This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III" from season 2, which aired on September 14, 2001.
- TV Announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! We join Bikini Bottom's noblest, boldest, oldest superheroes as they bravely prepare for vacation. [both pack their clothes into their bags while the words "FOLD" and "PACK" come up] But wait! While our heroes relax at Leisure Village, who will watch the Mermalair? [Barnacle Boy opens the doors and SpongeBob and Patrick jump in]
- SpongeBob: ManSponge...
- Patrick: ...and BoyPatrick...
- Both: Reporting for duty!
- Barnacle Boy: Yeah, yeah, follow me.
- Both: Up, up, and away!
- Mermaid Man: Evil!
- Barnacle Boy: Now, we want you boys to keep an eye on the place. Water the plants, and make sure that...
- SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh, Patrick! This is the greatest wall of superhero secret gadgetry ever! I'm going to play with the Cosmic-Ray!
- Patrick: I get the Aqua-Glove!
- Mermaid Man: Hold on there, boys! You cannot play with this stuff!
- SpongeBob: What about the Orb of Confusion? [turns the orb on and makes confused faces]
- Mermaid Man: [turns it off] No, no! Prolonged exposure to the Orb of Confusion will give you... uh... confusion!
- Patrick: [opens the boat's door] What about the Invisible Boatmobile?
- Barnacle Boy: Especially not the Invisible Boatmobile! [closes the boat's door] When we say don't touch anything, we mean don't touch anything! Do you understand?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [salutes] Loud and clear, trusted boy companion!
- Barnacle Boy: Well, great. Here are the keys. [SpongeBob takes the key from his hand] We'll see you in a week.
- Mermaid Man: [both run out the door] Up, up, and away!
- SpongeBob: Come, BoyPatrick, while our heroes are away, we will keep evil at bay! [both flip into the other room while letting out battle cries]
- Patrick: Huh? Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma...
- SpongeBob: What is it, trusted sidekick?
- Patrick: Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Muh-muh-muh-ma-muh-muh-ma-muh-ma! Man Ray! [both scream, then hide]
- Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, how come he's not chasing us?
- SpongeBob: Looks like he's frozen or something.
- Patrick: Fruh-fruh-fruh-fro-fruh-fruh-fro-fruh-fro...
- SpongeBob: It appears to be some sort of prison chamber... [licks the chamber] ...made out of frozen tartar sauce. This is incredible! Next to the Dirty Bubble, the evil Man Ray is the all-time greatest arch nemesis of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. I have so many questions to ask him! [Patrick pulls the lever down to UNFREEZE] Pat, what are you doing? We're not supposed to touch anything!
- Patrick: But you said you had a question.
- SpongeBob: We could get in trouble!
- Patrick: Well, that's not a question. [they both argue when Man Ray's eyes start to light up]
- SpongeBob: They said not to touch anything and that includes unfreezing a super-villain! [pulls level up back to FREEZE]
- Man Ray: I'm free! Hahaha!
- SpongeBob: Uh, actually, Mr. uh... Man Ray, sir, only your head is free.
- Man Ray: By the supreme authority of wickedness, I, the evil Man Ray, command you to release me from this frozen prison at once!
- SpongeBob: Well, uhh, Mr. Evil Man Ray, sir, we can't do that.
- Man Ray: Why... Not?!
- SpongeBob: Because you're evil!
- Man Ray: You mean, if I was good, then you'd let me go?
- SpongeBob: Yeah, sure, why not?
- Man Ray: Then, uh, in that case... I am good.
- SpongeBob: Really?
- Man Ray: Yes, really.
- SpongeBob: Really, really?
- Man Ray: Yes, yes, really, really.
- SpongeBob: Really, really, really?
- Man Ray: Yes, yes, already! I'm good! I'm good! Now let me out of here or you'll suffer dire consequences!
