Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
Register
Advertisement
Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Little Yellow Book" from season 9, which aired on March 2, 2013.

  • [The episode begins with an exterior shot of the Krusty Krab. Inside, Squidward is at the register smiling casually]
  • Squidward: [at the register] Ah, yes, just how I like it... nice and empty. [looks around at the empty restaurant. Only Old Man Walker is there]
  • Old Man Walker: [sitting at a table] Hey, I'm still here. [waves]
  • Squidward: Oh, yes, sirree—nice and empty. [looks around then sits down at the register, then presses a button revealing a slot with a pillow, then pulls down a picture of an island and turns on a fan and drinks a drink and is relaxed]
  • Incidental 27: Do you work here? [looks over the register]
  • Squidward: [spits his drink and sighs] Welcome to the Krusty-- Wha-What the! [sees the large line of people and gasps] Well, there goes my nap. Multiple orders up! Sponge... [is not there] Bob! SpongeBob! [goes in the kitchen while the order tapes fall on the floor] Where are you?! You need to get out here and make those Krabby Patties. [looking for SpongeBob in the kitchen. SpongeBob starts laughing from inside a barrel. Squidward looks through the barrel hole. SpongeBob is writing in a book. On the front side of the book, there is writing that says "My Diary." Squidward grumbles and sticks a megaphone into the hole] SpongeBob! [SpongeBob comes out of the megaphone like liquid] Get it together, SpongeBob. The dining room is full of ravenous customers. [Customers are making monkey noises, chewing on things, and swinging from ropes]
  • SpongeBob: [in liquid form, goes to the storage freezer and comes back out with a stack of patties] I got it. [spins like a tornado throwing the patties onto the grill, then presses a button on his spatula twice that makes it fold out to have triple length and flips three patties while whistling]
  • Squidward: Hmm, what was that imbecile doing in there? [looks at the barrel then pulls out the diary] An old book?
  • SpongeBob: [looks back scared] Nothing. [takes the diary from Squidward and places it between the fryers]
  • Squidward: What's going on here?
  • [SpongeBob gets all the patties into a stack and puts ingredients inside of himself. Then he jumps out to the dining area where he jumps onto the ceiling and shoots out Krabby Patties to the customers.]
  • Customers: Thank you! [waves at SpongeBob. They take bites and give thumbs up to each other. SpongeBob continues to shoot out Krabby Patties. Customers clap once again]
  • Old Man Walker: Excuse me. I wanted pickles on mine. [SpongeBob taps his head twice, shooting pickles onto his Krabby Patty]
  • [Squidward looks out from the kitchen to the main area of the Krusty Krab.]
  • Squidward: Hmmm. [picks up the diary from between the fryers] If SpongeBrain is keeping the book away from me, then I have no choice but to read it. [SpongeBob walks into the kitchen]
  • SpongeBob: I'll take that, thank you. [takes the diary]
  • [Bubble transition to SpongeBob sitting on top of a barrel writing in his diary]
  • Squidward: [looking through the kitchen window with his nose hanging over] There he goes again, scribbling away in that little book. [turns back around] I must admit, my curiosity is peaked... I guess I'm "peaked" to "peek" at that book. [laughs as a rimshot is heard, then sighs] Oh, puns. [wipes away tears from laughing. The restaurant is empty again, only Old Man Walker is still in his table]
  • Old Man Walker: [sits at a table] Ha.
  • Squidward: [holds a brown bag] Hey, SpongeBob, you need to make a delivery.
  • SpongeBob: [closes his diary, sets it down, and turns towards Squidward] Okie-dokie!
  • Squidward: The address is on the bag.
  • SpongeBob: I got it. [walks out of the kitchen]
  • Squidward: [whistles and walks to the diary and picks it up, then gasps] It's a diary! Oh-ho-ho. This is gonna be good. Huh? Drat, it's locked. [tries to pry his lock open] Hmm. I need a hairpin. [Mr. Krabs is in his office writing on a sheet of paper. Squidward reaches behind him and pulls out a hairpin. Mr. Krabs' hair puffs out into an afro. Squidward unlocks the lock with the pin, opens the diary, watching it glow and a heavenly choir is singing] And now... the diary of a moron. [reads his diary]
  • SpongeBob: "Dear diary, what an amazing day I've..." [fades into SpongeBob narrating his story] ...day I've had. [phone ringing] This morning I was greeted by my nearest and dearest neighbor, Squidward. [answers the phone] He had some very important news he was just bursting to share. [the phone growls at SpongeBob, who walks to Squidward's house] He had decided that today would be the perfect day to deliver his profound opinions on how to properly raise and care for a household pet. [Knocks on the door. Squidward answers and holds Gary angrily. Gary is chewing. Squidward shoves Gary to SpongeBob] Specifically, what not to feed them. [Squidward holds up a record album that reads "Sole Jazz" and throws it at SpongeBob] The list was very thorough. [Squidward holds up a torn shirt on hanger, then a picture of his mother with a bite taken out of it] Needless to say, this is all very enlightening. [Squidward throws a picture on the ground and jumps on it] It warms my heart to know that Squidward thinks we're close enough to use the harshest words in his critique-- [Squidward yelling in SpongeBob's face] Horrible words that should never be used around strangers, who may now know how well-intentioned those words are. [Squidward points and pokes SpongeBob angrily] Knowing I have a tendency to dawdle, Gary cut our conversation short. [Gary bites Squidward's hand. Squidward punts SpongeBob] And I was hurried along to work, where I arrived only a hour and a half early for what may be my favorite day of the year, [SpongeBob lands at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs unlocks the front door] cleaning day! [SpongeBob mopping, Mr. Krabs reading the paper] Together, Mr. Krabs and I scrubbed every inch of the Krusty Krab, [scrubs the floor] and finally, with a little elbow grease, we were able to get into even the tightest spots. [Mr. Krabs is using SpongeBob as a chimney sweep] Ah, yes. Cleaning day. [Narration ends]
  • Squidward: Great Neptune, I had no idea. The depth of his delusion is awe inspiring.
