Krusty Love/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Krusty Love" from season 2, which aired on September 6, 2002.

[It is a normal day at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs stitches a cushion of money, while singing]
Mr. Krabs: What's that smell? [He runs over to the boat in front of the kitchen window] The register! [He smells it repeatedly] $49.0... 8!?! That's a penny short! [He starts to sob. Squidward walks by]
Squidward: [sarcastically] Oh, no! Not a penny, sir. Help, somebody help us. [SpongeBob appears in the boat besides Mr. Krabs, consoling him]
SpongeBob: It's just a penny, sir. It doesn't matter.
Mr. Krabs: Doesn't matter? It's money that makes the world go round, boy! It's money that keeps your pants square! It's money that keeps Squidward in frilly soap!
Squidward: [Squidward smells his armpit] Lilac.
Mr. Krabs: It's money that paid for all them renovations we did! [We see the Krusty Krab in bandages] Oh, nothing in the seven seas could matter more. Not even that... [Something catches his eye] ...scrumptious curvy cutie.
SpongeBob: I see her, Mr. Krabs. A Krabby Patty with cheese. The classic.
Mr. Krabs: Not the sandwich, boy! The curvy cutie holding the sandwich! [We see Mrs. Puff eating the Krabby Patty prepared by SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Hey, that's my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff!
Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff? Aw... she's married.
SpongeBob: Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. She's single.
Mr. Krabs: Then what happened to Mr. Puff? [footage of a blowfish lamp being turned on]
SpongeBob: She doesn't like to talk about it.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, what I wouldn't give to have a lass like that on me claw.
SpongeBob: Wait, I know! Why don't I take you over and introduce you?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, no, no, I'm too old, boy. Too hard-shelled for love. Besides, I ain't not properly dressed.
SpongeBob: Oh, come on, Mr. Krabs! You look great! [We see his clothes have grease stains, his pocket is inside-out with mud coloring it, and his zipper is down] You wait here while I go break the ice!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, no, wait! I'm too nervous! Ooohhh... [At Mrs. Puff's table]
SpongeBob: Hi, Mrs. Puff.
[Mrs. Puff screams] Mrs. Puff: Hit the brakes, SpongeBob! Watch that tree! Left! Left!
[SpongeBob snaps his fingers] SpongeBob: Wait, Mrs. Puff! We're not driving.
Mrs. Puff: Oh, I'm sorry SpongeBob. I didn't expect to see you here.
SpongeBob: I work here, Mrs. Puff. Want to meet my boss?
Mrs. Puff: Well, I'm not...
SpongeBob: Don't move! [Mrs. Puff tries to leave, but SpongeBob and Krabs get back to the table too soon]
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, I'd like to introduce you to Mr... [Mr. Krabs falls forward onto the floor. SpongeBob props him back up]
SpongeBob: I'd like to introduce you to my boss, Mr. Krabs.
Mrs. Puff: [Nervously] Uh, hello.
SpongeBob: Psst, Mr. Krabs, say hello.
Mr. Krabs: Gla-gloo!!!
SpongeBob: No, no, Mr. Krabs, just say hello.
[Mr. Krabs makes a choking gasp type noise]
Mrs. Puff: Hmm, perhaps another time would be...
Mr. Krabs: Nooo!
SpongeBob: Wait, he's trying to tell you something!
Mrs. Puff: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Dah me nam do um dah um!
Mrs. Puff: I don't understand.
Mr. Krabs: Bo a blum, uh, do a blugh eh ou a blaugh!
SpongeBob: Oh, uh, I think Mr. Krabs is saying that he'd like to, uh... hit you with a rake!
Mrs. Puff: [Scared] Goodness!
Mr. Krabs: Gla-goo, meep bo blargh uh hee!
SpongeBob: Try to guess your weight!
Mrs. Puff: [Offended] Well!
Mr. Krabs: Rraugh glorg mc floraug!
SpongeBob: No, wait... he wants to take you...
Mr. Krabs: Ca ca boom a lom!
SpongeBob: ...on a date!
[Krabs groans happily and falls over]
Mrs. Puff: Is this true, Mr. Krabs? Do you want to take me on a date?
Mr. Krabs: Aye...What do you say?
Mrs. Puff: What do I say? [starts laughing] I say, you have a way with words, Mr. Krabs. [Laughs and walks away]
Mr. Krabs: [chuckles] I still got it.
[Scene cuts to Mr. Krab's house]
SpongeBob: Are you ready for your date, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm always ready when it comes to dating, lad!
SpongeBob: Breath spray?
Mr. Krabs: Check!
SpongeBob: Lucky hankie?
Mr. Krabs: Check!
SpongeBob: Giant rusty anchor?
