Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Home Sweet Rubble" from season 8, which aired on April 4, 2012.

  • [the sun beats down on SpongeBob's house, and crown of the pineapple wilts]
  • SpongeBob: [wakes up, yawns, and stretches. He climbs out of bed, and his feet sink into the floor. He walks up to the bedroom window and opens it] Ahh... what could go wrong on a beautiful day like this? [the window twists and falls off as he walks into the kitchen] Gary, time for breakfast! [reaches for the cans of snail food on the shelf, but said shelf falls] The house must be settling. [pushes shelf hook into place] Oh, that's better. [the shelf, including the piece of wall it was on, collapses] I can fix this. I'll feed you when I'm done. [walks out of the kitchen]
  • Gary: [imitating SpongeBob] Meow meow meow meow meow.
  • SpongeBob: [boards up the collapsed piece of wall] Just a little handyman's know-how is all it takes, Gary! [he hammers again, and the wall collapses a second time]
  • Gary: [holding food bowl] Meow meow meow meow!
  • SpongeBob: Oh! Sorry, Gary. You want to eat, huh? Don't worry, I can fix both problems.
  • SpongeBob: [cut to SpongeBob re-boarding the wall from the outside] Okay, now that that's taken care of, time to feed Gary. [walks back inside just as the house continues rotting. He enters the kitchen to find a big mess, with the room flooding and the wallpaper peeling off. He pauses for a second, then walks into the living room to see the ceiling wet and sagging] Oh no! This is worse than I thought! [runs to get a broom and mop to hold the ceiling up] My door! [runs to the door with a chair to keep hold it up. He gasps, runs to the window, then takes off a TV antenna to hold up its frame; he then screams as the broom and mop break, and he runs to the ceiling to hold it up himself. He gets squished on the floor, but quickly gets back up and holds it with his head] Patrick! Patrick! [cut to Patrick sleeping on top of his rock] Patrick!
  • Patrick: [dreaming he is in a large office room, silently fidgeting with objects on his desk. The phone beeps.]
  • Telephone Girl: Mr. Star, I have a SpongeBob SquarePants on line 3!
  • Patrick: Put him through. [he answers the phone]
  • SpongeBob: [through phone] Patrick! [cut back to reality. Patrick wakes up] Patrick! Patrick Star!
  • Patrick: Oh, hey, buddy! You really need to clean up around here. [the pineapple falls on Squidward's house]
  • Squidward: [wakes up scared] It's The Big One! It's the end of the world! Invest in gold! Hoard your drinking wa- [looks out the window to see the rotting pineapple leaning against his house. He sighs] I should've known. [goes to SpongeBob's house] What's going on in here?!
  • SpongeBob: You're just in time to lend a hand, Squidward!
  • Squidward: Lend a hand? No! [Patrick grabs Squidward and stretches him across the house, then doubles back and goes inside. He wraps the tentacle around a potted plant. The outer wall peels away, and SpongeBob jumps to the window frame to hold it up]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, call Sandy! Tell her to get over here fast!
  • Patrick: [ties Squidward's tentacles] Say no more, buddy!
  • SpongeBob: Hurry, Patrick! I don't know how much longer I can hold this!
  • Patrick: [dials Sandy on a nearby phone]
  • Sandy: Howdy! Cheeks residence.
  • Patrick: Sandy, don't hang up!
  • Sandy: What do you want?
  • Patrick: Oh, nothing. I'm just hanging with the sponge. How about you?
  • Sandy: Oh, you know. A little of this, a little of that, A little vacuuming...
  • Patrick: [chuckles] Sounds like fun. I wish I was over there. SpongeBob's house is boring. Heh, there's nothing going on over here. [a piece of the wall peels off next to him, landing on the side table]
  • Sandy: Well, that sure don't sound like nothing. What's all the ruckus?
  • Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob's pineapple is rotting and falling apart all around us... and we're doomed.
  • Sandy: I'll be right over!
