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Kenny the Cat (transcript)

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Kenny the cat
General
Season №: 9
Episode №: 188a
Airdate: March 29, 2014
Chronology
Previous: Séance Shméance
Next: Yeti Krabs
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Kenny the Cat" from season nine, which aired on March 29, 2014.

  • [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab and Squidward is doing his duty at the cash register. Just then, something sucks through the window behind him. He looks in and sees SpongeBob trying to hold his breath.]
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, how about more krabby patties than less heavy breathing?
  • SpongeBob: [SpongeBob uses his spatula to stop the alarm clock and he breathes out the air he's been holding onto Squidward causing his head to expand. Squidward pushes backs out of the window.] Wow! That's the longest I've held my breath! Three whole seconds! I'm gonna try for five seconds next. [takes a very deep breath]
  • Squidward: Keep that up and you'll lose consciousness. Tentacles crossed.
  • SpongeBob: [trying to hold his breath as his face turns blue] Don't be silly, Squidward! I'm not gonna...[loses consciousness as Mr. Krabs bursts in the kitchen]
  • Mr. Krabs: What's going on around here? [notices SpongeBob lying unconscious on the kitchen floor. He takes out the bottle containing the secret formula and the smell of it revives him. SpongeBob wakes up and wonders what's going on] Well, I could be asking you the same thing, boy!
  • SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I was merely emulating my latest media obsession. [points to a poster with a picture of a cat on it.] Kenny the Cat!
  • Mr. Krabs: Kenny the Cat? What in clams name is a... "the cat"?
  • SpongeBob: He's the greatest undersea athlete to originate from above the wet and briney! [points to several pictures of Kenny's famous career] And he's been showering records all over! Holding his breath as he walks the ocean floor. I wanna be just like Kenny the Cat. [takes a deep breath and holds it as he walks to Mr. Krabs] That's what he does! He walks like that. And holds his breath like that. Kenny is a sensationality! [takes out a tray of uncooked patties with lettuces cut in the shape of Kenny the Cat's head] Haven't you noticed my recent lettuce customization?
  • Mr. Krabs: No.
  • SpongeBob: [runs up to a huge collection of magazines with Kenny the Cat on them] And you haven't perused my collection of Kenny the Cat theoreticals? [turns on the tv] Or notice Kenny on every TV channel moment on the fishtime?
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh...no.
  • SpongeBob: [opens the door and a blimp shaped in the head of Kenny the Cat is flying] But what about the Kenny the Cat blimp which hovers over the Kenny the Cat sports stadium?
  • Mr. Krabs: Never noticed it. [walks away unimpressed]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm.. You haven't seen him in your wallet?
  • Mr. Krabs: [stops and gasps as he takes out his wallet] Me wallet? What's he been doing in there? [takes out a couple of dollar bills with Kenny the Cat on them]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, he's on all the new fifty dollar bills.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, that Kenny the Cat! Well, he's a sensationality!
  • SpongeBob: Yeah! And he's visiting Bikini Bottom tomorrow with hundreds of his rabidly, loyal fans!
  • Mr. Krabs: Hundreds, you say?
  • SpongeBob: Maybe even a thousand! [Mr. Krabs poses himself as a dollar sign in joy and triumph]
  • Mr. Krabs: Say kiddo, why don't see if you can get old Kenny and his throng of fans to visit the old Krusty Krab for a while?
  • SpongeBob: I shall do my Krustier, sir. [cuts to SpongeBob visiting Sandy's treedome but with no water helmet]
  • Sandy: [notices SpongeBob not wearing a water helmet and gasps in horror of his safety] SpongeBob, don't you want your water helmet? [tries to give him one as SpongeBob walks in holding his breath]
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] Not necessary, Sandy. Like my personal hero, Kenny the Cat, I'm A-Ok. [SpongeBob suddenly dries up and falls flat on the grass]
  • Sandy: [Sandy takes out a watering hose and sprays water on SpongeBob] Well, if ya ain't gonna use your helmet, I suggest you'd make it quick SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: [restores to normal] Hey Sandy, you're kinda like a cat aren't you?
  • Sandy: [flips her head upside-down in disbelief] Cat?! [turns her head rightside-up] And what way am I kinda like a cat?!
  • SpongeBob: Well, aren't cats and squirrels basically the same thing?
  • Sandy: We are both mammals, but that is where the similarities end. Cats are no good scoundrels! And I ain't never trusting one of them!
