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"I Was a Teenage Gary" (transcript)

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I Was a Teenage Gary
General
Season №: 1
Episode №: 13b
Airdate: October 28, 1999
Chronology
Previous: "Scaredy Pants"
Next: "SB-129"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "I Was a Teenage Gary" from season one, which aired on October 28, 1999.

  • [Title card is shown, title jumps on, and a snail trail follows at the end of the title card showing]
  • SpongeBob: [Gary is on his exercise wheel] Exercise time is over, Gary. [takes Gary off his wheel] We don't want you getting too thin. [holds up a green, squishy ball] Here, boy. Fetch! [throws it and Gary goes after it but at a slow pace. SpongeBob checks his watch and goes sits on a chair and takes out the newspaper to read. Morning arrives and SpongeBob is asleep in the chair. Gary crawls up to SpongeBob and spits out the ball]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Huh? [sees the ball on the ground] Good job Gary! [He jumps to Gary] I love you Gary! [He starts scratching Gary] Gary Gary Gary Gary Gary! [Gary climbs up on SpongeBob, tickling him] Ha Ha! Down boy! Ha ha! [Patrick comes through the door]
  • Patrick: SpongeBob! Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready?
  • SpongeBob: For what?
  • Patrick: The annual jellyfish convention in Ukulele Bottom this weekend! [shows his jellyfishing net off until he hits something breakable and gets red in the face] So, you ready or what?
  • SpongeBob: That was this weekend? [He looks up at Gary who's still crawling all over him trying to tickle him] I cant go! I don't have anyone to take care of Gary! [Theres a knock on the door. Squidward is seen outside. The door opens, but the first thing Squidward sees is Gary on SpongeBobs head. He looks down at SpongeBob and reveals a pair of underwear]
  • Squidward: Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, could you watch Gary this weekend?
  • Squidward: What's a Gary?
  • SpongeBob: Not a Gary...Gary. He's my pet snail. [shows Gary to Squidward] Say hello! [Gary is drooling a lot]
  • Squidward: Yuck. You actually care for that thing?
  • SpongeBob: I love Gary!
  • Squidward: Well, I don't. Get somebody else. [walks off]
  • SpongeBob: I guess we can't go away this weekend after all, Patrick. [Squidward stops]
  • Squidward: Go away? [walks back to Spongebob's Pineapple] You mean, if I watch Gary, you guys will be gone all weekend?
  • SpongeBob: Actually, a three day weekend.
  • Squidward: As in, not here for three days?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, but you've already said you can't do it, we understand.
  • Patrick: Don't feel bad, Squidward. The three of us can still have our own jellyfish convention at your house!
  • Squidward: I changed my mind. You guys deserve a weekend away.
  • SpongeBob: You'll do it? Great! Let me show you a little bit about snail care. You need to take Gary for a walk... [SpongeBob explains the daily routine with Gary but Squidward is thinking of how much fun he'll have with SpongeBob & Patrick away]
  • Squidward: Friday, Saturday and Sunday. A three-day weekend.
  • SpongeBob: Let me show you how to feed him. [opens a cabinet with a bunch of barrels of Garys food] The cans are all marked, a can in the morning and a can at night.
  • Squidward: Sure it's enough? [bus drives up to the pineapple with other jellyfishers inside]
  • Group: Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing!
  • Patrick: The bus is here! The bus is here! [crashes through the wall and through the bus leaving his starfish shape through each hole] C'mon, SpongeBob!
  • Group: Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing!
  • Squidward: [pushing SpongeBob out of the house] Well, time to go. Don't want to be late. Have fun, bye-bye.
  • SpongeBob: Now, you wont forget my instructions, will you?
  • Squidward: I have the memory of an elephant, I'll take good care of Fred.
  • SpongeBob: Gary.