  • [Cut to SpongeBob in front of the dumpster, confused about the address]
  • SpongeBob: [knocks on the dumpster] Well, I don't know. Something about this delivery address doesn't seem right. [he is at a dumpster; gasps] Wait a minute. Squidward! He must have been the victim of a prank phone call. Poor Squidward. He can be so gullible. [sets the delivery in the dumpster and walks back to the Krusty Krab]
  • Patrick: [comes up from inside the dumpster] Oh, boy! [looks in a bag] A ketchup packet! That'll go great on this old diaper. [holds up the ketchup and the diaper]
  • SpongeBob: [Back at the Krusty Krab, he chuckles] Oh, Squidward! You are gonna laugh when you hear what I've... been. [Squidward crouches down to hide] Squidward? Where are you? Could have sworn I just saw him.
  • Squidward: [nervously sweating] SpongeBob, uh, one of the customers dropped his watch in a toilet, and I need you to fish it out. [holds up a plunger and a hanger]
  • SpongeBob: [takes the hanger and the plunger] Duty calls. [walks to the restrooms]
  • [Squidward takes diary out from inside his hat. Opens it, turns the page, and laughs. His laugh turns into a cough as he sees a large customer at the register]
  • Customer #2: You laughing at me?
  • Squidward: What? Oh, no. No, no, no. I was just reading what SpongeBob wrote in his diary. It's hilarious.
  • Customer #2: Reading somebody else's diary—that's terrible! [amused] Tell me more!
  • Squidward: It says here, when SpongeBob sees plaid, he has the uncontrollable urge to cluck like a chicken. [Both laugh]
  • Mr. Krabs: [appears at the register] Did somebody say plaid? Why I'm a plaid enthusiast. [wearing a kilt] I just got me new kilt today.
  • Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob. Can you come here, please?
  • SpongeBob: [walks out of the restroom with a tire, umbrella, guitar, anchor, and Old Man Walker] I couldn't find that watch anywhere. All I found was this stuff--
  • Old Man Walker: I fell in.
  • SpongeBob: And that guy.
  • Squidward: What do you think of Mr. Krabs' new plaid kilt?
  • SpongeBob: P-p-p-p-plaid? [his face doubles with 2 mouths. He throws everything out of his hands]
  • Old Man Walker: Hey! [SpongeBob starts clucking like a chicken and crows like a rooster]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, you don't have to be nasty about it!
  • [Squidward and Customer #2 laugh. SpongeBob is still clucking]
  • SpongeBob: [slaps himself] Avert your eyes, SquarePants. [covers his eyes] I have to take my break! [runs through the kitchen out the back, then pulls out bubble soap and blows bubbles and sighs]
  • Squidward: [reading to more customers] Listen to this — SpongeBob has named his spatula "Fifi."
  • [The customers all laugh]
  • Incidental 9: [to Incidental 41] He named his spatula "Fifi."
  • Incidental 41: He named his spatula "Fifi." [telling customers behind him, while said customers and Patrick laugh] What kind of name is Fifi?
  • Patrick: [laughs loudly and uncontrollably] Who ever heard of naming a spatula Fifi? It's a girl's name! Right, Frank? [holds up his own spatula]
  • SpongeBob: [walks out of the kitchen holding his spatula] I'm back from my break. Any orders, Squidward?
  • Patrick: Yeah, cook me up a Krabby Patty... with good old Fifi.
  • SpongeBob: [gasps when hearing that name] Oh, sure thing. [runs to the kitchen] Fifi, how did Patrick know your name? Have you been talking?
