[Opens up in front of the Bikini Bottom Jail. It is thunderstorming badly]
Frank: …and this is the maximum level. Since this is your first day, I'll let you peek at our number one inmate. [He begins to whisper… The police officers walk into a huge room that the floor is just a thin line and a huge jail cell in the middle of it] He's too dangerous to let him around the other inmates.
Police Officer: Why? What he'd do? Rob a bank?
Frank: Worse! He'd tried to steal the Krabby Patty formula.
Police Officer: Oh-kay.
Frank: So that's why we keep him behind these impenetrable 6-inch steel doors. [knocks on the door and the door opens] Of course, it helps to lock it. [They both run into the cell] He's gone! He's so small, he could be anywhere!
Police Officer: He could be right under our noses! [cut to Frank's mustache; the mustache then jumps off of Frank's face, running away] Umm… Frank, where's your mustache?
[Cut to outside of the jail, with the siren sound heard and spotlights everywhere. The mustache run through the halls and then under the door. Plankton pops off the mustache.]
Plankton: Ha-ha! Those fools will never find me now! [cut to the Chum Bucket, where Plankton is talking to Karen] Oh come on, baby. You know how long I've been in stir.
Karen: Get out! [kicks Plankton out of the Chum Bucket] And stay out! You two time loser!
Plankton: After everything I've done for you.
Karen: BEAT IT, YOU JAIL BIRD, AND TAKE ALL OF YOUR JUNK, TOO! [Kicks out a box of his stuff out of the Chum Bucket too. Plankton tries to struggle out under the box]
Plankton: Well, that's just great. [notices his Electric Guitar] Hey! It's my old guitar. I used to play it, when I was in that band, as a kid. Man, those were good times. [A flashback starts and it shows Plankton in a 2 year old bedroom, with his electric guitar and a drum set. Plankton pretends to play band with his stuffed animals] Okay everybody! One two… one two three! [Baby Plankton tries to play it and the rest of them do nothing, as they were stuffed animals. His cocoa falls over and Plankton feels annoyed. Then the flashback ends] You know, I don't think I've had any good times.
SpongeBob:[walks on the street behind Plankton, singing a song] ♪Oh I wish I was grinding up the Krabby Patties. That's what I really love to do. Take a couple Boo-Ooh-Ooh! And a pinch of Awoogah! A teaspoon of *raspberry*♪ [Gibberish] ♪Then I mix some of this and put it over there, as I write this song.♪
Plankton:[right after the "Then I mix some of…" line] He's singing about the Krabby Patty. If I could just get him to explain that song, I'll have the Krabby Patty formula!
SpongeBob: ♪Mix in some…♪
Plankton: Hi, SpongeBob.
Plankton: That's a real nice song.
SpongeBob: ♪Add a splash of wee…♪
Plankton: But could you explain those "wee" parts?
SpongeBob:[takes out giant knife] ♪And when I'm done, I chop up some… Love.♪
Plankton:[right after the "I chop up some…" line] Gahh! [runs from the knife being tossed on the ground after the song ends] Are you out of your mind? Er, I mean, that was a delightful song you were singing.
SpongeBob: Thanks, Plankton. [waves at Plankton] Mr. Krabs makes me censor out all the patty ingredients from my lyrics.
Plankton: Oh, that's terrible. Krabs shouldn't stifle a true artist like you! Go ahead and sing your patty song uncensored!
SpongeBob:[gasps] I know what you're doing!
Plankton: What, me? I'm not trying to steal the patty formula!
SpongeBob:[points at Plankton] You want me to… join your band!
Plankton: What band? I don't have a band.
SpongeBob: Oh, but you can't fool me! Not when you got an awesome guitar like that! And only a true rocker would have hair as greasy and nasty as yours. It'll be so cool! We could write songs together!
Plankton: Songs? [smiles with a brilliant idea] Yes! And you can teach me your Krabby Patty songs!
SpongeBob: Yay! Come on, let's go get our band together!
[cut to in front of Squidward and SpongeBob's houses. SpongeBob is holding Plankton's guitar and Plankton is on it. SpongeBob and Patrick start yelling in excitement]
SpongeBob: Patrick, Patrick!
Patrick: SpongeBob, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I've got big news!
Patrick: Me too! Me too!
SpongeBob: What's your news?
Patrick:[Both calm down] I found out where boogers come from [Whispers into SpongeBob's ears indistinctly, and tells him where they come from. SpongeBob is shocked, but then is a little grossed out]
SpongeBob: Ew, really?
Patrick:[Nods in agreement] Uh-huh. What's your news?
SpongeBob: Plankton just asked me to join his Rock-N-Roll band! [gets excited again, and asks Plankton] Can Patrick join our band?
Plankton: Sure, whatever.
SpongeBob: Hear that, Patrick. You're in.
