SpongeBob:[squeezes some shell wax onto Gary's shell] All right, Gary, ready for your yearly shell waxing?
Gary: Meow. [SpongeBob grabs his nose and uses his back to wax Gary's shell]
SpongeBob: Just look at that shine! Now let's check under the hood. [opens Gary's shell and jumps in] Geez, Gary, this place is a real snail-sty.
SpongeBob: Still? From New Year's Eve? [Gary blows his horn. SpongeBob sees something in his shell] What?! I've been looking everywhere for this, Gary. [laughs] My favorite novelty t-shirt! [holds up a shirt that says I <3 Krabby Patties. Doorbell rings] Oh, someone's here. [jumps out of Gary's shell]
Mailman: Special delivery for SpongeBob SquarePants.
SpongeBob: Special delivery? Just for me? You think I'm...special? [hugs the mailman]
Mailman: Alright, do we have to go through this every time I give you your mail? Sheesh. [leaves]
SpongeBob: What could it be today, Gary?
SpongeBob:[opens package] A videotape? [reads it] "You're a winner -- SpongeBob SquarePants". I'm SpongeBob SquarePants! [inserts videotape into VCR. Videotape plays]
Announcer: Karate Island: A serene and exotic location where nature and beauty abound, and hundreds of fighting styles collide in a wave of non-stop, pulsating, no-hold barred action! For centuries, the world's top karate artists have journeyed to this land to be crowned King of Karate.
SpongeBob: King of Karate?
Announcer: Now it's your turn...
Announcer 2: ...SpongeBob SquarePants.
Announcer: You've won an all-expense paid trip to Karate Island! Hi-yah! Where you'll be crowned this year's King of Karate!
SpongeBob: Ooh... Did you hear that, Gary? I'm going to be crowned... [shouts karate yells] King of Karate! [jumps to the door, leaving his arm in the ground] Whoo-hoo! [shouts karate yells]
Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hello, Sandy. Have you heard the news? I've been invited to Karate Island to be crowned the king of karate.
Sandy: Karate Island? I've never heard of Karate Island.
SpongeBob: Oh, sure, Sandy, all the big karate experts go there.
Sandy: But my karate is better than your karate by a country mile and I've never been invited.
SpongeBob: Maybe your karate was the best, but now they've recognized a new number one.
Sandy: There's something rotten in the Alamo. I'd better tag along and see if it's on the up-and-up.
SpongeBob: All right, Sandy, you can come with me to witness my crowning moment. [laughs. Scene cuts to both in a boat heading towards Karate Island] Are we there yet?
Sandy: Yup. That's it over there.
SpongeBob: What make you think that's Karate Island? [big sign that says "Welcome to Karate Island" is pointing at the island]
Sandy: I don't know -- lucky guess? [three fish are waiting on top of some rocks for SpongeBob. SpongeBob and Sandy arrive on the island]
SpongeBob: Hello there, the King of Karate has arrived.
Fish: Welcome to my island, SpongeBob-san. [bows]
SpongeBob: Oh, thank you. [bows]
Master Udon: I am Master Udon.
Sandy: Howdy, Master Udon, I'm Sandy Cheeks. I do a little karate, myself.
SpongeBob: Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. Mr. Udon isn't interested in a karate novice like you. They only have time for royalty.
Sandy: Oh, brother.
Master Udon: Please, show me some of your moves, Master SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: You hear that, Sandy? He called me "master." Bring on your best fighters! I'll try to go easy on 'em. [three fighters appear]
Sandy: SpongeBob, your karate's not good enough to handle those sidewinders.
SpongeBob: Pa-shaw! Watch and learn, sister. [shouts karate yells at the first fighter. He falls to the ground] Yup. That's how the King of Karate does it. Who's next?
Sandy: Something smells like rancid rodeo around here. [all the fighters are knocked out]
Master Udon: Excellent. Truly you are King of Karate.
SpongeBob: The one and only.
Master Udon: We must make ready for your coronation.
SpongeBob: I'm ready to be King of Karate! [gong sounds]
Master Udon: King of Karate-san, it is time for you to take your rightful place on your throne.
SpongeBob: My throne. [floats over to the throne]
Sandy: All right, Udon, I'm on to you. This is as crooked as a dizzy sidewinder.
SpongeBob:[sitting on his throne] Come, Sandy, take your place next to the king and share in my crowning achievement. [claps twice] Bring a seat for my air-breathing friend. [chair is brought]
Sandy: SpongeBob, ya'll are getting a bit wily.
SpongeBob: Oh, do I detect a note of jealousy, Sandy?
Sandy: Heck, I could karate you in a country fiddle with one paw tied behind my back.
