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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mr. Krabs Takes a Vacation" from season eight, which aired on November 9, 2011.
  • Mr. Krabs: Who's ready for some excitement?
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and Pearl: We are! [Squidward is sitting idly by]
  • Mr. Krabs: Who is ready for some fun?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: We are!
  • Mr. Krabs: Who's ready to look at some vacation pictures?
  • Patrick and Sandy: We... huh?
  • Mr. Krabs: [turns off lights and turns on slideshow and turns it to a picture of a dollar] I'm sure you know this charming fellow! [changes slide to him catching money] Here's the one that almost got away! [changes slide to a pile of money] Look at these pile towers of golden green! [changes slide to the Krusty Krab] Here's how the whole thing started! [cuts to flashback]
  • Squidward: That will be $6.75 please. [Takes money from the customer]
  • Mr. Krab: [on a loud speaker] Attention! Attention, all employees of the Krusty Krab! Report immediately to the main office!
  • Squidward: [walks off]
  • Frankie Billy: Hey! What about my change?
  • SpongeBob: [Appears from the door to Mr. Krabs' office] You called Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: That's right. You better have a seat laddy. Gentlemen! I have an announcement to make. As of tomorrow, I'm closing the Krusty Krab.
  • Squidward: Hallelujah! [Charges out the door]
  • SpongeBob: [In shock gasping]
  • Mr. Krabs: Relax, boy! I'm just going on vacation for a few days. [Moves next to SpongeBob who is still in shock] Yesiree, laddy! I think the old Krusty Krab can afford a few days in dried up while I take little Pearl to a long, overdue vacation. And I was kinda hoping, that you come along with us, SpongeBob. [echo many times] Come along with us, SpongeBob. Come along with us...For a nominal fee of course. So, what do think, boy?
  • SpongeBob: [Smiles brightly]
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? [Starts shaking SpongeBob] SpongeBob!?
  • SpongeBob: [His eyes who are now like Magic 8 Balls show "Yes" and "Please"] Yes! Please!
  • Mr. Krabs: Great! We'll have some fun! [Laughs and SpongeBob falls over]
  • [Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs' house]
  • Mr. Krabs: Pearl, my dear! Are you all packed and ready to go?
  • Pearl: You bet your bottom dollar!
  • Mr. Krabs: Me bottom dollar? Why I never do that!
  • Pearl: It's just an expression daddy. I just mean I'm really excited! [Walks outside with Mr. Krabs and spots SpongeBob] Gasp!
  • SpongeBob: La la la la la la la la la!
  • Pearl: Daddy! One of your employees is in the back seat!
  • SpongeBob: [Singing] 🎵Going on vacation with Mr. Krabs! Going on vacation with his daughter Pearl! Going on vacation with the whole Krabs clan! La la la la la la!🎵 I'm a vaaacation man! [Stops singing and spots Mr. Krabs and Pearl] Hey travel buddies!
  • Pearl: Daddy! I thought this was supposed to be OUR family vacation!?
  • Mr. Krabs: Eh... It still is! SpongeBob's... like a son to me! Plus he'll pay a top dollar to tag along.
  • SpongeBob: [notices Pearl walk closer to Mr. Krabs' boat] Hi Pearl! Looks like you and I get to spend some quality time together!
  • Pearl: You know, SpongeBob. We got an old family tradition of having our guests ride on the floor with the luggage until we leave town! [throws her suitcase at SpongeBob knocking him to the floor]
  • SpongeBob: [Raises arm up which is bent] I will happily honor this family tradition.
  • Mr. Krabs: See? You two are already having fun together! [laughs and drives off past SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick's houses]
  • Squidward: [Laying on a chair] And there they go! Two whole days of no work and no SpongeBob! This is almost too good to be true! Nothing can possibly go wrong!
  • Patrick: [Appears behind Squidward] Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
  • SpongeBob: Ow!
  • Mr. Krabs: Did you hear something?
  • Pearl: Just the sound of this vacation dying!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, cheer up pumpkin puss! We're almost there!
  • SpongeBob: [Raises arm] Um, is time to come up yet?
  • Pearl: Sure, why not? Join the funeral. Super Mega Mall World? Is that where we going?
  • Mr. Krabs: Noooo! No. The place we are going is much better! [Drives past Super Mega Mall World]
  • SpongeBob: Um, Mr. Krabs? Think we could make a bathroom stop?
  • Mr. Krabs: But we are making such great time! Try to hold it a little longer lad!

