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Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV
Season №: 3
Episode №: 45a
Airdate: January 21, 2002
Previous: "Idiot Box"
Next: "Doing Time"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV" from season three, which aired on January 21, 2002.

  • Narrator: Ahh, the Krusty Krab. Through these doors pass all the many kinds of undersea life. [two fish are about to leave]
  • Mermaid Man: Through the double doors! [bursts through the door, knocking the two fishes away] Away!
  • Narrator: And also these guys. [Barnacle Boy enters the Krusty Krab]
  • Barnacle Boy: I told you I'm not hungry, Mermaid Man!
  • Mermaid Man: N-nonsense, Barnacle Boy, we've got to keep up our strength for the fight against evil!
  • Barnacle Boy: What a dive.
  • Mermaid Man: To the register! [runs to the register] Away!
  • Squidward: Can I help you?
  • Mermaid Man: A double Krabby Patty and Coral Bits for me, and a silly meal for the lad.
  • Barnacle Boy: It's not for the toy, I just... I've gotta fit in the tights, y'know? [he smiles nervously]
  • Squidward: Whatever. Five dollars, please.
  • Mermaid Man: You got it, bucky. [removes his left seashell cup, opens the shell up like a clutch purse and pulls out a metal nut] Will this cover it? [close up of the nut and a timpani noise is heard]
  • Squidward: No.
  • Barnacle Boy: [confronts Squidward] Listen, big nose, [points at Mermaid Man] this guy has been saving your butt since before you were born. Don't you got a living legend discount or something?
  • Squidward: This is a restaurant, not a lending library. And who are you calling big nose, big nose? [both press noses against each other. Barnacle Boy gets out a $5 bill from his hat and he throws it to Squidward]
  • Barnacle Boy: Well next time danger threatens, don't expect any help from us!
  • Squidward: [grabs the bill. Sarcastically] I'm shakin'. Heh. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
  • SpongeBob: [slowly breaks through wall] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy? Must... get... autograph! [stretches arm to pull a pen from Tom's shirt pocket and stretches second arm to grab a paper from the window]
  • Mermaid Man: If you wanna grow up strong like me... [shows his fat belly, shocking Barnacle Boy] you gotta leave room for seconds. Here comes our waiter!
  • SpongeBob: [runs while making a weird face] Autograph!
  • Barnacle Boy: Holy sea cow, it's that Sponge-kid!
  • Mermaid Man: Quick lad, [pants falls down] to the invisible boat mobile! [runs outside, while holding his pants] Away!
  • Barnacle Boy: Where'd we park?
  • Mermaid Man: Uhh...
  • SpongeBob: Can I have your autograph can I have your autograph can I... they're gone! [gasps] Mermaid Man's belt!
  • Mermaid Man: Wait! We'll find it with the invisible boat alarm! [he pulls it out, and makes as to press a button. A car flickers in and out of visibility thrice, making beeps as well] There she is! [they run over and jump in the car. Barnacle Boy hits the seat divider]
  • Barnacle Boy: Eee-ow! [rubs his behind] I told you we shoulda got the automatic!
  • SpongeBob: Hey, guys! Wait up! [slow motion. Also pulling out Mermaid Man's belt] I've got something for you...
  • Barnacle Boy: Floor it! [both speed off in the boat]
  • SpongeBob: You forgot your belt! You forgot— [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive away] Mermaid Man's secret utility belt! The emblem of submersible justice! For 65 years, this belt has helped prevent the fall of nations... and pants. I can't believe I'm actually holding it in my hands! Well, I guess I should return it. [makes one step in the boat's direction... then sprints back to the kitchen with the belt on] Or not! [giggles] I could just hang onto it till after work... all alone with Mermaid Man's belt. I wonder what this button does! [presses the belt, and a pickle barrel shrinks] Whoa! [grabs the shrunken barrel] The small ray! [he giggles and smiles mischievously]
  • Squidward: Here's your shake, sir. [he starts to hand him the shake, but he is startled by a loud noise from the kitchen and SpongeBob's giggle. The shake lands on the guy's head. The guy punches Squidward in the face and storms off. There are more flashes, noises, and giggles from the kitchen. Squidward gets up and he holds his head] Grr.
  • SpongeBob: [Hands a tiny Krabby Patty to a cockroach] There you go. Come again, sir.
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, what's going on in here? Huh? [SpongeBob wears a tiny hat and holds a tiny spatula, and a cockroach is eating a Krabby Patty while sitting on a shrunken dining table] Why's everything all tiny?
  • SpongeBob: [turns the belt around] I don't know.
  • Squidward: What do you got there?
  • SpongeBob: Nothing.
