SpongeBob: Got to hurry, Gary. [rushes to put on his pajamas on, while Gary slithers over to where he sleeps] The sooner I get to bed, the sooner I'll get to sleep, and the sooner I get to sleep, the sooner I'll wake up, and the sooner I wake up, ooh ho-ho! [stops in the middle of the room] The sooner I get to go to work at the best job in the whole wide world: The Krusty Krab! Now, to just put on these sleepy time blinders, before I run excitedly to bed. [he puts on his blinders and tries running, but trips on a treasure chest and falls down. He quickly gets into bed without the blinders.] Well, good night, Gary.
SpongeBob: I'm just going to turn out the lights. Clickety poo. And close my eyes and go to sleep. [Gary falls asleep] Just close my eyes and go to sleep. [grunts trying to close his eyes but can't] ...just close my... [his eyes shoot open] Maybe if I run around it'll tire me out. [runs around the room and on the walls] Oh, I just got to get some sleep! There's only one thing for this. [bubble transition to SpongeBob holding a glass of milk] Ah, that's the stuff. A glass of warm snail milk. [drinks all the milk, then waits for a few seconds] Dah! Why isn't it working-- [falls over suddenly, finally asleep. The next morning, the clam outside crows like a rooster, which wakes SpongeBob up. He looks horrible] Whoa, Gary, what happened? [remembers what time it is and crashes through his front door with all his clothes on except for his left shoe, which is still in his home] Agh, I'm late for work! [checks his pocket watch] Oh, my gosh, only twenty seconds to go! What the...? [sees the bridge ahead is out] Bridge out? [jumps over the gap and continues to run then gasps again when he sees Nancy, Abigail and Shelly playing hopscotch up ahead] Hopscotch! [skips across the hopscotch board and keeps running] Almost there. [runs into the Krusty Krab and lunges at the time clock with his time slip in hand. The clock turns to 9:01 just as he puts the card into the slot.] No! Ugh! I'm late. What's Mr. Krabs going to say? [he goes into the kitchen, and his thoughts can be heard as he grills patties] TardyPants! You, sir, are a TardyPants! Wait 'till Mr. Krabs finds out. You better think of something to save your job.
Squidward: One Krabby Patty and Krabby Fries for table number four.
SpongeBob: Order up! [runs to the table] Here you go, sir. One Krabby Patty, Krabby Fries, and Krabby Drink in three seconds flat.
[a little girl knocks her drink off the table]
Squidward: Spill at table...
SpongeBob:[runs out of the kitchen with a mop] I'm on it! [starts to mop up the spill] Nothing a dedicated, on-time employee can't handle. [mops the girl's head] Kiddies get a free touch-up. [giggles as he goes back into the kitchen] All done!
Mr. Krabs:[opens the door] Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob:[jumps into the air and grabs Mr. Krabs' leg] No! Please don't throw me out in the street! I am so sorry for what I did.
Mr. Krabs: What'd you do?
SpongeBob: I was a minute late for work!
Mr. Krabs: A minute late?
SpongeBob: A whole 60 seconds.
Mr. Krabs: Well, uh, don't do it again.
SpongeBob: No! No! You have to punish me!
Mr. Krabs: Well, you can clean the salad bar.
SpongeBob: Thank you, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Be sure to close up when you're done.
SpongeBob: I will.
Mr. Krabs: And good night, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: I love it here, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sheesh.
Squidward: If you love it so much, why don't you just live here? [chuckling]
[SpongeBob grins, getting an idea. Cut to SpongeBob straining to get his feet through a cardboard box he's going to sleep in. He gets his feet through the box and uses napkins as a blanket]
SpongeBob: Somethin's not right. What is it? Do I miss my old clock? [there is a shot of the digital wall clock which says 12:31] Maybe it's my old bed. [SpongeBob quickly wiggles his toes] Oh, that's it. [snaps fingers] I'll make the Krusty Krab just like home. What do you say Gary? [Gary is a toilet paper roll with cucumbers for eyes. Cut to next day where Mr Krabs enters the Krusty Krab and sees SpongeBob sleeping in his bed in the dining area]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? What in Neptune's Navy is going on here?
SpongeBob: SpongeBob reporting for duty, sir.
Mr. Krabs: How long you been here?
SpongeBob: All night, sir.
Mr. Krabs: All night?
SpongeBob: That's right, I'm going to live here from now on, so I'll never ever be tardy pants again.
Mr. Krabs: Hold on! This ain't no hotel, son.
SpongeBob:[gets out a stack of cash from his pocket] Here's my first month's rent.
Mr. Krabs: Rent? Okay. Well, let's get ready for the customers. Start scrubbing the grill...
SpongeBob: Already done, sir. [grill is spotless]
Mr. Krabs: Well, start cooking some Krabby Patties...
SpongeBob: Done. [a bunch of Krabby Patties are in the kitchen ready for serving. SpongeBob punches his time card at 8:59] All that, before we even open up our doors, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Okay. Then get cleaned up. You're a mess.
SpongeBob: Eww, I guess I could use some freshening up. [ketchup and mustard stains are all over his clothes. Cut to Squidward putting a bucket of dishes on the conveyor belt but the dishwasher stops]
Squidward: Jammed again. [reaches inside to fix it but pokes SpongeBob]
SpongeBob:[SpongeBob is wearing a shower cap and towel] Ooh. Hi, Squidward.