{{L|Pearl|Holly molly! We're going to Planet Rollercoaster! [Mr. Krabs drives past it] But, daddy? W-why aren't we stopping?

  • Mr. Krabs: [Laughs] The place we are going is 100 times better than that old amusement park!
  • SpongeBob: Is it Bathroom Land? 'Cause I could really use a bathroom right now!
  • Mr. Krabs: [Laughs] Bathroom Land! Oh SpongeBob! You kill me!

{{L|Pearl|Yeah! He's a real chuckle factory. [laughs sarcastically]

  • Mr. Krabs: [Continues driving] Ok, kids! We're just about there! Just over that hill, is the greatest sight in the sea! Now close your eyes for a big surprise!

{{L|Pearl|[closes eyes and crosses fingers] Teenage Boy Museum! Teenage Boy Museum!

  • SpongeBob: [Closes eyes and crosses legs] Bathroom! Bathroom!
  • Mr. Krabs: [Stops driving] Ok! We're here! You can open your eyes now!

{{L|Pearl|[she and SpongeBob open their eyes] Yay! The Teenage Boy Museum! [a wrecking ball suddenly knocks down the Teenage Boy Museum] It was right there!

  • Mr. Krabs: Oh... that's okay, honey. We weren't going there anyway. THAT'S where we're going!
  • Pearl: Gasp!
  • Mr. Krabs: It's the Bikini Bottom Mint! Where they make all of the money! Have you ever seen anything so beautiful in all of your life?
  • Pearl: There is NO way I'm going in there! I rather sit in through the rubble of the Teenage Boy Museum! [goes over to what is left of the Teenage Boy Museum]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, laddy! Looks like it's just you and me! And of course, the Mint! [Hearts in eyes fly off]
  • [Bubble transition to inside the Bikini Bottom Mint]
  • Mr. Krabs: Is this the most exciting day in you life?
  • SpongeBob: Not really.
  • Bill: Thank you all for coming to the Bikini Bottom Mint. My name is Bill. [Points to his name tag]
  • SpongeBob: Bill? [Laughs]
  • Bill: And yes... I am aware of the hilarious irony between my name and my job. Now, I'll be your tour guide for today. This tour will take you through the entire money process.
  • Mr. Krabs: You hear that, boy? [Eyes in SpongeBob's face] The entire money making... process!
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, I... [Takes Mr. Krabs' eyes off his face] ...sure did sir!
  • Bill: [Leading the crowd] This just to your right is the first part of the dollar making process. [Shows the crowd people behind the glass window operating a pressing machine] Where very special sheets of paper are prepped for...
  • Mr. Krabs: Guah guah guah guah guah! [Starts licking the glass window]
  • SpongeBob: Uh, Mr. Krabs? Everyone is starting at us. [Shakes Mr. Krabs] Sir, get a hold of yourself! It's just paper!
  • Mr. Krabs: Just paper? That's like saying the ocean is just water! Or, or the Krabby Patty's just a... a... a sandwich!
  • Bill: Ahem...
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh! [Dusts off SpongeBob] Uh... uh...
  • Bill: [Walks the crowd to a new area] And in this area here to my left, we see the process in which the sheets of silver are pressed into... [The machine then pounds the silver sheet into coins] ...shiny blank coins which are collected in back of one million pieces for the coining press.
  • Mr. Krabs: Wuh wuh wuh... o-o-one million shiny pieces of... [His eyes start to inflate] silver coins? [His eyes explode with the pieces flying]
  • Bill: They call... [Gets hit in the face by pieces of Mr. Krabs' eyes and the rest hit the other tourists]
  • SpongeBob: Uh oh! I thought this might happen! [Takes out a box that says "Replacement Eyes" and screws the eyes into Mr. Krabs and turns him on]
  • Mr. Krabs: Thanks SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Anytime sir! Oh! The tour's leaving without us! [Points to Bill and the others moving forward]
  • Bill: [Talking with the tourists]
  • SpongeBob: We better catch up with them before we miss something, right Mr. Krabs? [Notices Mr. Krabs is gone and looks over] Gasp! [Sees Mr. Krabs on the conveyor belt getting ready to be crushed by the machine] MR. KRABS!
  • Mr. Krabs: He he he he!
  • SpongeBob: [Pushes Mr. Krabs out of the way but gets crushed instead turning into many coins] I'm not sure how I feel about this sudden change! [Laughs] Good one, huh, Mr. Krabs? AHHH! [Reforms back together] Watch out, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: [Holding a coin and moving down the conveyor belt] Hello! My name is Eugene! What's yours? [A machine with a needle makes the face on one coin and moves up towards it] Do you believe in love at first sight?
  • SpongeBob: [Swings by and saves Mr. Krabs] Phew... that was close.
  • Mr. Krabs: I'd say! I almost had that quarter's phone number!
  • Bill: Now this machine here is where we destroy old money by means of shredding.
  • Mr. Krabs: Pretty neat, huh, boy? That's where they... [Claw pops and his whole arm deflates] ...DESTROY MONEY?! NOOO! [Charges to the shredder looking at the shredded money] NOOO! WHY? WHY? [Starts crying a fountain]
  • SpongeBob: [Puts buckets on both sides of Mr. Krabs] It's okay, sir. I'm sure I...
  • Mr. Krabs: [Arms and nose pop off as he continues to cry from all ends, starting to flood the Mint]
  • SpongeBob: Wah oh! [Feet turn into propellers and he swims toward Mr. Krabs turning a knob on him which stops him from crying then sucks up all of the tears and tries to spit them out the window but goes through the wall instead.]