  • Squidward: No, really?
  • SpongeBob: Nothing.
  • Squidward: You've got something alright, let's see it! [Squidward grabs SpongeBob and sees Mermaid Man's belt]
  • SpongeBob: No, No!
  • Squidward: [gasps] Is that Mermaid Man's belt?
  • SpongeBob: Yes.
  • Squidward: Wow! I can't believe he'd lend it to you!
  • SpongeBob: Me, uh, either. [chuckles nervously]
  • Squidward: [gasps] He didn't lend it to you, did he?
  • SpongeBob: Please don't tell!
  • Squidward: [angry] You stole it!
  • SpongeBob: Please don't tell!
  • Squidward: Oh, I'm telling.
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, if Mermaid Man finds out, he'll kick me out of his fan club for sure! Please don't tell!
  • Squidward: Uh-oh! [points to the phone hanging on the kitchen wall] There's the phone!
  • SpongeBob: Don't!
  • Squidward: I'm walking towards the phone! [slowly walks towards phone]
  • SpongeBob: No!
  • Squidward: [slowly reaches for the phone] I'm getting closer to the phone!
  • SpongeBob: [sobbing] Don't!
  • Squidward: [picks up the phone, ready to call Mermaid Man] And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for.
  • SpongeBob: [wails and tears himself] I'm begging you!
  • Squidward: Hello. I'd like to speak to Mermaid... [SpongeBob shrinks Squidward. He lands on the table] What the? What? [phones hits Squidward on the head] Ow!
  • Mermaid Man: [on phone] Hello? Hello?
  • Squidward: What did you do to me?!
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Squidward, but you made me do it!
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, if you don't return me to normal size right now, you are gonna be in really big trouble!
  • SpongeBob: Uh... uh, okay, uh...
  • Squidward: I said now!
  • SpongeBob: Uh... [belt is shown with many buttons to it] Uh...
  • Squidward: Do you hear me?! [SpongeBob zaps Squidward and he appears with multiple eyes with hissing snakes] Holy fish paste! Get it off me! Get it off me! [takes eyes off him and pants in fear] Don't you know how to work that thing?!
  • SpongeBob: Uhh, I can do it! [SpongeBob changes Squidward into a burning mess, then changes him to have an enormous nose, then to have no skin, then cut in half by scissors, then changed into more things off screen while SpongeBob looks in fright. Squidward screams whenever SpongeBob changes him]
  • Squidward: [looks burnt after Sponge's failed attempts to revert him] Stop! I've got an idea. Let's call Mermaid Man and-
  • SpongeBob: [snatching Squidward] No! I can't let you do that! But there must be someone else who can help! Someone smart and wise, with years of life experience. [he runs to Patrick's house, where Patrick is sleeping] Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!
  • Patrick: [wakes up due to surprise] Ehh? Huh? Oh. Hi SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I was at work and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy came, and I got this belt, and look. [shows Patrick the shrunken Squidward]
  • Patrick: A Squidward action figure! [grabs Squidward] Let me play with him!
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick!
  • Patrick: Fighter pilot! [imitates jet plane diving, machine gunfire and explosion noises] Dive bomb!
  • SpongeBob: Patrick!
  • Patrick: [about to punch Squidward] And then comes a giant fist!
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, no! That's not an action figure! That's the real Squidward! I shrunk him by accident.
  • Patrick: Oh... [about to punch Squidward anyway] and then comes a giant fist! [Squidward screams]
  • SpongeBob: [stops Patrick] Pat, you don't understand! This is serious! I don't know how to unshrink him! He could be stuck like this for the rest of his life.
  • Patrick: Oh, don't worry about it. He'll find love one day.
  • SpongeBob: You think so?
  • Patrick: Well, sure. But it'll be with someone his own size. [pulls out a pickle] Like this pickle! See? They like each other!
  • Squidward: N-n-n-n-no. [Patrick bangs them together as if to kiss. Squidward is disgusted]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, if only I knew how to work this thing!
  • Patrick: Let me take a look at it. Hmmm. You know what the problem is?
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Patrick: You got it set to [points to the M] 'M' for Mini when it should be set to [turns M around] 'W' for Wumbo.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think Wumbo is a real word.
  • Patrick: Come on! You know... I wumbo, You wumbo, He she me... wumbo? Wumbo, wumboing, we'll have the wumbo, Wumborama... Wumbology, the study of wumbo? It's first grade, SpongeBob!
  • Squidward: [while Patrick is saying "we'll have the wumbo"] I wonder if a fall from this height could be enough to kill me.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you.
