Krusty Towers/transcript

Krusty Towers
General
Season №:	4
Episode №:	69a
U.S. viewers (millions):	5.83
Airdate:	April 1, 2006
Chronology
Previous	"SquidBob TentaclePants"
Next	"Mrs. Puff, You're Fired"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Krusty Towers" from season 4, which aired on April 1, 2006.

• [SpongeBob and Squidward are walking out of their homes and down the road towards the Krusty Krab.]
• SpongeBob: So, I was all ready to drain the fries, but I cooked the fries slightly too long! So...
• Squidward: SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: So, here's where the bizarre twist comes in.
• Squidward: SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: They weren't overcooked at all!
• Squidward: SpongeBob, look! [picks him up and turns him around where we are shown a tall building where the Krusty Krab usually is. On top of the building is The Krusty Krab]
• SpongeBob: Wow, what happened to the Krusty Krab?
• Mr. Krabs: Good morning! The Krusty Towers is now open for business!
• SpongeBob: Why did you build a hotel, Mr. Krabs?
• Mr. Krabs: I'm glad you asked, son. Remember when I went to that fast food convention and stayed in that fancy hotel? I had a beautiful room. The employees were so friendly. They catered to me every whim, no matter how demeaning it was. Because they lived by a code. And that code was engraved in fine gold above the grand fireplace: "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request." Everything was perfect... until I got the bill! They charged me for everything; $25 for a hamburger! [takes out a whole burger from inside his body] If they can charge that much for a lousy burger, imagine how much I could charge for a lousy Krabby Patty! And thus, the Krusty Towers was born.
• Squidward: Why would anyone stay in a hotel in Bikini Bottom? It's in the middle of scenic nowhere! There's nothing to do but get stung by jellyfish. [jellyfish stings Squidward on the head, forming a bump] See?!
• SpongeBob: [pushes the bump in and it goes to the other side of Squidward's head] Ooh!
• Mr. Krabs: Come inside. [now inside Krusty Towers] Isn't it beautiful?
• Squidward: Where are all the new hotel employees? [Mr. Krabs throws uniforms onto Squidward & SpongeBob. Dave enters]
• Mr. Krabs: My first hotel guest! Watch me reel him in. [walks behind desk] Welcome to the Krusty Towers, where our motto is "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request."
• Dave: Oh, that's great. I'd like a double Krabby Patty with no onions and extra pickles.
• Mr. Krabs: If you want a Krabby Patty, you'll have to rent a room and order room service.
• Dave: [looks at watch] Ooh, I've only got an hour for lunch. [sighs and leaves]
• Squidward: Boy, you reeled that one in like a pro.
• Mr. Krabs: Okay, Squidward, you run the front desk. [Patrick now arrives at the hotel]
• Patrick: I'd like a Krabby Patty, please.
• Squidward: This is a hotel now. If you want a Krabby Patty, you'll have to get a room and order room service.
• Patrick: Okay, one Krabby Patty and one room with cheese. Oh, and can I get cheese on the Krabby Patty, too?
• Squidward: Patrick, you only live 400 yards away. Why do you want to check into a hotel?
• Patrick: Sometimes I just need to get away from it all. [rings bell] Wow, this hotel has everything!
• Squidward: [takes bell] Gimme that! Now sign the register.
• Patrick: I didn't know there would be a test. I didn't study! [cries]
• Squidward: Patrick, all you have to do is write your name.
• Patrick: Oh, okay. [takes pen and prepares to write his name, but he finds that Squidward is watching his writing] Do you mind?! [Squidward turns around so Patrick starts writing. Squidward peeks] Don't look! [Squidward turns around] Done! [Patrick has drawn a giant monster doodle of himself fighting three attack planes.]
• Squidward: Close enough. Here's your room key.
• Patrick: I'll need some help with my bags.
• Squidward: How can you have bags?! You just found out this is a hotel!
• Patrick: This is a hotel?
• Squidward: [groans] SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward?
• Squidward: Take Patrick and his bags to his room.
• Patrick: What about my Krabby Patty?
• Squidward: And bring him a Krabby Patty.
• Mr. Krabs: [pops up from behind the desk] Squidward, you can take Patrick's bags up to his room. SpongeBob, you go make the Krabby Patty. [he exits]
• Squidward: Oh, Mr. Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: What's the matter? Afraid of a little manual labor? [mocking Squidward] Ooh "I'm Squidward and I have to work for a living. Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo."
