Narrator: Ah, Saturday morning in Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob is watching his favorite Saturday morning show: The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Enjoying a bowl of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Bran Cereal, and wearing the official Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy breakfast biters.
TV Announcer: Mermaid Man... fleet and forceful! By the power of Neptune aided by his young ward... [nothing happens] Aided by his young ward... [Barnacle Boy comes dolling down with a rope attached to him and crashes] ...protecting the sea with feats of strength and agility. [both try to flex their muscles but break their backs]
Mermaid Man: To the chiropractor. Away!
TV Announcer: By beating a rogue gallery of villains. Like the Sinister Slug, [DROP] the Atomic Flounder, [CARDBOARD] and the dreaded Jumbo Shrimp. [LAME] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy unite! [when the rings unite, sparks and smoke is shown]
Realistic Fish Head: Hey kids, are you ready to hear the winner of the contest?
SpongeBob: I'm ready! I'm ready!
Realistic Fish Head: Our winner will receive a special secret collector's item from The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [a small card comes down] And the winner is... [SpongeBob chatters his teeth] SpringBoob SquirePin.
SpongeBob: Awww. I worked forever on those life-sized Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
Realistic Fish Head: ... for these Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
SpongeBob: Hey! SpringBoob SquirePin stole my idea!
Realistic Fish Head:[a phone drops and tries to correct the fish] What's that? Oh. It appears I've made a slight error in pronunciation. The real name of the winner is... SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob:Whahoo! [jumps for joy while the pineapple jumps also] Oh, I wonder when my prize will get here. [as he turns around, the prize is already there] My prize! [opens the box as he is crying, and the mail man gives him a tissue, and he blows his nose, when the mail man leaves SpongeBob opens the box to reveal his prize] Can it be? It is. The Conch Signal. [holds up conch signal] From the Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [holds up conch signal again] As seen on TV. I wonder if it still works. [leans out the window and tries it but is a very off key sound]
Mermaid Man: The Conch Signal! To the Invisible Boatmobile! [the couch lunges them backwards under the floor, they go down a big pipe that bends, as soon as they almost reach the bottom there butts are on fire, when they reached the bottom they stopped]
Barnacle Boy: Uhh, Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: Yes, Barnacle Boy?
Barnacle Boy: We're not in the invisible boat mobile, are we?
Mermaid Man: Uhh, No. [both fall and stand up to search for the boat]
Barnacle Boy: I told you making the boatmobile invisible was a stupid idea.
Mermaid Man: Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Barnacle Boy: It's gotta be around here somewhere? [hits head on back of boat] Ow! Oh, Mermaid Man, I think I...
Mermaid Man: ...found it! [turns on the boat and the back end burns Barnacle Boy] C'mon, get a move on, son. We don't have all day.
Barnacle Boy: Ignition...on. [pushes a button]
Mermaid Man: Throttle...on. [pulls stick shift backwards, when the Boatmobile reaches the end of the cave the bottom of the wooden staircase opens up, Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy are now heading towards SpongeBob's house]
SpongeBob: Humph. Maybe the Conch Signal doesn't work anymore.
Mermaid Man: [Tires screeching, Cat meowing] Activate torpedo mode. Fire! [head crashes through the wall] Mermaid Man...
Barnacle Boy:[crashes through the door with his head] ...and Barnacle... [The door falls on the ground with his head still in it] ... Boy.
SpongeBob: I can't believe it, Gary. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, in our home.
SpongeBob: Excuse me, I'm...
Mermaid Man:[points at SpongeBob] Oh, my Neptune, he's been horribly disfigured. Oh, blast us! We're too late.
Barnacle Boy: Oh, please. He's not disfigured. He's-he's just that sponge kid again.
Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. Good to see you, lad. Say, Barnacle Boy, we gotta find out where that Conch Signal came from.
SpongeBob: Oh, that was me. I blew the Conch Signal, sir.
Mermaid Man: Alright. Where's the danger, son? Bring it on. Bring it on!
SpongeBob: Don't worry. There's no danger.
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: No danger?
Barnacle Boy: Look, there has to be danger. You blew the Conch Signal. When you blow the... where'd you get that thing anyway?
SpongeBob: I won it in a contest.
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: Contest?
Mermaid Man: They don't tell us anything anymore.
Barnacle Boy: Look, Spongy, that ain't no toy.
Mermaid Man: That's right. The Conch Signal is an awesome responsibility. We're duty-bound to help whenever it sounds.
Barnacle Boy: But you only blow it when there's trouble, or there'll be trouble. You got that?
SpongeBob: Yes, sir.
Mermaid Man: Good boy. [SpongeBob & Mermaid Man both click fingers at each other]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mermaid Man. You won't be hearing from me for just anything. Only for the big emergencies.
[At Shady Retirement Home]
Barnacle Boy:[bangs on bathroom door] Will you hurry up in there? And save me some hot water!
[conch signal is blown]
Mermaid Man:[kicks down the door on top of Barnacle Boy] THE CONCH SIGNAL! Come young ward.
Barnacle Boy: [Crushed] Coming! [they both jump on couch where it lunges them on their faces. Later, shows SpongeBob lying on the floor, Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy arrive, Barnacle Boy sees that Mermaid Man's towel is gone so he gives him a new one]
Mermaid Man: Ohh, youth. Cut down in his prime. [SpongeBob moans] Oh, speak to me son.
SpongeBob: Help... Can't... open mayonnaise.
Barnacle Boy: What? I come down in my underwear to open a jar of mayonnaise?
