SpongeBob:[turns off the alarm] Time for Boating School! Let er rip, Gary! [Gary pushes a button that sends SpongeBob jumping out of his bed, into the air. SpongeBob bounces off a chair, while sipping his cup of tea] Ahh... [toast pop out into the air, where SpongeBob eats them. Gary spits SpongeBob's pants into the air where SpongeBob lands on a target that Gary has painted] Ta-da! Not bad, partner in crime! The toast could have been a little darker, though. [Gary gives him an angry look. SpongeBob heads to the door] See you later! [opens the door where Patrick is standing there with a net in his hand]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, want to go jellyfishing?
SpongeBob: Sorry, Patrick, I can't. I have school today!
Patrick: Well, what am I supposed to do all day while you're at school?
SpongeBob: I don't know. What do you normally do while I'm gone?
Patrick:[starts to cry] Wait for you to get back!
SpongeBob: Wait a second, Patrick. Why don't you come to school with me?
Patrick: Hey, that's a great idea!
SpongeBob: You and me in school together as classmates! Think about it! [Patrick imagines a Kindergarten Class photo of him and SpongeBob smiling goofy with him]
Patrick: Wow. [scene cuts to them at School]
SpongeBob: Brace yourself, Patrick. I'm about to introduce you to the greatest academic thrill ride of your lifetime! [shows Patrick Mrs. Puff's Boating School]
Patrick:[laughs] And no line!
SpongeBob: Behold Patrick, the Hallway Of Learning! [runs up to the water fountain] And this is the Fountain Of Learning! [runs to the lockers] And these are the Lockers Of Learning!
Patrick:[runs up to some stairs] And these are the Stairs Of Learning, right?
SpongeBob: No, they're just the stairs. [walks over to another set of stairs] These are the Stairs Of Learning.
Patrick: Where is everyone?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Home, probably. Class doesn't start 'till 9:00.
Patrick:[Pat suddenly, hilariously wears a watch, and looks at it] 6:20? But I thought you said you were late.
SpongeBob: Late for being early.
Patrick: Hey! [looks at his watch] When did I start wearing a watch?
SpongeBob:[both walk into the classroom] And now, for the room with the most class: the Classroom.
SpongeBob:[walks up to the chalkboard] And this is the chalkboard. It's the ladle that helps us drink from the Fountain Of Knowledge.
SpongeBob:[walks up to the Good Noodle Board] And those drinks are recorded here on the Good Noodle board! [looks at Patrick]
Patrick: Huh? Uh, sorry. Ohhhh!
SpongeBob:[points to each star] Attendance. Penmanship. Basic Desk Sanitation. Advanced Desk Sanitation. I'll add your name so you can start collecting good noodle stars too! [adds Patrick's name] There you are.
Patrick: But look at all the stars you have! I'll never be that good.
SpongeBob: Oh now, Patrick. I'm just like everyone else, no matter how many stars I have. Ahem! [high pitched] 74.
Patrick: Who said that? [runs over to an egg in a box] Was it him?
SpongeBob: I doubt it. That's Roger, our class science project.
Patrick: What does he teach us?
SpongeBob: The greatest lesson of all: the precious value of life. You see Patrick, Roger's shell represents the fragile line between life and death when behind the wheel of a boat. [points the light bulb] This light bulb represents knowledge. And without its energy and warmth, within minutes, Roger would die.
Patrick:[turns light on and off] Life! death! Life! death! Life! death! Life! death! Life! death!
Patrick:[turns light on] Sorry. [SpongeBob moves his desk to the front of the teacher's desk]
SpongeBob: The best part about being early is you get to sit close to the teacher! Think you can handle the second chair?
Patrick:[jumps into the chair] I'm learning!
SpongeBob: This is gonna be great! [both giggle. Scene cuts to class]
Mrs. Puff: Hello class, my name is Mrs. Puff. And the only reason I say that I see we have a new student. Young man, why don't you stand up and introduce yourself?
Patrick:[confused] Who's the fat kid talking to?
SpongeBob: You, Patrick, she's the teacher!
Mrs. Puff: Come on now, tell the class your name. Don't be nervous. [Patrick gets up and looks at class]
Mrs. Puff: We just want to know your name. [Patrick gets more nervous]
Mrs. Puff:[sarcastically] Oh great, another genius...
Patrick:[sits back down] Why are they laughing?
SpongeBob: I guess it's just in the timing.
