Squidward: SpongeBob! [Frank comes in and brings him a dollar] Why don't you mop your way over the kitchen. [points at Frank] We need another Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: Sure thing. [SpongeBob walks to make a Krabby Patty. He puts a patty in a tomato and he puts too much mustard on it. Mr. Krabs opens the hot shelter and smells he that he put on too much mustard]
Mr. Krabs: What's that?
SpongeBob:[puts on the last bun] Perfection. [Mr. Krabs walks to see SpongeBob]
Mr. Krabs: I don't think so. [grabs the Krabby Patty and sees too much mustard. Mr. Krabs gets angry at SpongeBob] You used too much mustard!
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs I...
Mr. Krabs: You obviously you didn't use your hydronic mustard gage. [Mr. Krabs uses a spoon and scoops some mustard. Mr. Krabs gasps and uses only 101% seeds] You think mustard grows from seeds! [throws the spoon away] Oh, and this list all me broken! [types the typing letters and ripps off] 411 years!
Mr. Krabs: Your skills are rusty, you're not use your sharp self! Did you have breakfast this morning?
SpongeBob: Yes, I had a cup of sea kelp and a neptune muffin.
Mr. Krabs: Hmm... what would about sleep, young man. Did you get enough sleep?
SpongeBob: I did go to bed 2 minutes later usual.
Mr. Krabs:[looks at SpongeBob] That's it! [points at SpongeBob's body] You're insomniac!
Mr. Krabs: You're a person who can't sleep and you can't get enough sleep! Your mind starts to go! [SpongeBob is surprised] Here. [Gives SpongeBob the spatula and pushes him to the grill] Come on! Now, cook! [SpongeBob starts to flip patties. But Mr. Krabs caught him flipping a patty] I knew it! You lift it a patty from one side, instead of striaght up! What are you trying to do, sabotage me?! [takes a spatula and puts him outside] Now, you go home and get some rest!
SpongeBob: Oh, but sir, I can't miss work at the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: Miss work? If you keep making mistakes like that, boyo, there will be no Krusty Krab!
SpongeBob: No, Krusty Krab?!
Mr. Krabs: That's right! [points at the road] Now, get!
SpongeBob:[walks down the road] Yes, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Come back tomorrow, after a good night's sleep!
SpongeBob: I just don't get it Gary, I don't usually have a problem sleeping, do I?
Gary:[Chews his snail food]
SpongeBob: Well I am not going to allow a mistake like today to happen again. I am going straight to bed!
SpongeBob: This pillow is as hard as a rock!
SpongeBob: What to do?
Gary: Meow meow meow meow
SpongeBob: You're right Gary! Warm milk puts me right to sleep!
SpongeBob: Now, that should do the trick!
SpongeBob:[Milk pours out of SpongeBob's holes] Boy, It sure is quiet around here. Only 5 hours until I go to work. 5 hours 59 minutes, 5 hours 59 minutes 51 seconds, 5 hours 59 minutes 41 seconds! [SpongeBob throws the clock away] What if I don't get to sleep at all? [in thought] Ohhh, Mr. Krabs was right! [Camera goes on SpongeBob's eyes] I am an insomniac. What am I gonna do? (speaking) I need some help. [SpongeBob runs to Patricks] Patrick, Patrick, wake up. [SpongeBob pulls Patrick up]
Patrick: Mmmm, Spongecake. [Chews on SpongeBob's hand]
SpongeBob: Aw, fuck! Never mind that Patrick! I need your help desperately! I'm a insomniac! I need to sleep!
Patrick: Say no more buddy, I know just the thing! [Takes a deep breath and blows off the sand and grabs a book] Get comfy!
SpongeBob: Ooh! A bedtime story! [Pulls up the sand into a pillow and lays down]
Patrick: Okay. Once upon a time there was a sleepy little boy.
SpongeBob: Ah, Yay!
Patrick: And the sleepy boy was the sleepiest boy in all the kingdom!
SpongeBob: Sounds like me.
Patrick: And one night he nestled in the bed for a long slumber. And Sir Cecil, The sea sleep king sprinkled him with mystical sleepy dust. He couldn't have been cozier. When, without warning, an exitable sea troll bursted through the window. "Wakey wakey sleepy doo!" He bellowed. Then suddenly he was whisked away by eagle-winged mollusks into the night skyyyy!
SpongeBob: What are you doing? And what kind of a bedtime story is that?
Patrick: It's called "The Land of Perpetual Excitement" You know, It's a "get out of bed" story.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm trying to go to sleep.
Patrick:[Throws the book on SpongeBob's nose] Hmmm... oh I know! I'll sing you a lullaby from my childhood! "Get up be active, Get up be active, Get up be active, GET UP BE ACTIVE! GET UP BE ACTIVE! GET UP BE ACTIVE! Get up don't lie down! Get up don't lie down! Get uup don't lie downnn!
