It's a SpongeBob Christmas!/transcript

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It's a SpongeBob Christmas!
General
Season №:	8
Episode №:	175
U.S. viewers (millions):	3.63 (CBS) 4.61 (Nick)
Airdate:	December 6, 2012
Chronology
Previous	"For Here or to Go"
Next	"Super Evil Aquatic Villain Team Up is Go!"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "It's a SpongeBob Christmas!" from season 8, which aired on December 6, 2012.

• (A mail truck drives through the mountain range. Patchy the Pirate stops. He appears to be parodying S.D. Kluger from Santa Claus is Comin' to Town)
• Patchy: Merry Christmas, kids! I bet you're wondering why ol' Patchy has this mail truck. Well, this year, I wanted to be absoluly sure Santa got me letter. So I gave Mr. Mailman the day off.
• (He puts his pirate hat on the mailman, tied up in the back of the truck, puts on his mailman hat and closes the door)
• Potty: Do you even know how to get to the North Pole?
• Patchy: Oh, Potty, you silly parrot. Everyone knows that the directions to the North Pole are in the lyrics of the song "Jingle Bells." (Singing) Dashing through the snow, in a... (Mumbles) Through the fields we go. La la la la la. Okay. So we're looking for some fields here.
• Potty: No, Patchy, the directions to the North Pole are in the song, "There Goes Santa Claus." (Singing) There goes Santa Claus. There goes Santa Claus. Left on Santa Claus Drive, Scurvy brain.
• Patchy: Yeah, well, we ain't turnin' till we see some fields.
• Potty: Look out! There's a fork in the road!
• Patchy: I don't see no fork.
• [The truck spins after the fork gets caught in the wheel, and then both screaming; pause]
• Patchy: While we wait for the truck to stop spinning, let's see what SpongeBob is up to this Christmas.
• (The theme song from Christmas Who? plays, but instead of Cristmas carollers, there's the children who say SpongeBob SquarePants in the theme.)
• (The camera zooms in on Bikini Bottom and into SpongeBob's pineapple house. SpongeBob and Gary are sleeping. SpongeBob's alarm clock goes off and sleigh bells are heard instead of the foghorn noise. SpongeBob wakes up.)
• SpongeBob: (singing) Oh, it's drawing very near. My favorite time of the year. (jumps up bed and up the ladder) The snow is falling and the cold wind blows. (cut to the diving board, he gets up on the diving board, and jumps on it) Christmas is almost here. (jumps up, automatically removing his pajamas, cut to roof, with a pair of pants hanging on it, he gets his pants on and flies out of the roof, cut to the sky) And I know that Santa, Santa. Santa has his jolly little eyes on me! (spins Christmas lights, cut to pineapple leaves, skips on the leaves) It keeps me warm and filled with glee to know Santa has his eyes on me. (Spongebob floats down wrapping his house in Christmas lights) I light my house like a Christmas tree. Fa la la la la la la la la lee. 'cause Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little... (A Santa hat pops out of Spongebob's head a few times) eyes on me. (walks over to Squidward's house where Squidward is putting up lights)
• SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward? What are you doing today?
• Squidward: (singing) Stringing lights so Santa knows, in no uncertain terms...(turns the lights on) to GO AWAY!!
• SpongeBob: Okay... (skips up to Patrick with a box on a stick tied with string to a cookie)
• SpongeBob: (singing): Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me. He sees everything I do, with his left eye on me and his right eye on you!
• SpongeBob: (sees the box) Ooh, what's that?
• Patrick: It's a trap! A trap for Santa!
• SpongeBob: Ooh. Baited with Christmas treats?
• Patrick: (singing to the tune of "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy") I will trap Santa in my box. Locked up like Fort Knox and make him stop the clocks. An-an-and then we'll have Christmas all year long!
• Patrick: Hey, a cookie! (Patrick goes for the cookie and the box traps him.)
• SpongeBob: (singing) Ohh... Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly little eyes on me! Fa la la la la la la la la lee! (sees Sandy's treedome) And who is that I see? Underneath her Christmas tree?
• Sandy: (singing) Oh, Christmas, oh, Christmas is sweet mystery. I'll mix a dash of Christmas cheer with a candy cane and deconstructed alchemy.
• SpongeBob: Merry Christmas, Sandy!
• Sandy: Merry Christmas, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: (singing, skipping down to the Krusty Krab) Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly lttle eyes on me. Hi, Mr. Krabs! Are you ready for Christmas?
• Mr Krabs: Why, Christmas is me favorite time of the year. After all, 'tis the season of getting!
• SpongeBob: Don't you mean the season of giving?
• Mr Krabs: Exactly! The more you give, the more I get. (Laughs)
• (scene goes to the Chum Bucket)
• Plankton: (singing) Oh, Santa, Santa, Santa has his eye on me. He's sees everything I've done. Every plot, plan, and scheme. It's just a bit of fun. Santa has his eye on me. Every naughty deed is written in his scroll. So evermy Christmas morning, I get a stocking full of coal! (Dumps out coal from his stocking)
• Karen: Maybe you'd get a real present from Santa if you weren't the biggest jerk in Bikini Bottom.
• Plankton: I'm way ahead of you, Karen! (Periodic Table lowers from ceiling. Plankton walks over to it and sticks a piece of notepad paper on it. The oaoer says Jt, Jerktonium.) There is one element in the known universe that can turn even the nicest sap into the biggest jerk they can be! And I, Plankton have discovered it. Behold! Jerktonium! (a piece of glowing jerktonium contained in a glass capsule lowers from the ceiling).