  • SpongeBob: Well, you can trust Kenny the. He's the heroic cat who has been holding his breath for days at a time.
  • Sandy: [continues to spray water on SpongeBob with her hose] I hate to precipitate on your party, SpongeBob but that is impossible! No air breather could ever do that! No even me! [quivers in fear]
  • SpongeBob: Very well, Sandra. If that is your stance, than so be it. Could someone be jealous of Kenny's dazzling lung capacity? [cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick in sleeping bags, and wearing foam hands on the street waiting for Kenny the Cat]
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: Kenny the Cat! Kenny the Cat! Kenny the Cat! [Nat Peterson walks by]
  • Nat Peterson: You do know that Kenny won't be here until ten.
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
  • Nat Peterson: Tomorrow morning.
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh yeah. Fourteen hours is cutting it close but I had to work all day.
  • Nat Peterson: Oh, yes. [walks away]
  • SpongeBob: You know, I read in Kenny Fancy Magazine that he's so used to holding his breath, that when he's topside, he forgets to breathe.
  • Patrick: Wow! [laughs] Oh, that'll be like me forgetting the... [starts to panic and takes out a taco from his pocket] Oh, there you are pocket taco! [eats it]
  • SpongeBob: [sighs] Patrick, have you ever gazed up into the starry night and see Kenny the Cat's face?
  • Patrick: No.
  • SpongeBob: [makes shapes with his fingers like he's connecting the dots] Find the goober constellation and the dorsal constellation, squint your eyes and let the details fall into place. [a picture of Kenny the Cat is seen in the starry sky]
  • Patrick: [tries to see it but couldn't] Uh, I don't see it. Kenny's really gotten into your head lately.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, Kenny's awesome. Hey, that reminds me! [takes out his make-up kit] Let's paint our faces to look like Kenny! [puts make-up on Patrick's face] Perfect! [Patrick's face is painted in a really ugly looking design of Kenny the Cat] We're the biggest Kenny the Cat fans ever!
  • Patrick: [Patrick looks at himself in the mirror] This, uh, is getting creepy.
  • SpongeBob: [paints a nasty looking cat face on himself] Hey, buddy. Check it out.
  • Patrick: [SpongeBob's make-up scare Patrick] Sweet Neptune! Hey SpongeBob, I gotta go now. Your obsession with Kenny is getting weird.
  • SpongeBob: But you didn't even get to see my new Kenny the Cat temporary tattoo! [pulls down his pants and shows Patrick his tattoo]
  • Patrick: Oh, that's ok. See ya, SpongeBob! [runs away completely freaked out]
  • SpongeBob: Heh. I guess it's plain to see who the true Kenny the Cat fan is. [cuts to SpongeBob sleeping in his sleeping bag until his alarm clock goes off] Ten O'clock! Kenny Time! [jumps out of his sleeping bag and stands next to the announcer]
  • Announcer: Ladies, and gentlemen, now is the time you've all been waiting for. Kenny the Cat will do his signature walk. [Kenny comes down the street, photographers take pictures]
  • SpongeBob: KENNY!
  • Harold: Thanks, Kenny! [Signs his fin]
  • SpongeBob: Kenny, sir! It would mean a lot if you'd sign  my official Kenny the Cat spatula! [Kenny signs spatula] Thanks, Kenny! You're so real! [Kenny nods in agreement] Oh, You're hungry! What do ya say if we move this autograph session to the Krusty Krab? [Kenny gives  A OK] Ta ho ta che, Did you SEE THAT?! Kenny just gave me his trademark A OK handsign! Swoon swahon!
  • Crowd: [random chatter]
  • Mr. Krabs: One at a time, one at a time, please. Kenny the Cat will have time to meet each and every one of ya's. And I will have time to take each, and every one of yer dollars! Look at meself. I'm not bein' a very good host. Excuze me, you just make yourself at home Kenny. Er… I mean Mr. the Cat. Here you go! Condiments! On the house! Don't tell anybody. Welcome, to the Krusty Krab family. [laughs]
  • [Kenny's oxygen tank slips]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. the Cat? Everything OK? [Kenny draws a toilet] Say, Mr Krabs, this is gonna be a long day for Kenny, how about we give him a minute, to freshen up?
  • Mr. Krabs: What an excellent idea, SpongeBob! A clean cat, is a money makin' cat, I always say. Please, clean yourself, and use the lounge facilities. 
  • SpongeBob: Well, I best get back manin' the grill.