Barnacle Boy: But nothing. We can't go around socializing, we have to be prepared for, uh, emergencies.
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, think about it. Emergencies don't come around as often as they used to.
Barnacle Boy: Alright, O.K. You can blow The Conch every once in a while. Just give us something to do when we show up. [opens jar of mayonnaise]
SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: Yay! [Back at the retirement home where Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy hear the conch signal again]
Mermaid Man: Danger! [he & Barnacle Boy do some plumbing in SpongeBob's house. Later they hear the conch signal again and this time they arrange SpongeBob's book shelf. SpongeBob blows the conch signal again, Mermaid Man reads SpongeBob a bed time story and Barnacle Boy holds the milk and cookies. He blows the conch over and over and then Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy get tired and can't get there fast enough]
Barnacle Boy: That's it. Gimme that. [grabs conch signal from SpongeBob] You're running us ragged.
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Barnacle Boy. I didn't mean it. I just wanted to spend time with you. You're my heroes! [starts to cry]
Barnacle Boy: It's too late for that, Mr. Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy this thing with my sulfur vision. [tries using "heat/sulfur" vision to destroy the conch but is unsuccessful, he tries again but he still doesn't succeed] Well I'll destroy it when I get back to the, uh, Mermalair. Uh, and as for you...
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow, or the villain. Besides, I remember another young whipper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero. [chuckles]
Barnacle Boy: You don't even remember breakfast, you old coot.
Mermaid Man:[SpongeBob cries a little bit until Mermaid Man comes up to him] Maybe the Conch Signal is too much responsibility. But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol?
Barnacle Boy: What?
Mermaid Man:[Mermaid Man and SpongeBob head to the invisible boatmobile] To the Invisible Boatmobile!
SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: Jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, Barnacle Boy laid an egg, The Invisible Boatmobile, lost a wheel and...
SpongeBob: Hey, can I drive?
Barnacle Boy: Drive? What do you know about driving the Invisible Boatmobile?
SpongeBob: Tons. Like the windshield wipers are right here. [pushes a button]
Barnacle Boy: Don't touch that button, that's the... [Invisible Boatmobile folds into an origami swan] ... Origami button.
Mermaid Man: When you patrol in the city, you'll always have to be vigilante. On your toes. Constantly alert. Always expect the unexpected.
SpongeBob: Hey! [makes Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy jump off the building by scaring them] I've got the doughnuts!
SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: ... and Barnacle Boy laid an egg. Hey-hey!
Mermaid Man: Oh, that fellow over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know that he doesn't look like much, but he could go back to crime... [snaps fingers] ...just like that. [laughs]
Atomic Flounder: Help! Help! Help somebody here.
SpongeBob: You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder.
Mermaid Man: Stop, kid. Stop! Let him go.
SpongeBob: But you said he could snap... [snaps fingers] ...just like that.
Atomic Flounder: What?! Get off of me! If I weren't retired, I'd, I'd... [roars, releasing atomic energy at Barnacle Boy and leaving his head glowing red from radiation before it goes up in a miniature mushroom cloud, leaving it charred] ...do that. Out of my way, punk.
[At The Diner]
SpongeBob: I can't believe it: I rode in the Invisible Boatmobile, met a villain, and learned to treat third-degree burns, all in one day. So, what are we going to do tomorrow.
Barnacle Boy: Uh, uh, say, kid, why don't you take this nickel and go up there and see if our theme song in on the jukebox?
SpongeBob: Okay. [goes to the jukebox]
Mermaid Man: You know, for a pain in the neck, he's a pretty nice kid.
Barnacle Boy: Let's ditch him.
Mermaid Man: I'm right behind you.
SpongeBob:[looking through the selection of songs] It doesn't seem to be here.
Barnacle Boy: Oh, it's there all right.
Mermaid Man: Keep looking. Diligence. Diligence.
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. [looks again]
Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit.
Mermaid Man: What's the matter?
Barnacle Boy: Where did we park the Invisible Boatmobile?
SpongeBob: Aw, that's the 15th time I've looked. [deep voice] But I can't let my heroes down. [looks again]
Mermaid Man: Boatmobile, where are you? [tries to find it] Barnacle Boy, I found it. [turns engine on and Barnacle Boy gets burned again]
Dirty Bubble:[laughs] Still getting burned on that tail pipe, huh, Barnacle Boy? [laughs]
Barnacle Boy: It's the Dirty Bubble!
Mermaid Man: In all his dirty roundness!
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: Oh, no!
SpongeBob:[runs outside] I found it and it's the special dance mix!
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy:[trapped inside the Dirty Bubble] Help! Help! Help!
SpongeBob: Holy Krabby Patties! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's arch nemesis: The Dirty Bubble! I can't believe it!
Dirty Bubble:[laughs] You cannot save them, Sponge of Mystery! They are trapped by my awesome surface tension! [laughs]
SpongeBob: You don't understand! You're my most favorite super villain. Can I get your autograph? [gets out a pencil and notepad as the point on the pencil shines]
Dirty Bubble: Oh no! Oh no you fool stay back the point. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Watch the point! [The Dirty Bubble screams when SpongeBob pops Dirty Bubble with the pencil]
Mermaid Man: Aha! You saved us, son.
Barnacle Boy: Yeah, you're a hero.
SpongeBob: I am?
Mermaid Man: Are you up for another ride in the Invisible Boatmobile?
SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: Jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, Barnacle Boy laid an egg...
All 3: The Dirty Bubble popped And Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and SpongeBob got away! Hooray!
Barnacle Boy: Watch Out! [Short Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy stinger plays]