Mr. Krabs: Uh, anchor? Anchor! I can't find me giant rusty anchor! [SpongeBob laughs]
SpongeBob: Relax, Mr. Krabs. Just a little joke. Good luck with you know who. [Makes a circle in the air]
Mr. Krabs: Who's that?
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, right. Well, wish me luck, lad!
[Cut to "Fancy!", a restaurant which is a ship in a glass bottle. We see Krabs and Puff there]
Mrs. Puff: Oh, Mr. Krabs, this dinner has been so wonderful. The coral was cooked to perfection. I don't think I could eat another bite.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I doubt that, my little shrimp boat. [Mrs. Puff laughs]
Mrs. Puff: You're spoiling me, Mr. Krabs. I mean, foot rubs between courses... [We see a squid rubbing Mrs. Puff's feet] Caricatures... [Shows Krabs a picture of her on the beach with an enlarged head]
Mrs. Puff: Imported music... [A live-action scuba diver plays the piano on the other side of the room]
Mr. Krabs: Nothing's too good for you, my prickly peach.
Mrs. Puff: Well, what I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Krabs, is...
Waiter: Sir? Your fancy pantsy limousine is here.
Mr. Krabs: Wonderful! Pufflily-poo, your chariot awaits! [Two men carry Mrs. Puff to the limo, Mrs. Puff screams]
Mr. Krabs: You'll never have to walk again, my little lobster bib! [Sighs as the waiter approaches him again]
Waiter: Your bill, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Bill? What? $100!?! Well, this can't possibly be correct!
Waiter: Oh, my mistake, sir. Thank you for pointing that out. [Hands him a different bill] Here's your bill.
Mr. Krabs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! [the glass on the glass bottle breaks. Back at Krabs' house, SpongeBob is watching Mr. Krabs sob on the floor]
SpongeBob: I don't understand, Mr. Krabs. How can you spend $100,000 in one night?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, SpongeBob! I couldn't help but spend every cent I had on her! I couldn't control myself!
SpongeBob: What are you going to do?
Mr. Krabs: I don't know, boy! I've got another date tomorrow! I'm caught between me two greatest loves! Sweet Mrs. Puff, and the rest of me money! [sobs again]
SpongeBob: I wish there was some way I could help.
Mr. Krabs: Perhaps there is, boy! [Hands him his wallet] I'm leaving you in charge of me money!
SpongeBob: I don't get it, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: You come with me on the date and make sure I don't spend any money!
[The two walk to Mrs. Puff's metallic pink house]
Mr. Krabs: Now remember, we keep it cheap and go to the park. And no matter how much I ask you, don't give me any of me money. Now, give me a dollar.
SpongeBob: Nope.
Mr. Krabs: Good boy? You'll do fine! [Knocks on the door]
Mrs. Puff: Who is it? [Krabs immediately becomes entranced and intoxicated. His eyes turn into hearts]
Mr. Krabs: It's me, my beautiful belle buoy!
Mrs. Puff: Just a minute!
Mr. Krabs: Flowers! Flowers, boy! Go get me flowers!
SpongeBob: But you said...
Mr. Krabs: You can't call on a classy lady like Mrs. Puff empty-handed! [Makes square in the air] We're not talking about this, boy... [Makes a triangle] Or this... [Makes the circle from earlier] we're talking about this!
Mrs. Puff: Almost ready!
Mr. Krabs: Hurry boy, get the flowers! [SpongeBob runs off as Mrs. Puff comes out]
Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff, you're as beautiful as ever.
Mrs. Puff: That's funny, I thought I heard SpongeBob's voice.
Mr. Krabs: Uh... you did. He'll be right back. He's our personal assistant for the day.
Mrs. Puff: Oh, uh, excuse me. I have to call my insurance agent. [Hurries back inside]
Mr. Krabs: Ah, my beautiful Puff. [SpongeBob returns with the flowers]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I got the flowers you wanted me to buy.
Mr. Krabs: What's that?
SpongeBob: The flowers. For Mrs. Puff.
Mr. Krabs: We had an agreement, boy! You're not supposed to spend any of me money!
SpongeBob: But you said...
Mrs. Puff: Here I come! [She walks out, and Krabs grabs the flowers, once again hypnotized by his love for Mrs. Puff and gives the flowers to her]
Mr. Krabs: For you, Mrs. Puff!
Mrs. Puff: Oh, flowers! How thoughtful!
Mr. Krabs: And here's a box of chocolates! [He holds out an empty claw] SpongeBob, where are the chocolates?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, the budget doesn't allow for...
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you can't go to Mrs. Puff's house without chocolates! Hurry! Hurry!&nbsp [SpongeBob runs off. SpongeBob comes back with the heart-shaped box of chocolates]
SpongeBob: I bought the biggest box they had!
Mr. Krabs: Buy, buy, buy! Spend, spend, spend! Is that all you can think about?!