• Squidward: Fine. Let's go, Patrick. [has struggle with Patrick's bags as he is walking up to the elevator, but it's the guest elevator]
• Mr. Krabs: [comes out of the guest elevator] This elevator is for guests only. Take the employee elevator. [Squidward walks to the other elevator for employees, which it turns out to be stairs. He grumbles because of this. Later, Squidward walks up stairs as Patrick gets off the guest elevator]
• Squidward: What's in these bags, rocks? [suitcase opens, spilling out rocks] Hey, these are rocks! Why is your suitcase full of rocks?
• Patrick: I don't tell you how to live your life!
• Squidward: [cuts to Patrick's Hotel Room] Well, here's your room.
• Patrick: Wow.
• Squidward: Enjoy your stay.
• Patrick: Squidward, wait! [takes out a rock from his pocket and gives it to Squidward as a tip] Keep up the good work and there'll be more where that came from.
• SpongeBob: Your Krabby Patty, sir. [Squidward attempting to throw the rock that Patrick gave to him as a tip] Hey, Squidward. Cool rock.
• Patrick: Hold on a second, SpongeBob. [hands SpongeBob a dollar, Squidward makes a surprise face, then scowls] Here you are, my good man.
• SpongeBob: Why, thank you, Patrick!
• Patrick: There's plenty more where that came from, my good friend [Squidward looks at his rock and becomes frustrated] Squidward!
• Squidward: What now?!
• Patrick: I don't like crusts on my sandwich.
• Squidward: It's a bun; it's all crust! How am I suppose to cut the crust off a bun?
• Patrick: Peel it.
• Squidward: [peels the skin off the bun angrily] Happy?
• Patrick: Yay! [eats the patty]
• SpongeBob: Room service! Here's the fifty Krabby Patties you ordered.
• Patrick: Could you do one more thing for me?
• Squidward: Why don't you ask SpongeBob?
• Patrick: Good idea, Squidward!
• SpongeBob: How may I serve you, sir?
• Patrick: I need you to eat these Krabby Patties with me.
• SpongeBob: Oh, yes, sir! [both of them eat a bunch of Krabby Patties. As Squidward heads down the employee elevator, Mr. Krabs is on the phone]
• Mr. Krabs: Uh-huh. Hold on. Squidward! Patrick needs your help.
• Squidward: What?! Why didn't he ask me before I walked all the way downstairs?
• Mr. Krabs: He said he didn't want to bother you, but he got over it.
• [At the bathroom, Squidward is unclogging the toilet when he unclogs SpongeBob.]
• Patrick: Hooray!
• SpongeBob: Thanks, Squidward! [Squidward puts him back in the toilet of clogging again. Patrick flushes again]
• Squidward: Mr. Krabs, this is ridiculous! Patrick's being completely unreasonable!
• Mr. Krabs: He can be as unreasonable as he wants! The plaque, Squidward, the plaque!
• Squidward: But, Mr. Krabs...!
• Mr. Krabs: Deny no guest! [phone rings] Well, hello, Patrick. You need Squidward to come up right away? He'll be right there.
• Squidward: [scene transits to bubbles floating from a bathtub] A bubble bath?! Why would I give you a bubble bath?!
• Patrick: Well, because Mr. Krabs said you would. Now be sure to make my back extra shiny clean.
• Squidward: That's it! I've had enough! [storms out]
• Patrick: Squidward, wait! The toilet's backed up again!
• Mr. Krabs: [Squidward comes out of the guest elevator] Hey! Hey, you can't take that elevator! You're an employee!
• Squidward: Not anymore. I quit! [Squidward throws his uniform on Mr. Krabs]
• Mr. Krabs: Quit?! You can't quit. [Squidward walks out naked and reenters with Hawaiian-styled clothes. Squidward rings the bell] Welcome to the Krusty Towers... Squidward?!
• Squidward: One room, please. On the top floor.
• Mr. Krabs: What do you think you're doing?
• Squidward: I need a vacation. I'm overworked. And what better place to relax than Krusty Towers? Where "we shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request."
• Mr. Krabs: I don't have to rent you a room!
• Squidward: I've got cash.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh... [takes Squidward's cash] here's your room key.
• Squidward: SpongeBob, carry my things to my room.
• SpongeBob: Aye aye, guest sir. [turns legs into rockets and blasts off through the ceiling]
• Squidward: [talking to Mr. Krabs] And you can carry me to my room.
• Mr. Krabs: And why in tarnation would I do that? You got four legs that aren't broken.