Patrick: All right! I play a mean belly. [Starts playing to the tune of, "The William Tell Overture", and his belly sounds like a drum set. It ends, and he bows at Plankton and SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick, we're gonna be famous! [hugs Patrick while still holding onto the guitar, and they hear Squidward laughing. Squidward walks towards them and talks]
Squidward: Give me a break. You don't know anything about music! Too bad you're not a musical genius, like me.
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward… [trips Squidward over by holding his legs down on the ground]
Squidward: What the…
SpongeBob: Would you help us by joining our band?
Squidward:[gets up] Well, I could help you, but I wouldn't soil my art playing Rock-N-Roll; dressing all in black, wearing boots covered in spikes… [as he continues, he imagine that it's worth it, and slowly changes his mind] playing enormous stadiums filled with screaming, adoring fans… [Squidward smiles to the idea] clapping, demanding encores, cheering me… [He imitates cheering, stops after a few seconds] Oh, uh, changed my mind. I'll join your band and help you bottom feeders… [bursts out rest of the line] BUT I gotta get in shape first! [leaves everyone]
SpongeBob: Isn't this great, Plankton? Squidward is gonna help us!
Plankton: Hmm? Uh yea, great. [Bubble transition. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick in SpongeBob's garage. We see SpongeBob in an 80's Rock-N-Roll outfit, with an afro wig]
SpongeBob: You know, Patrick, being in a band gives you the liberty to dress with a little more… Uh, how should I put this?
SpongeBob: Well, with just a little more…
Patrick:[Furious] Go ahead, say it, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: You know, Pizzazz!
Patrick:[Clears throat and continues] Perhaps you didn't notice… My new hairdo.
SpongeBob:[looks behind him and Patrick has a ponytail hairstyle] Whoa-ho-ho, I stand corrected!
Patrick: And unlike your nasty, little wig… [pulls off SpongeBob's wig] Mine is real! [shows it by pulling it and it doesn't come off]
SpongeBob: Man, how'd you grow that so fast?
Patrick: Natural talent, watch this… [shows that he can make his hair come in and out of his skin and make it in any hairdo he wants]
SpongeBob: Whoo, yeah! [claps] Dig that fancy follicle work!
Patrick: Hey, check this one out. [does the trick again, but this time, he makes it an "old guy's" hairdo]
SpongeBob: Oh man, Squidward's not gonna want to miss this. [calls Squidward]
SpongeBob: Squidward, aren't you coming to band practice?
Squidward:[seen exercising on his weightlifting bench] Are you kidding? I've got a lot of work to do before I'm famous! [attempts to lift the weight, but breaks an unknown part, then a dial tone is heard, and Squidward screams in pain]
SpongeBob:[laughs] Ok, then, we'll keep your seat warm. [closes the phone] Patrick?
Patrick: I'm on it. [blows a fire under a seat to keep it warm]
Plankton:[enters the garage, carrying a box] Greetings, fellow band-mates.
SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton, what's that?
Plankton:[puts the box down] T-shirts.
Both: Ooh! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! [laugh]
SpongeBob: Ah… [confused] "Plankton and the… Patty Stealers"?
Plankton:[Starts to sweat maniacally] Uh, if you guys don't like the name, uh…
SpongeBob: I… LOVE IT! It's kind of vague and mysterious.
Patrick: Can I get mine in pink? [Plankton growls. The scene skips to where they're wearing the shirt and Patrick laughs. Patrick's shirt color matches his skin perfectly] It looks like a tattoo!
SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton, can our first song go like this? [makes a loud bass sound] And then turn into one of those songs that goes… [makes a high pitched screech]
Plankton:[covers his ears, and then resumes to his normal attitude] Yes, perfect, now all we need are the lyrics. You know something personal. Maybe a secret you know, or a favorite recipe, hmm?
SpongeBob: Or… One about my new friend Plankton?
Plankton: Stop it! [growls after SpongeBob stops]
SpongeBob: Or the adventures of…
Plankton:[clips SpongeBob's lips with a tool] The best kind of lyrics are the ones that are deep and revealing. Something only you know… [coughs] Secret recipe.
Patrick: I once searched for my innermost secrets. All I found was this. [Shows that he is holding his heart]
SpongeBob:[Still muffled] Is that what you mean, Plankton?
[Plankton slaps his head with annoyance. Scene skips to later that day when Plankton pulls a machine into the garage, grunting as he pulls it]
Plankton:[scoots a chair next to SpongeBob] Just take a seat here, and I'll strap you in. [SpongeBob sits down, Plankton straps SpongeBob's arms on the chair and puts a pair of headphones on SpongeBob] Now just relax and let the equipment do its job. [The machine starts to beep and make sucking noises. SpongeBob's brain is seen going through the headphone wire into the machine]let's see what's locked in his subconscious. [The machine makes static crackles. When Plankton finds a "station" on the radio, SpongeBob is the speaker. SpongeBob sings songs just like a radio]
SpongeBob:[in tune with "Oh My Darlin' Clementine"] ♪Time to feed him. Time to feed him. Now it's Gary's feeding time. Mrow mrow meow, mrow mrow meow.♪
Plankton: Nope [turns the tune button]
SpongeBob:[in tune with "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"] ♪Brush, brush, brush my teeth. Gently keep them clean.♪
Plankton: The Krabby Patty Formula's gotta be in here somewhere. [The machine makes a dead beeping noise and feedbacks noises to Plankton. He smacks the machine] What's going- [Screams only to realize that Patrick is wearing the headphones, groaning, and the machine explodes. Plankton starts crying] I'm a failure.
