Changes: Idiot Box/transcript

Revision as of 20:42, 5 July 2012

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Idiot Box" from season 3, which aired on March 1, 2002.

SpongeBob: See anything yet, Patrick?
Patrick: I need my glasses. [puts 2 glasses of water on his eyes] Hmmm, it's the mail truck!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Our package! [both start dancing & hopping]
Squidward: I didn't realize it was Happy Hopping Moron Day.
Mailman: SpongeBob SquarePants?
SpongeBob: That's me! [the mailman throws a very big box next to SpongeBob & Patrick]
Squidward: That's a big box.
SpongeBob: Thank you. [still dancing & hopping]
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, when do we stop hopping?
SpongeBob: 30 more seconds, Patrick. [rubs hands together]
Squidward: He probably ordered a lifetime supply of bubble soap. [laughs while SpongeBob & Patrick pull out a big-screen TV] Huh? A brand- new television?
SpongeBob: Easy…easy… [throw the TV onto a trash-can]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay! [jump into the box]
Squidward: Just when I thought they couldn't get any stupider. [walks off to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are now in the box] Let me get this straight, you two ordered a giant screen television just so you could play in the box?
SpongeBob: Pretty smart, huh?
Patrick: I thought it wouldn't work.
Squidward: Uh-huh, that's quite a plan there. Oh, but wait, there was something else I wanted to ask you two. What was it? Oh, yeah, yeah. DON'T YOU TWO HAVE ANY BRAINS????!!!
SpongeBob: Squidward, we don't need a television. Not as long as we have our… [makes a rainbow with his hands] …imagination.
Squidward: Wow, I never thought of it that way. That's really something. Can I have your TV?
SpongeBob: With… [makes a rainbow with his hands] …imagination, I can be anything I want! A pirate! Arr! A football player! Hut!
Patrick: A starfish!
Squidward: Patrick, you're already a starfish.
Patrick: See, Squidward? It works! You try!
Squidward: Ok, let's see. I'm imaging myself watching TV [points to the one on the trash-can] And there it is! Can I have it, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Sure, Squidward.
Squidward: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! [Squidward pushes TV in his tiki]
SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward, but if you change your mind, we'll be in this box!
Patrick: Let's play Mountain Climbing Adventure!
SpongeBob: Let's go for it! [pulls the flaps of the box over on them] Gloves!
Patrick: Check.
SpongeBob: Hats!
Patrick: Check.
SpongeBob: Underwear!
Patrick: Uh… check!
SpongeBob: OK Patrick, climb up there and secure this rope.
Patrick: You got it! [climbing noises come from the box]
SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, you're going too high!
Squidward: I hope they put some air holes in that box. [goes inside the house]
SpongeBob: Take it easy, Patrick, you've got to acclimate!
Patrick: I'll take it easy when I'm dead! I'm shaking hands with Neptune! Woo! Excelsior!
Squidward: [opens his door] Now where's that remote? [walks up to the remote, which is right next to the box. He picks it up]
Patrick: I am the lizard king! Woo!
SpongeBob: Patrick? Patrick? Patrick! I think we should keep our voices down! We might start an avalanche!
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob: I said, I think we should keep our voices down in case of avalanches!
Patrick: What should we keep down?
Squidward: Morons.
SpongeBob: OUR VOICES!!
Squidward: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?! [kicks the box, causing an avalanche, making SpongeBob & Patrick screaming & falling. Squidward starts sweating, worried he hurt them] Sponge...Bob? [Pokes the box, causing another avalanche]
Patrick: Hold me.
SpongeBob: Hang in there buddy, the chopper is on the way!
Patrick: SpongeBob! My legs are frozen solid! You're going to have to cut them off with a saw!
SpongeBob: No Patrick, I can't do that!
Patrick: Why not?
SpongeBob: Because I already cut off my own arms!
Patrick: NOOOOOO!!
[Squidward opens the box. SpongeBob and Patrick are just sitting there.]
Squidward: What? How were you two making that noise?
SpongeBob: [laughs] What noise, Squidward?
Patrick: We could only hear the sound of our laughter.
