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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
Whelk Attack 094
"Spon... Spo... Spo...!"

This SpongeBob SquarePants episode transcript is incomplete. You can help Encyclopedia SpongeBobia by adding new content to the page.

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Frankie Billy: Excuse me, One patty for the lady please.

Squidward: Try reading the sign, Cantsacova.

(Frankie tries to read the sign, but he can't)

Evelyn: You never learned to read, have you?

Frankie Billy: (sulks) No.

Evelyn: Neither did I!

Frankie Billy: We were meant for each other! (they walk away happily)

Squidward: (sighs) Even the alliterate of finding love. (takes out a book) Oh, Squidward, why are you torturing yourself with tales of romance? (tosses the book away and it lands in SpongeBob's eye)

SpongeBob: (takes the book out of his eye) Hey, Squidward! (puts the book on his tongue) You've dropped your book!

Squidward: That's no "book". That's just a poor reminder that I'm single, and will likely be that way for the rest of my life.

SpongeBob: C'mon, Squidward. Turn that frown upside down! (flips Squidward's head)

Squidward: I like my frowns in their regular orintation. (flips his head back to normal)

SpongeBob: (jumps in front of Squidward) Just remember, Squidward. You've never experienced true love. BUT, that doesn't mean you never will! You know the saying: "There's a squid for every pot"!

Squidward: Great, let the tired cleshay cascade foward. (sarcastically) That'll make me feel better.

(Squilvia walks inside and Squidward gasps)

Squidward: (bashes into SpongeBob and picks him up as he looks at her) She's got da-da-da-da-da... (melts) She's, wow!

Squilvia: I absolutely adore the decor! Exquisitely minimalist!

Squidward: (gasps) She speaks art jargon!

Squilvia: What captive wonders does this menu hold?

Squidward: SpongeBob, she's got it all! Style, art, and looks like yours truely!

SpongeBob: Then why don't you ask her out on one of those dates you keep talking about?

Squidward: My next move exactly! Observe the old tentacles and all of its glory! (tries to speak to her, but becomes nervous)

Squilvia: Is that salmonese?

SpongeBob: Boy, you were floundering up there, buddy!

Squidward: SpongeBob, I don't know what I'm doing! I've never felt like this before.

SpongeBob: Squidward, you've been bitten by the love bug!

Squilvia: Hello? I'd like to place an order.

Squidward: She's talking to me. What do I do?

Squilvia: Well, if nobody's going to take my order, I'll just have to go eat elsewhere. (begins to leave)

Squidward: (gasps) She's leaving!

SpongeBob: Not for long! Hang on buddy! (cranks up the boat and it moves in front of Squilvia)

Squilvia: Finally, some service around here.

???

Squilvia: See you at 8:00, Squidward. (walks away)

(Squidward floats away and SpongeBob grabs him)

SpongeBob: You okay, buddy. You froze up there.

Squidward: (in a block of ice, which breaks) What do you mean?

SpongeBob: I mean, when was the last time you went out on a date?

Squidward: (remembers his last date) SpongeBob, you've gotta help me! It's been so long! What do I do?

SpongeBob: Now calm down, Squidward. You're going to need to go on a practice date before going on the real thing.

Squidward: That's it! I'll go on... (voice quiets down) a practice date?

SpongeBob: Just meet me at my house at 5:00, Squidward.

(Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house)

(Squidward rings the doorbell)

SpongeBob: (female voice) Just one minute, Squidward!

Squidward: (sulks a little a look at his watch) Sometime today would be nice.

SpongeBob: (dressed as Squilvia) (female voice) I'm ready!

Squidward: (screams) Dear, Neptune!

SpongeBob: Oh! (smacks his nose, making it bigger, and tilts it down) Missed a spot! (regular voice) Aren't you going to compliment my outfit?

Squidward: Um...You look...stunning?

SpongeBob: (female voice) Oh, you're so sweet! Where my flowers?

Squidward: Oh! Um. You've dropped you're lip lining!

SpongeBob: (looks down as Squidward buys some flowers) I don't think I've dropped anything... Ooh! You shouldn't have.

Squidward. Oh, but I wanted to!

SpongeBob: No, you really shouldn't have. It's just that I'm very... I'm very aller... ACHOOO! (sneezes on Squidward) ...very allergic to tulips. So, are you ready to go?

Squidward: Go where?

SpongeBob: To dinner, silly.

Squidward: Oh, right! I'll go get my car. (arrives with his boat) Hop in! (SpongeBob clears his throat) What?

SpongeBob: (regular voice) A gentlemen always opens a door for a lady.

Squidward: (opens the door) Oh, where are my manners!? (SpongeBob gets in, and Squidward buckles his seatbelt) Alrightie. (SpongeBob is struggling with his seatbelt) Can I help you with that?

SpongeBob: No, no, I've got it!

Squidward: (takes the seatbelt and buckles it) There!

SpongeBob: Ah, snug.

Squidward: Are you ready to go?

SpongeBob: Yes.

Squidward: Good.

SpongeBob: Right after I tinkle. (unbuckles seatbelt, walks inside, and rings a bell before returning to the car)

Squidward: Can we go now?

SpongeBob: Oh, I know a fabulous place! Just head this way.

Squidward: Okay.

SpongeBob: At the stop sign make a right.

Squidward: Alright.

SpongeBob: At the stoplight make a right.

Squidward: Gotchya.

SpongeBob: At this street here make a right. At this intersection make a right, and park at the orange building up ahead. Ooh! We're here!

Squidward: You're a real piece of art, you know that?

SpongeBob: Why thank you, Mr. Squidward! (regular voice) Way to compliment on the date, Squidward.

--To be Continued--

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