  • Patrick: Well alright then. Let 'er rip! [SpongeBob uses Mermaidman's belt and presses something to try and "regrow" Squidward. Only Patrick and Squidward are both shrunk now] It worked!
  • SpongeBob: Oh no!
  • Patrick: Look, SpongeBob's giant! [SpongeBob grabs them] Can I be giant next?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm not giant, you shrunk too!
  • Patrick: You're kidding! [pulls out his pickle] Good thing I still got this pickle! [kisses the pickle three times. Pan over to Squidward]
  • Squidward: Hey! Now will you take us to Mermaid Man?!
  • SpongeBob: [yells at Squidward] No! He can never find out! But I'll think of something. I promise. Until then, [gets a jar and puts them in] you'll be safe in this jar.
  • Patrick: You know what's funny? My pickle started out in a jar, and now it's in one again! Heh. It's like a pun or something. Heheh.
  • SpongeBob: It's only two people no big deal, nobody else saw it. [Sandy suddenly appears]
  • Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: [screams] Sandy! [shrinks Sandy]
  • Sandy: [lands on the ground] What did you? For cryin' out. What did y'all do to me?
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry Sandy! Mermaid Man came in and... [Larry appears]
  • Larry: Hey SpongeBob! [shrinks Larry]
  • Nat: Hey, SpongeBob, I. [shrinks Nat]
  • Nancy Suzy Fish: Hi, SpongeBob. [shrinks Nancy; SpongeBob screams and makes a run for it]
  • Mrs. Puff: Hello, SpongeBob. [shrinks Mrs. Puff]
  • Scooter: Sponge-dude! [shrinks Scooter, Sandals, and Dennis]
  • Fish #1: Hey SpongeBob! [shrinks fish]
  • Fish #2: SpongeBob, hi! [shrinks fish]
  • Fish #3: Hey SpongeBob! [shrinks fish]
  • Fish #4: What's up, Sponge? [shrinks fish]
  • SpongeBob: [tries to fit everyone in the jar] Whoo! I'm gonna have to get a bigger jar.
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, will you just face facts? You've shrunken everybody in Bikini Bottom! You've got to go to Mermaid Man!
  • SpongeBob: Oh Squidward, he'll be so disappointed.
  • Sandy: Well, you can't leave us small forever!
  • SpongeBob: You don't understand! [SpongeBob's mother is seen in jar]
  • Mrs. SquarePants: [gently and soothingly] SpongeBob. You need to admit your mistakes.
  • SpongeBob: Mom?
  • Mermaid Man: Your mother's right, son. Mermaid Man will understand.
  • Barnacle Boy: You're Mermaid Man, you old coot!
  • Mermaid Man: Oh yeah.
  • SpongeBob: Mermaid Man? I'm so sorry, it's just that I'm such a big fan, and your belt, and...
  • Mermaid Man: [comforting SpongeBob] Awww, don't worry, son. I understand! [SpongeBob smiles, with tears still pooling in his eyes] Why, I remember back when I first used the belt, the year was nineteen aught eleventeen twelve, why I believe the president.
  • Everyone: Just tell him how to unshrink us!
  • Mermaid Man: Oh, yes. The unshrink ray. Let's see, uh, uh— Did you set it to Wumbo?
  • Everyone: What?! [the jar rumbles from anger and everyone flies out of the jar, spells out and form GET SPONGEBOB!] Get SpongeBob! [climbs up SpongeBob's body and into the holes in his head]
  • Squidward: Now I have to drive five miles to go to the bathroom... in my own home! [kicks SpongeBob's stomach]
  • Sandy: And I need an elevator to climb one stair! Hi-ya! [punches his brain]
  • Mermaid Man: We've been shrinking for years!
  • Barnacle Boy: But this is ridiculous! [both kick his eyeballs. Dale kicks his pelvis, Nancy chops off one of his lungs while hanging on to his spine, Larry kicks his knee. SpongeBob is shown getting hurt from the outside]
  • Everyone: Everything's too big!
  • SpongeBob: I've got it! [Squidward saws a blood vein and Frank tries to break a bone, but stop when Sponge shrinks the city] Ta-da! [everyone looks outside through his holes] Since I couldn't make you big, I made the city small! [everybody leaves SpongeBob's body] And now, only one more thing to shrink. Cheese! [turns shrink ray into W and towards him like a camera and shrinks himself]
  • Squidward: I guess this is okay.
  • Larry: Yeah, what's the difference?
  • Nancy: Good idea, SpongeBob. [everyone cheers, balloons and other party items are flying, as a bus comes back and Plankton gets off of it]
  • Plankton: Well, it's great to be back! [notices small Bikini Bottom] Huh?

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