Mrs. Puff: Oh, Eugene! [Krabs presents the box to Puff]
Mr. Krabs: Here's those chocolates I bought for you. What are we doing today, Mrs. Puff? Dinner? Dancing? A trip to the moon?
SpongeBob: We're just going for a walk in the park, remember?
Mrs. Puff: Actually, a walk in the park sounds perfect. It's a beautiful day. I'll just need to get a sun hat and...
Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff needs a sun hat, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Well, I think she...
Mr. Krabs: The sun's beatin' down on poor Mrs. Puff's head!
SpongeBob: As your financial advisor, I suggest...
Mr. Krabs: There's no time for suggestions, boy! Go buy a hat!
SpongeBob: But...
Mr. Krabs: Today! Don't worry, Mrs. Puff! I'll save you! [Places a barrel on Mrs. Puff's head. As SpongeBob comes back from the store with a large straw hat]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, hurry!
SpongeBob: One shady hat.
Mr. Krabs: Good job, lad. [Puts it on Mrs. Puff]
Mrs. Puff: Uh, thank you. But you didn't need to buy one. I have a hat in the closet.
Mr. Krabs: Didn't need to buy one? [He turns his head around like an owl to face SpongeBob]
Mr. Krabs: Did you hear that, boy? We didn't need to buy a hat! Aren't you supposed saving me money!?
SpongeBob: I'm trying, Mr. Krabs! But you keep telling me to buy things for Mrs. Puff! It's all very confusing.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm sorry. This is my fault. I'm not thinking clearly. I'm making a sailor's promise, boy. From this moment on, I won't ask you to buy anything for Mrs. Puff!
Narrator: A few moments later...
[Krabs is happy and hearts float in the background]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Mrs. Puff needs a new fur coat! [After SpongeBob buys one, Krabs is mad and flaming dollars float in the background]
Mr. Krabs: You're spending all me money! [Happily] Puffy needs a new pair of shoes! [SpongeBob gets them. Angrily]
Mr. Krabs: You're breaking me boy! She needs fine jewelry! Not that fine! [We see SpongeBob running to and from stores, and Krabs keeps yelling his name. He eventually becomes too tired to move] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!
[his voice echoes, and SpongeBob is seen sitting on the ground, his arms stretched, and he is panting]
Mr. Krabs: [runs up, his eyes are shaped like hearts] SpongeBob! I'm glad I caught you. I need you to buy Mrs. Puff...
SpongeBob: WAIT! Don't tell me. You want me to run down to the store and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesn't need! Then you want me to run back here so you can say, [imitating Mr. Krabs] "Arrgh, SpongeBob! You're spending all me money!" And then I'll say, "But Mr. Krabs, I'm only doing what you said!" And then you'll say, "We're not talking about this..." [Makes the square] ..."Or this"... [Makes the triangle] ..."we're talking about THIIIIIIIIIIIIISSS!!!!!!!!" [Makes a dotted line all over the screen, the lines fade out after a moment]
Mr. Krabs: But lad, this time's different! Mrs. Puff really needs this! [Cut to Mrs. Puff who has many unneeded, expensive items surrounding her]
Mrs. Puff: Are we going to the park soon?
Mr. Krabs: Please boy, I'm begging you! I'm a lonely old crustacean who's found love! Don't let me lose her! [Starts to cry]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, don't. Don't cry, Mr. Krabs! Look, I'm going to get it, see! [Walks offscreen, and comes back with a washing machine] Cheer up, Mr. Krabs! Here's that washing machine you wanted!
Mr. Krabs: Cheer up? How can I cheer up… when you're spending all me hard-earned cash?!
SpongeBob: See! You just did it again!
Mr. Krabs: Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money. Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?
SpongeBob: [His expression blank] Well, Mr. Krabs. Do you want to know what I think? AAAAHHHH!! Regga Fleeba Brecka Brecka Smullen-ullen Mr. Krabs!! Yegga Hegga mergin Wallet!!!!! Dimmy Middy Spend! Rivy Flivy Diva Shiva Mr. Krabs Wallet!! [During SpongeBob's rage, Mrs. Puff looks up these words in the dictionary that Mr. Krabs bought her, and gasps and turns bright red. SpongeBob angrily walks by Mrs. Puff, and Mr. Krabs' mouth is agape]
Mrs. Puff: I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, there's something I'd like to say too, Mr. Krabs. [Takes off her fur coat, shoes and hat] I'm afraid I don't feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. I'd rather go Dutch, if you don't mind. [Hands him some money from her purse]
Mr. Krabs: Uh, OK.
Mrs. Puff: You're a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs. [Mrs. Puff kisses him and his eyes bend into the shape of a heart]
Mr. Krabs: AAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!!!!

Krusty Love/transcript

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