Krabs à la Mode/transcript

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• Narrator: It is a cold and windy day, and Bikini Bottom is covered with goosebumps.
• Squidward: Oh, it's freezing in here.
• SpongeBob: Not if you get up and exercise! Hut, two. Hut, two. Yes, sir. my buns are nice and toasty. [turns around to show two Krabby Patties on his butt]
• Squidward: ' I'm so glad I don't eat "here" [SpongeBob, Squidward, and the Krabby Patties shiver as a gusty wind blows through again] Oh, how cold does Krabs keep this place, anyway? [looks at the thermostat to show 62°] 62°? Oh, that cheapskate! I'm going to start it to a toasty 63. [turns it to 63° but an alarm goes off. Mr. Krabs bursts down his door]
• Mr. Krabs: WHO TOUCHED ME THERMOSTAT?! [everyone, including SpongeBob points at Squidward]
• Squidward: [at SpongeBob] Oh, thanks a-- [Mr. Krabs grabs him by the nose]
• SpongeBob: You're welcome, Squidward.
• Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, you're always going on about your book club. Read this.
• Squidward: [reads sign above thermostat] Do not touch thermostat ever. [Mr. Krabs puts the temperature back on 62°]
• Mr. Krabs: Heat costs money! There are two ways to get on my bad side, boys. I don't like kids playing in me yard, and nobody but me touches me thermostat!
• Squidward: That's totally selfish!
• SpongeBob: Yeah! You're yard is really fun! There are kids playing on it right now!
• Mr. Krabs: What? [kids are playing ball, flying kites and jumping rope in Mr. Krabs front yard] Hey, you kids get off of my lawn! [Mr. Krabs runs out of the restaurant. Plankton is watching all of this through a straw]
• Plankton: That's right. run, Krabs. For I have found your Achilles heel. Ill freeze you out of business and I'll do it using your thermostat! [laughs maniacally until an alarm goes off] What the--? Oh, no. Code red! Abandon ship!! [Plankton screams as Old Man Jenkins sucks him through the straw and into his belly] No matter. In four to six hours, I will have my revenge. [laughs manically]
• Squidward: I'm going to go recover from hypothermia.
• SpongeBob: Hippo term-ia? What does that mean?
• Mr. Krabs: It means that he's a big fat cry baby
• Old Man Jenkins: [flushes the toilet and walks to the doors but can't get out] Locked in again.
• Plankton: That crusty old barnacle might keep me from the secret formula, but I'd like to see him serve a Krabby Patty when I'm done with this place. [turns on sink faucet] Into every life, a little rain must fall, Krabs. its just business. [opens up the freezer] Well, maybe it is personal. [turns down the thermostat to –15°] I'm touching your thermostat! I'm touching your thermostat! [cut to Mr. Krabs house where he is sleeping]
• Mr. Krabs: Someone—touching—thermostat. [cut to next day with Squidward and SpongeBob walking to work]
• Squidward: [with a sweater on] I meant to bring a leather coat. It's colder than yesterday.
• SpongeBob: That's why I wore mittens. [wearing a mitten on each eyelash] Mm. Toasty!
• Squidward: Huh? [The Krusty Krab is frozen]
• Mr. Krabs: Morning, boys. [taps the frozen lock with his key] Lock's a bit sticky this morning. [the key breaks a hole in the frozen lock. opens doors to see the whole place frozen] Is it cold in here or is it just me? Well, get to work. [goes into his office]
• Squidward: What?
• SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs. [slips and slides all over the place, including into Squidward] Pardon me. [Squidward slides into Mr. Krabs]
• Mr. Krabs: All right, quit clowning around and get to work.
• SpongeBob: Yes, sir.
• Squidward: As soon as you turn the heat up.
• Mr. Krabs: [points to a paper that says "62°" taped over the actual temperature display] The temperature stays at 62 degrees"
• Squidward: But there's icicles hanging from the ceiling!
• Mr. Krabs: I don't care if Santie Claus and Jack Frost are having ice cream cones, or was it me exercising. Don't... touch... THE THERMOSTAT!!! [icicles fall down and SpongeBob and Squidward run]
• Plankton: [spying through his telescope, while The Chum Bucket has a sign that says "72° Warm!"] I knew you'd be too stubborn to turn the heat up. Let's see how long you keep those customers when you give them the cold shoulder. [customers are waiting for food but Squidward can't move with a tray of Krabby Patties in his hand]
• Mr. Krabs: Quit your lallygagging and get a move on. [Squidward slips and falls, tossing the patties off the plate]
• Squidward: Order up.
• Lloyd: Let's get out of here.
• Plankton: Yes, flee that frozen wasteland. Warmth and joy have left your lives. [his giant telescope looks at a fish walking by] Hey, buddy. you want to eat The Chum Bucket? [Jimmy runs off screaming] Fine! At least Krabs' place is deserted. Hey! The customers are coming back. [customers are walking into the Krusty Krab with warmer clothes on] I don't understand. What's bringing them back? [SpongeBob is skating on frozen patties] What the--?
• Mr. Krabs: Just put those patties back when you're done.
• SpongeBob: Can do, Mr. Krabs.
• Squidward: I'm really glad I don't eat here.
• SpongeBob: Order up!
• Frankie: Where's my food? [patty enters his mouth] Mm. [other patties enter everyone else's mouthes]
• Old Man Jenkins: I want my Krabby Flabby!
• SpongeBob: Coming right up, sir. [SpongeBob hits a patty off of Squidward's behind and into Old Man Jenkins' mouth, sending him into the wall and sliding onto the floor]
• Old Man Jenkins: Delicious! [everyone cheers]
• Abigail Marge: Wow, that looks like fun. I'll have two Krabby Patties, but don't cook them.