  • Patrick: Oh, take your time...
  • SpongeBob: [cut to later. The window frame has fallen off, and SpongeBob's standing on top of his house] Holding steady, Patrick. But, who knows how long this support system will last?
  • Squidward: [SpongeBob snaps Squidward's tentacle] Ow.
  • Sandy: This place sure went to pot, quick. Knockity knock, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: No, Sandy, don't! We must never, ever knock. This pineapple could topple over the slightest ges- [he touches the pineapple, but he quickly retreats his hand after it starts shaking] -ture.
  • Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs approaches SpongeBob from behind] SpongeBob, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be at work two hours ago! [cut to a massive line of customers at the Krusty Krab]
  • Frank (lifeguard): Hello? Anybody here? Hello?! [turns around to face the other customers] Do you guys know how to make a Krabby Patty?
  • Dave: No, but I do know how to open a cash register! [cut back to SpongeBob's house]
  • Mr. Krabs: Your absence is costing me money!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I know. I'm sorry, but my hou-
  • Mr. Krabs: And, Squidward! I expect more from you. Well, actually, no... I don't.
  • Sandy: Well, I'm with you, SpongeBob. And I've got the toolbox to prove it!
  • Patrick: I'm here because... wait a minute, why am I here? SpongeBob, I'm having another exit pencils crisis!
  • SpongeBob: Not now, Patrick. And Squidward has done a great job holding it all together!
  • Squidward: Against my will, I might add.
  • SpongeBob: So what do you say, Mr. Krabs? Will you help?
  • Mr. Krabs: Well... I suppose I could join the cause. But, it'll have to be our standard deal.
  • SpongeBob: A week of my wages per hour?
  • Mr. Krabs: You got it, kiddo.
  • Sandy: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this restoration underway! [hands SpongeBob a large armful of supplies]
  • Sandy: [hammers a nail into a board using one of her elaborate machines] Perfectly calibrated! [the hammer smashes her finger and traps it between the hammer and the board] Ow! [she tries to pull her finger out, she frees her finger, but the glove itself was still stuck, she tries to free it, but the machine falls on top of her]
  • Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs carves into a plank using a chisel and hammer, creating a money-esque landscape.] Not a bad bit of wainscottery if I do say so me-self. Now to put the finishing touches on her. [he continues hammering, and it breaks] Oh.
  • Patrick: [While inspecting a plank] Hmm. Hmm. Yep. Uh-huh. Hmm... [shoves the plank into the outer wall]
  • SpongeBob: Um... excuse me, everyone? Not to micromanage or anything, but do any of you actually know how to build a pineapple?!
  • Sandy: Well, of course we do, silly. Firstly, every pineapple needs a solid foundation to keep it firmly in place...
  • Mr. Krabs: [chuckling] Not exactly, Miss Cheeks. A pineapple needs to be mobile, with a strong hull attached in case you need to skip town unexpectedly.
  • Patrick: Wrong! [rips out the board he previously placed in the house, now with a piece of pineapple dangling from the end] A pineapple needs a sweet, but tangy flavor. [eats the rotten pineapple piece]
  • SpongeBob: Those are all very great ideas, but...
  • Sandy: But arguing about it ain't gonna get this pineapple fixed. Good point! [slaps SpongeBob on the back] Okay, fellas, from now on, we incorporate everyone's ideas.
  • Patrick and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
  • SpongeBob: Uh, that's not exactly what I had in mind, Sandy- [gets run over by his furniture, which Sandy is pushing out]
  • Sandy: First thing you gotta do is clean out all this old junk.
  • SpongeBob: [crawls from the pile of furniture and onto the walkway] Sandy, my furniture is perfectly fine.
  • Mr. Krabs: Heads up! [runs over SpongeBob with a grill and takes it into the living room] Careful, boy. I thought I'd install a grill in your TV room for those nights where you have to bring work home with you.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, but I like to watch TV in my TV room.
