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Krusty Towers
Season №: 4
Episode №: 69a
Airdate: April 1, 2006
Previous: "SquidBob TentaclePants"
Next: "Mrs. Puff, You're Fired"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Krusty Towers" from season four, which aired on April 1, 2006.

  • [SpongeBob and Squidward are walking down the road towards the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: So, I was all ready to drain the fries, but I cooked the fries slightly too long! So...
  • Squidward: SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: So, here's where the bizarre twist comes in.
  • Squidward: SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: They weren't overcooked at all!
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, look! [picks him up and turns him around where we are shown a tall building]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, what happened to the Krusty Krab?
  • Mr. Krabs: Good morning! The Krusty Towers is now opened for business!
  • SpongeBob: Why did you build a hotel, Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm glad you asked, son. Remember when I went to that fast food convention and stayed in that fancy hotel? I had a beautiful room. The employees were so friendly. They catered to me every whim, no matter how demeaning it was. Because they lived by a code. And that code was engraved in fine gold above the grand fireplace: "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request". Everything was perfect until I got the bill! They charged me for everything. $25 for a hamburger! [takes out a whole burger from inside his body] If they can charge that much for a lousy burger, imagine how much I could charge for a lousy Krabby Patty! And thus, the Krusty Towers was born.
  • Squidward: Why would anyone stay in a hotel in Bikini Bottom? It's in the middle of scenic nowhere! There's nothing to do but get stung by jellyfish. [jellyfish stings Squidward on the head, forming a bump] See?
  • SpongeBob: [pushes the bump in and it goes to the other side of Squidward's head] Ooh!
  • Mr. Krabs: Come inside. [now inside Krusty Towers] Isn't it beautiful?
  • Squidward: Where are all the new hotel employees? [Mr. Krabs throws uniforms onto Squidward & SpongeBob. Frank enters]
  • Mr. Krabs: My first hotel guest! Watch me reel him in. [walks behind desk] Welcome to the Krusty Towers, where our motto is "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request".
  • Dave: Oh, that's great. I'd like a double Krabby Patty with no onions and extra pickles.
  • Mr. Krabs: If you want a Krabby Patty, you'll have to rent a room and order room service.
  • Dave: [looks at watch] Ooh, I've only got an hour for lunch. [sighs and leaves]
  • Squidward: Boy, you reeled that one in like a pro.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ok, Squidward, you man the front desk.
  • Patrick: I'd like a Krabby Patty, please.
  • Squidward: This is a hotel now. If you want a Krabby Patty, you'll have to get a room and order room service.
  • Patrick: Ok, one Krabby Patty and one room with cheese. Oh, and can I get cheese on the Krabby Patty, too?
  • Squidward: Patrick, you only live 400 yards away. Why do you want to check into a hotel?
  • Patrick: Sometimes I just need to get away from it all. [rings bell] Wow, this hotel has everything!
  • Squidward: [takes bell] Gimme that! Now sign the register.
  • Patrick: I didn't know there would be a test. I didn't study! [cries]
  • Squidward: Patrick, all you have to do is write your name.
  • Patrick: Oh, ok. [takes pen] Do you mind?! [Squidward turns around so Patrick starts writing. Squidward peeks] Don't look! [Squidward turns around] Done! [Patrick drew an airplane and himself]
  • Squidward: Close enough. Here's your room key.
  • Patrick: I'll need some help with my bags.
  • Squidward: How can you have bags?! You just found out this is a hotel!
  • Patrick: This is a hotel?
  • Squidward: [groans] SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward?
  • Squidward: Take Patrick and his bags to his room.
  • Patrick: What about my Krabby Patty?
  • Squidward: And bring him a Krabby Patty.
  • Mr. Krabs: Squidward, you can take Patrick's bags up to his room. SpongeBob, you go make the Krabby Patty. [he exits]
  • Squidward: Oh, Mr Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: What's the matter? Afraid of a little manual labor? [mocking Squidward] I'm Squidward and I have to work for a living. Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo.