  • Kenny: [Slips in bathroom] This gets real uncomfortable after awhile. [Tries to breathe] 
  • SpongeBob: Sorry to bother you, Mr. the Cat, but I thought you'd just like a bite to… WHOA!
  • Kenny: [breathes in and out] Ahhhh. Good thing I've got this oxygen tank, otherwise there'd be no way for me to hold my breath for long. [SpongeBob panics]
  • SpongeBob: How could you, Kenny?!! You broke my heart. Here I was, this entire time, believing your act, only to discover it was nothing but… an act!
  • Kenny: But, it's not what you think!
  • SpongeBob: There's no room for thoughts now! Only for tears! [cries, and runs away]
  • Kenny: SpongeBob! WAIT! [trips over oxygen tank, and inhales again]
  • SpongeBob: I can't believe I fell for such a PHONY! Oh well, time to move on. Guess I don't need my Kenny the Cat fan club membership card anymore. [Rips card] Or these Kenny the Cat posters. Oh Kenny, how could you? You were my Idol! [sobs] You know, I really should talk to someone about this, or I may get… DEPRESSED.
  • Kenny: SpongeBob. Please, let me explain. I'm just a cat with a dream. I dreamed to give the gift of hope. See, above water, I'm a nobody, just another annoying cat. But down here, I'm someone special. Someone who can make people happy. And if makin' the world a happier place makes me a criminal, then lock me up, and throw away the key. Have mercy! 
  • SpongeBob: Alright Kenny, alright. I promise I won't tell anyone.
  • Kenny: Really?
  • SpongeBob: Yes, really. 
  • Kenny: All right! Thanks, Bob. You're the best friend I ever had! Now, if you'll excuse moi, I gotta sign some autographs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ahh. The Cat of the hour is back!
  • Crowd: Hooray!
  • Mr. Krabs: Alright, you ready to sign some autographs for these fine dollars… er uh… I mean suckers… er uh… I mean some autographs! [Kenny nods his head]
  • Crowd: YAY!
  • Mr. Krabs: All righty then, that's what the consumin' public wants to hear.
  • Billy Fishbowl: Sir, I just wanna say that you're the biggest inspiration me, and my friends have ever known. You're ability to hold your breath changed our lives. Forever. [looks at his friends. they fall down purple from holding their breath.]
  • SpongeBob: [reading a note Kenny wrote] You're welcome. I've been holding my breath for more than 20 years, no problem. You can too, signed Kenny the breath holding Cat. 
  • Sandy: Hi, Kenny. Mind if I get your signature? Gee, it sure is nice to meet another air breathin', warm blooded varmit down here.
  • Kenny: Mm.
  • Sandy: Just outta scientific curiosity… how do ya hold your breath for so long?
  • SpongeBob: Ah, we needen't burden ourselves with such needless scientific technicalities, Sandy.
  • Sandy: I'm just wondering, SpongeBob. I mean, he does defy all scientific logic, considering the fact that all air breathing mammals need oxygen to the brain and lungs to survive for more than 3 minutes.
  • SpongeBob: Hey! You should show our fine guest more hospitality, hm?
  • Sandy: What has gotten into you SpongeBob? Can't I talk about what must surely be happening from a biological standpoint? I mean, like the lax of oxygen will heighten the capilaries in the lungs causing a dangerous level of carbon monoxide to rise in the bloodstream, which in turn leads to a ghostly blue color to the skin, followed by eventual unconsciousness. [Kenny couldn't hold his breath much longer]
  • Kenny: I CAN'T TAKE IT! I NEED OXYGEN! [punches himself for his oxygen canister]
  • Crowd: [gasps]
  • Kenny[inhales] Ahh.
  • Sandy: I knew Kenny was a fake! 
  • Crowd: [protests in anger and leaves] Liar!
  • Mr. Krabs: NO! Come back! Ah, thanks a lot you air breathing charlatin! And forget about these free condiments too!
  • SpongeBob: Gee, Kenny. I sure am sorry if I ruined your career.
  • Kenny: Ah, it's ok SpongeBob. Maybe the whole shamble is a wake up call to be honest. 
  • SpongeBob: Hey, I got an idea! Most cats hate water, right? Well you can be the cat that likes water! That way, you're still special.
  • Kenny: I like it! 
  • Sandy: Just get outta here already! [pops part of his suit, and he is rocketed back to the surface] You can never trust a cat. Or is it a dog?

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