SpongeBob: Cheer up, Plankton. We've still got a whole week before our first gig at the Krusty Krab.
Plankton:[stops crying] At the Krusty Krab?
SpongeBob: Uh-huh, but Old Man Krabs doesn't want us bugging the customers. So, we have to go in after hours when nobody's there.
Plankton: When nobody's there? [makes a purring noise with drool coming out of his mouth at the thought of it]
[The scene is skipped to where they start practicing. SpongeBob is playing Plankton's guitar, Patrick is doing his drums, and Plankton, not very excited, plays only one note on his mini-keyboard. The scene cuts to outside in front of Squidward and SpongeBob's houses, then the scene cuts to Squidward exercising. He makes one more and he has huge muscles]
Squidward: My perfect dream-body. [runs out of his house with his bass guitar and goes into SpongeBob's house to practice. They then make noises that sound like they're practicing, causing SpongeBob's house to dance]
Narrator: One week later…
[cut to the street where the four are heading towards the Krusty Krab at nighttime. They're all wearing their Rock-N-Roll outfits. From a distance, a tire screeching sound is heard, and the noise is later revealed to be from a police car]
Plankton: Oh, no, it's the cops. I can't let them see me!
Plankton: Why? Uh, cops are autograph hounds. Yeah, they're always after me.
SpongeBob: Mm, that's tough. Don't worry, I'll hide you. [Sucks Plankton into his nose. The police car stops in front of them]
Officer John: Hey, what are you kids up to this late?
SpongeBob: We're on our way to our first gig. We're in a band.
Officer John: A band, huh, well, that's, uh… Oh. [notices a green thing on SpongeBob's nose] Uh, you've got a, uh…
SpongeBob: Got a, uh, what? [laughs]
Officer John: Uh… It's right… [points to a nostril on his face]
SpongeBob: Yes? [Laughs again]
Officer John:[motions to wipe it off. Something, which is actually Plankton's legs, comes out] Just keep your nose clean, kid. [leaves]
SpongeBob: Sure thing, officer. [blows his nose, and blows out Plankton] They're gone.
Plankton: You will never speak of this to anyone. (Scene skips to in front of the Krusty Krab.) Come on, come on, hurry up.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, I just need to get the key out. [hums while opening the door, but fails twice to get the key in the key hole. Plankton grabs the key]
Plankton: Give me that, you incompetent fool. [opens the door and drops the key on the ground, then goes on the ground] Yes, the Krabby Patty Formula is mine! Uh, I mean, we'll have a great time! [goes inside and whispers to himself] Now where does Krabs keep that formula?
SpongeBob:[screams as he goes inside] Whoo, let's rock!
Squidward: We're gonna be stars!
[The three enter the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob hooks up the speaker set. Plankton is nowhere to be seen]
SpongeBob:[Starts out by acting all excited like a rock stars] All right! Squidward, are you ready?
Squidward:[makes a loud bass guitar strum] I'm ready!
SpongeBob: OK! Patrick, are you ready? [Patrick answers by laughing while beating his belly] Plankton, are you ready? [Crickets are chirping in the background] Plankton? [Plankton is carrying a bottle containing the formula. SpongeBob gasps] PLANKTON! [The bottle is broken as SpongeBob says Plankton's name in the mic loudly. The formula is shown to the audience, but all of it is in gibberish]
Plankton: Uh… I'm ready?
SpongeBob: Wait a minute… Was this band just a front so you could steal the Krabby Patty Secret Formula?
Plankton: What, no, I was in it for the music, man!
[The camera changes to outside the Krusty Krab and 12 police cars circle around the Krusty Krab. The scene cuts back to the Bikini Bottom Jail. Plankton, in a caged box, sighs]
Plankton: Well, at least I'm back to my old cell.
Police Officer: Oh, no, you're not. We've got a special cell for you. [Frank moves a small painting out of the way, unlocks a safe, and both of them put Plankton in there]
Plankton: But I liked my old cell.
Police Officer: Then you're gonna love this one. [closes the cell]
SpongeBob:[Opens the small window on the other side of Plankton's cell, and only SpongeBob's eye is seen through] There's no time to waste, Plankton. [Plankton looks outside, then the scene cuts to the yard outside, with SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward being there] We've only got 22 years to practice before our next gig. A one and a two…