  • Squidward: Fine. Let's go, Patrick. [has struggle with Patrick's bags as he is walking up to the elevator]
  • Mr. Krabs: [comes out of the elevator] This elevator is for guests only. Take the employee elevator. [walks to the other elevator, which turns out to be stairs, he grumbles because of this. Walks up stairs as Patrick gets off the guest elevator]
  • Squidward: What's in these bags, rocks? [bag opens, spilling out rocks] Hey, these are rocks! Why is your suitcase full of rocks?
  • Patrick: I don't tell you how to live your life!
  • Squidward: Well, here's your room.
  • Patrick: Wow.
  • Squidward: Enjoy your stay.
  • Patrick: Squidward, wait! [takes out a rock from his pocket and gives it to Squidward as a tip] Keep up the good work and there'll be more where that came from.
  • SpongeBob: Your Krabby Patty, sir. [Squidward attempting to throw the rock that Patrick gave to him as a tip] Hey, Squidward, cool rock.
  • Patrick: Hold on a second, SpongeBob. [hands SpongeBob a dollar, Squidward makes a surprise face, then scowls] Here you are, my good man.
  • SpongeBob: Why, thank you, Patrick!
  • Patrick: There's plenty more where that came from, my good friend [Squidward looks at his rock and becomes frustrated] Squidward!
  • Squidward: What now?!
  • Patrick: I don't like crusts on my sandwich!
  • Squidward: It's a bun; it's all crust! How am I suppose to cut the crust off a bun?
  • Patrick: Peel it.
  • Squidward: [peels the skin off the bun angrily] Happy? [Patrick inhales the patty]
  • SpongeBob: Room service! Here's the 50 Krabby Patties you ordered.
  • Patrick: Could you do one more thing for me?
  • Squidward: Why don't you ask SpongeBob?
  • Patrick: Good idea, Squidward!
  • SpongeBob: How may I serve you, sir?
  • Patrick: I need you to eat these Krabby Patties with me.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, yes, sir! [both of them eat a bunch of Krabby Patties. As Squidward heads down the employee elevator, Mr. Krabs is on the phone]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold on. Squidward! Patrick needs your help.
  • Squidward: What?! Why didn't he ask me before I walked all the way downstairs?
  • Mr. Krabs: He said he didn't want to bother you, but he got over it.
  • [Squidward is unclogging the toilet when he unclogs SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Thanks, Squidward! [Squidward puts him back in the toilet. Patrick flushes]
  • Squidward: Mr. Krabs, this is ridiculous! Patrick's being completely unreasonable!
  • Mr. Krabs: He can be as unreasonable as he wants! The plaque, Squidward, the plaque!
  • Squidward: But Mr. Krabs...
  • Mr. Krabs: Deny no guests! [phone rings] Why, hello, Patrick. You need Squidward to come up right away? He'll be right there.
  • Squidward: A bubble bath?! Why would I give you a bubble bath?!
  • Patrick: Well, because Mr. Krabs said you would! Well, be sure to make my back extra shiny clean.
  • Squidward: That's it! I've had enough!
  • Patrick: Squidward, wait! The toilet's backed up again!
  • Mr. Krabs: [Squidward comes out of the guest elevator] Hey! Hey, you can't take that elevator! You're an employee!
  • Squidward: Not anymore. I quit. [Squidward throws his uniform on Mr. Krabs]
  • Mr. Krabs: Quit? You can't quit. [Squidward walks out naked and reenters with Hawaiian-styled clothes. Squidward rings bell] Welcome to the Krusty Towers... Squidward?!
  • Squidward: One room, please. On the top floor.
  • Mr. Krabs: What do you think you're doing?
  • Squidward: I need a vacation. I'm overworked. And what better place to relax than Krusty Towers? Where "we shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request".
  • Mr. Krabs: I don't have to rent you a room!
  • Squidward: I've got cash.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh... here's your room key.
  • Squidward: Spongebob, carry my things to my room.
  • SpongeBob: Aye aye, guest sir. [turns legs into rockets and blasts off through the ceiling]
  • Squidward: [talking to Mr. Krabs] And you can carry me to my room.
  • Mr. Krabs: And why in tarnation would I do that? You got four legs that aren't broken.
  • Squidward: The plaque. [plaque is shown. Mr. Krabs has just finished carrying Squidward from the employee elevator] Too bad we couldn't take the elevator, but it is for guests only, and you are an employee.
