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Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III
Season №: 2
Episode №: 31a
Airdate: November 27, 2000
Previous: "I'm Your Biggest Fanatic"
Next: "Squirrel Jokes"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III" from season two, which aired on November 27, 2000.

  • TV Announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! We join Bikini Bottom's noblest, boldest, oldest superheroes as they bravely prepare for vacation. [both pack their clothes into their bags while the words FOLD and PACK come up] But wait! While our heroes relax at Leisure Village, who will watch the Mermalair? [Barnacle Boy opens the doors and SpongeBob and Patrick jump in]
  • SpongeBob: ManSponge...
  • Patrick: ...and BoyPatrick
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Reporting for duty.
  • Barnacle Boy: Yeah, yeah, follow me.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Up, up, and away!
  • Mermaid Man: Evil!
  • Barnacle Boy: Now, we want you boys to keep an eye on the place. Water the plants, and make sure that...
  • SpongeBob: Oh my gosh, Patrick. This is the greatest wall of superhero super gadgetry ever! I'm going to play with the Cosmic-Ray!
  • Patrick: I'll get the Aqua-Glove.
  • Mermaid Man: Hold on there, boys! You cannot play with this stuff.
  • SpongeBob: What about the Orb of Confusion? [turns the orb on and makes confused faces]
  • Mermaid Man: [turns it off] No, no! Prolonged exposure to the Orb of Confusion will give you... uh... confusion!
  • Patrick: [opens the boat's door] What about the Invisible Boatmobile?
  • Barnacle Boy: Especially not the Invisible Boatmobile. [closes the boat's door] When we say don't touch anything, we mean don't touch anything. Do you understand?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Loud and clear, trusted boy companion!
  • Barnacle Boy: Well, great. Here are the keys. [SpongeBob takes the key from his hand] We'll see you in a week.
  • Mermaid Man: [both run out the door] Up, up, and away!
  • SpongeBob: Come boy Patrick. While our heroes are away, we will keep evil at bay. [both flip into the other room while letting out battle cries]
  • Patrick: Huh? MUH-MUH-MUH-MA-MUH-MUH-MA-MUH-MA...
  • SpongeBob: What is it, trusted sidekick?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: MUH-MUH-MUH-MA-MUH-MUH-MA-MUH-MA! MUH-MUH-MUH-MA-MUH-MUH-MA-MUH-MA! Man Ray! Ahh! [both hide]
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, how come he's not chasing us?
  • SpongeBob: Looks like he's frozen or something.
  • SpongeBob: It appears to be some sort of prison chamber... [licks the chamber] ...made out of frozen tartar sauce. This is incredible. Next to the Dirty Bubble, the evil Man Ray is the all-time greatest arch nemesis of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. I have so many questions to ask him. [Patrick pulls the lever down to UNFREEZE] Pat, what are you doing? We're not supposed to touch anything!
  • Patrick: But you said you had a question.
  • SpongeBob: We could get in trouble.
  • Patrick: Well, that's not a question. [they both argue when ManRay's eyes start to light up]
  • SpongeBob: He said not to touch anything and that includes unfreezing a super-villain! [pulls level up back to FREEZE]
  • Man Ray: I'm free! Hahaha!
  • SpongeBob: Uh, actually, Mr. uh...Man Ray, sir, only your head is free.
  • Man Ray: By the supreme authority of wickedness, I, the evil Man Ray, command you to release me from this frozen prison at once.
  • SpongeBob: Well, uhh, Mr. Evil Man Ray, sir, we can't do that.
  • Man Ray: Why... not?!
  • SpongeBob: Because you're evil!
  • Man Ray: You mean, if I was good, then you'd let me go?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, sure, why not?
  • Man Ray: Then, uh, in that case... I am good.
  • SpongeBob: Really?
  • Man Ray: Yes, really.
  • SpongeBob: Really, really?
  • Man Ray: Yes, yes, really, really.
  • SpongeBob: Really, really, really?
