Krusty Love/transcript

Template:EpisodeTr/36b

• [It is a normal day at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs stitches a cushion of money, while singing]
• Mr. Krabs: La da dee. Stitch one per two. Doo da dee doo. Di dee dee da de... [abruptly stops and sniffs the air] What's that smell? [He runs over to the boat in front of the kitchen window] The register! [He smells it repeatedly] $49.0... 8?!! That's a penny short! [he starts crying as Squidward walks by]
• Squidward: [sarcastically] Oh, no, not a penny. Help, somebody help us. [SpongeBob appears in the boat besides Mr. Krabs, consoling him]
• SpongeBob: It's just a penny, sir. [Mr. Krabs stops crying to look at SpongeBob] It doesn't matter.
• Mr. Krabs: Doesn't matter? It's money that makes the world go round, boy! It's money that keeps your pants square! [holds up ruler to SpongeBob's pants] It's money that keeps Squidward in frilly soap!
• Squidward: [Squidward smells his armpit] Lilac.
• Mr. Krabs: It's money that paid for all them renovations we did! [We see the Krusty Krab in bandages] Oh, nothing in all the seven seas could matter more. Not even that... [Something catches his eye] ...scrumptious curvy cutie.
• SpongeBob: I see her, Mr. Krabs. [We see a Krabby Patty] A Krabby Patty with cheese. The classic.
• Mr. Krabs: Not the sandwich, boy! The curvy cutie holding the sandwich! [We see Mrs. Puff eating the Krabby Patty prepared by SpongeBob]
• SpongeBob: Hey, that's my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff!
• Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff? Aw... she's married.
• SpongeBob: Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. She's single.
• Mr. Krabs: Then what happened to Mr. Puff? [footage of Mr. Puff, now a lamp, being turned on]
• SpongeBob: She doesn't like to talk about it.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, what I wouldn't give to have a lass like that on me claw.
• SpongeBob: Hey, I know! Why don't I take you over and introduce you?
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, no, no, I, I'm, I'm too old, boy. Too hard-shelled for love. Besides, I ain't not properly dressed.
• SpongeBob: Oh, come on, Mr. Krabs! You look great! [We see his clothes have grease stains, his pocket is inside-out with mud coloring it, and his zipper is down] You wait here while I go break the ice!
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, no, wait! I'm too nervous! Ooohhh... [At Mrs. Puff's table]
• SpongeBob: Hi, Mrs. Puff.
• Mrs. Puff: [she screams] Hit the brakes, SpongeBob! Watch that tree! Left! Left!
• SpongeBob: [he snaps his fingers] Wait, Mrs. Puff! We're not driving.
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I didn't expect to see you here.
• SpongeBob: I work here, Mrs. Puff. Want to meet my boss?
• Mrs. Puff: Well, I'm not...
• SpongeBob: Don't move! [Mrs. Puff tries to leave, but SpongeBob and Krabs get back to the table too soon]
• SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, I'd like to introduce you to Mr... [Mr. Krabs falls forward onto the floor. SpongeBob props him back up]
• SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, I'd like to introduce you to my boss, Mr. Krabs.
• Mrs. Puff: [Nervously] Uh, hello.
• SpongeBob: Psst, Mr. Krabs, say hello.
• Mr. Krabs: Gla-gloo!!!
• SpongeBob: No, no, Mr. Krabs, just say hello. [Mr. Krabs makes a choking gasp type noise]
• Mrs. Puff: Hmm, perhaps another time would be...
• Mr. Krabs: Nooo!
• SpongeBob: Wait, he's trying to tell you something!
• Mrs. Puff: Mr. Krabs?
• Mr. Krabs: Dah me nam do um dah um!
• Mrs. Puff: I don't understand.
• Mr. Krabs: Bo a blum, uh, do a blugh eh ou a blaugh!
• SpongeBob: Oh, uh, I think Mr. Krabs is saying that he'd like to, ... hit you with a rake!
• Mrs. Puff: [Scared] Goodness!
• Mr. Krabs: Gla-goo, meep bo blargh uh hee!
• SpongeBob: I think he wants to... try to guess your weight!
• Mrs. Puff: [Offended] Well!
• Mr. Krabs: Rraugh glorg mic floraug!
• SpongeBob: No, wait... he wants to take you...
• Mr. Krabs: Ca ca boom a lom!
• SpongeBob: ...on a date! [Mr. Krabs gasps happily and falls over]
• Mrs. Puff: Is that true, Mr. Krabs? Do you want to take me on a date?
• Mr. Krabs: Aye. What do you say?
• Mrs. Puff: What do I say? [starts laughing] I say, you have a way with words, Mr. Krabs. [Laughs and walks away]
• Mr. Krabs: [chuckles] I still got it. [Scene cuts to Mr. Krab's house]
• SpongeBob: Are you ready for your date, Mr. Krabs?
• Mr. Krabs: I'm always ready when it comes to datin', lad!
• SpongeBob: [reading a list] Breath spray?
• Mr. Krabs: [sprays mouth with breath spray] Check!
• SpongeBob: Lucky hankie?
• Mr. Krabs: Check!