{{L|Pearl|Huh? Ah! An autograph- [the tears that SpongeBob shot out go through the head of the picture she picked up] NOOO! [cries]

  • SpongeBob: [Finishes spitting]
  • Mr. Krabs: [Rocking on the ground speaking gibberish]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! It's okay! [Picks up Mr. Krabs] The shredded money is recycled and turned into brand, new money! See? [Shows Mr. Krabs the new dollars being made]
  • Mr. Krabs: It's a miracle!
  • SpongeBob: Yay!
  • Bill: [Angry] That is it! I have had enough of your nonsense! GUARDS! Show these two good-for-nothing toddlers out! Right no- Oh my... [Notices the guards tied up and two robbers stealing the money. His fin deflates and then hides behind the crowd] Angry, thieving criminals aren't part of this tour. Take whatever you want!
  • Skinny Robber: Take care of them!
  • Muscular Robber: No problem, boss! [Growls and moves toward the crowd]
  • Mr. Krabs: [Jumps in] Oh no you don't! You filthy dollar wrestler! [Throws SpongeBob at the Muscular Robber, which has no effect]
  • SpongeBob: That didn't work at all! [Falls to the ground]
  • Muscular Robber: Grrrr...
  • Mr. Krabs: Grrrr... YAHHH! [Charges at the Muscular Robber and knocks him into the Skinny Robber. Uses SpongeBob to tie them up, then tosses them through the ceiling and into a police car]
  • Policeman: That was easy...
  • Policewoman: Yep, sure was...
  • Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy!
  • SpongeBob: You, too, sir!
  • Bill: [He along with the crowd claps for SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs] Clearly, I misjudged you. You are both brave citizens and for that, on behalf of the Mint, I would like to present you both [Takes out two dollars] brand new, extremely fine, limited edition, limited brand dollar bills with your faces on them.
  • SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Oooooo...
  • Bill: [Gives them their dollars]
  • SpongeBob: Wow! It's-
  • Mr. Krabs: [Takes it] Mine! I haven't charged you yet for tagging along on me vacation!
  • Pearl: [takes both of them] And I haven't charged YOU yet for taking me on this terrible vacation! [turns to a lady holding a box] Here's the two dollars I was short on those shoes. I must've maxed out daddy's credit card! [laughs and takes the box full of shoes] Yay! Shoes!
  • Mr. Krabs: [Starts to cry] Shoes?
  • SpongeBob: Oh no... [Puts on rain clothes]
  • Mr. Krabs: [Bursts out bawling]
  • [The episode ends with the Bikini Bottom Mint spraying out Mr. Krabs' tears]