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"Krusty Dogs" (transcript)

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KrustyDogs
General
Season №: 7
Episode №: 150a
Airdate: October 9, 2010
Chronology
Previous: "Tunnel of Glove"
Next: "The Wreck of the Mauna Loa"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Krusty Dogs" from season seven, which aired on October 9, 2010.

  • SpongeBob: [has Krabby Patty meat in a container] Ooh...delicious!! [blows out more Krabby Patties onto a nearby table and puts them all into the freezer, Then rolls up the leftover meat into a top hat then puts it on] Top of the morning to ya! [laughs then makes the meat into a version of Gary and it meows. Then makes the meat into a telephone and answers it] Krusty Krab! SpongeBob speaking! [laughs again but the telephone suddenly starts to ring and answers it] Gary? Is that you? [pause] Gary, I know you're there. I can hear you breathing! [hangs the phone up then makes the meat into a hot dog-like shape] Oooh! [boils the meat in water on the stove]
  • Narrator: One weiner later...
  • SpongeBob: [enters Mr. Krabs' office holding the hot dog] MR. KRABS!!! This weiner tastes like a Krabby Patty! Maybe we could add them to the menu?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm not impressed...
  • SpongeBob: I made it over leftover ingredients.
  • Mr. Krabs: Now I'm impressed!
  • Frank: [enters the Krusty Krab and walks to the empty cash register] Hmm...could've sworn that sign said "Open."
  • Squidward: [outside] Sigh...Once in awhile, I need to breathe in and not smell grease. Or the stench of my miserably failed life...Talking to myself...again...
  • SpongeBob: [showing Mr. Krabs how to make a Krusty Dog] And I just cook it like this!
  • Mr. Krabs: Go on.
  • Frank: My! What an interesting shape! Are those for sale?
  • Mr. Krabs: Why? Would you like to buy one?
  • Frank: Well, that would depend on the price.
  • Mr. Krabs: Would you pay the same is what a Krabby Patty costs?
  • Frank: Hmm...sure! I suppose so!
  • Mr. Krabs: What 'bout double?
  • Frank: Now you're talking!
  • Customer: Krabby Patties again? Sigh… if only there were something else...[notices Frank eating a Krusty Dog] Hey, whatcha got there Frank?
  • Frank: It's new! Taste just like a Krabby Patty but it's shaped like a weiner! [walks off]
  • All Three Customers: That sounds interesting!
  • Customer: [talking to SpongeBob]Hey! I'd like to request a weiner!
  • Two Customers: Me too!
  • All Three Customers: Weiners! Weiners! Weiners!
  • [Mr. Krabs climbs up to the menu sign and writes "Krusty Dogs" on it in red chalk]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, what's that noise?
  • Squidward: Incruciating...
  • Mr. Krabs: Up here boys! Take a look!
  • SpongeBob: I can't read it from here, Mr. Krabs! What's it say?
  • Mr. Krabs: It says "Krusty Dogs, only $3.99! Or $4.99 with cheese!
  • Squidward: $4.99!? That's highway robbery!
  • Mr. Krabs: Avec fromage, Monsieur Squidward! Avec fromage!
  • SpongeBob: My Krusty Dog! Handwritten on the menu! Oh, pinch me Squidward!
  • Squidward: Pinch yourself you ninny.
  • Narrator: The following day...
  • Mr. Krabs: [runs to SpongeBob holding a ticket] SpongeBob! Three more Krusty Dogs! Porento!
  • SpongeBob: Aye, aye Captain! [dumps three Krusty Dogs in a pan of hot water]
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Three more orders of Krusty Dogs! Extra Krusty!
  • SpongeBob: Wow, Mr. Krabs! We sure are gettin' a lot of orders for Krusty Dogs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Yep!