• SpongeBob: Giant rusty anchor?
• Mr. Krabs: Ye..., anchor? Anchor! I can't find me giant rusty anchor! [SpongeBob throws the list away and laughs]
• SpongeBob: Relax, Mr. Krabs. Just a little joke. Good luck with you know who. [Makes a circle in the air and moves his eyebrows up and down twice]
• Mr. Krabs: Who's that?
• SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, yeah. Well, wish me luck, lad! [We now go to "Fancy!", a restaurant which is a ship in a glass bottle. We see Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff there]
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, Mr. Krabs, this dinner has been so wonderful. The coral was cooked to perfection. I don't think I could eat another bite.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, I doubt that, my little shrimp boat. [Mrs. Puff laughs]
• Mrs. Puff: You're spoiling me, Mr. Krabs. I mean, foot rubs between courses... [we see a squid rubbing Mrs. Puff's feet] Caricatures... [Shows Mr. Krabs a picture of her on the beach with an enlarged head] Imported music... [A live-action scuba diver plays the piano on the other side of the room]
• Mr. Krabs: Nothing's too good for you, my prickly peach.
• Mrs. Puff: Uh, what I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Krabs, is...
• Waiter: Sir? Your fancy pantsy limousine is here.
• Mr. Krabs: Wonderful! Pufflily-poo, your chariot awaits!
• Mrs. Puff: Well...[Two men carry her to the limo and she screams]
• Mr. Krabs: You'll never have to walk again, my little lobster bib! [He sighs as the waiter approaches him again]
• Waiter: Your bill, sir.
• Mr. Krabs: [he takes the bill] What? $100?!! Well, this can't possibly be correct!
• Waiter: Oh, my mistake, sir. Thank you for pointing that out. [he hands him a different bill] This is your bill.
• Mr. Krabs: [his eyes enlarge weirdly] AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [the restaurant starts to shake, the cork pops off and the glass bottle breaks. Back at Mr. Krabs' house, SpongeBob is watching him sob on the floor]
• SpongeBob: I don't understand, Mr. Krabs. How can you spend $100,000 in one night?
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, SpongeBob! I couldn't help but spend every cent I had on her! I couldn't control myself!
• SpongeBob: What are you going to do?
• Mr. Krabs: I don't know, boy! I've got another date tomorrow! I'm caught in the middle of me two greatest loves! Sweet Mrs. Puff, and the rest of me money! [sobbing]
• SpongeBob: I wish there was some way I could help.
• Mr. Krabs: Perhaps there is, boy! [he hands him his wallet] I'm puttin' you in charge of me money!
• SpongeBob: I don't get it, Mr. Krabs.
• Mr. Krabs: You come with me on the date and don't let me spend any money! [The two walk to Mrs. Puff's metallic pink house]
• Mr. Krabs: Now remember, we keep it cheap by going to the park. And no matter how much I ask you, you don't give me any of me money. Now, give me a dollar.
• SpongeBob: Nope.
• Mr. Krabs: Good boy! You'll do fine! [Knocks on the door]
• Mrs. Puff: Who is it? [Krabs immediately becomes entranced. His eyes turn into hearts]
• Mr. Krabs: It's me, my beautiful belle buoy!
• Mrs. Puff: [giggles] Just a minute!
• Mr. Krabs: Flowers! Flowers, boy! Go get flowers!
• SpongeBob: But you said...
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you can't call on a classy lady like Mrs. Puff empty-handed! We ain't talking about this... [makes a square] ...or this... [makes a triangle] ...we're talking about this! [makes the circle from before]
• Mrs. Puff: Almost ready!
• Mr. Krabs: Hurry, boy! Get the flowers! [SpongeBob runs off as Mrs. Puff comes out]
• Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff, you're as beautiful as ever.
• Mrs. Puff: [laughs nervously] That's funny, I thought I heard SpongeBob's voice.
• Mr. Krabs: Uh... you did. He'll be right back. He's our personal assistant for the day.
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, e-excuse me. I have to call my insurance agent. [Hurries back inside]
• Mr. Krabs: Of course, my beautiful Puff. [Mr. Krabs sighs. SpongeBob returns with the flowers]
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I got the flowers you wanted me to buy.
• Mr. Krabs: What's that?
• SpongeBob: I got the flowers. For Mrs. Puff.
• Mr. Krabs: We had an agreement, boy! You ain't supposed to spend any of me money!
• SpongeBob: But you said...
• Mrs. Puff: Here I come! [She walks out, and Krabs grabs the flowers, once again hypnotized by his love for Mrs. Puff and gives the flowers to her]
• Mr. Krabs: For you, Mrs. Puff!
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, flowers! Oh, how thoughtful!
• Mr. Krabs: And here's a box of chocolates! [He holds out an empty claw] SpongeBob, where's the chocolates?
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, the budget doesn't allow for...
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you can't go to Mrs. Puff's house without chocolates! Hurry! Hurry! [SpongeBob runs off. SpongeBob comes back with the heart-shaped box of chocolates]
• SpongeBob: I bought the biggest box they had!
