Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV" from season 3, which aired on January 21, 2002.

  • French Narrator: Ahh, the Krusty Krab. Through these doors pass all the many kinds of undersea life. [two fish are about to leave]
  • Mermaid Man: Through the double doors! [bursts through the door, knocking the two fish away] Away!
  • French Narrator: And also these guys. [Barnacle Boy enters the Krusty Krab]
  • Barnacle Boy: I told you I'm not hungry, Mermaid Man!
  • Mermaid Man: N-nonsense, Barnacle Boy, we've got to keep up our strength for the fight against evil!
  • Barnacle Boy: What a dive.
  • Mermaid Man: To the register! [runs to the register] Away!
  • Squidward: Can I help you?
  • Mermaid Man: A double Krabby Patty and Coral Bits for me, and a silly meal for the lad.
  • Barnacle Boy: It's not for the toy, I just... I've gotta fit in the tights, y'know? [smiles nervously]
  • Squidward: Whatever. Five dollars, please.
  • Mermaid Man: You got it, bucky. [removes his left seashell cup, opens the shell up like a clutch purse and pulls out a metal nut] Will this cover it? [close up of the nut and a timpani noise is heard]
  • Squidward: No.
  • Barnacle Boy: [confronts Squidward] Listen, big nose, [points at Mermaid Man] that guy has been saving your butt since before you were born. Don't you got a living legend discount or something?
  • Squidward: This is a restaurant, not a lending library. [pokes Barnacle Boy] And who are you calling big nose, [pokes Barnacle Boy again] big nose? [both press noses against each other. Barnacle Boy gets out a $5 bill from his hat and throws it to Squidward]
  • Barnacle Boy: Well, next time danger threatens, don't expect any help from us.
  • Squidward: [grabs the bill. Sarcastically] I'm shaking. Heh. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
  • SpongeBob: [slowly breaks through wall] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy? Must... get... autograph! Hraw! [stretches his arm to pull a pen from Tom's shirt pocket] Keyah! [stretches second arm to grab a piece paper coincidentally floating by an open window]
  • Mermaid Man: If you wanna grow up strong like me,... [shows his fat belly, shocking Barnacle Boy] you gotta leave room for seconds. Here comes our waiter.
  • SpongeBob: [runs while making a weird face] Autograph!
  • Barnacle Boy: Holy sea cow, it's that sponge kid!
  • Mermaid Man: Quick, lad, [his pants fall down] to the invisible boat mobile! [runs outside, while holding his pants] Away!
  • Barnacle Boy: Where'd we park?
  • Mermaid Man: Uhh...
  • SpongeBob: Can I have your autograph? Can I have your autograph? Can I... they're gone. [gasps, notices Mermaid Man's belt on the floor] Mermaid Man's belt!
  • Mermaid Man: Wait! We'll find it with the invisible boat alarm! [pulls it out, and makes as if to press a button. A pink 1959 Cadillac Eldorado flickers in and out of visibility thrice, making beeps as well] There she is! [they run over and jump in the car. Barnacle Boy hits the gear shift]
  • Barnacle Boy: Eee-ow! [rubs his behind] I told you we should have got the automatic!
  • SpongeBob: Hey, guys! Wait up! [pulling out Mermaid Man's belt; slow motion] I've got something for you...
  • Barnacle Boy: Floor it! [both speed off in the boat]
  • SpongeBob: You forgot your belt! You forgot— [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive away] Mermaid Man's secret utility belt. The emblem of submersible justice! For 65 years, this belt has helped prevent the fall of nations... and pants. I can't believe I'm actually holding it in my hands. Well, I guess I should return it. [makes one step in the boat's direction... then sprints back to the kitchen with the belt on] Or not. [giggles] I could just hang onto it till after work... all alone with Mermaid Man's belt. I wonder what this button does. [presses the belt, and a pickle barrel shrinks] Whoa. [grabs the shrunken barrel] The small ray. [giggles and smiles mischievously]
  • Squidward: Here's your shake, sir. [starts to hand him the shake but he's startled by a loud noise from the kitchen and SpongeBob's giggle, causing him to accidentally drop the shake on the guy's head. The guy punches Squidward in the face and storms out. There are more flashes, noises and giggles from the kitchen. Squidward gets up and he holds his head] Grr.
  • SpongeBob: [hands a tiny Krabby Patty to a cockroach] There you go. [puts the tiny Krabby Patty on its back and the cockroach scurries away] Come again, sir. [Squidward barges in]
  • Squidward: SpongeBob. What's going on in here? Huh? [SpongeBob wears a tiny hat and holds a tiny spatula, and a cockroach is eating a Krabby Patty while sitting on a shrunken dining table] Why's everything all tiny?
  • SpongeBob: [turns the belt around to hide it from Squidward] I don't know.
  • Squidward: What do you got there?
