Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Le Big Switch" from season 5, which aired on September 29, 2007.

  • SpongeBob: [Starts with scene of the Krusty Krab zooming in, then we see SpongeBob ringing the bell] Order up! Go now, and bless the taste buds of your lucky connoisseur. [blows a kiss then a heart pops up and Squidward accidentally swallows it and starts choking]
  • Squidward: It went in my mouth! Choking on sentiment! I think I'm poisoned!
  • SpongeBob: Well, okay, you sit this one out, Squidward, this will be a special delivery from the chef. [talking to customer] For your dining pleasure, two double Krabby Patties cooked to perfection complimented by a side of coral bits and a jumbo diet soda, topped off with a little extra love. [reaches into his chest and pulls out a heart and sprinkles some of it on the Krabby Patties. He then pants] Enjoy your meal! [sighs] It's the little details that they really appreciate, isn't it, Squidward?
  • Squidward: [breathes] Oh, yeah, you really touched his life. [cuts to scene of customer eating his Krabby Patties like a pig]
  • SpongeBob: Nothing beats making quality food for good people with discriminating tastes.
  • Squidward: Quality food?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah!
  • Squidward: Good people?
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh. [nods]
  • Squidward: Discriminating tastes?
  • SpongeBob: Testify!
  • Squidward: D'oh! [breathes angrily, then runs up to customer and takes the Krabby Patty from him] Only pathetic losers with horrible taste would eat this garbage!
  • SpongeBob: [gasps in shock. The customer starts crying. SpongeBob runs up to him and starts cradling him.] Squidward! The Krusty clientèle needs to be cuddled and treated with respect. [takes Krabby Patty from Squidward and puts it in customers mouth like a baby bottle] There, there. [to Squidward] Mr. Krabs will be ashamed! [Mr. Krabs walks in]
  • Mr. Krabs: All right, you filthy bilge rats!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: You got three seconds to get out of me restaurant before I kick you out! Fine, have it your way! [goes around to the back of the Krusty Krab and starts tipping it and all the customers fall out and then puts it back and walks into the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: What's happening, Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah, we don't need those losers anymore! I'm turning the restaurant in to one of those fancy froufrou places, where they charge big bucks for itsy-bitsy portions!
  • Squidward: Fancy? Froufrou?
  • Mr. Krabs: We're getting a gourmet chef from the chef exchange program and I'm going to raise me prices to the roof! [laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Chef exchange program?
  • Mr. Krabs: [stops laughing] Oh. Uh, yeah. Well, you'll be shipped off to some other restaurant somewhere far away from here! Uh details are kinda hazy, but I packed your bags and your bus leaves in five minutes! [bus arrives] Heh, looks like it's early. [kicks SpongeBob into the bus and it drives off]
  • Squidward: It was that easy? All these years? [sniffles] I've underestimated the power of public transportation! [another bus arrives with Le Schnook on it]
  • Mr. Krabs: Welcome to the Krusty Krab.
  • Squidward: Does your middle name happen to be "No SpongeBob within a thousand kilometers of here"? [he and Mr. Krabs laugh]
  • Le Schnook: I find you disgusting. [they stop laughing] However, my culture dictates zat I must kiss you regardless. [kisses Squidward on each cheek, then spits twice before doing the same with Mr. Krabs]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, he's just as affectionate as the boy.
  • Squidward: But the surly attitude he has is a step in the right direction! [cuts to scene of the bus dropping off SpongeBob at the Fancy! restaurant. SpongeBob then walks into the kitchen]
  • Mr. Crustacean: What is this rubbish?! I would not wipe my own bottom with this! [slaps Incidental 2 who is holding a steak] Start over! And this [drinks boiled water, then spits it on Paco] I would not wash my own bottom with this after carefully wiping and wiping and wiping! [slaps Paco] Now go stand in the corner and think about what you have done! [Paco walks away sadly] And where is my exchange chef?!
  • SpongeBob: Um, right here, sir.
  • Mr. Crustacean: [laughs] There you are. Bonjour! [kisses SpongeBob two times, SpongeBob giggles and the chief slaps him] Now, get to your station and prepare me your best dish! [SpongeBob runs to a pot, puts some ingredients into it, then takes out a Krabby Patty and blows a kiss and a heart shows up. The chef then grabs it and crushes it] This is not funny! And I certainly did not exchange my top sous chef for a, how you say, comedian! [puts Krabby Patty in SpongeBob's mouth and then pulls is nose causing him to eat it] Prepare me a gourmet dish, NOW! [SpongeBob runs over to a counter with vegetables on it]
  • SpongeBob: [starts chopping vegetables] I'm sure with all my years in the kitchen, I can make something other than... [chops vegetables into a Krabby Patty then laughs nervously] Just warming up. [Chief gets angry, he then screams than gets a tray of stuff and puts in in the oven] Come on, SpongeBob! [whistles and then takes out a Krabby Patty and throws it on the ground, Chief gets angry again, he then cracks an egg into a pan] Just one egg then... [egg turns into a Krabby Patty and SpongeBob gets mad and throws it on the ground along with many other Krabby Patties] No, that's not it either...
  • Mr. Crustacean: You are making a mockery of my... [Krabby Patty accidentally lands in his mouth and he eats it] This taste is... is fantastic! What do you call it? [he then eats another one]
  • SpongeBob: A Krabby Patty.
  • Mr. Crustacean: [is eating more Krabby Patties] The whole world must taste this!