Patrick: Oh. [Patrick laughs after a brief pause]
Mrs. Puff:[writes on the chalkboard] Today's first lesson will be on turning.
Patrick: 24. [both start to giggle, and Mrs. Puff pauses and continues writing]
SpongeBob: Hey Patrick.
SpongeBob: I thought of something funnier than 24.
Patrick: Let me hear it.
SpongeBob:[stifled laugh] 25. [both try and fail to hold in their laughter. Patrick goes red in the face while SpongeBob bangs his fist on his desk]
Mrs. Puff:[overhears] That's enough! Young man, this is your first day, so I'll let you off with a warning. As for you, SpongeBob, I expect more from a good noodle. Pay attention.
SpongeBob: Yes, Mrs. Puff.
Mrs. Puff: Now then, "Turning"; what every driver should know. When you are turning, it is important to signal at least... [Patrick places a paper on SpongeBob's desk]
SpongeBob:[looks at the drawing Patrick gave him of Mrs. Puff and gasps] Big Fat Meanie? Patrick, you can't do that! She's the teacher!
Mrs. Puff: What about the teacher? [SpongeBob screams then shivers and bites his lip in fear as Mrs. Puff sees Patrick's drawing of her. Mrs Puff now appears the same shape as Patrick's drawing to demonstrate the "ugly" drawing.] As if I really look like this! [puts it a drawer with a bunch of other bad drawings of her. Mrs Puff returns back to her original shape.] SpongeBob, I believe you know the punishment for two classroom disruptions. [Takes out a scraper. Scraper shines.]
Mrs. Puff: I'm sorry SpongeBob, but if one wishes to be a good noodle, one must behave like a good noodle. [walks over to the Good Noodle Board]
SpongeBob:[starting to cry] I'm a good noodle! I'm a good noodle!
Mrs. Puff:[about to remove the star] You'll get this star back when you earn it...
SpongeBob:[wailing] No! [As Mrs. Puff positions the scraper under the star and begins to peel it off, SpongeBob goes berserk, bouncing up and down in his seat and banging his head on his desk, constantly panting as he bangs his head.][SpongeBob's head spins around on his body as Mrs. Puff slowly removes the star.] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! [When the glue holding the star to the board stretches to the point of it snapping off the board, SpongeBob's eyes roll to the back of his head and he faints, sliding out of his seat onto the floor.]
Patrick:[raises his hand] Mrs. Puff, is it naptime?
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, I've had enough of your nonsense. Now collect your things and move to the available desk in the back of the room.
SpongeBob: What, me? But why?
Mrs. Puff: Because the Big Fat Meanie said so. Now go!
SpongeBob:[Mad] Thanks a lot, Patrick!
Patrick: Sure thing, buddy. [SpongeBob walks to the back. His classmates are staring at him]
SpongeBob: Well, I guess I can be a Good Noodle from back here. [Mrs. Puff's voice is receding as SpongeBob tries to listen from the back] It's so hard to hear. What kind of student sits back here anyway? [reads the writing on the desk] 'Skool is 4 Chumps'? Where am I?
Patrick: Psst! SpongeBob?
SpongeBob:[to himself] Just ignore him, SpongeBob.
Patrick: SpongeBob, over here!
SpongeBob: Whatever you do, don't look at him.
Patrick: Psst, SpongeBob! [grunts as he throws a piece of wadded-up paper at SpongeBob] Psst, SpongeBob! [throws a book at SpongeBob] SpongeBob? [spits a bunch of spitballs on SpongeBob's face] SpongeBob? Psst, over here. I'm trying to tell you something. Something important.
SpongeBob:[whispers loudly] What?!
SpongeBob:[yells] Hi?! [he growls, removing all the spitballs, then stops when he sees Mrs. Puff angry, covered in spitballs]
Mrs. Puff: Perhaps this would be a good time for recess. [scene cuts to SpongeBob at his locker. Patrick walks up to him]
Patrick: Hey buddy! Funny stuff in there, funny stuff!
SpongeBob:[angrily slams his locker] There is nothing funny about what you did in there, Patrick! You got me in trouble! You got me moved to the back of the room! You cost me one of my Good Noodle Stars!
Patrick:[becomes angry] Who cares about a stupid star?
SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick, it seems like you would care a lot about stupid stars, considering you are one!
Patrick: I'll deal with you after class!
SpongeBob: It is after class! [a group of students crowd around SpongeBob & Patrick chanting 'fight']
Patrick: I don't see anyone fighting, do you?