Squidward: Yes! But those sound effects: the avalanche, the, the, the…
Patrick: Don't forget the second avalanche.
Squidward: Forget it. [closes the box] I don't know why I'm wasting my time out here when I could be watching my brand new television. [helicopter sounds are heard from the box]
Pilot Inside Box: Attention climbers, please hold on! The saws are on the way!
SpongeBob and Patrick: YAY!
Squidward: Grrrr... AHA!!! [opens box] How are you two doing that?
SpongeBob: First we establish a base camp at 15,000 feet…
Squidward: The noises! How are you two making those noises?
Patrick: That's easy. All you need is a box.
SpongeBob: And… [makes a rainbow with his hands] …imagination.
Squidward: Are you trying to say that I have no imagination? I have more imagination… [tries to make a rainbow with his hands but is unsuccessful] …in one tentacle than you two have in your whole bodies.
Patrick: That's good. Now all you need is a box. [closes the box as Squidward walks back to his house]
Squidward: I'll show them! [looks for another box] There's got to be one in here! [finds a small, round green box] This hat box should do nicely. [pulls out a sombrero] Why haven't I worn this yet? [throws it off-screen, gets in the box he is too big for and just sits there staring at his watch. Kicks the box after he gets mad. Police sirens are heard]
Policeman Inside Box: Attention! We have you surrounded! Come out with your hands up!
Squidward: What do they want with me? What did I do? I must have violated some new box kicking law! [walks out of house with the green box] Look officers, everything's OK. I won't do it again!
Criminal Inside Box: You'll never take me alive, coppers!
Man Inside Box: No, Johnny! Don't do it! [Squidward kicks the green box]
Patrick: [opens box] Oh boy! Another box! [Patrick takes the hat box and closes the box they're sitting in, police sirens are heard]
Squidward: I got to try to relax. Perhaps I can drown out their childish games with a little TV. [turns on TV to see a box conveyor belt channel]
Host: It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly. [changes channel to see a professor talk about a box equation]
Professor: The equation is illustrated here by this box. [changes channel to a soap opera]
Man: I couldn't afford a present this year, so I got you this box. [both hold up boxes]
Woman: That's what I got you!
Squidward: Isn't there anything on that isn't about boxes?! [changes channel]
Host: And welcome back to Championship Boxing.
Squidward: Heh-heh, I guess this is ok. I mean, it's not really about boxes. [two cardboard boxes are going at each other] I give up.
Astronaut Inside Box: 3…2…1…blast off! [loud take off noises]
Squidward: How are they doing that? That was the most realistic space launch I ever heard! There must be an explanation. Think, Squidward, think! [imagines of a tape recorder they have and playing real effects]
SpongeBob: Squidward's such a jerk. [both laugh]
Squidward: Laugh at me, will they? [opens box] All right, where is it?
Patrick: [comes out of Squidward's green box] Here I am!
SpongeBob: Where's what, Squidward?
Squidward: Don't "Where's what, Squidward?" me! Where's the tape recorder?
SpongeBob: We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward!
Squidward: Don't "We don't have a tape recorder, Squidward" me!
SpongeBob: But we don't!
Patrick: We have a tape recorder box.
Squidward: All right, make way you two, I'm coming in. [gets into box]
SpongeBob: Welcome aboard, Squidward! You've just set sail on the S.S… [makes a rainbow with his hands] …Imagination. Where our only destination is fantastic adventure! Where do you want to go first?
Squidward: Don't mind me, I'm just here to observe.
SpongeBob: Squidward, don't you see? Waiting and watching? That's not what the box is all about! It's all about… [makes a rainbow with his hands] …imagination.
Squidward: All right, fine! Take me to Robot Pirate Island! I want to arm wrestle with cowboys on the moon! Just do it so I can get back and watch TV!
SpongeBob: Ok, Squidward! Robot Pirate Island it is! [SpongeBob and Patrick close their eyes and make pirate and robot noises]
Patrick: Beep beep Beep.
SpongeBob: Arr.
Patrick: Boop boop boobeep.
SpongeBob: Ahoy matey!
Patrick: Beep beep.