  • French Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Krusty Krab... [We see that the Krusty Krab is all decorated fancy]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, Squidward, look at this! [holds up a plate with a small fruit on it] We're charging 52 smackeroos for this little guy. [laughs and then Squidward smells its horrible odor]
  • Squidward: Oh! What is that?!
  • Mr. Krabs: I don't know! Some kind of bean paste or something.
  • Le Schnook: Wrong, monsieur! It is ze Rare Fruit of ze Kazook Tree.
  • Mr. Krabs: So it's supposed to smell like a rotten gym socks?
  • Le Schnook: Its naturally rancid odor can only be neutralized by shredded gold.
  • Mr. Krabs: Shredded... [gulps] gold? [Le Schnook then starts shredding gold with a cheese grater. Mr. Krabs screams and takes it away from him] Couldn't we use less expensive ingredients?
  • Le Schnook: Price can be no object when it comes to dealing with exquisite food like zis. It must be prepared with only the finest ingredients, and eaten with only the finest silverware, while sitting on the finest furniture! [Le Schnook tries to sit in one of the chair, but it is just a billboard] Zis... is not ze chair I ordered.
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah, well you see those were out of stock.
  • Le Schnook: And zis fork of plastic... Spray painted to look silver, is it not? [Mr. Krabs starts to sweat, chuckling nervously. Le Schnook gets back up, dusting himself] I cannot prepare food UNDER ZESE CONDITIONS! [cuts back to the Fancy! restaurant where there is a big line and everybody is eating Krabby Patties]
  • Mr. Crustacean: Monsieur SpongeBob, although it is in direct violation of our chef exchange program rules, let me assure you that these kisses are not merely a formality. They are genuine! [kisses SpongeBob twice] I am sure that this is only the beginning of a long and... [SpongeBob's alarm on his wrist watch rings]
  • SpongeBob: Well, my time here is up. I am officially a Krusty Krab employee once again! [is about to walk out, but the chef stops him]
  • Mr. Crustacean: I apologize, Monsieur SpongeBob, but you can see that my customers had grown rather fond of your Krabby Patties.
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] The Krabby Patties, I almost forgot! These babies also belong to the Krusty Krab! [starts taking all the Krabby Patties and putting them in a sack and then puts it in his suitcase] So long! [customers gasp and SpongeBob begins to leave and one customer holds on to his leg]
  • Customer: Wait, just one more?
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry, but I've got to go. [all customers hold on to his leg. However, he manages to get out. The scene switches to the Krusty Krab and it has a sign that reads “out of business” because it went bankrupt. Inside the restaurant, repo men are seen hauling away the fancy furniture. We then see Mr. Krabs crying in his office]
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm ruined! Busted! [phone then rings and Mr. Krabs answers it] Hello?
  • Pearl: [on phone] Daddy, the house is full of burglars. [Mr. Krabs laughs]
  • Mr. Krabs: No, those aren't burglars, Pearl. Those are just friendly repo men. [Mr. Krabs hangs up and notices Squidward being held on to by his arms by two other repo men]
  • Squidward: Mr. Krabs, tell these guys to let go of me!
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh, well, you know, until I come up with the money I owe, I'm afraid you'll be staying with these nice gents.
  • Squidward: You sold me?!
  • Mr. Krabs: No! Bartered is more like it. They keep you, I keep my kneecaps.
  • Repo Man: Come on, mac! [takes him away]
  • Squidward: You're pathetic! [Le Schnook then walks in]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, Mr. Le Schnook... I lost everything! I'm bankrupt! You and your fancy eats are all I got left now.
  • Le Schnook: Not quite. My time in the chef's exchange program has expired. So my "eats" and I are leaving. [hands Mr. Krabs a bill] This is for you.
  • Mr. Krabs: Is it money?
  • Le Schnook: It is the bill for my services. [Mr. Krabs unfolds the bill. His eyes become bloodshot, and he is unable to move]
  • Repo Man: One side, please. [Repo men take Mr. Krabs’ desk and chair away while he is sitting in it, a repo man brings Mr. Krabs back into the restaurant lobby. He is set down on the floor. Mr. Krabs starts crying]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, I've been such a fool! I turned away SpongeBob, the best fry cook I ever had, and it cost me everything!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, I can still hear his sweet little voice.
  • SpongeBob: [High pitched] Mr. Kra-a-abs?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Okay, now I'm scared.
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Darn his cursed mocking voice! I... [notices SpongeBob] SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy. [hugs SpongeBob] You came back! And you brought customers!
  • [The scene cuts to all customers talking at once. We can hear some of them. Customer #1 says: "Oh, please, we must have some Krabby Patties. We just adore..." Customer #2 says: "Please, Krabby Patties..." Customer #3 says: "Krabby Patties, please." Customer #4 says: "Krabby Patties..."]
  • Mr. Krabs: [now talking to Squidward] Well, Mr. Squidward, all's well that end's well. I got me poor disgusting old clientèle back, and rich disgusting new clientèle to boot! [Rich woman burps] I'm back in business!
  • Squidward: Couldn't you at least give them tables to eat on?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, no way. See, I've learned that you can't buy customer loyalty with fancy tables, froufrou food, or even sanitary conditions. Hey, get back you, eat your own. [Mr. Krabs throws them a bucket of Krabby Patties, the customers squeal like pigs] Nope, just good food prepared with love. Ain't that right, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: You got it, Mr. Krabs. [Blows another kiss, Squidward swallows it and starts choking. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob laugh]
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