SpongeBob:[laughs] But who's being crowned King of Karate - not you.
Sandy: I'm getting off this crazy train! [mumbles]
Master Udon: Master, don't worry about her. She is missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime. [laughs] Let the coronation begin!
SpongeBob: Sandy's going to miss out, big time. [suddenly SpongeBob is chained down to the throne. Master Udon reaches into his robe and takes out a pen]
Sandy: That dang SpongeBob. Who does he think he is? I taught that yellow egomaniac everything he knows about fighting - - and that ain't much.
Sandy: SpongeBob's in trouble! [SpongeBob screams] SpongeBob is the "King of Karate". He doesn't need me. Eh, he can handle this himself.
SpongeBob:[in the distance] Sandy, I need you! I can't handle this myself.
Sandy: Hold on, buddy! [enters a building where Master Udon is watching from above]
SpongeBob: No, Sandy!
Master Udon: She will never reach you. She must first pass through the 'Four Floors of Fear'.
Sandy:[enters first room] SpongeBob?
The Tickler: Ha. Ha-ha-ha. You cannot pass unless you defeat me, The Tickler, and my iron-finger style. [both get ready then attack] Ha-ha. Look!
Sandy: Huh? [laughs as she is being tickled]
The Tickler: Prepare for the tickling of your life!
Sandy: Taste these! [has a plate full of jelly-filled donuts]
The Tickler: Oh no! Jelly-filled donuts? How did you know they were my weakness?
Sandy: No one can resist jelly-filled. [throws the donuts into The Tickler's mouth] Sticky around, I'll be back with the glazed.
The Tickler: I could use a wet napkin.
Sandy:[enters floor two] All right, who's next?
Lip Service: Halt! No one advances past me, Lip Service, and my power-flexi dynamo-lip thruster style. [attacks Sandy]
Lip Service:[laughs] What do you expect to do with that? [Sandy uses the hair-dryer to blow air on L.S.'s lips, making them chapped] Oh, no! Not chapped lips! [takes out some Lip Balm. Applies some but it breaks her lips]
Sandy: That's enough lip out of you. [enters third floor but slips on her way in because it's covered in mud. She slides into a big green Jabba The Hutt look-alike]
Filthy Phil: No one has ever made it to the lair of Filthy Phil. No one passes except me. Now feel the steam of my horrible body odor. [strains to get body odor out. The body odor tries to get into Sandy's helmet but can't]
Sandy: Ha-ha, Phil! Your foul stench can't permeate my fresh-air dome.
Filthy Phil: Fresh-air dome? [inhales his own body odor] Man, I really do stink. [passes out. Sandy breaks through some boards to enter floor four where Master Udon is]
Master Udon: You are one impressive squirrel. You even made a costume change.
Sandy: Release SpongeBob.
Master Udon: Never. [as Sandy is going to attack, she is trapped in a bird cage. She strains to break through but can't] He is forbidden to leave until...he signs this contract.
Sandy: What are you talking about?
Master Udon: Real estate.
Sandy: You mean this whole thing was a scam to get us to buy real estate?
Master Udon: Yes. If there was a real Karate Island, I'd be a millionaire.
SpongeBob: You mean I'm not King of Karate?
Master Udon: No. But you could be King of Condos. Here, let me explain. It's really quite simple. [pulls down chart] See, if you invest in a time share here on Condo Island, you can see your equity increase ten-fold. Perhaps you and your yellow friend would like to set up a timeshare plan?
SpongeBob: Don't do it, Sandy! [Sandy chants something]
Sandy:[breaks the bird cage] I won't give in to your timeshare vacation scam!
Master Udon: Then give into my fists. [rips clothes off to show a more buff Master Udon. Sandy does same by exposing her bikini to reveal a buff Sandy. Both flex their body then fight. Sandy jumps on top of Master Udon's head then slaps him with her feet. Master Udon then grabs Sandy and throws her into the wall. They karate chop some more before Sandy grabs him and throws him on the ground over and over. She then throws him in the air and kicks him in the face, sending him outside into the ocean]
Sandy: You're in the soup now, Udon! [scene cuts to SpongeBob and Sandy walking toward their boat] Udon
SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm sorry I acted like a jerk back there. Thanks for saving me from... [swallows hard] buying a condo.
Sandy: Aw, shucks, SpongeBob, that's what friends are for.
SpongeBob: I still have one question, though. Does this mean I'm not King of Karate?
Sandy: You are in my book, SpongeBob. You are in my book. Now let me tell you about real estate. It's all about location... [boat drives off as another boat, carrying Squidward, arrives]
Squidward: I'm here! The King of Clarinets has arrived! [Master Udon is waiting on top of the rocks again]