Squidward:[Starts with showing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward's houses] It's finally complete! [shows Squidward in his house at a table] After weeks and weeks of burning the candle at both ends, [voice calms down] literally, [a double-sided, burned candle is shown, and his voice returns in a louder tone] my first clarinet concerto is complete and ready to be performed! [Squidward falls at a quake, and his clarinet concerto papers fall in the fire of the double-sided candle] NO! [Squidward is quaked again] Now, I'm flummoxed. [Squidward opens his front door, and he hits his head four times as he yells "Doh, doh, doh, doh"] Drggh. [SpongeBob and Patrick are shown hammering a "For Rent" sign]
SpongeBob: Hit it one more time Patrick. Don't want anyone stealing it. [Patrick hammers the sign into the ground, and it is destroyed to pieces] Perfect [SpongeBob claps his hands-deleted scene]
SpongeBob: Good Job Patrick.
Squidward: Drrrrrgh! All right, what's going on out here? I can't even hear myself think!
Patrick:[Raises his hand] Oh! Ooh! Can you smell yourself think?
Squidward:[Calmly] No. [raises his voice] As I was saying, you two... [Patrick interrupts]
Patrick: Or see?
Patrick:[screams] How, how about taste? Can you taste yourself think?
Squidward: Shut it! What are you two dingbats doing?
SpongeBob: We were just posting Patrick's new "For Rent" sign. Did we work on it all morning, see? [the sign is shown]
Squidward: For rent? You mean one of you is moving out?
SpongeBob:[laughs] No, Patrick here is just gonna rent out his front yard.
Patrick: Need a little extra cash if you know what I mean?
Squidward: Wow! To think this day started off so horribly and now... What do you mean you're just gonna rent out your front yard?
Patrick: First come, first, serve.
Squidward: Oh great, now another idiot can move in.
SpongeBob: Oh Squidward, that reminds me. Patrick and I are off to Jellyfish Fields for the day. We were wondering if maybe you can stick around and keep an eye out for any takers.
Squidward: Oh I would love to. Just let me check my planner. [takes out his planner and looks in it]
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks!
Squidward: Oh no, I'm sorry I can't.
SpongeBob: Aww, why not?
Squidward: It's because I was planning to do "No such thing"! See?
SpongeBob: Oh, well thanks anyway, Squidward.
Patrick: Yeah, thanks. [Bubble transition]
Squidward: With those two bone bags gone, I now have enough time for some peace and... [everything shakes] ...quiet. [walks outside] Now what are those two boobs up to? I thought you guys were... [SpongeBob and Patrick aren't there] Hmmm. I wonder who was making all that noise.
Howard: Hello. My name is Howard.
Squidward: Hello, Howard.
Howard: I noticed this "For Rent" sign. Is this yard still for rent?
Squidward: Sorry, you're too late.
Howard: Hmmm. Howard is disappointed.
Squidward: Aren't we all?
Howard: I thought this would be the one place to pursue my passions...
Squidward:[peeks out door] Passions?
Howard: ...play the bassoon...
Squidward: The bassoon?
Howard: ...and enjoy a nice cup of tea in my front yard.
Squidward:[speaks gibberish] I can't believe what I am hearing. [sighs] Finally, a neighbor that has it! I can only imagine! Painting portraits while sipping tea, recumbent bicycling into a museum, and performing a duet at the Bikini Bottom concert! [sighs again]
Howard:[leaving] Farewell. I new this was too good to be true.
Squidward:[stops him] Wait! [panting] I was...just kidding!
Howard: Well, in that case, I should move in right away! [invites Squidward] Make yourself at home.
Squidward: Wow, his designs are impeccable! [to Howard] Yes, I do feel "at home".
Howard: I would like to propose a toast—to a new neighbor.
Squidward: To a new neighbor! [they both drink tea]
Howard: While we're on the topic, what are the other neighbors like?
Squidward:[nervous] Oh! Well, they're just like any other neighbors.
Howard: That's neat. I'm the neighbor that likes all kinds of neighbors!
Squidward: Well, that's nice!