  • SpongeBob: I'll get those going after I finish cooking up these Krabby Patties!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, forget about making those Patties! Just make the weiners! [gives SpongeBob the ticket]
  • SpongeBob: Just make the weiners? [follows Mr. Krabs who is holding a ladder] Um, excuse me Mr. Krabs? Uh, w-where are you going with that ladder? Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm just going to make a few changes to the Krusty Krab menu. That's all!
  • SpongeBob: Changes...?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, that reminds me! Do you have an eraser I could borrow?
  • SpongeBob: E-raser?
  • Mr. Krabs: [on top of the ladder] Ah, never mind. I'll just cross it off. [uses the chalk to mark out "Krabby Patties"] No more Krabby Patties!
  • SpongeBob: [shocked] No more Krabby… patties...[passes out then two Paramedics but a breathing mask on him]
  • Paramedic 1: Okay, just breathe normally son.
  • SpongeBob: No more Krabby paddy…
  • Paramedic 1: There you go. That's it.
  • Paramedic 2: There! He's starting to revive.
  • SpongeBob: I had this horrible dream. That Mr. Krabs would never let me cook Krabby Patties again. [sees Mr. Krabs pushing the grill out from the Krusty Krab]
  • Kr. Krabs: Pardon me.
  • SpongeBob: [falls on the floor crying]
  • Paramedic 2: We're losing him!
  • Kr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs throws grill into trash heap]
  • Mr. Krabs: [zoomed in on Mr. Krabs eyes] SpongeBob. SpongeBob. Wake up.
  • SpongeBob: [being held in the two paramedics arms] Where am I? And what are these paramedics doing here?
  • Mr. Krabs: You're back in yer old kitchen. And the paramedics were here to revive ye.
  • SpongeBob: I was asleep?
  • Kr. Krabs: Yea, but just for a little while. I only docked your pay for the time you were unconscious.
  • SpongeBob: [looks over at the empty space where the grill used to be] Mr. Krabs, isn't that where the grill used to be? [points to empty space]
  • Mr. Krabs: Maybe. But now we have this! [unveils a small hotdog cooker]
  • SpongeBob: And what about my… my spatula? [tears fill eyes]
  • Mr. Krabs: I got'cha a new one! [lifts up hotdog holder]
  • SpongeBob: [catches hotdog holder, accidentally pinching his nose with it]
  • Mr. Krabs and the paramedics: [laugh at SpongeBob]
  • Mr. Krabs: Alright! Those wieners aren't join to roticerate themselves. Everybody back to work.
  • Mr. Krabs and paramedics: [walk away]
  • SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain.
  • SpongeBob: [approaches Squidward] Squidward, can I talk to you for 1 second?
  • Squidward: I don't know. That's a pretty long talk.
  • SpongeBob: Has anything ever happened at your job that… well, made it not-as-fun as it used to be?
  • Squidward: Actually, yes.
  • SpongeBob: Really?! What was it?
  • Squidward: Being hired.
  • SpongeBob: I don't know why, but things aren't just the same after Krusty Dogs were added to the menu.
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, my boy, I realized long ago that there is nothing, I repeat, nothing, that could make this job any more boring, or humiliating, or demeaning, that it already is.
  • Squidward: [wearing hotdog suit outside Krusty Krab]
  • Billy: Look at that guy dressed as a hotdog, Mommy.
  • Mom: Let that inspire you to stay in school, Billy.
  • Billy: [runs back and kicks Squidward]
  • SpongeBob: [approaches Mr. Krabs who is hammering a sign to a support beam] Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: Ahoy SpongeBob! How's go the wieners?
  • SpongeBob: Eh, I was kinda wondering… could we just go back to selling Krabby Patties?
  • Mr. Krabs: What on earth for?! Krusty Dogs was your best idea ever boy!
  • SpongeBob: I know. Well, I guess I sorta miss the Krabby Patties. After all, they're what gave this place it's name.
  • Mr. Krabs: Yea, good point.
