[SpongeBob trying to open the door, but Patrick is sleeping outside and blocking his door. SpongeBob tries to push the door, he opens the door slightly, looks at Patrick]
[SpongeBob closes the door, Patricks head falls down, which makes Patrick wake up]
SpongeBob: What are you doing out here, silly?
Patrick: I'm waiting for you, so we can play the day away. [grumbles] Barnacles! You're wearing that dumb hat, again! Every time you wear that stupid thing, you're gone for the whole day!
SpongeBob: That's because this is my work hat, Patrick. I have to wear it when I go to work.
Patrick: Why don't you just take it off?
SpongeBob:[laughs] I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, buddy.
Patrick: Ugh! I hate that hat! [Patrick throws Spongebob's hat, but it flies back onto Spongebob's head] Fine, have it your way, hat! [Squidward walks out] Hmph. Looks like Squidward has time to play. Hey, Squidward!
Squidward: What? [puts on hat]
Patrick: Oh no! He's got the hat, too!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick. I'll be back from work at six. We can play then.
Patrick: I'll show you, SpongeBob! I'll get a job and a hat!
[Cuts to the Krusty Krab, where a kid is adding ketchup to his fries]
Mr. Krabs: Woah, woah, that's enough, lad. What do ya think, I'm made of ketchup? Now run along, boy. [Notices a group of tourists]That sounds like... a band of roaming tourists. [Runs out of the Krusty Krab] Wait, come back! Don't ya wanna give me your money?! They're a slippery bunch. What do I have to do to catch 'em, stand around out here all day? [Notices Patrick] What are you doing there, Patrick?
Patrick: Standin' around out here all day.
[Mr. Krabs gets an idea]
Mr. Krabs: How would you like a job, Patrick?
Patrick: Oh boy, gimme my hat!
Mr. Krabs: You'll get your hat, but first you have to entice people into the restaurant by standin' right here and holdin' this sign. [Mr. Krabs hands Patrick an arrow-shaped sign saying "The Krusty Krab"] That's not to tough for ya, is it boy?
Patrick: Sounds complicated, but if it gets me a work hat. [Holds up the sign] How's this?
Mr. Krabs: Perfect. You'll be wearin' that hat in no time at all. [From inside the Krusty Krab] Hee hee hee.
Spongebob: What's shakin Mr. K?
Mr. Krabs: You're buddy Patrick. I hired him to stand out there and hold that sign.
Spongebob: Oh, he is good.
Mr. Krabs: And look. He's about reel in his first customer.
Harold: Can you direct me to the Krusty Krab please? [Patrick holds the sign so it's pointing at the Chum Bucket. Harold runs into the Chum Bucket.]
Mr. Krabs: What does he think he's doing?! [Multiple fish walk past Patrick] They're walkin' right past him. [Runs outside to Patrick] Patrick, you need to get their attention, boy.
Patrick: Okay. [Hits a fish in the head with the sign]
Mr. Krabs: That ain't the kind of attention we need! Why don't you show a little razzle-dazzle, maybe give the sign a little twirl or something. [Spins the sign, causing it to fly out of Patrick's hands. Hands the sign back to Patrick] Just keep workin' on that one, eh boy? Listen, if any tourists come by, why don't you blow them away with a little extra twirl.
Patrick: Any thing for my new hat.
[Patrick sees tourists approaching, so he spins the sign very fast, causing the tourists and Mr. Krabs to be blown away]
Patrick: Do I get my hat, now Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Ehhh... what the heck. It pays to advertise. [Gives Patrick a Krusty Krab hat]
Patrick: Yeah! Wheeee! [Then Patrick falls on his face, gets back up and falls down again]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what's the matter with Patrick?
SpongeBob: Patrick, what's the matter?
Patrick: Sometimes when I'm nervous, I forget how to stand!
SpongeBob: He's nervous.
Blue Fish: Ha ha! Look at that guy! He can't even stand on his own two feet!
Pink Fish: Now that's something I'd pay for to watch!
[Mr. Krabs looks at them, then neck stretches out over to them]
Mr. Krabs: You mean, CASH money?!
Pink Fish: Well, heck, yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Five bucks.
[Bubble transition. Patrick falls and everybody is laughing and cheering]
Squidward: It's official. [everyone is still laughing] I hate everyone. [Patrick falls into the kitchen] You call that entertainment? Burace Yourself For True entertainment! [plays on clarinet]
SpongeBob: Patrick, you alright?
Patrick: I'm fine.
Pink Fish: Oh, that horrible noise! [customers begin to leave]
Mr. Krabs: What do you think you're doing, Squidward?
Squidward: I'm entertaining Those Hevens.
Mr. Krabs: We've got all the entertainment we need, thank you very much! [points to Patrick, but he's not there] Hey, where'd he go?
SpongeBob:[guiding Patrick, who has tissue in his nose] That's buddy. Come on.
Mr. Krabs: What's with him?
SpongeBob: Patrick had a bloody nose, so I was going to walk him home.
Mr. Krabs: A bloody nose, eh? Do ya think I was born yesterday, boy? He doesn't even have a nose. Now everybody, get back to work!! I'm Not Working Running A Happy Factory Here [SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick get back into there positions. to Patrick] keep up the good work!
Patrick: Aye, aye, captain!
[6 hours later. Patrick is still falling and three customers are watching as Billy passes by]
Billy: Hey, is that guy still flopping?
Customer: Yeah! Amazing isn't it?
Billy: Doesn't that get old?
Customer: He's got a point. Let's get out of here.
Billy: Me too, i'm out. [everyone's leaving]
Mr Krabs: Hey! What's going on?
Harold: This guy's act is stale! We crave excitment!
Mr. Krabs: You want excitment? Well, what if I added a box? [puts Patrick on a box and he falls from it]
Billy: Sort of the same thing, really.
Mr. Krabs: Well, what if he fell from two boxes...? [adds another box, but the customers are still bored] ...into cream pie? [puts creme pie in place]
Patrick: I like pie.
Billy: Say, that sounds great! [crowd becomes excited]
Mr. Krabs: Okay, let er rip! [Patrick falls headfirst into the pie. to Squidward] If the crowd gets bored, add more boxes!
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick... How are you feeling after your first day on the job?
Patrick:[appearance morbidly disheveled] I feel like a million BUCKS... [falls over]
Mr. Krabs: STEP RIGHT UP!!! WATCH PAT THE BUFFOON FALL INTO A BUCKET OF SPPIINNNYYY SEA URCHINS!!!
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob. Here Squidward[gives hat to Squidward]. Would you hold my hat so you don't get hurt?
[tries to fall several times, fails]
Patrick: Would you give me a push?[Squidward pushes Patrick, Patrick "bends", Squidward falls]Oh look, theres my hat.[Grabs hat puts it on and falls].
Nat: I paid to see two guys get maimed.
Harold: Yeah, I want a refund.
Mr. Krabs: Sorry, absolutely no refunds. [customers grumble] Hey, what are you doing! [Customers tear up his clothes and money flies in the air] Grandma help! [he is in his underwear] All right, you leave me no choice.
Patrick: You're giving me a raise.
Mr. Krabs: Not even close, you're fired. As long as I'm still standing, you will never wear this hat again!
Patrick: Well, I guess it's back to being to no hat pat! [cries]
SpongeBob: Cheer up, Patrick. You can always wear my hat, anytime!
[gives Patrick his hat]
Patrick:[falls] Thanks, SpongeBob! You're the best!