SpongeBob: For that you'll walk the plank! [Both laugh]
Squidward: WHY WON'T THIS THING TURN ON?! All right, fine. If you don't want to show me, I don't care! I've got better things to do than pace the floor wondering how you two work this thing. [cut to Squidward pacing in living room] How do those two work that thing? There's got to be a secret button or a switch or something! I mean, listen to that! [hears robot pirate battle noises from box] That sounds like Robot Pirate Island! Think, Squidward, think! I got it! When those two go to bed, I'll sneak in there and find that button. I'll wait all night if I have to!
Patrick: [fire works are herd both come out of box] I need sleep to refuel my imagination tanks!
SpongeBob: I still can't believe those pirates beat all those robots.
Patrick: See you in the morning.
SpongeBob: Good-night, Patrick.
[Squidward sneaks out to get into the box]
Squidward: [sees a piece of paper on the wall] Hello, what's this? ["This plaque is to commemorate the brave pirates who gave their lives to keep this box safe from the Robot Menace. Lest we forget…". tears paper] I've got to find that button quick! [looks around box] It's got to be around here somewhere. I don't see anything! It's just an empty box! Maybe it really was their imagination. Oh…get yourself together, Squidward! I mean, do I really believe that if I sit here and pretend to drive a race car that I'm suddenly going to start hearing noises? [steps on the imaginary gas pedal and hears the actual noise] What the…? [Squidward turns the imaginary key] It actually works! [garbage truck takes box away] I can't believe it! Oh boy! This beats TV by a long shot! This is the most fun I've ever had!
SpongeBob: Listen to that, Gary. Squidward finally made the box work after all. That is so great.
Squidward: Only two more laps to the finish line! [the garbage truck dumps out the trash] I'm in the lead! Out of my way! I'm almost there! Victory is mine! [box slides down a trash pile until it hits something, sending Squidward into a cherry pie]
[The next morning…]
SpongeBob: Hey, our box is gone!
Patrick: Oh well.
SpongeBob: I know! Let's go see Squidward!
Patrick: I hope he's not too down in the dumps today. [timpani noise sounds and the screen fades to black]

@@ Line 121: / Line 121: @@
 {{L|SpongeBob|Good-night, Patrick.}}
 {{L|''[Squidward sneaks out to get into the box]''}}
-{{L|Squidward|''[sees a piece of paper on the wall]'' Hello, what's this? ''["This plaque is to commemorate the brave pirates who gave their lives to keep this box safe from the Robot Menace. Lest we forget…"]''[tears paper]'' I've got to find that button quick! ''[looks around box]'' It's got to be around here somewhere. I don't see anything! It's just an empty box! Maybe it really was their imagination. Oh…get yourself together, Squidward! I mean, do I really believe that if I sit here and pretend to drive a race car that I'm suddenly going to start hearing noises? ''[steps on the imaginary gas pedal and hears the actual noise]'' What the…? ''[Squidward turns the imaginary key]'' It actually works! ''[garbage truck takes box away]'' I can't believe it! Oh boy! This beats TV by a long shot! This is the most fun I've ever had!}}
+{{L|Squidward|''[sees a piece of paper on the wall]'' Hello, what's this? ''["This plaque is to commemorate the brave pirates who gave their lives to keep this box safe from the Robot Menace. Lest we forget…". tears paper]'' I've got to find that button quick! ''[looks around box]'' It's got to be around here somewhere. I don't see anything! It's just an empty box! Maybe it really was their imagination. Oh…get yourself together, Squidward! I mean, do I really believe that if I sit here and pretend to drive a race car that I'm suddenly going to start hearing noises? ''[steps on the imaginary gas pedal and hears the actual noise]'' What the…? ''[Squidward turns the imaginary key]'' It actually works! ''[garbage truck takes box away]'' I can't believe it! Oh boy! This beats TV by a long shot! This is the most fun I've ever had!}}
 {{L|SpongeBob|Listen to that, Gary. Squidward finally made the box work after all. That is so great.}}
 {{L|Squidward|Only two more laps to the finish line! ''[the garbage truck dumps out the trash]'' I'm in the lead! Out of my way! I'm almost there! Victory is mine! ''[box slides down a trash pile until it hits something, sending Squidward into a cherry pie]''}}