• Jimmy: I'll have two frozen Krabby Patties, too.
• SpongeBob: Yes, sir.
• Clay: I want Patty skates!
• Man: I want patties, now.
• Mr. Krabs: It's beautiful. I'm selling twice as many patties and I don't even have to cook them. This is the happiest, and most cost-effective day of me whole life. [hugs all the money]
• Plankton: No! How is this possible? I freeze this place solid and he turns it into an ice rink. He's making more money than ever.
• Karen: That's because, unlike you, he's a good businessman.
• Plankton: Well, if it isn't the wind beneath my wings.
• Karen: I don't understand why you don't just steal a Krabby Patty in all that confusion.
• Plankton: I'll be right back. [chuckles]
• Karen: I don't know why I encourage him. [inside The Krusty Krab, people are ice skating, playing hockey and riding the clamboni]
• Mr. Krabs: This is fantastic. The local hockey team is paying me to practice here.
• SpongeBob: Coming through! [skates by Patrick, who has his tongue stuck to the pole] Hi, Patrick.
• Patrick: [mumbles] Hi, SpongeBob. [Gary, dressed as a referee, blows his whistle and throws the patty in the air. it hits the ground but slides towards the door]
• Hockey Player #1: Where'd the puck go? [SpongeBob squints his eyes to see Plankton carrying the patty]
• SpongeBob: Holy shrimp! Plankton! [yells]
• Plankton: I did it. I finally got a Krabby Patty. [SpongeBob puts his spatula down to block Plankton]
• SpongeBob: Not quite, Plankton. You'll have to get past me, first.
• Hockey Player #1: There's the puck. That little square guy has it.
• Hockey Player #2: Get him. [SpongeBob tries to scurry but the hockey team tackles him. the other hockey player slapsticks the patty]
• SpongeBob: You're mine now, Plankton! [patty flies into his face] You won't get away with this, Plankton.
• Plankton: Hey, SpongeBob. long time, no see. What've you been up to? How was your weekend?
• SpongeBob: Oh, my weekend was fabulous. Thank you for asking. Patrick and I went jellyfishing but I lost my net. So, I tried to borrow one from Squidward, but he didn't have one. And then when he yelled at me, he swallowed a bug. [laughs] Swallowed a bug.
• Plankton: Fascinating. Well, got to go. [takes patty and runs]
• SpongeBob: Hey!
• Plankton: Better luck next time, SpongeBob.
• Hockey Player #3: There's the puck, eh? Get it.
• Plankton: Uh-oh. [runs] Whoa! [Squidward skates by and dances in a yellow leotard. SpongeBob skates by him, he gets angry. the hockey team skates by him and runs him over]
• SpongeBob: Hold it right there, Mr. [two hockey players run into SpongeBob. Plankton tries running away again but gets hit by a hockey stick again. SpongeBob tries to get the patty but is getting hit by the hockey team over and over. Squidward is getting run over by everyone. Plankton gets hit towards the door]
• Plankton: Yes, I'm going to make it. [lands in front of the door but when the hockey team and SpongeBob collide with each other, it sends Plankton and the patty into the air then back down]
• SpongeBob: Got you, Plankton.
• Plankton: On the contrary, It is I who has you. [rides the clamboni]
• SpongeBob: [gasps] The clamboni! [the calmboni runs into him, carrying him along]
• Plankton: [laughs maniacally] Run, you fools. Run! [Plankton manages to take along the entire hockey team, SpongeBob, Squidward and Patrick on the clamboni] It's working. I'm actually going to get a Krabby Patty. [clamboni stops because of a huge pile up at the door] Come on, get out of the way! You're blocking the exit. [clamboni breaks down] No! No! [sobs]
• Mr. Krabs: I'll take that. [grabs patty] Brilliant idea to block the exit with your body, SpongeBob.
• SpongeBob: Um, thank you, Mr. Krabs.
• Mr. Krabs: [jumps off the clamboni] You lose again, Plankton.
• Plankton: I'm not giving up yet, Krabs. I've still got my secret weapon. [jumps on the thermostat] The thermostat! [laughs]
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps softly] The thermostat.
• Plankton: That's right, Krabs. It was I who froze The Krusty Krab. [rips off the paper that says "62°" to reveal -15°] See?
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps] You've gone too far this time, Plankton. You can pound me employees, [punches SpongeBob through the gut] try to destroy me restaurant, but nobody messes with me thermostat. [boxing bell rings as Mr. Krabs hurries over to Plankton but Plankton changes the thermostat to above boiling, making the ice melt. Mr. Krabs drops into the water, then Plankton turns it back to below freezing, which causes Mr. Krabs to freeze, too. The temperature now has -26°, having the numbers mixed up]
• Plankton: You see, Krabs. you can't defeat me. [turns the thermostat to hot and cold, making everyone freeze. accidentally lets go of the thermostat when its hot and drops into the water. Mr. Krabs walks up to the thermostat and changes it to freezing to turn Plankton into an ice cube. cut to later in the day where the ice rink has turned into a swimming pool for customers. SpongeBob in an inner tube floats to Mr. Krabs in a reclining chair with a Krabby Patty and lemonade in a platter]
• SpongeBob: Here's your Krabby Patty and lemonade, Mr. Krabs.
• Mr. Krabs: [takes the lemonade, but forgets the Krabby Patty] Thank you, lad. [sees Plankton in one of the ice cubes] Well, well, if it isn't Plankton. You know, I should thank you. With the ice rink and now the swimming pool gimmick. I'm making more money than I ever did with the old Krusty Krab. Hey, you got any more good ideas? [takes a sip of his lemonade]
• Plankton: [screams]