This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Hide and Then What Happens?" from season 7, which aired on August 9, 2010.
- SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick!
- Patrick: Hi, uh...
- SpongeBob: SpongeBob.
- Patrick: SpongeBob!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick stare at each other for about 30 seconds, blinking occasionally]
- SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick!
- Patrick: Yeah?
- SpongeBob: You wanna play hide-and-seek?
- Patrick: Yeah!
- SpongeBob: Okay! I figure that that spot over there by those rocks is a good place to-
- Patrick: SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Yeah...?
- Patrick: Do I have to know what hide-and-seek is in order to play it?
- SpongeBob: [laughs] C'mon, Patrick, quit fooling around! We've played hide-and-seek dozens of times!
- Patrick: Dozens?
- SpongeBob: Thousands!
- Patrick: Thousands?!
- SpongeBob: Well, I don't know for sure how many I...
- Patrick: Gosh!
- SpongeBob: Gosh what?
- Patrick: I didn't know hide-and-seek had so much mathematics.
- [Bubble transition changes the scene]
- SpongeBob: Patrick, it's simple. [stands behind a rock] A person stands behind a rock, like this. [covers his eyes] Then they cover their eyes. [uncovers one of his eyes] And count while the other person runs and hides!
- Patrick: Hey, you're peeking!
- SpongeBob: I thought you said you didn't know how to play.
- Patrick: Play what?
- SpongeBob: Hide-and-seek!
- Patrick: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! I do! I do know how to play!
- SpongeBob: Oh, good!
- Patrick: I- I just have one tiny question.
- SpongeBob: What's that?
- Patrick: What's hide-and-seek? [Bubble transition changes the scene]
- SpongeBob: [with socks on his hands] You think you're getting it now, Patrick? Did you find the sock puppet demonstration to be useful?
- Patrick: Hide-and-seek: a game played by two or more players in which one player chosen at random counts aloud to a pre-determined number while the remaining players hide. Upon reaching said number, the counting player now embarks on a search for the other players. [SpongeBob takes his socks off his hands and puts them back on his feet] The search continues until all players are located and a winner is determined.
- SpongeBob: Hey, you really are getting it!
- Patrick: Hide-and-seek sure sounds fun, [gets choked up] I just wish I could play! [starts crying]
- SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick, come on. Of course we can play!
- Patrick: Oh no! I can't! [sobbing in despair]
- SpongeBob: Why can't you?
- Patrick: Because... I don't have any socks! [bawls uncontrollably]
- SpongeBob: No, Patrick, forget about the socks.
- Patrick: What socks?
- SpongeBob: Never mind, just start counting.
- Patrick: [covers his eyes] One, two, three... [continues counting]
- SpongeBob: That's perfect! Now I'm gonna run and hide.
- Patrick: Seven, eight...
- SpongeBob: Now I'm all over, where am I gonna hide? [looks to the right, then the left] Hmmm. [lifts his finger up, then puts his finger in his mouth and sticks out his tongue before licking his finger and puts the finger in and out] That's definitely one idea.
- Patrick: Seventy-eight, seventy-nine, a hundred! Four! A-ha! I found you. I win, I win, I win! In your face! [pokes SpongeBob in the face] I must be the best hide-and-seek player ever!
- SpongeBob: All right, it's my turn to count. You know what you're supposed to do right?
- Patrick: Of course! I'm the best hide-and-seek player ever aren't I?
- SpongeBob: Right. Here I go. [covers eyes] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight...
- Patrick: [thinking] Do you hear that? No, what is that? Oh, it's SpongeBob. Why is he counting? I guess I'll just go home, maybe or later he'll want to play a game, or something.
- SpongeBob: Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty... [Patrick lifts up his rock and jumps in] Ninety-nine, [uncovers eyes] a hundred! Now where is he hiding? [looks at Patrick's rock] Nah, way too obvious. [walks away, little realizing that Patrick was taking out his trash] Come out, come out wherever you are! [looks behind kelp and through a rock, but the rock is upside down a flower springs behind him] Patrick! [sees something that looks like Patrick's head, sticking out of the ground] Patrick! [lifts his head up, but it is brain coral] This is gonna be harder than I thought.
- Squidward: La da dee, la da dum, la da doo... [reaches for his keys]
- SpongeBob: Squidward! [Squidward is rummaging now] Squidward! [Squidward is flicking] Squidward!
- Squidward: No! [flicks through carrots]
- SpongeBob: Squidward! [Squidward tries to get in the house, but the key snaps, meaning he is stuck with SpongeBob, then screams]
- SpongeBob: Squidward.
- Squidward: [yelling] What?!
- SpongeBob: I'm playing hide-and-seek with Patrick and I was wondering if I could search for him in your house.
- Squidward: No.
- SpongeBob: Okay. See ya, bye.
- Mr. Krabs: Patty's kr- [bangs into a letter] What the... [an A falls near him] Time for the shelter! Doomsday came sooner than I thought.
- SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, how do they know my name?
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, up here!
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? What are you doing?
- SpongeBob: I'm playing hide-and-seek with Patrick. I thought I'd look for him on this sign.
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! That makes me furious!
- SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I'll clean it up.
- Mr. Krabs: It's not that! It's just that you haven't paid the fee.
- SpongeBob: The fee?
- Mr. Krabs: Yeah, you know. The Krusty Krab Hide-and-Go Seekers' Fee. For playing hide-and-seek on Krusty Krab premises.
- SpongeBob: Oh, that one. I almost forgot. [throws coins into Mr. Krabs' chest]
- Mr. Krabs: Okay! Good luck finding him!
- SpongeBob: Thanks Mr. Krabs! Darn it! [cut scene to boating school and the bell rings. SpongeBob is looking under boats]
- Mrs. Puff: Where could that awful noise be coming from? It's been going on for hours now. SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Hi, Mrs. Puff.
- Mrs. Puff: What are you doing? My class can hardly hear me teach.
- SpongeBob: I'm trying to lift this boat. I think Patrick's hiding underneath it.
- Mrs. Puff: Why would he be doing that?
- SpongeBob: Because we're playing hide-and-seek. Wanna play?
- Mrs. Puff: Me? Why, no, I couldn't.
- SpongeBob: Are you sure?
- Mrs. Puff: [blandly] Yes.
- SpongeBob: Are you sure you're sure?
- Mrs. Puff: Yes.
- SpongeBob: Are you sure you're sure you're sure?
- Mrs. Puff: [impatiently] Yes, I'm sure.
- SpongeBob: Are you sure you're sure you're sure you're sure?
- Mrs. Puff: Yes.
- SpongeBob: Are you sure you're sure you're sure you're sure you're sure... you're sure? [Mrs. Puff starts sweating]
- Mrs. Puff: [infuriatedly] Actually, SpongeBob, I will play. [lifts up the boat and throws it, creating a fire]
- SpongeBob: Nope, he's not under there. Thanks for checking under your car, Mrs. Puff. [a burning wheel passes by them]
- Sandy: Yes? [SpongeBob rushes through the door] SpongeBob? What are you doing with that magnifying glass?
- SpongeBob: Looking for Patrick. I've been seeking and seeking all day, but I can't find him.
- Sandy: Oh, that's terrible news.
- SpongeBob: I know.
- Sandy: Come on. You ain't gonna find him with that drab little thing. I've got something better. [pushes a button and a submarine comes up]
- SpongeBob: Wow. Are you sure it's okay for me to use this?
- Sandy: I keep this thing here for emergencies. This is an emergency. Right, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Yes. Yes, absolutely. [climbs into the submarine] Thanks again, Sandy.
- Sandy: Be careful! [a hole breaks in treedome. SpongeBob searches everywhere. Cut scene to map of Bikini Bottom]
- SpongeBob: Darn it. "Welcome to the end of the world, café and gift shop." [walks in]
- Waiter: May I help you, son?
- SpongeBob: I'm looking for my friend, Patrick.
- Waiter: You mean a big mouthish fellow with a pointy head?
- SpongeBob: Exactly.
- Waiter: I have not seen him.
- SpongeBob: Oh. Oh, well, thanks anyway. [is about to leave]
- Waiter: Wait! Is he pink?
- SpongeBob: Yeah.
- Waiter: Well, in that case, he's sitting right over there.
- SpongeBob: I can't believe it! Patrick, it really is you.
- Patrick Not-Star: My name is Patrick. [turns around] Patrick Not-Star.
- SpongeBob: Patrick Not-Star? Oh, no! [starts crying] You aren't the one I'm seeking! Now I'll never find Patrick! He wins at hide and seek! He wins, he wins!
- Patrick Not-Star: So he wins. What's so bad about that?
- SpongeBob: Well, if he wins, I lose.
- Patrick Not-Star: Did you have fun playing?
- SpongeBob: Yeah.
- Patrick Not-Star: Well, then, it's okay to lose, as long as you have fun doing it.
- SpongeBob: Hey, you're right! Thanks, Patrick Not-Star.
- Patrick Not-Star: Just one more thing.
- SpongeBob: What's that?
- Patrick Not-Star: Do you have a dollar I can borrow?
- [SpongeBob takes a dollar from his pocket and gives it to Patrick Not-Star. The scene cuts to SpongeBob leaving a note outside Patrick's house, the rock opens to reveal Patrick.]
- SpongeBob: Patrick! You were under there the whole time?
- Patrick: Under where?
- SpongeBob: I was just leaving this note for you.
- Patrick: "Dear Patrick: I couldn't find you so you win. But that's okay, because I still had fun playing. You are truly the greatest hide-and-seek player in the whole world. Love, SpongeBob." Thanks, SpongeBob. That really means a lot.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.
- Patrick: I still have one question.
- SpongeBob: Ask away.
- Patrick: What's hide and seek?