  • Man Ray: Yes, yes, already! I'm good! I'm good! Now let me out of here or you'll suffer dire consequences.
  • SpongeBob: Well, that's good enough for me. [SpongeBob pulls the lever back to "UNFREEZE" Man Ray is unfrozen and falls to the ground]
  • Man Ray: You fools, prepare to be eradicated. [tries to jump at SpongeBob and Patrick but stops in mid-air and falls to the ground then laughs] What's wrong with me? Hahaha. What is this...Hahaha...infernal contraption?!
  • SpongeBob: Don't play dumb, Man Ray! You know that's the tickle belt Mermaid Man used on you in episode #17.
  • Narrator: [showing a picture of the belt] As seen in episode #17!
  • Patrick: Oh, I love that episode.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, me too, me too.
  • Man Ray: I'll never get out of here wearing this belt. [chuckles] I... I need an evil plan that will trick them to take it off me. [chuckles again] Time for those acting lessons to pay off.
  • SpongeBob: Remember that part Mermaid Man and Barnacle...
  • Man Ray: Oh, sob! Oh, cry. [opens and closes his eyes] Oh, woe is me. You don't know what it's like being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be... good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency. [SpongeBob and Patrick gasp]
  • SpongeBob: We could teach you how to be good and then we'll let you go.
  • Man Ray: [turns around] Ahh, that would be fantastic! [chuckles] I'll fake my way through this just like I did in high school.
  • [laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Okay, Man Ray. Are you ready first day at goodness school? [Man Ray puts an apple on his desk] Pat, get your wallet out. [Patrick gets his wallet out of his pocket] Okay, goodness lesson number one. You see someone drop their wallet. Patrick, drop the wallet. [Patrick tosses it on the ground] Now, what do you do?
  • Man Ray: Excuse me, sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.
  • Patrick: Doesn't look familiar to me.
  • Man Ray: What? I just saw you drop it. Here.
  • Patrick: Nope, it's not mine.
  • Man Ray: It is yours. I am trying to be a good person and return it to you.
  • Patrick: Return what to who?
  • Man Ray: [facepalms, then shows Patrick his ID] Aren't you Patrick Star?
  • Patrick: Yup.
  • Man Ray: And this is your ID.
  • Patrick: Yup.
  • Man Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.
  • Patrick: That makes sense to me.
  • Man Ray: Then take it.
  • Patrick: It's not my wallet.
  • Man Ray: [in anger and frustration] You dim-bulb! Take back your wallet or I'll rip your arms off! [SpongeBob pushes tickle button and Man Ray laughs]
  • SpongeBob: No. Wrong. [SpongeBob pushes button] Good people don't rip other people's arms off! [Man Ray chuckles] Okay, goodness lesson number two. You see someone struggle with a heavy package. What do you do?
  • Man Ray: Hello, friend. I noticed you were struggling with that package. Would you like some help? [Patrick drops package on Man Ray's foot] Ow!
  • Patrick: Oops, sorry. Can I start over?
  • Man Ray: I noticed you were... [Patrick drops package again] Ow!
  • Patrick: Oops. Gotta start again. [Patrick drops package again]
  • Man Ray: Could, Ow!
  • Patrick: Oops!
  • Man Ray: You butter-fingered pink thing! What's in that box anyhow?
  • Patrick: My wallets.
  • Man Ray: [in rage] Arghh! [Man Ray grabs Patrick's head and slams him into the ground a lot]
  • Patrick: No! SpongeBob, tickle him! [SpongeBob pushes the tickle button but Man Ray keeps slamming Patrick into the ground]
  • Man Ray: It tickles but it's worth it.
  • SpongeBob: Alright, goodness lesson number three. [Patrick is shown being severely damaged] Uhh, let's see. [Patrick grabs the remote]
  • Patrick: I've got one. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What is it?
  • Man Ray: Umm... 62?
  • Patrick: Wrong! [pushes button]
  • Man Ray: Haha. Stop.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, that's got nothing to do with being good.
  • Patrick: Let go of it, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Pat, we've got to use it only when he's bad.