- SpongeBob: Well, that's good enough for me. [SpongeBob pulls the lever back to "UNFREEZE" Man Ray is unfrozen and falls to the ground]
- Man Ray: You fools! Prepare to be eradicated! [tries to jump at SpongeBob and Patrick but stops in mid-air and falls to the ground then laughs] What's wrong with me? Hahaha! What is this...Hahaha...infernal contraption?!
- SpongeBob: Don't play dumb, Man Ray! You know that's the tickle belt Mermaid Man used on you in episode #17!
- Narrator: [showing a picture of the belt] As seen in episode #17!
- Patrick: Oh, I love that episode.
- SpongeBob: Oh, me too, me too!
- Man Ray: I'll never get out of here wearing this belt! [chuckles] I... I need an evil plan that will trick them to take it off me. [chuckles again] Time for those acting lessons to pay off.
- SpongeBob: Remember that part Mermaid Man and Barnacle...
- Man Ray: Oh, boohoo! Oh, sob! Oh, cry! [opens and closes his eyes] Oh, woe is me! You don't know what it's like being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be... good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency. [SpongeBob and Patrick gasp]
- SpongeBob: We could teach you how to be good and then we'll let you go!
- Man Ray: [turns around] Ahh, that would be fantastic! [chuckles] I'll fake my way through this just like I did in high school. [laughs]
- SpongeBob: Okay, Man Ray. Are you ready for your first day at goodness school? [Man Ray puts an apple on his desk] Pat, get your wallet out. [Patrick gets his wallet out of his pocket] Okay, goodness lesson number one. You see someone drop their wallet. Patrick, drop the wallet. [Patrick tosses it on the ground] Now, what do you do?
- Man Ray: Excuse me, sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.
- Patrick: Doesn't look familiar to me.
- Man Ray: What? I just saw you drop it. Here.
- Patrick: Nope, it's not mine.
- Man Ray: It is yours. I am trying to be a good person and return it to you.
- Patrick: Return what to who?
- Man Ray: [facepalms, then shows Patrick his ID] Aren't you Patrick Star?
- Patrick: Yup.
- Man Ray: And this is your ID.
- Patrick: Yup.
- Man Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.
- Patrick: That makes sense to me.
- Man Ray: Then take it.
- Patrick: It's not my wallet.
- Man Ray: [in anger and frustration] You dim bulb! Take back your wallet or I'll rip your arms off! [SpongeBob pushes tickle button and Man Ray laughs]
- SpongeBob: Ah-ah! Wrong. [SpongeBob pushes button] Good people don't rip other people's arms off! [Man Ray chuckles] Okay, goodness lesson number two. You see someone struggling with a heavy package. What do you do?
- Man Ray: Hello, friend. I noticed you were struggling with that package. Would you like some help with... [Patrick drops package on Man Ray's foot] Ow!
- Patrick: Oops, sorry. Can I start over?
- Man Ray: I noticed you was... [Patrick drops package again] Ow!
- Patrick: Oops! Gotta start again.
- Man Ray: Would, [Patrick drops package again] Ow!
- Patrick: Oops!
- Man Ray: [Growls in anger] You butter-fingered pink thing! What's in that box anyhow?
- Patrick: My wallets.
- Man Ray: [Screams in fury. He grabs Patrick's head]
- Patrick: No! SpongeBob, tickle him! [Man Ray slams Patrick into the ground. SpongeBob presses the tickle button]
- Man Ray: [laughs] It tickles, but it's worth it! [continues slamming Patrick into the ground, while still laughing]
- SpongeBob: Alright, goodness lesson number three. [Patrick is shown angry and severely injured] Uhh, let's see. [Patrick grabs the remote]
- Patrick: I've got one. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What is it?
- Man Ray: Umm... 62?
- Patrick: Wrong! [pushes button]
- Man Ray: Haha! Stop!
- SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, that's got nothing to do with being good.
- Patrick: Let go of it, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Pat, we've got to use it only when he's bad!
- Patrick: Let go!
- SpongeBob: No, you let go!