  • Squidward: Oh, oh, this is the best one yet. Get this: "If I hear the Bikini Bottom Municipal Anthem, I can't help but take off all my clothes and dance around in my underwear!" [everyone laughs] Quiet, quiet, quiet. Watch this. [pulls out his radio and plays the anthem while SpongeBob calmly throws his spatula and takes off his clothes except his underwear and dances around. Everyone laughs and the music stops. SpongeBob looks over at Squidward, who is holding the former's diary while he, Patrick, and the customers laugh]
  • SpongeBob: My... [close-up of his diary] Diary! Squidward! How could you?! [cries and runs into the dining area with everyone laughing at him, then runs into Mr. Krabs, clucks like a chicken again, continues crying, and runs out the door. The scene cuts to customers, who have stopped laughing after realizing that the diary belonged to SpongeBob while Squidward laughs in satisfaction]
  • Incidental 41: That was that little dude's diary? [the door slams]
  • Customers: [overlapping murmuring] That is not okay. That was uncool.
  • Mr. Krabs: [walking over to Squidward; angered by his actions] That's low, Squidward... even for you. You'd better apologize.
  • Squidward: [scoffs remorselessly] He'll get over it.
  • [Bubble transition to SpongeBob crying outside of the Krusty Krab. Squidward is scatting and humming and pulls out an umbrella while walking by SpongeBob crying]
  • Newspaper Boy: Extra, extra, read all about it! Jerk reads diary, local fry cook devastated. [holding up a newspaper]
  • Squidward: Oh, boy, let me see one of those papers. Uh-huh, mm-hm. [a cover of paper shows a sad photo of SpongeBob. There is writing that says "Local Fry Cook Devastated." Squidward laughs and tosses the paper on the ground. Citizens stare at him scornfully] Taxi! [waving, a taxi car with the model of the boat screeches its tires, approaching him]
  • Driver: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, pal. You're that diary reader.
  • Squidward: Yes, I am. [drives away in an angry attitude after hearing Squidward's revelation. The tires squeal, Squidward coughs in the exhaust. Then he continues walking]
  • Incidental 48: Diary thief!
  • Sandals: Jerk!
  • John: [from outside a house window] Secret stealer!
  • Sadie: Billy, stay away from that mean, old diary reader.
  • Squidward: Morons. [The scene changes to outside of SpongeBob's, Patrick's, and Squidward's houses, with Squidward at his front door]
  • Quincy: Squidward Tentacles, by reading another person's diary, you have violated the terms of your loan. [holds up loan papers] We are repossessing your house.
  • Squidward: [coughs] What?!
  • Quincy: Take it away, boys! [Squidward's house is lifted away with a crane. Thunder crashes and it starts to rain. Squidward puts up his umbrella and gets hit by lightning]
  • Squidward: Ow! [It appears that Squidward has gotten what he deserved by reading SpongeBob's diary and being the total jerk. Bubble transition to a bench where we can see Squidward laying on a bench with newspapers over his body. With his house privileges have now revoked, he now homelessly sleeps at the bench as the papers blow away]
  • Officer Nancy: [taps Squidward on the head with a club with her partner, Officer John] Hey, you can't sleep here, fella. [horn honks] Wait a second, you're that diary reader! I had a diary once. My brother read it! I had a brother once! Come on, fella! We have a special place for people like you!
  • [Scene changes to Squidward now locked in a pillory]
  • Patrick: [suddenly appears and throws a tomato at Squidward as a revenge for reading his best friend's diary] Diary reader!
  • Squidward: What!? You read it, too!
  • Patrick: Oh, sure, blame everyone but yourself. Oh, that is so you. [throws another tomato at Squidward and walks away. Squidward grunts]
  • SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward. How's it going?
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, oh, thank goodness. You have to forgive me.
  • SpongeBob: What for?
  • Squidward: For reading your diary.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, that. You know, Squidward, everyone was so amused by it, I had it published. It's a best seller, and I owe it all to you. [holds up a book titled "SpongeBob's Diary"] Besides, you only read my work diary. You've never even seen my secret personal diary. [holds up a diary titled "My Secret Personal Diary" with a unicorn, smiley face, heart, and rainbow on the cover] Now, that would have been really embarrassing.
  • Incidental 41: There he is! That diary reader! [a group of fish holding tomatoes show up] Let's get him!
  • Crowd: Yeah! [shouting angrily at Squidward]
  • SpongeBob: People, people. Stop your assault. Through my art, as an author, I have forgiven Squidward.
  • Incidental 41: Oh yeah, did you know he's reading your personal diary? [Squidward laughs while holding reading the diary]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward! How could you?!
  • [SpongeBob bursts into tears, then runs away once again. After SpongeBob runs away, the crowd throws tomatoes at Squidward yelling at him]
  • Squidward: [doesn't mind now that he's reading SpongeBob's personal diary] I don't care. This is so worth it! [laughs while more tomatoes are thrown at him. The episode ends]
Advertisement