards and the phone in the punch bowl... [now wearing a bunny suit] ...but I was supposed to lead the bunny hop! This is a bunch of barnacles! I'M BREAKING IN! [takes a pick-axe to cut the door but a bright light shines at him]
  • Officer Nancy: Well, well, well. What do we have here? A burglar bunny. Why do they do it, O'Malley?
  • Officer Malley: I don't know. It's probably how he gets his kicks.
  • Officer Nancy: You criminals make me sick.
  • SpongeBob: I'm no criminal! I live here! I'm...I'm throwing a party. I got locked out, I swear!
  • Officer Nancy: [smiles] Well why didn't you say so? What a terrible misunderstanding!
  • Officer Malley: You have a nice party now, sir. [both walk off]
  • SpongeBob: Boy, for a second there, I thought I was going to be arrested for breaking into my own house. What an ironic twist that would have been.
  • Officer Nancy: Hey, wait a second, if you're throwing a party. Why weren't we invited?
  • SpongeBob: But, I didn't know. Plan Your Own Party Kit didn't mention the police.
  • Officer Malley: Whoa, whoa, ok, motor-mouth, tell it to the judge. [handcuffs SpongeBob but the handcuffs are not working] Oh no, these cuffs are broken.
  • Officer Nancy: Huh, can't bring him in in broken cuffs. I got an old pair in the car we can use.
  • SpongeBob: Is it too late to offer you some punch?
  • Officer Malley: Sir, you have the right to remain silent. [scene cuts to next day]
  • SpongeBob: All night in the stony lonesome in a bunny outfit! [tries to open the door] Oh, yeah, the door's locked. [lifts up the welcome mat] Good thing I keep a spare key...under the mat. GRRRR!!! [walks in] Oh, look at this place! This party was a complete disaster. [Patrick walks up]
  • Patrick: That was the greatest party any of us have ever been to!
  • SpongeBob: It was?
  • Patrick: Oh, without a doubt, you are the best party-thrower ever!
  • SpongeBob: I am?
  • Patrick: Yeah! Whatever you did, you should write it down and do it again next weekend. Thanks again, Spongebob. See ya! [walks out]
  • SpongeBob: SquarePants, you've done it again. I guess I know how to throw a party after all. [Gary's got a lampshade on his head] Gary! Well it looks like you had a good time.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Good night, Gary. [Patchy reappears]
  • Patchy: Oh ho ho, I'm glad to see that SpongeBob's party worked out. Now I need to get me own party going! Ready for some real music, Potty?
  • Potty: BAWK! Ready!
  • Patchy: Oh... scurvy ain't for the likes of me, yo ho yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho... Oh!!! Yo ho yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.. Oh, scurvy ain't..
  • Potty: BAWK! It's time for your flute solo.
  • Patchy: Thanks, Potty, I.. wait a minute, I don't play a flute, I play a fife. Ahh!! POTTY, NO!!!!! [KA-BOOM!!] Wow, I didn't see it came this far to be miserable. [gasp] POTTY, HELP ME!
  • Potty: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bird Brains!
  • Bird Brains: ♪Come with me to the land I love, it's not right here, down the street, or up above. It's down below in the deep blue sea. Where SpongeBob lives, and the fun is always free. Down, down, down, to the bottom of the sea. Where our salty friend SpongeBob waits for you and me. Down, down, down, ahh, we'll have lots of fun. You and me forever in the underwater sun. We'll catch some jellyfish if we get a chance, say hello to Patrick, and do a little dance, karate chop Sandy, see Squid get a tan, eat a Krabby Patty and foil Plankton's plan. Down, down, down, to the bottom of the sea. We'll hook up with SpongeBob and his snail Gary. Down down down, ahh, we'll have lots of fun. You and me forever in the underwater sun, underwater sun.♪
  • Patchy: Aha! Great job, boys! Don't hit the porthole on the way out. And thank you for stopping by! You've made this party a real fun time. [The doorbell rings]
  • Potty: Bawk, the ladies are here!
  • Patchy: Oh! Ladies! Shiver me timbers! No!
  • Potty: Bye Folks!
  • Patchy: It's Potty you're after!
  • Narrator: Thank you for coming to SpongeBob's House Party!