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"No Hat for Pat" (transcript)

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Transcript Information
Pat Hat
General
Season №: 6
Episode №: 120a
Airdate: July 19, 2009
Chronology
Previous: "Overbooked"
Next: "Toy Store of Doom"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "No Hat for Pat" from season six, which aired on July 19, 2009.

  • [SpongeBob trying to open the door, but Patrick is sleeping outside and blocking his door. SpongeBob tries to push the door, he opens the door slightly, looks at Patrick]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick!
  • [SpongeBob closes the door, Patricks head falls down, which makes Patrick wake up]
  • SpongeBob: What are you doing out here, silly?
  • Patrick: I'm waiting for you, so we can play the day away. [grumbles] Barnacles! You're wearing that dumb hat, again! Every time you wear that stupid thing, you're gone for the whole day!
  • SpongeBob: That's because this is my work hat, Patrick. I have to wear it when I go to work.
  • Patrick: Why don't you just take it off?
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, buddy.
  • Patrick: Ugh! I hate that hat! [Patrick throws Spongebob's hat, but it flies back onto Spongebob's head] Fine, have it your way, hat! [Squidward walks out] Hmph. Looks like Squidward has time to play. Hey, Squidward!
  • Squidward: What? [puts on hat]
  • Patrick: Oh no! He's got the hat, too!
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick. I'll be back from work at six. We can play then.
  • Patrick: I'll show you, Spongebob! I'll get a job and a hat!
  • [Cuts to the Krusty Krab, where a kid is adding ketchup to his fries]
  • Mr. Krabs: Woah, woah, that's enough, lad. What do ya think, I'm made of ketchup? Now run along, boy. [Notices a group of tourists]That sounds like... a band of roaming tourists. [Runs out of the Krusty Krab] Wait, come back! Don't ya wanna give me your money?! They're a slippery bunch. What do I have to do to catch 'em, stand around out here all day? [Notices Patrick] What are you doing there, Patrick?
  • Patrick: Standin' around out here all day.
  • [Mr. Krabs gets an idea]
  • Mr. Krabs: How would you like a job, Patrick?
  • Patrick: Oh boy, gimme my hat!
  • Mr. Krabs: You'll get your hat, but first you have to entice people into the restaurant by standin' right here and holdin' this sign. [Mr. Krabs hands Patrick an arrow-shaped sign saying "The Krusty Krab"] That's not to tough for ya, is it boy?
  • Patrick: Sounds complicated, but if it gets me a work hat. [Holds up the sign] How's this?
  • Mr. Krabs: Perfect. You'll be wearin' that hat in no time at all. [From inside the Krusty Krab] Hee hee hee.
  • Spongebob: What's shakin Mr. K?
  • Mr. Krabs: You're buddy Patrick. I hired him to stand out there and hold that sign.
  • Spongebob: Oh, he is good.
  • Mr. Krabs: And look. He's about reel in his first customer.
  • Harold: Can you direct me to the Krusty Krab please? [Patrick holds the sign so it's pointing at the Chum Bucket. Harold runs into the Chum Bucket.]
  • Mr. Krabs: What does he think he's doing?! [Multiple fish walk past Patrick] They're walkin' right past him. [Runs outside to Patrick] Patrick, you need to get their attention, boy.
  • Patrick: Okay. [Hits a fish in the head with the sign]
  • Mr. Krabs: That ain't the kind of attention we need! Why don't you show a little razzle-dazzle, maybe give the sign a little twirl or something. [Spins the sign, causing it to fly out of Patrick's hands. Hands the sign back to Patrick] Just keep workin' on that one, eh boy? Listen, if any tourists come by, why don't you blow them away with a little extra twirl.
  • Patrick: Any thing for my new hat.
  • [Patrick sees tourists approaching, so he spins the sign very fast, causing the tourists and Mr. Krabs to be blown away]
  • Patrick: Do I get my hat, now Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: Ehhh... what the heck. It pays to advertise. [Gives Patrick a Krusty Krab hat]
  • Patrick: Yeah! Wheeee! [Then Patrick falls on his face, gets back up and falls down again]