- Both: Let... go! [remote breaks and the belt goes hay-wire]
- Man Ray: Frequency rising! Belt out of control! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Belt on too hard! [he continues to laugh] It's tickling my DNA! Make it stop! [tears come out as he laughs] Haha! Please!
- SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Patrick? He said the P word.
- Patrick: Peanuts?
- SpongeBob: No. Please.
- Patrick: Well, that's good enough for me. I guess he's reconstituted.
- SpongeBob: Rehabilitated.
- Patrick: Gesundheit.
- SpongeBob: It's graduation day, Man Ray. This is the key to your future. [unlocks the belt, then the tickling stops] Just look at him, Patrick. The picture of goodness. [Man Ray takes the Aqua-Glove off the wall of weapons] Umm, we're not supposed to touch that stuff. [Man Ray put the glove on his hand and activates it] We're not supposed to touch that, either. [Man Ray grabs the Cosmic-Ray and attaches it on the Aqua-Glove] We are really not suppose to touch those, sir. [He aims the weapon at SpongeBob and Patrick] Good people have no use for weapons such as... [Man Ray zaps them into dust] Thooose!
- Man Ray: [laughs] The only thing I'm good at is being evil. [door opens and Man Ray runs] So long, suckers!
- Patrick: What's that smell, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: That, Patrick, is the smell of defeat.
- Patrick: Good, I thought it was my skin.
- SpongeBob: Forget about your skin, Patrick! Man Ray is still bad and someone has to stop him. This is a job for Mermaid Man...
- Patrick: ...and Barnacle Boy! [both slide down the poles and get their costumes on]
- SpongeBob: To the Invisible Boatmobile! [both stop in the invisible boat]
- Patrick: Ignition, on!
- SpongeBob: Wait! I don't have a license!
- Patrick: Well, this is an invisible boat, right? So, you need an invisible license. [shapes hand into a rectangle]
- SpongeBob: You're the best sidekick ever, Barnacle Boy. [they scream as the boat rams through the wall and into a street light]
- Patrick: Thank goodness for invisible seat belts!
- Man Ray: [walks past SpongeBob and Patrick] Out of my way, fools! You no longer have control of me. [stops at the edge of the cliff and points to Bikini Bottom] And now this town belongs to...Man Ray! [he does a victory pose]
- SpongeBob: Not so fast, arch-villain! We still have the Orb of Confusion! [Patrick takes out the Orb of Confusion] Take this! [turns it on and gets all confused] Doy... Duh...
- Man Ray: Well, that was easy. [heads to the bank where he kicks in the door] Hahaha! All right, people! Everybody stand right where you are!
- [citizens: Vera Fishbowl, Harold "Bill" Reginald, Sylvester, Lloyd-Rich, and Nancy gasp]
- Man Ray: I want you to, uh... [Man Ray chuckles, so everyone else chuckles, too] No! No! Stop giggling or I'll have to... [chuckles again, so everyone else is still chuckling] Stop laughing, you fools!
- Nancy Suzy Fish: What can I do for you, sir?
- Man Ray: I'll tell you what you can do! [points glove at the lady] Gimme all of your... [Man Ray chuckles again] G-gimme, gimme all of your... [Man Ray is still chuckling] Give me...! [he chuckles so much he realizes what's going on] Aah! The belt is gone, but I still feel its tickle! The urge to do bad is gone! [sighs] I guess I'll just open a checking account. [Man Ray returns to SpongeBob and Patrick and turns the Orb of Confusion off]
- SpongeBob: Doy... [gasps] Man Ray!
- Man Ray: No need to be alarmed, SpongeBob. Your teachings have transformed me. Besides, I have checks... with little poodles on them! [Man Ray takes his head off and gives it to SpongeBob] I won't be needing this anymore. Farewell, fellow do-gooder. [walks off]
- SpongeBob: Bye, Man Ray! Wow, we did it! Just like the real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! We saved the day! Isn't it incredible, Patrick?! Patrick?
- Patrick: Uhh... [still has a confused look on his face]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, you know that thing's turned off, right? Patrick? Woo-hoo? Patrick?