  • Patrick: Let go!
  • SpongeBob: No, you let go!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Let go! [remote breaks and the belt goes hay-wire]
  • Man Ray: Frequency rising. Bel- Belt out of control. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Belt on too hard. [he continues to laugh] It's tickling my DNA. Make it stop! [tears come out as he laughs] Haha. Please!
  • SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Patrick? He said the P word.
  • Patrick: Peanuts?
  • SpongeBob: No. Please.
  • Patrick: Well, that's good enough for me. I guess he's reconstituted.
  • SpongeBob: Rehabilitated.
  • Patrick: Gesundheit.
  • SpongeBob: It's graduation day, Man Ray. This is the key to your future. [unlocks the belt, then the tickling stops] Just look at him, Patrick. The picture of goodness. [Man Ray takes the Aqua-Glove off the wall of weapons] Umm, we're not supposed to touch that stuff. [Man Ray put the glove on his hand and activates it] We're not supposed to touch it that way, either. [Man Ray grabs the Cosmic-Ray and attaches it on the Aqua-Glove] We are really not suppose to touch those, sir. [He aims the weapon at SpongeBob and Patrick] Good people have no use for weapons such as... [Man Ray zaps them into dust] thoooose!
  • Man Ray: [laughs] The only thing I'm good at is being evil. [door opens and Man Ray runs] So long, suckers.
  • Patrick: What's that smell, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: That, Patrick, is the smell of defeat.
  • Patrick: Good, I thought it was my skin.
  • SpongeBob: Forget about your skin, Patrick. Man Ray is still bad and someone has to stop him. This is a job for Mermaid Man...
  • Patrick: ...and Barnacle Boy! [both slide down pole and get their costumes on]
  • SpongeBob: To the Invisible Boatmobile! [both stop in the invisible boat]
  • Patrick: Ignition, on!
  • SpongeBob: Wait! I don't have a license.
  • Patrick: Well, this is an invisible boat, right? So, you need an invisible license. [shapes hand into a rectangle]
  • SpongeBob: You're the best sidekick ever, Barnacle Boy. [boats drives through the wall and into a street light]
  • Patrick: Thank goodness for invisible seat belts.
  • Man Ray: Out of my way, fools. You no longer have control of me. And now this town belongs to Man Ray!
  • SpongeBob: Not so fast, arch-villain. We still have the Orb of Confusion. [Patrick takes out the Orb of Confusion] Take this! [turns it on and gets all confused] Doy. Duh.
  • Man Ray: Well, that was easy. [heads to the bank where he kicks in the door] Hahaha. All right, people! Everybody stand right where you are.
  • [citizens gasp]
  • Man Ray: I want you to, uh... [Man Ray chuckles, so everyone else chuckles, too] No! No! Stop giggling or I'll have to... [chuckles again, so everyone else is still chuckling] Stop laughing, you fools.
  • Bank Lady: What can I do for you, sir?
  • Man Ray: Well, I'll tell you what you can do. [points glove at the lady] Gimme all of your... [Man Ray chuckles again] G-gimme, gimme all of your... [Man Ray is still chuckling] Give me... [he chuckles so much he realizes what's going on] Ahh! The belt is gone but I still feel it's tickle. The urge to do bad is gone. [groans] I guess I'll just open a checking account. [Man Ray returns to SpongeBob and Patrick and turns the Orb of Confusion off]
  • SpongeBob: Doy. [gasps] Man-Ray!
  • Man Ray: No need to be alarmed, SpongeBob. Your teachings have transformed me. Besides, I have checks... with little poodles on them! [Man Ray takes his head off and gives it to SpongeBob] I won't be needing this anymore. Farewell, fellow do-gooder. [walks off] 
  • SpongeBob: Bye, Man Ray! Wow. We did it! Just like the real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. We saved the day. Isn't it incredible, Patrick? Patrick?
  • Patrick: Uhh... [still has a confused look on his face]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, you know that thing's turned off, right? Patrick? Yoo-hoo? Patrick?!

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