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what's the matter with Patrick?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, what's the matter?
  • Patrick: Sometimes when I'm nervous, I forget how to stand!
  • SpongeBob: He's nervous.
  • Blue Fish: Ha ha! Look at that guy! He can't even stand on his own two feet!
  • Pink Fish: Now that's something I'd pay for to watch!
  • [Mr. Krabs looks at them, then neck stretches out over to them]
  • Mr. Krabs: You mean, CASH money?!
  • Pink Fish: Well, heck, yeah!
  • Mr. Krabs: Five bucks.
  • [Bubble transition. Patrick falls and everybody is laughing and cheering]
  • Squidward: It's official. [everyone is still laughing] I hate everyone. [Patrick falls into the kitchen] You call that entertainment? Burace Yourself For True entertainment! [plays on clarinet]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, you alright?
  • Patrick: I'm fine.
  • Pink Fish: Oh, that horrible noise! [customers begin to leave]
  • Mr. Krabs: What do you think you're doing, Squidward?
  • Squidward: I'm entertaining Those Hevens.
  • Mr. Krabs: We've got all the entertainment we need, thank you very much! [points to Patrick, but he's not there] Hey, where'd he go?
  • SpongeBob: [guiding Patrick, who has tissue in his nose] That's buddy. Come on.
  • Mr. Krabs: What's with him?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick had a bloody nose, so I was going to walk him home.
  • Mr. Krabs: A bloody nose, eh? Do ya think I was born yesterday, boy? He doesn't even have a nose. Now everybody, get back to work!! I'm Not Working Running A Happy Factory Here [SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick get back into there positions. to Patrick] keep up the good work!
  • Patrick: Aye, aye, captain!
  • [6 hours later. Patrick is still falling and three customers are watching as Billy passes by]
  • Billy: Hey, is that buy still flopping?
  • Customer: Yeah! Amazing isn't it?
  • Billy: Doesn't that get old?
  • Customer: He's got a point. I'm out
  • Billy: Me, too. [everyone's leaving]
  • Mr Krabs: Hey! What's going on?
  • Harold: This guy's act is stale! We demand entertainment!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, what if I added a box? [puts Patrick on a box and he falls from it]
  • Billy: Sort of the same thing, really.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, what if he fell from two boxes...? [adds another box, but the customers are still bored] ...into cream pie? [puts creme pie in place]
  • Patrick: I like pie.
  • Billy: Say, that sounds great! [crowd becomes excited]
  • Mr. Krabs: Okay, let er rip! [Patrick falls headfirst into the pie. to Squidward] If the crowd gets bored, add more boxes!
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick... How are you feeling after your first day on the job?
  • Patrick: [appearance morbidly disheveled] I feel like a million BUCKS... [falls over]
  • Mr. Krabs: STEP RIGHT UP!!! WATCH PAT THE BUFFOON FALL INTO A BUCKET OF SPPIINNNYYY SEA URCHINS!!!
  • SpongeBob: NO!
  • Patrick: Hey SpongeBob. Here Squidward[gives hat to Squidward].Would you hold my hat so dont get hurt?
  • [tries to fall several times, fails]
  • Patrick: Would you give me a push?[Squidward pushes Patrick, Patrick "bends", Squidward falls]Oh look, theres my hat.[Grabs hat puts it on and falls].
  • Nat: I paid to see two guys get maimed.
  • Harold: Yeah, I want a refund.
  • Mr. Krabs: Sorry, absolutely no refunds. [customers grumble] Hey, what are you doing! [Customers tear up his clothes and money flies in the air] Grandma help! [he is in his underwear] All right, you leave me no choice.
  • Patrick: You're giving me a raise.
  • Mr. Krabs: Not even close, you're fired. As long as I'm still standing, you will never wear this hat again!
  • Patrick: Well, I guess it's back to being to no hat pat! [cries]
  • Narrator: Epilogue.
  • SpongeBob: Cheer up, Patrick. You can always wear my hat, anytime!
  • [gives Patrick his hat]
  • Patrick: [falls] Thanks, SpongeBob! You're the best!
  • SpongeBob: Anytime, pal! Anytime!

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