  • SpongeBob: Yea! Don't' you think we should… [SpongeBob watches Mr. Krabs dash outside and change the sign to "The Krusty Dogs] Krusty Dogs?! Those wieners have got to go!
  • SpongeBob: [serves 2 customers their hotdogs] Here you go, hungry customers, your delicious Krusty Dogs!
  • Female Customer: They do look delicious!
  • SpongeBob: Yes! [whispers into her ear] Eat one and you'll develop and unsightly skin condition.
  • SpongeBob: [approaches another customer] Here's your footlong, sir!
  • Customer: Thanks! 12 inches of deliciousness!
  • SpongeBob: Yea! You know what gives them that added flavor?
  • Customer: No, what?
  • SpongeBob: [whispers into ear] Nose hair and recycled dental floss.
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
  • SpongeBob: We have got to get rid of these wieners and being back the Krabby Patty!
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, I never thought I'd be saying this, but, count me in!
  • SpongeBob: Hurray!
  • Squidward: [bursts into Krusty Krab] Help! I'm having horrible abdominal pain! I think it was the… the… [looks over at SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Wiener
  • Squidward: The wiener!
  • SpongeBob: [dressed in a brown coat and beard] Ladies and gentlemen! Allow me to introduce myself. I am but a simple, old timey gentlemen. I came here for 1 purpose today.
  • Old lady customer: So I said, it didn't smell so bad, but it tastes of...
  • SpongeBob: QUIET GRANNY I'M TALKING!
  • Old lady customer: Oh
  • SpongeBob: And that is to loudly decry these modern, new fangled days of wieners. And to beg for a return to a simpler time. A Krabby Pattier time. [looks at customers]
  • Female customer: I'm not really conceded about possible ill-health effects. What about you guys?
  • Customer #1: Eh
  • Customer #2: What about nostalgia?
  • Female customer: Never heard of him [continues eating]
  • SpongeBob: Okay, that didn't work at all.
  • Squidward: It only seems to have increased their appetite for wieners.
  • SpongeBob: We need stronger tactics.
  • Squidward: Like something that would make Mr. Krab's wiener thing blow right up in his face!
  • SpongeBob: Yea, blow up. [facial expression changes to happy] Squidward, that's it! [skips and laughs away]
  • SpongeBob [grabs balloons from a drawer, put's in Krusty Dog']] Beautiful.
  • SpongeBob: [serves to customer with a air pump connected to the Krusty Dog] Your Krusty Dog sir, with extra mustard.
  • Customer: Thanks
  • SpongeBob: Can I bring you something else? [silence] Okay, I guess not. Thank you sir. [walks away]
  • Customer: [picks up Krusty Dog, slowly starts bringing it to his mouth]
  • SpongeBob: [watches Customer] Wait for it SpongeBob. Wait for it. Now! [pushes down on air pump, filling up the balloon, and the hotdog]
  • Female Customer: Yea, remember that, that was… Oh my Neptune! [sees hotdog expanding] That Krusty Dog is about to explode!
  • Customer eating Krusty Dog: What? Where? [Krusty Dog explodes, shooting meat on all the customers]
  • All customers: [begin screaming and angrily leaving]
  • SpongeBob: Have a nice day!
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What happened in here? Where all me customers?! What are we gonna do?
  • SpongeBob: Ooo! I know the answer.
  • Mr. Krabs: [pops in window looking at SpongeBob grilling Krabby Patties] Hey SpongeBob! Have you seen Mr. Squidward?
  • SpongeBob: I think he's outside on his break.
  • Mr. Krabs: Perfect! And keep them Krabby Patties coming boy!
  • SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain!
  • Squidward: [standing outside Krusty Krab in a Krabby Patty suit, waving a sign].
  • Billy: Look Mommy! It's a guy dressed as a Krabby Patty!
  • Mom: It's never too soon to start picking a good college, Billy. [runs back and kicks Squidward to the ground]
  • Squidward: Well, I guess I was wrong again. It can always get more humiliating.

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