  • SpongeBob: Your room, sir.
  • Squidward: And I'd like to order room service. I'd like a Krabby Patty with cheese, toenail clippings, and nose hairs.
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps] You've got to be kidding me!
  • Squidward: And I want it here in 5 seconds.
  • SpongeBob: Yes, sir! [runs off and comes back with a Krabby Patty in less than 2 seconds] Here you are, sir.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, you got your stinky sandwich. Now eat it.
  • Squidward: Oh, I'm not gonna eat this. You are.
  • Mr. Krabs: What?! You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to eat that!
  • SpongeBob: Psst, that's not really a Krabby Patty with cheese, toenails, and nose hairs.
  • Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Now I get ya, boy. Alright, Squidward. [eats Krabby Patty then spits it out, showing his tongue covered with toenails and nose hairs. Squidward laughs] SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs! We were all out of cheese.
  • Patrick: [everything in Patrick's room is covered in cheese] Hooray!
  • Mr. Krabs: [phone rings] What is it, Squidward?
  • Squidward: Send up a dozen cookies just like mother used to make.
  • Mr. Krabs: [at Squidward's room] Here's your homemade cookies.
  • Squidward: [tries one and spits it out] These don't taste like anything mom used to make!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, how did your mother make 'em?
  • Squidward: How should I know?! Ask my mother! [slams door]
  • Mrs. Tentacles: [doorbell rings] Hello? [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are in ski masks]
  • Mr. Krabs: [trying to get a big sack in the trunk but the door won't close] SpongeBob! [SpongeBob hits the sack with a shovel but the trunk still won't close]
  • SpongeBob: No good, Mr. Krabs.
  • Mrs. Tentacles: Allow me, boy. [closes trunk door]
  • Mr. Krabs: Great! Now that me laundry's in the trunk...
  • SpongeBob: There's room for you to sit up front!
  • Mrs. Tentacles: Let's go bake some cookies, boys.
  • SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Hooray!
  • Mr. Krabs: [in Squidward's room where Squidward is sampling the cookies] Well?
  • Squidward: I'm impressed! These are just like mother used to make! I just wish mom was a better cook.
  • Mr. Krabs: So you're all taken care of?
  • Squidward: Hm, just one teensy tiny problem. This room is hideous. Redesign it. Neptune the 14th would be nice.
  • Mr. Krabs: What?
  • Squidward: "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request". [Mr. Krabs & SpongeBob change the room to a blue theme, a modern theme, a country theme, a torture theme, and then back to the original] Perfect!
  • Mr. Krabs: This room is exactly the same as when we started!
  • Squidward: Nothing like getting back to the basics.
  • Mr. Krabs: Let's get outta here, SpongeBob!
  • Squidward: Oh, before you leave, I wanna go swimming.
  • Mr. Krabs: The pool's out back!
  • Squidward: Ha ha, are you crazy? I'm not going outside to swim. [big swimming pool is now inside the room] Come on in, the water's fine. [SpongeBob jumps in]
  • Mr. Krabs: Anything else stupid and unreasonable that you want?
  • Squidward: Nope, that's it.
  • Mr. Krabs: You don't need me to chew your food for ya? Or make you a back scratcher out of me own spine? Or maybe extinguish the sun so the light don't get in your eyes?!
  • Squidward: No, I'm good.
  • SpongeBob: Me, too.
  • Patrick: Wow, an indoor pool?! Well, this place is fancy! [gets on diving board] Cannonball! [jumps in but the pool collapses the hotel back into the Krusty Krab]
  • Mr. Krabs: [at hospital with the gang] Oh, that hotel was a bad idea from the start.
  • Patrick: That was a hotel?
  • Nurse: Your bill, sir.
  • Mr. Krabs: $15,000?!
  • Squidward: You're not gonna have a heart attack are you?
  • Mr. Krabs: Not at these prices! Forget hotels. This hospital rack is where the money is!
  • Patrick: This is a hospital?
  • Mr. Krabs: Pack your bags, boys! You're going to medical school!
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: Hooray!
  • Squidward: [plaintively]Oh, boy.

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