  • SpongeBob: Nothing.
  • Squidward: No, really?
  • SpongeBob: Nothing.
  • Squidward: You've got something, alright. Let's see it. [grabs SpongeBob and sees Mermaid Man's belt]
  • SpongeBob: No, no!
  • Squidward: [gasps] Is that Mermaid Man's belt?
  • SpongeBob: Yes.
  • Squidward: Wow. I can't believe he'd lend it to you.
  • SpongeBob: Me, uh... either. [chuckles nervously]
  • Squidward: [gasps] He didn't lend it to you, did he?
  • SpongeBob: Please don't tell!
  • Squidward: [angry] You stole it!
  • SpongeBob: Please don't tell!
  • Squidward: Oh, I'm telling.
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, if Mermaid Man finds out, he'll kick me out of his fan club for sure! Please don't tell!
  • Squidward: Uh-oh! [points at the phone hanging on the kitchen wall] There's the phone.
  • SpongeBob: Don't!
  • Squidward: I'm walking towards the phone! [slowly walks towards the phone]
  • SpongeBob: No!
  • Squidward: [slowly reaches for the phone] I'm getting closer to the phone.
  • SpongeBob: [sobbing] Do-o-o-n't!
  • Squidward: [picks up the phone, ready to call Mermaid Man] And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for.
  • SpongeBob: [wails and tears himself] I'm begging you!
  • Squidward: Hello. I'd like to speak to Mer-- [SpongeBob shrinks Squidward. He lands on the table] What the? What? [phone hits him on the head] Ow!
  • Mermaid Man: [on phone] Hello? Hello?
  • Squidward: What did you do to me?!
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Squidward, but you made me do it!
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, if you don't return me to normal size right now, you are gonna be in really big trouble!
  • SpongeBob: Uh... uh, okay, uh...
  • Squidward: I said now!
  • SpongeBob: Uh... [belt is shown to have several complicated buttons] Uh...
  • Squidward: Do you hear me?! [SpongeBob zaps Squidward and he appears with multiple eyes with hissing snakes] Holy fish paste! Get it off me! Get it off me! [takes eyes off him and pants in fear] Don't you know how to work that thing?!
  • SpongeBob: Uhh, I can do it! [changes Squidward into a burning mess, then changes him to have an enormous nose, then to have no skin, then cut in half by scissors, then changed into more things off-screen while SpongeBob looks in fright. Squidward screams whenever SpongeBob changes him]
  • Squidward: [looks burnt after SpongeBob's failed attempts to revert him] Stop! I've got an idea. Let's call Mermaid Man and--
  • SpongeBob: [snatching Squidward] No! I can't let you do that! But there must be someone else who can help! Someone smart and wise, with years of life experience. [he runs to Patrick's house, where Patrick is sleeping] Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!
  • Patrick: [wakes up due to surprise] Ehh? Huh? Oh. Hi, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I was at work, and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy came, and I got this belt, and look. [shows Patrick the shrunken Squidward]
  • Patrick: Oh! A Squidward action figure! [grabs Squidward] Let me play with him!
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick!
  • Patrick: Fighter pilot! [imitates jet plane diving, machine gunfire and explosion noises] Dive bomb!
  • SpongeBob: Patrick!
  • Patrick: [about to punch Squidward] And then comes a giant fist!
  • Squidward: No!
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, no! That's not an action figure! That's the real Squidward! I shrunk him by accident.
  • Patrick: Oh... [about to punch Squidward anyway] And then comes a giant-- [Squidward screams]
  • SpongeBob: [stops Patrick] Wait, you don't understand! This is serious! I don't know how to unshrink him! He could be stuck like this for the rest of his life.
  • Patrick: Oh, don't worry about it. He'll find love one day.
  • SpongeBob: You think so?
  • Patrick: Well, sure. But it'll be with someone his own size. [pulls out a pickle] Like this pickle! See? They like each other!
  • Squidward: N-n-n-n-no.
  • Patrick: [bangs the pickle and Squidward together as if they were to kiss] Mwah, mwah, mwah! [Squidward is disgusted]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, if only I knew how to work this thing!
  • Patrick: Let me take a look at it. Hmmm. You know what the problem is?
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Patrick: You got it set to [points to the M] 'M' for Mini when it should be set to [turns M around] 'W' for Wumbo.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think "Wumbo" is a real word.
  • Patrick: Come on! You know... I wumbo, You wumbo, He, she, me... wumbo! Wumbo, wumboing... [he rambles on]
  • Squidward: [while Patrick is saying "we'll have the wumbo"] I wonder if the fall from this height would be enough to kill me?
  • Patrick: ...we'll have the wumbo, Wumborama... Wumbology, the study of wumbo? It's first grade, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you.
  • Patrick: Well, all right, then. Let her rip! [SpongeBob uses Mermaid Man's belt and presses something to try and regrow Squidward but accidentally shrinks Patrick.] It worked!
