Template:BTranscript
(at the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: May I help you, sir?
Customer: I'd like that table over by the window. (points to the table behind him where Mary and Old Man Jenkins are sitting)
SpongeBob: As soon as the present customers are done with it. They like to chew their food thoroughly.
Mary: 97... 98... 99...
Old Man Jenkins: Don't rush me, woman!
Customer: Perhaps this will speed up the process. (shows him some money)
SpongeBob: How will that help them chew faster?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what's the problem?
SpongeBob: No problem, I was just telling this customer he needed to wait for his favorite table.
Customer: Five bucks if I get the table now. (Mr. Krabs kicks out Mary and Old Man Jenkins)
Mary: Ow, my hip.
Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your meal. Let me know if you need anything else.
SpongeBob: Why did you give him the table?
Mr. Krabs: You know what they say: "Money Talks".
SpongeBob: I didn't know money could talk. Did it tell you to kick those old people out? (talking to money) What do you
have against old people?
Mr. Krabs: Don't go goofy on me, boy. Money can't really talk. Only fish can talk.
SpongeBob: Wouldn't it be neat if money could talk?
Mr. Krabs: (chuckles) Yeah. Wait a minute...
Squidward: What's that music?
SpongeBob: I think Mr. Krabs is gonna sing.
Squidward: Oh, great.
Music: "If I Could Talk To Money"
Mr. Krabs: [singing "If I Could Talk To Money"]:
- If I could talk to money
- How great my life would be
- We'd tell each other secrets
- All their friends would visit me
- I'd bathe in filthy riches
- Which is clean enough for me
- Oh, if you could tell me what you want
- How happy we would be
- We'd surely be the best of friends
- We'd never disagree
- There wouldn't be a downside
- Not one that I could see
- If I could talk to money
- Come along, sing with me
- Squidward: Uh, no thanks, I got to go.
- SpongeBob: I really have to pee.
- If I could talk to money
- And it could talk to me
- We'd always be the best of friends
- For all eternity
(Mr. Krabs chortles)
Patrick: (comes out of the bathroom) What did I miss?
Mr. Krabs: Oh... (all mumbling and muttering...) Parlez vous Francais? Hable Español? Oo-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay? Mm-hmm. Maybe this will make you talk. Talk! You're being too hard on the little guy. You can talk to me. I'm your friend. (cries) I
would give anything to talk to money. Anything!
Flying Dutchman: Anything?
Mr. Krabs: You?
Flying Dutchman: That's right. 'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman. I'll grant your wish but it'll cost you.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, my immortal soul. I've heard that speech before. (signs contract)
Flying Dutchman: Wha...? Well, uh, great. But be warned!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, skip the lecture. I want what's coming to me.
Flying Dutchman: Humph, you're no fun at all, you know that?
Mr. Krabs: Hey, is that pixie dust?
Whew, that was a strange dream.
Money: You think that was a strange dream? I dreamt I was trapped in a prison made of peanut butter. (subtitles version Male Voice: You think that was a strange dream? I dreant when I was trapped in a prison made of peanut butter.)
Mr. Krabs: Who said that?
Money: Down here.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, it's a nickel. What were you doing in my belly button, little fella?
Nickel: I got stuck in there during your last coin shower. (shudders) I don't want to talk about it.
Mr. Krabs: (takes his wallet and takes out a five-dollar bill) Do you have anything to say to me?
Dollar Bill: Yeah, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?
Mr. Krabs: It worked! I can talk to money. Oh...
Nickel: Please, don't start singing again. (cut to Krusty Krab, the next day)
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, darlings. Soon you'll be rejoined with all your friends. (kisses his money)
Mary: Oh, my, why don't you kiss me like that?
Old Man Jenkins: Don't start.
Squidward: That'll be five dollars. (puts money in register)
Five-Dollar Bill: Hey, dudes.
Money: Run, jump! Jump out! Jump out! (Mr Krabs closes the register and chuckles)
Mr. Krabs: (opens up his safe) Good morning, my darlings.
Money: Good morning, Mr Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: You're coming home with me.
Money: Yay!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I did it. I can talk to money. (shows him a bag of money) Go ahead, say hello.
SpongeBob: Hello... money.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Oh, aren't they a riot? (walks out the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: I'm starting to worry about Mr Krabs.
Squidward: I'm worried he just left with my paycheck. (cut to Mr Krabs' house where he's on the floor with his money)
Mr. Krabs: Now that we're alone, let's tell each other secrets.
One-Dollar: What kind of secrets are you talking about?
Dime: Yeah, we live in a safe.
Money: yeah!
Mr. Krabs: You have any friends you can invite over?
One-Dollar: Aren't we enough for you?
Dime: Yeah, what's wrong with us? (subtitles version What's wrong with us?)
Money: Yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Nothing, nothing. You guys are great. I thought you guy might want some company, you know, to make you happy.
Money: Why don't you ask what would make us happy.
Mr. Krabs: Ok, so how can I make you happy?
Money: Spend us!
Mr. Krabs: What?
Dime: We're money. It's in our nature.
One-Dollar: I've been trapped in that safe for eight years. I always wanted to be spent on a fairy princess outfit.
Mr. Krabs: What? No way.
Ten-Dollar: I want to be spent on corn dogs.
Five-Dollar: I want to be spent on diapers.
Money: Yeah, yeah, me too.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, wait a minute. I am not spending you on corn dogs, diapers, or fairy princess outfits. (cut to the mall)
Clerk: Did you find everything ok? (captions version Woman: Did I find everything ok?)
Mr. Krabs: (dressed up in the outfits that the money were talking about) Unfortunately.
Money: All right! (Mr. Krabs cries)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, lookin' good.
Patrick: What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?
SpongeBob: I don't know. He's acting kind of weird. (cut back to Mr. Krabs' house)
Money: (moaning) Spend us. Spend us.
Mr. Krabs: I can't spend all of you. And none of you want to be spent on stuff I want.
Money: Spend us.
Mr. Krabs: Ah, you're all shut up and self-absorbed. What did I ever see in you?
Money: Spend us.
Mr. Krabs: I'm not listening...
Money: Spend us.
Mr. Krabs: I'm not... (knock on door) SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs. I just came by to make sure you weren't, you know, totally insane.
Mr. Krabs: (chuckles) Take this bag as far away as possible and bury it. (closes door then nervously chuckles) What have I done? (opens door) Give me that back. (takes the bag of money and closes door again)
SpongeBob: Ok Mr. Krabs, glad you're not insane. (cut to later)
Mr. Krabs: Dutchman, you cheated me. Take this horrible curse away! I want a refund.
Flying Dutchman: All sales are final from the Flying Dutchman, especially for a selfish shellfish like yourself. Try saying that three times fast. Your soul's going into me fanny pack of despair. (squeals) Now pay up. Huh? An I.O.U.(I Owe You)?
Mr. Krabs: Hehe, yeah, well, I sort of sold my soul already.
Flying Dutchman: What? To who?
Mr. Krabs: To those guys.
Monster: We were here first, pops.
Monster #2: We've all god a claim on Krabs’ soul.
Monster: Get to the back of the line.
Mr. Krabs: Now, now, I'm sure we can sort this out.
Flying Dutchman: You, too, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: He was short five dollars on payday.