Squidward: SpongeBob? What are you doing here?
SpongeBob: Oh, I live here now.
Squidward: In the dishwasher?
SpongeBob: No, at the Krusty Krab. Now, if you'll excuse me.
Squidward: SpongeBob living at the Krusty Krab? Wait a minute, if he's living here, that means he won't be living next to me. Oh.
Mr. Krabs: Must be a full moon. [cut to closing time] Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: Just saying goodnight to SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs. Sweet dreams, SpongeBob. You look much more comfier in here than in your old home next to me!.
SpongeBob: Won't you miss me living next door, Squidward?
Squidward:[laughing] No. Coming Eugene. [cheers as he walks out the Krusty Krab] Good night's sleep, here I come. [cut to next day where Squidward is talking to Frankie] And when I went home at night, guess what?
Frankie: He wasn't there?
Squidward: Right! And when I woke up in the morning...
Frankie: Can I just get my change?
Squidward:[laughing] He still wasn't there.
Frankie: Come on, man, my change.
Squidward:[grabs something out of the register] Here you go.
Frankie: Yeah, thanks... [gasps] Oh, real funny, buddy. Two socks and a pair of tighty whities.
Squidward: Socks and-- [gasps. socks and underwear are in the register instead of money] What the...? SpongeBob, why is your underwear in the cash register?
SpongeBob: Well, I had to put them somewhere and my underwear drawer is all filled up with Krabby Patties and the freezer is filled up with my iced snowflake collection. [blocks of snowflakes are in the freezer] So I put the cash from the cash register in the pickle jar.
Mr. Krabs:[laughs] Oh, lighten up, Squidward. 'Tis harmless tomfoolery.
SpongeBob: Do you want to know where the mustard is? [Gary is covered in mustard]
Squidward: Ah! Eww. [cut to later] Well, he may be twice as annoying at work, but it still beats having him as a neighbor.
SpongeBob:[sings] Laundry song, la-la-la! Sing about your laundry all day long. La-la-la-la laundry song.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you can't be hanging your delicates in me customer's faces. [Harold sees underwear and stops chewing]
SpongeBob: Well, they don't see to mind. [Harold takes down a pair of underwear and uses it as a napkin]
Mr. Krabs: Oh! I have a disgusting clientele. Who spend their money freely.
SpongeBob:[chuckles] Aye aye, captain.
Mr. Krabs: Because I'd hate for a certain living arrangement—meaning yours—to interfere with said money spending. [tries opening his office door but can't] What the barnacles? [opens the door slightly to see all of SpongeBob's stuff in his office] SpongeBob! Why is your bed in me office?
SpongeBob: It was getting kind of crowded in the kitchen. [squeezes inside the office] So I moved in here.
Mr. Krabs: You can't stay in here. These are my private quarters, boy. The only play I can escape for solitude during the day.
SpongeBob: But I'll only be here at night. Please, Mr. Krabs, I won't get in your way. Please!
Mr. Krabs: Oh... Okay, but I'll have to raise your rent.
SpongeBob:[opens up front doors] Mom! Dad! Come on in. [enters Mr. Krabs' office] And this is the guest room. Mom, Dad, Mr. Krabs.
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, hello. [Mr. Krabs' eye twitches. In the dining area, Harold and Frankie are slipping on snail trail that Gary is leaving on the floor]
SpongeBob: Well, I'll let you two get settled.
Jimmy: Is this your snail?
SpongeBob:[gasps] Gary! Bad boy! No!
Jimmy: Put that thing on a leash.
Mr. Krabs:[holding golden clam-shaped soap containers in his hand] Squidward, who put these fancy smelling soaps in the restroom?
Squidward: The same person who knitted these napkin holders and embroidered the menu. [shows both items]
Mr. Krabs:[gasps] Argh. [walks to his office] That boy's taking the manliness out of me restaurant. Oh, he didn't. Floral print curtains in me office? That's it. That's the last straw! I'm not putting up with this any longer. [rips curtains down to reveal Mrs. SquarePants taking a shower]
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, oh, I...I'm sorry. I didn't know... [walks backwards into Mr. SquarePants]
Mr. SquarePants: [angered] What's going on in here?!
Mr. Krabs: No, I... [thrown out of his office. Hears buzzing in the kitchen] What the...?
Patrick:[walks out of the kitchen] Thanks, SpongeBob. [points to his lower back, background woman screaming plays] If I could reach it, I'd do it myself. [all the customers run out in disgust]
Mr. Krabs: Me customers! [cries] Gone! Gone! Gone! All they wanted... was to give me...their money! [strained cries.. then gets angry ] SPONGEBOB! Pack your bags, boy. You're moving out. [SpongeBob is shaving in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Squidward is about to relax in his lawn chair when a moving truck drives up]
Squidward: What the...? SpongeBob, what are you doing here?
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs kicked me out, so now we're neighbors again. Hey, my drums! [plays the drums frantically.]
Squidward: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! [cries on the ground. Cut to next day where Mr. Krabs opens up the Krusty Krab but this time, all of Squidward's stuff is inside.]