SpongeBob: Um, Patrick, that's...
Patrick: Get up don't lie down! Get up don't lie down! Get up be active! Get up be active!
SpongeBob: Patrick, this isn't...
Patrick: Get up be active! Get up be active! Get up don't lie down! Get up don't lie down!
SpongeBob: That's a catchy bit...
Patrick: Get up don't lie down! Get up don't lie down!
SpongeBob: That's an excellent number...
Patrick: Get up don't lie down! Get up don't lie down! Get up don't lie down! GET UUP DON'T LIE DOWNNN!
SpongeBob:[yelling] Patrick! This isn't help either!
Patrick: Well, what, what, well, I don't know what you want from me, it's not like I have some magic wand to wave. [Gets magic tools] Or do I...
SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles.
Patrick: Hocus, pocus!
SpongeBob: Patrick, get serious please!
Patrick: Abra zeptadra!
SpongeBob: I appreciate your efforts, but we gotta keep trying buddy.
Patrick: SpongeBob, I see you're serious about this now. I didn't want to do this, but I'm gonna let you in on a little family secret. Old grandma suffered from servere toe barnacles.
Patrick: And she invented the secret elixir for just such an emergency. Drink up.
SpongeBob: Okay... Patrick, How is this gonna-
Patrick: DRINK IT!
SpongeBob: Hey, That wasn't half bad. What was that anyway?
SpongeBob: C-C-C-Coffee? Oh, for the last time, Patrick, I'm trying to GO TO SLEEP!
SpongeBob: Uh oh.. feeling jittery, heart pounding, teeth grinding... [Legs start to run by themselves] Uh oh. [Starts to fly around and then breaks Patrick's rock] No, No! Guys, We gotta get to sleep. Well, I guess I just have to let my legs tire out before I can catch up with my weary brain.
Sea Troll: Wakey Wakey Sleepy Doo!
SpongeBob: Ahh! Sea troll! Huh? Just a shrub. Keep going till you crash SpongeBob.
Warm Milk: SpongeBob, Why'd you drink me?
SpongeBob: I'm sorry warm milk, you just tasted so good. [Rubs eyes] Shoo! That billboard is definitly NOT talking to you.
Warm Milk: Why SpongeBob, Why?
Mustard Krabs: Your wasting all me mustard Boyo!
[SpongeBob notices a giant Mr. Krabs with mustard spouts for eye stalks and runs]
Mustard Krabs: Me profits! Me profits!
[The mustard gets in SpongeBob's way and he backs up and knocks over mustard barrels]
Squidwards: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Mr. Krabs is going to be upset! [Drown SpongeBob. A seagull takes SpongeBob and takes him to a giant Patrick]
[SpongeBob gets eaten by Patrick and breaks his bed when he landed]
SpongeBob: What's this? Another vision? [sees what looks like the sun starting to rise] Why, Why? Oh, Please let me sleep for just 5 minutes!
Sir Cecil: Do not dispair my child.
SpongeBob: Sir Cecil, The sea sleep king!
Sir Cecil: Just close your eyes in slumber. And I'll sprinkle you with some magic dust! [Picks up the dust and tosses it on SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: It's getting all sleepish around here. [Goes back into reality] Thank you Sir Cecil. Hmm? Hey, looks like I finally got some sleep. Now to prepare for work. [Puts hat in a hole] For work. [Goes to work] Bye Gary.
Mr. Krabs: Boyo? [Snaps. SpongeBob flops up]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Yes sir, SpongeBob reporting for sleeping.
Mr. Krabs: Ew! You're stinking like Davy Jones' locker! Are you sure you didn't forget something boy?
SpongeBob: You're right Mr. Krabs, How could I be so forgetful?
[SpongeBob washes his hands with the mustard dispenser]
SpongeBob: All employees must wash their hands.
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing? That's not the sink! [SpongeBob gets into the mustard barrel]
SpongeBob: I know, I just need a quiet place to nap.
Mr. Krabs: You didn't hear my words, did ya? You couldn't be bothered to get some shut eye, could ya?
SpongeBob: I'm sorry Mr. Krabs, I tried, I really really tried! But my insomnia got the best of me! [SpongeBob starts to cry tears of mustard]
Mr. Krabs: Now he's crying away me mustard. THAT'S ENOUGH BOY! Me profits! [Mr. Krabs is surprised] Huh? Your crying the perfect amount! Hold it boyo, You're a natural mustard dispenser!
SpongeBob: Is that a good thing?
Mr. Krabs: Dow, uh, nuh, no, no boy. It's terrible.