  • Squidward: Right, yeah, right. [bus drives off] Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! So long, losers! [laughs with joy] They're gone! [runs inside his Easter Island Head. Gary peeks his eyes out the window]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • Squidward: [comes out with shorts on and his nose with sunscreen on it and a chair. Unfolds the chair and sits on it] This is going to be the best three days of my life. [sighs and lays back with a sun reflector in front of him] I'm going to do all the things I can't normally do because of SpongeBob. [The time card "3 Days Later" appears, and now Squidward is badly sunburned, The bus comes back as the group is chanting "jellyfishing"] Well, thus ends the greatest weekend of my life. No SpongeBob, no Patrick, nothing but me, me, me. [Squidward sees Gary through the window. Gary growls. Squidwards sunburn drains] [screams] The snail! I forgot the snail! [runs inside the pineapple where Gary is old and withered on the floor. Squidward takes him inside to the kitchen] I've got to do something. [takes all the barrels of food and puts it in his bowl] Ok, ok ,ok. Here we go. Here we go. Right here. [throws the food at Gary trying to get him to eat it] Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. You've gotta finish this food!
  • SpongeBob: See you later, Patrick.
  • Squidward: Come on, eat! Eat!! EAT!!! [SpongeBob gets his house key out. Squidward has to decide about the food] Ohh...
  • SpongeBob: [sticks the key in the hole and opens the door] Gary! I'm home!
  • Squidward: [greets SpongeBob with a head full of Garys food that he ate] Hi, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Squidward! What are you doing here? [Squid swallows all the food]
  • Squidward: Oh, just checking up on old Gary for you.
  • SpongeBob: What a great friend you are, Squidward.
  • Squidward: So, uhh, well, see you. Good-bye.
  • SpongeBob: Thanks, Squidward. [Gary crawls to SpongeBob still old and wrinkly] I can always count on you. [Gary moans and SpongeBob screams] Gary! Gary, what's happened to you? What's wrong? Squidward, something's wrong with Gary! Squidward! [Squidward frowns cause he can't leave. Later, the doctors snail-mobile is in front of the pineapple]
  • Dr. Gill Gilliam: Yes, yes, it's just as I thought.
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Dr. Gill Gilliam: This is definitely a snail.
  • SpongeBob: I knew it! Oh Squid, did you hear that?
  • Dr. Gill Gilliam: Therefore, a shot of snail plasma must be carefully administered. Here you go. [hands the shot to SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Aren't you going to do it?
  • Dr. Gill Gilliam: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm too squeamish. [doctor leaves. Squidward runs after him]
  • Squidward: Uhh, hey, doc, let me help you with your bag there.
  • SpongeBob: Squid, wait! I can't give Gary his plasma. I'm squeamish too.
  • Squidward: Aww, SpongeBob, I don't want to do... [Gary moans and coughs badly]
  • SpongeBob: Gary!
  • Squidward: Ok, ok, I'll do it. [takes the shot]
  • SpongeBob: Now, don't hurt him, Squidward. Ok, ok, steady. [Squidward tries to give Gary the shot but SpongeBob pulls him away] Wait, thats too hard. Ok, ok, ok, try it again. [Squidward keeps trying but gets the same result every time]
  • Squidward: Will you hold him still? [snail plasma shot in SpongeBob's nose]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, you're injected me with snail plasma.
  • Squidward: Well, you made me do it.
  • SpongeBob: What's going to happen to me?
  • Squidward: Oh, nothing, it's just a little snail plasma.
  • SpongeBob: I don't know, I feel kind of funny!
  • Squidward: I'm telling you, its all in your head. [Gary crawls to his water bowl to get a drink. After drinking the water, he gargles, clears his throat, and meows normally again.]
  • Squidward: He just needed water?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Gary, you're better! [hugs him]
  • Squidward: Oh, how touching. I'm going to go home and throw up. Good night.
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, wait, the snail plasma!
  • Squidward: Trust me SpongeBob, nothing's going to happen to you. You're fine. [closes door]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry Gary, Squidward says I'll be fine. He knows everything. So, you hungry?
  • Gary: [jumps up] Meow! [SpongeBob pours food into Garys bowl but decides to see what it tastes like. He likes it so he eats all of it. Then walks to Gary with the empty bowl]
  • SpongeBob: Here ya go. Eat up, Gary.
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: Sorry Gary, I couldn't control myself. [burps] Meow. Why did I just do that? Am I cracking up?
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: No, no, Squidward's right. I'm fine. I-I worry too much. It's all in my head. I feel tip-top!
  • [SpongeBob begins to walk out of the kitchen. His feet make loud pounding noises as they hit the floor, and he begins to go slower and slower. Soon Gary is going faster then he is.]
  • SpongeBob: Gary, you're getting a [voice slows, lowers] lot faster!