  • Sandy: Well, this ain't the TV room, anymore. This is your indoor garden. [waters the plants she put in the room]
  • SpongeBob: But, the sofa goes there.
  • Sandy: Oh, I know. But, isn't this better?
  • Gary: [holding a can on his shell] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Gary, do you ever feel like you're not being listened to? [walks back outside]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Sandy, we need to talk.
  • Sandy: About these columns? Nice, huh? Gives the pineapple an intellectual flavor.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, but I kind of liked my pineapple the way it was. I don't need all these fancy- [gets splattered by paint]
  • Sandy: Sorry, buddy. I-I can't understand you. You've got something in your mouth.
  • Mr. Krabs: [while painting the pineapple with a finishing trowel] Ho ho, kiddo. Look out. I'm just applying some nice stucco exterior here.
  • SpongeBob: [wipes some of the stucco off his mouth] I guess what I'm trying to say is there's nothing wrong with a pineapple that looks like a pineapple.
  • Gary: [carrying a can] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Oh, no, Gary! I still haven't fed you. Let's take care of that right now, little bud-
  • Patrick: [pushes an oblong rock and leans it against the side of SpongeBob's house] It's just not a house without a rock to sleep under.
  • Sandy: Well, what do you think, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: It's, uh...
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes?
  • SpongeBob: It's, uh...
  • Sandy: Fantastic?
  • SpongeBob: It's, uh...
  • Patrick: I'm hungry.
  • SpongeBob: You all worked very hard.
  • Mr. Krabs and Patrick: Whoo-hoo!
  • Sandy: Yee-haw!
  • Mr. Krabs: And, since you're such a satisfied customer, I only charged you double. [Mr. Krabs, Sandy and Patrick all leave]
  • Sandy: Good job, fellers!
  • Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy!
  • Patrick: I'm starving. [chuckles]
  • [cut to SpongeBob and Gary going inside their new house]
  • SpongeBob: Well, Gary. Here it is. Our new home. [sits down in a sand chair] Hmm. This must be Patrick's contribution to the living room. [the chair sinks partially. He gets up and walks to a nearby shelf] Hey, vintage condiment jugs! Thank you, Mr. Krabs! [presses down on the mustard dispenser, and dry mustard flies out and lands in SpongeBob's eyes in slow motion, burning them] Yaah! [He screams in regular motion and runs into the bathroom, redesigned by Sandy] Gary, where's the sink?!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [washes his face off in a toilet, which flushes] Gary, I don't think that was the sink.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [sarcastically] Thanks for the futuristic bathroom, Sandy.
  • [a robot arm grabs SpongeBob and cleans the toilet with him like a kitchen sponge]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Well, this isn't exactly home sweet pineapple, but I suppose it could be much worse. We still a roof over our heads and food on the table. Hey, that reminds me! You still haven't eaten today, have you? Sorry, buddy. You must be famished. [takes a can off a shelf that Squidward is holding in place]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • [Squidward's tentacles slip through the holes in the walls. He unravels as the stucco falls off the house, revealing the rotten exterior, and everything begins falling apart again]
  • Squidward: Ah! I'm unraveling! [the pineapple collapses to dust. Squidward pops out angrily] If you ever, and I mean ever- [his neck cracks] Ow! My neck. I'm gonna be in the chiropractor's for a week. [walks away]
  • SpongeBob: Well, Gary. There's only one thing left to do: [picks up the phone from the pile of rubble] call and have this place condemned. [dials the operator as Gary leaves to get something] Hello, operator. City hall, please, Office of Broken Dreams.
  • Gary: [returns with his food can] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Gary, I'm sorry. With all this house ruckus, I completely forgot to feed you. Here you go, buddy. [SpongeBob opens the can, and a huge pineapple house flies out of it, landing on the pile of remains of SpongeBob's old house. He and Gary look around the living room, then SpongeBob reads off the can] Furnished! Pineapple in a Can. Oh, Gary! You are the best! [laughs and hugs Gary]
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