• Squidward: The plaque. [plaque is shown. Mr. Krabs, in an employee uniform now, has just finished carrying Squidward from the employee elevator] Too bad we couldn't take the elevator, but it is for guests only, and you are an employee.
• SpongeBob: Your room, sir.
• Squidward: And I'd like to order room service. I'd like a Krabby Patty with cheese, toenail clippings, and nose hair.
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps in horror] You've got to be kidding me!
• Squidward: And I want it here in five seconds.
• SpongeBob: Yes, sir! [runs off and comes back with a Krabby Patty in less than two seconds] Here you are, sir.
• Mr. Krabs: Well, you got your stinky sandwich. Now eat it.
• Squidward: Oh, I'm not going to eat this. You are.
• Mr. Krabs: What?! You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to eat that!
• SpongeBob: Psst, [whispering] that's not really a Krabby Patty with cheese, toenails, and nose hair.
• Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Now I get ya, boy. [still laughing] Alright, Squidward. [chortles. He eats the Krabby Patty then spits it out, showing his tongue covered with toenails and nose hair. Squidward laughs] SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. We're all out of cheese.
• Patrick: [everything in Patrick's room is covered in cheese because apparently he asked for his room to be covered with cheese earlier] Hooray!
• Mr. Krabs: [Meanwhile, the phone rings] What is it, Squidward?
• Squidward: Send up a dozen cookies just like mother used to make.
• Mr. Krabs: [at Squidward's room] Here's your homemade cookies.
• Squidward: [tries one and spits it out] These don't taste anything like mom used to make!
• Mr. Krabs: Well, how did your mother make 'em?
• Squidward: How should I know? Ask my mother! [slams the door]
• [The scene cuts to Mrs. Tentacles' house.]
• Mrs. Tentacles: [Mr. Krabs rings the doorbell] Hello? [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are in ski masks and Mrs. Tentacles gasps in shock]
• Mr. Krabs: [trying to get a big sack in the trunk, but the door won't close] SpongeBob! [SpongeBob hits the sack with a shovel, but the trunk still won't close]
• SpongeBob: No good, Mr. Krabs.
• Mrs. Tentacles: Allow me, boys. [closes the trunk door]
• Mr. Krabs: Great! Now that me laundry's in the trunk...
• SpongeBob: There's room for you to sit up front!
• Mrs. Tentacles: Let's go bake some cookies, boys!
• SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Hooray!
• Mr. Krabs: [in Squidward's room where Squidward is sampling the cookies] Well?
• Squidward: I'm impressed! These are just like mother used to make. I just wish mom was a better cook.
• Mr. Krabs: [throws the tray away] So you're all taken care of?
• Squidward: Hm, just one teensy tiny problem. This room is hideous. Redesign it. Neptune the 14th would be nice.
• Mr. Krabs: What? [growls while Squidward says the next line]
• Squidward: "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request." [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob change the room to a blue theme of King Neptune, a modern theme, a country theme, a torture theme, and then back to the original] Perfect!
• Mr. Krabs: This room is exactly the same as when we started!
• Squidward: Nothing like getting back to the basics.
• Mr. Krabs: Let's get out of here, SpongeBob!
• Squidward: Oh, before you leave, I want to go swimming.
• Mr. Krabs: The pool's out back.
• Squidward: Ha ha, are you crazy? I'm not going outside to swim. [big swimming pool is now inside the room] Come on in, the water's fine. [SpongeBob jumps in]
• Mr. Krabs: Anything else stupid and unreasonable that you want?
• Squidward: Nope, that's it.
• Mr. Krabs: You don't need me to chew your food for ya? Or make you a back scratcher out of me own spine? Or maybe extinguish the sun so the light don't get in your eyes?!
• Squidward: No, I'm good.
• SpongeBob: Me, too.
• Patrick: Wow, an indoor pool? Well, this place is fancy. [gets on diving board] Cannonball! [jumps in, but the pool collapses the hotel back into the Krusty Krab]
• Mr. Krabs: [at hospital with the gang] Oh, that hotel was a bad idea from the start.
• Patrick: That was a hotel?
• Nurse: Your bill, sir.
• Mr. Krabs: $15,000?! [he then acts as if he is having a heart attack]
• Squidward: You're not going to have a heart attack, are you?
• Mr. Krabs: Not at these prices! Forget hotels. This hospital racket is where the money is!
• Patrick: This is a hospital?
• Mr. Krabs: Pack your bags, boys! You're going to medical school!
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Hooray!
• Squidward: [plaintively] Oh, boy.