  • [SpongeBob sluggishly walks into the bathroom, and Gary follows him. He looks in the mirror, and his voice echoes as he speaks.]
  • SpongeBob: Look at me. Never better. [He yelps as dramatic music begins to play in the background. His head begins to throb, and his pores begin to grow and shrink, before returning to normal.] I'm okay! Squidward said I'm fine!
  • [What he doesn't realize is that the worst is yet to come. His eyes bug out of his head, causing him to yell. The camera rotates around so we can get a side view of SpongeBob. He blinks, and his eyes briefly pop back into his head and return to normal. But this relief only lasts for about half a second. Then, his eyes bulge out even farther than before, and it looks very unnatural. They bulge for a while, and then they begin to transform, taking the shape and form of snail's eyes, with stalks. The sight causes SpongeBob's jaw to drop, and he screams louder. SpongeBob stares in the bathroom mirror at his brand-new eyestalks, which now have skin and eyelids around them. He turns to Gary.]
  • SpongeBob: Gary... I'm fine!
  • [But SpongeBob is not fine. Gary watches in horror as his owner falls onto his hands and knees, straining in pain.]
  • SpongeBob: [in so much pain that he is barely comprehensible] Yyyyyy-yyyooooou'll see. [grunts and strains as his hand and arm slowly retract into his sleeve, which then pops off and bounces away] That's okay, I'm a lefty anyway!
  • [Then, SpongeBob's feet and legs retract into his pants.]
  • SpongeBob: [laughs nervously] Ha! Now I don't have to buy those new shoes! [his body shortens up like a snail and he screams] I take it back, Gary. Something is wrong with meeeeeow!
  • Squidward: [in his bed] I hope I never see another snail again. Good night, Clary. [knock on door and doorbell rings] I wonder who that could be as if I didn't already know. [Squidward walks to the door and opens it] SpongeBob, I already told you. You're gonna be just fi-i-i... [SpongeBob is a fully breaded snail now]
  • SpongeBob: Meow!
  • Squidward: [screams]
  • SpongeBob: Meow! Meow. [Squidward touches SpongeBob's left eye and it curls up]
  • Squidward: [screams and runs back inside shutting the door]
  • Squidward: SpongeBob? Oh, Neptune, what have I done? [picks up the snail plasma shot] Its all your fault. [throws it away] Ok, ok, ok, ok, get it together, Squidward.
  • SpongeBob: Meow! [Squidward screams and puts boards on his door. Turns around and SpongeBob is at his window] Meow. Meow. [Squidward screams] Meow! [Squidward puts more boards on his window but SpongeBob squeezes through the boards holes] Meow. Meow. [Squidward screams and runs into his closet]
  • Squidward: None of this would be happening if I'd only fed the snail! [SpongeBob squeezes in from under the door, and meows. Squidward screams and runs through his door, Spongebob meows, Squidward runs up and down his ceiling while SpongeBob keeps meowing at him. Outside, his house is bouncing from side to side until its flipped on its side completely. Everything is broken and torn inside. Squidward sits up but is injected with the snail plasma through his nose]
  • Squidward: Uh-oh! [now SpongeBob, Squidward, and Gary are on a fence singing "Blow the Man Down"]
  • Gary: Meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Bb], meow [G], meow [Eb] .
  • SpongeBob: Meow [G], meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Bb], meow [G] .
  • Squidward: Meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Ab], meow [G], meow [Ab], meow [F] .
  • Gary: Meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Bb], meow [G], meow [Eb] .
  • SpongeBob: Meow [G], meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Bb], meow [G] .
  • Squidward: Meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Ab], meow [G], meow [Ab], meow [F] .
  • Gary: Meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Bb], meow [G], meow [Eb] .
  • Patrick: [Patrick is wearing pajamas] Will you clam up?! [throws a boot]
  • Squidward: Meow [Bb], meow [C] ... Arf! [boot knocks him off the fence]
  • Gary: Meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Bb], meow [G], meow [Eb] .
  • SpongeBob: Meow [G], meow [Bb], meow [C], meow [Bb], meow [G] .
  • Squidward: Meow [Bb], meow [Bb], meow [Bb], meow [Bb], meow [Ab], meow [G], meow [Ab], meow [F], meow [Eb] ..

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