Howard: Well, as long they aren't jellyfishers. [Squidward nearly chokes on his tea] I can't STAND anyone who jellyfishes. But, luckily, they're not the worst kind of neighbor.
Squidward: Well, that's nice.
Howard: That would be the bubble blowers. [Squid spits out his tea] Between the jellyfishers and the bubble blowers, I just couldn't stand to stay in my old neighborhood anymore.
Squidward: Well, you won't even NOTICE what the neighbors around here are like! [Squid looks out the window. SpongeBob and Patrick return from jellyfishing and notice the trailer]
SpongeBob: Patrick, look!
Patrick: A mobile is parked right in my front yard!
SpongeBob: Do you know what that means?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Landlord!
Patrick: SpongeBob, what do you say we go knock on the door and say "Hi"?
Squidward: Oh no!
Howard: What's going on? Is someone out there?
Squidward:[closes certains] Nope, nobody's out there!
Howard: Are you sure? I thought I heard voices.
Squidward: There's nobody here!
Howard: Perhaps it's the other neighbors coming to meet me. We'd better check.
Squidward: No! I can't let you do that!
Howard:[chuckles] Well, of course you can. They're your neighbors, too.
Squidward: No! You REALLY don't wanna go out there, trust me! [jerks on Howard's arm harder and harder]
Howard: You're hurting my arm!
Squidward:[lets go] Oh, sorry. I was just wondering if we could...
Howard: Could, what?
Squidward: Um, form a little duet together. Just you and me. Just the two of us. Together. You know. Me on clarinet and you on bassoon. Why sure!
[Squid closes the curtain]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob? Did you see the way those curtains jerked shut?
SpongeBob: Hmmm. Our new neighbor must be really shy.
Patrick: Maybe we could visit him, later.
SpongeBob: Yeah, besides, we have more pressing things to attend to—like this jellyfish we've befriended and this brand new bottle of bubbles!
Squidward: Phew! That was close.
Howard: And a one and a two... [they both olay on their instruments]
Squidward:[thinking] Squiddy, this is definitely your best day ever! [SpongeBob and Patrick are heard laughing]
Howard: That's funny, I thought I just had this thing tuned.
Squidward: Uh, that's me! I think this reed needs replacing. Excuse me for a moment! [runs builds a fence around Howard's house] There! Now, where were we?
Patrick: Look! Our new neighbor must be even shyer than we thought!
SpongeBob: Yeah. [a bubble pops and a jellyfish stings Patrick.They both laugh]
Squidward: Excuse me one more time!
[builds and wall of cinder block as more laughing is heard. He runs outside and paints zippers on SpongeBob and Patrick's mouths. They unzip the zippers and laugh. Squidward climbs in a bulldozer and pushes SpongeBob and Patrick's house's off a cliff]
Howard:[angry] What's going on? Are you hiding something?
Squidward:[nervously] Why, Howard, I would never hide anything from you!
Howard: Stand aside! [SpongeBob and Patrick are shown jellyfishing and blowing bubbles] REPULSIVE! Somebody's got to stop these bubble blowing jellyfishers!
Squidward:[crying] Please don't leave, Howard! You're the rain of sunshine I've had in years!
Howard: I'm sorry, Mr. Tentacles! It's too late for that!
Squidward: Oh, Neptune nooooo!
Howard:[to SpongeBob and Patrick] You there! [pops a bubble] Hey! That was actually kind of fun! Maybe now's the time I stopped being so stuffy and loosened up for a change! [joins in on the fun]
Squidward: I know I can handle two dunderheads, but I draw the line at three! [knocks out the brick and Howard's trailer rolls away]
Howard: My house! [runs after it and jumps off the cliff] I knew it was too good to be true!
Squidward:[sadly as he holds a piece of the broken sign] Well, I almost had a decent neighbor.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. We can cheer you up. [blows a bubble]
Patrick: Go on. Pop it!
Squidward: Well, Squiddy, what have I got to lose? [bubble floats away] Hey, come back here you bubble! [bubble floats over the same cliff and Squidward jumps off of it] JELLYFISHING BUBBLE BLOWERS!