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"Spon... Spo... Spo...!"
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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Love That Squid" from season 7, which aired on February 12, 2011. Frankie Billy: Excuse me, a patty for the lady please.
Squidward: Try reading the sign, Casanova.
(Frankie tries to read the sign, but he can't)
Evelyn: You never learned to read, did you?
Frankie Billy: (sulks) No.
Evelyn: Thats all right, neither did I!
Frankie Billy: We were meant for each other! (they walk away happily)
Squidward: (sighs) Even the illiterate find love. (takes out a book) Oh, Squidward, why are you torturing yourself with tales of romance? (tosses the book away and it lands in SpongeBob's eye)
SpongeBob: (takes the book out of his eye) Hey, Squidward! (puts the book on his tongue) You've dropped your book!
Squidward: That's no "book". That's just a cruel reminder that I'm single, and will likely be that way forever.
SpongeBob: C'mon, Squidward. Turn that frown upside down! (flips Squidward's head)
Squidward: I like my frowns in their regular orientation. (flips his head back to normal)
SpongeBob: (jumps in front of Squidward) Just remember, Squidward. You've never experienced true love. BUT, that doesn't mean you'll never find it! You know the saying: "There's a squid for every pot"!
Squidward: Great, let the tired cliches cascade foward. (sarcastically) That'll make me feel better.
(Squilvia walks inside and Squidward gasps)
Squidward: (bashes into SpongeBob and picks him up as he looks at her) Who-who is that? She's got da-da-da-da-da... (melts) She's, wow!
Squilvia: I absolutely adore the decor! Exquisitely minimalist!
Squidward: (gasps) She speaks art jargon!
Squilvia: What captive wonders does this menu hold?
Squidward: SpongeBob, she's got it all! Class, style, grace, and looks like yours truely!
SpongeBob: Then why don't you ask her out on one of those dates you keep talking about?
Squidward: My next move exactly! Observe the old tentacles and all of its glory! (tries to speak to her, but becomes nervous)
Squilvia: Is that salmonese?
SpongeBob: Boy, you were floundering up there!
Squidward: SpongeBob, I don't know what I'm doing! I've never felt like this before.
SpongeBob: Squidward, you've been bitten by the love bug!
Squilvia: Hello, hello? I'd like to place an order.
Squidward: She's talking to me. What do I do?
Squilvia: Well, if nobody's going to take my order, I'll just have to go eat elsewhere. (begins to leave)
Squidward: (gasps) She's leaving!
SpongeBob: Oh no shes not! Hang on buddy! (cranks up the boat and it moves in front of Squilvia)
Squilvia: Finally, some service around here.
Spongebob:
Squilvia: Wow, he really said hat?
Squilvia: He said that?
Squiadward: OK.
Squilvia: See you at 8:00, Squidward. (walks away)
(Squidward floats away and SpongeBob grabs him)
SpongeBob: You okay, buddy. You froze up there.
Squidward: (Head is in a block of ice, which breaks) What do you mean?
SpongeBob: I mean, when was the last time you went out on a date?
Squidward: (remembers his last date) SpongeBob, you've gotta help me! It's been so long! What do I do?
SpongeBob: You my friend are in desprate need of a practise date.
Squidward: That's it! I'll go on... (voice quiets down) a practice date?
SpongeBob: Just meet me at my house at 5:00, Squidward.
(Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house)
(Squidward rings the doorbell)
SpongeBob: (female voice) Just one minute, Squidward!
Squidward: (sulks a little a look at his watch) Sometime today would be nice.
SpongeBob: (dressed as Squilvia) (female voice) I'm ready!
Squidward: (screams) Dear Neptune!
SpongeBob: Oh! (smacks his nose, making it bigger, and tilts it down) Missed a spot! (regular voice) Aren't you going to compliment my outfit?
Squidward: Um...You look...stunning?
SpongeBob: (female voice) Oh, you're so sweet! Where are my flowers?
Squidward:What! Oh! Um. Did you drop your lip balm!
SpongeBob: (looks down as Squidward buys some flowers) I don't think I've dropped anything... Ooh! You shouldn't have.
Squidward. Oh, but I wanted to!
SpongeBob: No, you really shouldn't have. It's just that I'm very... I'm very aller... ACHOOO! (sneezes on Squidward) ...very allergic to tulips. So, are you ready to go?
Squidward: Go where?
SpongeBob: To dinner, silly.
Squidward: Oh, right! I'll get my car. (arrives with his boat) Hop in! (SpongeBob clears his throat) What?
SpongeBob: (regular voice) A gentlemen always opens a door for a lady.
Squidward: (opens the door) Oh, where are my manners!? (SpongeBob gets in, and Squidward buckles his seatbelt) Alrightie. (SpongeBob is struggling with his seatbelt) Can I help you with that?
SpongeBob: No, no, I've got it!
Squidward: (takes the seatbelt and buckles it) There!
SpongeBob: Ah, snug.
Squidward: Can we go now?
SpongeBob: Yes.
Squidward: Good.
SpongeBob: Right after I tinkle. (unbuckles seatbelt, walks inside, and rings a bell before returning to the car)
Squidward: Can we go now?
SpongeBob: Great, I know a fabulous place! Just head this way.
Squidward: Okay.
SpongeBob: At that stop sign make a right.
Squidward: Alright.
SpongeBob: At that stoplight make a right.
Squidward: Gotcha.
SpongeBob: At this street here make a right. At this intersection make a right, and park at the orange building up ahead. Ooh! We're here!
Squidward: You're a real piece of work, you know that?
SpongeBob: Why thank you, Mr. Squidward! (regular voice) Way to compliment the date, Squidward.
(Bubble transition)
SpongeBob: Now, it's the chit-chat part of the date. Amuse her with an interesting conversation.
Squidward: Um. Can you believe all this weather we're having?
SpongeBob: Good start, but let's try something interesting. Maybe she would want to talk about her day for example, she might want to being up her promation for a job at work, her experiences with a pet snail, or how she just couldn't decide what to wear!
Patrick: Dinner is served. (gives SpongeBob and Squidward a plate of meatloaf) (to Squidward) Don't try to eat it. It's plastic.
Spongebob: This is the perfect oprotunitie to work on your table ettiquete
SpongeBob: (female voice) Squidward, could you please pass the roasted kelp? (Squidward tries to pass the kelp, but Patrick gives it to him)
Patrick: Here you go, ma'am!
SpongeBob: Why, thank you, sir!
Patrick: Hey, Squidward, who's the lovely lady? I think she's giving me the cutesy eye!
Squidward: Oh, no you don't, Patrick! SpongeBob and I are in the middle of a practice date!!
Patrick: (to SpongeBob) So, do you hang out here often?
SpongeBob: (giggles) Well, this is my home, silly.
Squidward: Excuse me, but how is this supposed to help me with my real date? (looks at watch) Which, by the way begins in five minutes. (walks down stairs)
SpongeBob: (regular voice) Squidward, wait! We haven't accomplished...(gets lipstick) We haven't accomplished everything! (trips and falls downstairs, and bumps into Squidward, causing his head to get stuck in the door) So, as I was saying...
Squidward:
Spongebob:
Squidward:
Spongebob: Um, Squidward.
Squidward:
Squidward: Um, you just saw that.
Squilvia: Oh just all of it.
Spongebob: Have fun you two, oh squarepants your work here is done.
Patrick: Not quite, I was promised a movie,