SpongeBob: They're talking about us! We're fighting!
Patrick: Well, don't mind if I do! [both start to punch. The group of students start to quiet down as they notice SpongeBob & Patrick are punching but missing at the same time]
Student: This is embarrassing. [everyone leaves as Mrs. Puff walks up]
Mrs. Puff:[lifts SpongeBob and Patrick] What's going on here?! [looks at Patrick] Well?
Patrick: SpongeBob and I were fighting.
Mrs. Puff:[gasps] Fighting? [puts them down] Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but SpongeBob SquarePants, I hereby sentence you and your friend [lights dim on Mrs. Puff and scary music plays] to detention!
Mrs. Puff: May Neptune have mercy on your souls. [Mrs. Puff turns off the flashlight she was holding. Scene cuts to classroom where SpongeBob is sitting at the front and Patrick is sitting at the back]
SpongeBob:[sulking] In one day, I've gone from Good Noodle to Bad Egg. [angrily] It's all Stupid Patrick's fault. [turns to look at Patrick] I hate you, Patrick.
Patrick: I hate you more.
SpongeBob: I'd hate you no matter what.
Patrick: Yeah, well, I'd hate you even if I didn't hate you.
SpongeBob:[stares at Patrick for a few seconds, then narrows his eyes] I'd hate you even if that made sense.
Patrick: I'd hate you even if you were me. That's how much I hate you.
SpongeBob: I'd hate you, even if, uhh... [tries to think of something else to say] Um, I'd hate you... [points to Roger's tank] even if the light bulb keeping Roger alive went out! [The camera quickly pans over to where SpongeBob is pointing. Suddenly, the light bulb flickers, and then burns out completely, with smoke rising out of the light bulb] Huh?!
[SpongeBob bites his lip and starts shivering. He glances over at Patrick. Patrick is sitting at his desk about to cry.]
Patrick: Ohh... [He starts to turn to look at SpongeBob, but when he sees him, he quickly looks away from him, crossing his arms.] Hmph!
[SpongeBob watches Patrick, surprised, then does the same. But then he sees Roger's egg shivering in his tank and really starts to panic. We then see that it's snowing in Roger's tank. Snow is piled up around Roger, who is shivering under a pile of snow. Sleigh bells jingle in the background.]
Patrick:[teary-eyed again] Ohhhhh...! [cut back to Roger, who is frozen inside a giant ice cube, with wind blowing]
[SpongeBob and Patrick begin to quietly sob. The camera closes-up on SpongeBob, then Patrick. Finally, unable to take it anymore, SpongeBob turns around in his desk.]
SpongeBob: Mmmm... I'm sorry I called you a Stupid Star!
Patrick:[talking fast] I'm sorry I got you in trouble and got you moved to the back of the class and got your Good Noodle Star removed and shot the spitballs...
SpongeBob: I'm sorry your apology is so long.
Patrick: Me too! Let's save Roger! [they run to Roger]
SpongeBob:[takes Roger] I'll keep him warm and you get a light bulb from the supply closet.
Patrick:[opens the door to the supply closet] Ahh. Light bulb! [there is a pile of light bulbs but Patrick is looking at the one that is already plugged in at the top] But why does it have to be so far away? [begins to climb the pile of bulbs. SpongeBob tries warming up the egg by sitting on it, huffing and puffing on it, etc. while Patrick is still climbing the pile of light bulbs, wearing fancy clothing. Patrick finally reaches the top, blows a horn, removing this clothes, then runs down the pile with the light bulb] I'm coming, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Oh, where's Patrick? Aw, forget it. I've got to go find Roger some warmth! [runs into Patrick and both of their items are in the air] The light bulb! Without its warmth, Roger will die!
Patrick: Roger! Without him, the light bulb will have nothing to warm! [both jump for the item that is closest to them and crash into the floor with an item in their hands. They put the light bulb and egg back where they were]
SpongeBob: We did it, Patrick! We saved Roger's life!
Mrs. Puff:[off-screen] Good job, boys! [Mrs. Puff turns on a light from behind the chalkboard] I saw the whole thing from behind my one-way chalkboard, and I couldn't be happier with your teamwork! I've decided to give you each one gold star. Although I'm not sure what saving an egg has to do with Boating School.
Patrick: Boating School? I thought this was Spanish class! See ya, SpongeBob. See ya, Big Fat Meanie. [leaves the classroom]