  • SpongeBob: Oh no!
  • Patrick: Look, SpongeBob's giant! [SpongeBob grabs them] Can I be giant next?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm not giant, you shrunk too!
  • Patrick: You're kidding! [pulls out his pickle] Good thing I still got this pickle! Mwah, mwah, mwah! [kisses the pickle three times. Pan over to Squidward]
  • Squidward: Hey! Now will you take us to Mermaid Man?!
  • SpongeBob: [yells in Squidward's face] No! He can never find out! But I'll think of something. I promise. [gets a pickle jar and puts them in] Until then, you'll be safe in this jar.
  • Patrick: You know what's funny? My pickle started out in a jar, and now it's in one again! Heh. It's like a pun or something. Heheh.
  • SpongeBob: It's only two people, no big deal. Nobody else saw it. [Sandy suddenly walks by]
  • Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: [screams] Sandy! [shrinks Sandy]
  • Sandy: [lands on the ground] What did you... For cryin' out... What did y'all do to me?
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Sandy! Mermaid Man came in and... [Larry walks by]
  • Larry: Hey, SpongeBob! [gets shrunken by SpongeBob, Nat walks by]
  • Nat: Hey, SpongeBob, I- [gets shrunken by SpongeBob, Nancy Suzy Fish walks by]
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Hi, SpongeBob. [gets shrunken; SpongeBob screams and makes a run for it]
  • Mrs. Puff: Hello, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Whew! [shrinks Mrs. Puff]
  • Scooter: Sponge-dude!
  • SpongeBob: Aah! [shrinks Scooter, Sandals, and Dennis]
  • Fish #1: Hey, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob shrinks fish]
  • Fish #2: SpongeBob, hi! [SpongeBob shrinks fish]
  • Fish #3: Hey, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob shrinks fish]
  • Fish #4: What's up, Sponge? [SpongeBob shrinks fish]
  • Everyone: [scene cuts to SpongeBob trying to get the lid down] Ohh, oh no!...
  • SpongeBob: [tries to fit everyone in the jar] Whoo! I'm gonna have to get a bigger jar.
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, will you just face facts? You've shrunken everybody in Bikini Bottom! You've got to go to Mermaid Man!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, he'll be so disappointed.
  • Sandy: Well, you can't leave us small forever!
  • SpongeBob: You don't understand! [his mother is seen in the pickle jar]
  • Mrs. SquarePants: [gently and soothingly] SpongeBob. You need to admit your mistakes.
  • SpongeBob: Mom?
  • Mermaid Man: Your mother's right, son. Mermaid Man will understand.
  • Barnacle Boy: You're Mermaid Man, you old coot!
  • Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah.
  • SpongeBob: Mermaid Man? I'm so sorry, it's just that I'm such a big fan, and your belt, and...
  • Mermaid Man: [comforting SpongeBob] Awww, don't worry, son. I understand! [SpongeBob smiles, with tears still pooling in his eyes] Why, I remember back when I first used the belt, the year was nineteen aught eleventy-twelve, why I believe the president was--
  • Everyone: [angrily] Just tell him how to unshrink us!
  • Mermaid Man: Oh, yes. The un-shrink ray. Let's see, uh, uh... Did you set it to wumbo?
  • Everyone: [furious] WHAT?! [the jar shakes out of rage and everyone flies out of it, spills out, and they form "GET SPONGEBOB!"] GET SPONGEBOB! [climbs up SpongeBob's body and into the holes in his head]
  • Squidward: Now I have to drive five miles to go to the bathroom... in my own home! [kicks SpongeBob's stomach]
  • Sandy: And I need an elevator to climb one stair! Hi-yah! [punches his brain]
  • Mermaid Man: We've been shrinking for years!
  • Barnacle Boy: But this is ridiculous! [both kick his eyeballs. Dale kicks his pelvis, Nancy chops off one of his lungs while hanging on to his spine, Larry kicks his knee. SpongeBob is shown getting hurt from the outside]
  • Everyone: Everything's too big!
  • SpongeBob: I've got it! [Squidward uses a saw to tear a blood vein in half and Frank tries to break a bone, but everyone stops when SpongeBob shrinks the city] Ta-da! [everyone looks outside through his holes] Since I couldn't make you big, I made the city small! [everybody leaves SpongeBob's body] And now, only one more thing to shrink. Cheese! [turns the shrink ray into W and towards him like a camera and shrinks himself]
  • Squidward: I guess this is okay.
  • Larry: Yeah, what's the difference?
  • Nancy: Good idea, SpongeBob. [everyone cheers, balloons and other party items are flying from the tiny city, as a giant bus parks and a giant Plankton gets off of it from his vacation]
  • Plankton: Well, it's great to be back! [notices small Bikini Bottom] Huh?
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