• Mr. Krabs: Buy, buy, buy! Spend, spend, spend! Is that all you can think about?!
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, Eugene! [Krabs presents the box to Puff]
• Mr. Krabs: Here's those chocolates I bought for you. What are we doing today, Mrs. Puff? Dinner? Dancing? A trip to the moon?
• SpongeBob: Psst, Mr. Krabs, we're just going for a walk in the park, remember?
• Mrs. Puff: Actually, a walk in the park sounds perfect. It's a beautiful day. I'll just need to get a sun hat and...
• Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff needs a sun hat, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: Well, I think she...
• Mr. Krabs: The sun's beatin' down on poor Mrs. Puff's head!
• SpongeBob: As your financial advisor, I suggest that...
• Mr. Krabs: There's no time for suggestions! Go buy a hat!
• SpongeBob: But...
• Mr. Krabs: Today! Don't worry, Mrs. Puff! I'll save you! [Places a barrel on Mrs. Puff's head.]
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, hurry!
• SpongeBob: [as SpongeBob comes back from the store with a large straw hat] One shady hat.
• Mr. Krabs: Good job, lad. [Puts the hat on Mrs. Puff]
• Mrs. Puff: Oh, well thank you. But you didn't need to buy one. I have a hat in the closet.
• Mr. Krabs: Didn't need to buy one? [He turns his head around like an owl to face SpongeBob, still grinning] You hear that, boy? [in high pitch] We didn't need to buy a hat. [angrily] Aren't you supposed saving me money!?
• SpongeBob: I'm trying, Mr. Krabs! But you keep telling me to buy things for Mrs. Puff! It's all really confusing.
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm sorry. This is my fault. I'm not thinking clearly. I'm making a sailor's promise, boy. From this moment on, I won't ask you to buy anything for Mrs. Puff!
• Narrator: A few moments later...
• Mr. Krabs: [happily as hearts float in the background] SpongeBob! Mrs. Puff needs a new fur coat! [After SpongeBob buys one, Krabs is mad and flaming dollars float in the background]
• Mr. Krabs: You're spending all me money! [happily] Puffy needs a new pair of shoes! [SpongeBob gets the shoes]
• Mr. Krabs: [angrily] You're breaking me boy! [happily] She needs fine jewelry! [SpongeBob gets the jewelry] Not that fine! [We see SpongeBob running back and forth, speeding up, carrying various items as Mr. Krabs keeps yelling his name. He eventually becomes too tired to move] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!
• [his voice echoes, and SpongeBob is seen sitting on the ground, his arms stretched, and he is panting]
• Mr. Krabs: [runs up, his eyes are shaped like hearts] SpongeBob! I'm glad I caught you. I want you to buy Mrs. Puff...
• SpongeBob: WAIT! Don't tell me. You want me to run down to the store and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesn't need! Then you want me to run back here so you can say, [imitating Mr. Krabs] "Arrgh, SpongeBob! You're spending all me money!" And then I'll say, "But Mr. Krabs, I'm only doing what you said!" And then you'll say, "We're not talking about this..." [Makes the square] ..."Or this"... [Makes the triangle] ..."we're talking about THIIIIIISSS!!!!!" [He squiggles all over the screen. The screen fades out for a moment. Fades back in to see SpongeBob panting with Mr. Krabs.]
• Mr. Krabs: But lad, this time's different! Mrs. Puff needs this! [Cut to Mrs. Puff who has many unneeded, expensive items surrounding her]
• Mrs. Puff: Are we going to the park soon?
• Mr. Krabs: Please lad, I'm begging you! I'm a lonely old crustacean who's found love! Don't let me lose her! [Starts to cry]
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, don't. Don't cry, Mr. Krabs! Come on. Ok, I, I'm going to get it, see? [Walks offscreen, and comes back with a washing machine] Cheer up, Mr. Krabs! Here's that washing machine you wanted!
• Mr. Krabs: Cheer up? How can I cheer up... when you're spending all me hard-earned cash?!
• SpongeBob: See?! You just did it again!
• Mr. Krabs: Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money. [SpongeBob gets a blank expression on his face] Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?
• SpongeBob: Well, Mr. Krabs. Do you want to know what I think? [screams] UH REGGA FLEBBA BREECKA BRECKA SMULLEN-ELLEN MR. KRABS!! YEGGA HEGGA MERGIN Wallet!!!!! DIMMY MIDDY SPEND! RIVY FLIVY DIVA SHIVA MR. KRABS WALLET!! [During SpongeBob's rage, Mrs. Puff looks up these words in the dictionary that Mr. Krabs bought her, and gasps and turns bright red. SpongeBob angrily walks past Mrs. Puff while muttering, and Mr. Krabs' mouth is agape]
• Mrs. Puff: I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, there's something I'd like to say too, Mr. Krabs. [Takes off her fur coat, shoes and hat] I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. I'd rather go Dutch, if you don't mind. [Hands him some money from her purse]
• Mr. Krabs: Uh, OK.
• Mrs. Puff: You're a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs. [Mrs. Puff kisses him and his eyes bend into the shape of a heart]
• Mr. Krabs: [as his eyes make a heart] AAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!!!!